Nice little gem here: a slab of uncooked bacon the killer maybe used as a lubricant to masturbate.

Bacon, is there anything you can't do?

Well Lizzie Borden was in Fall River, so she has an alibi... Maybe the Axeman of New Orleans ventured north? Probably not, he didn't sexually assault victims... Doesn't really fit the Servant Girl Annihilator's MO either... Victor Licata was too young to smoke any marijuana, so he's blameless. Someone would've recognized Jake Bird, he probably would've been the only black person in Villisca (it's also important to note that he was 11 at the time). Ramón Mercader was born a year after the crime and Karla Faye Tucker wouldn't be born until 1959, so they're both off the hook...

All in all, I think it's safe to say that the Villisca Axe Murderer is dead. And that axes have been popular murder weapons for a long time, apparently...

Paris1127: And that axes have been popular murder weapons for a long time, apparently...

toddalmighty: Nice little gem here: a slab of uncooked bacon the killer maybe used as a lubricant to masturbate.

Amateur.

Well, the pig is a dirty, dirty animal!

As much as I love bacon and as much as I love to masturbate, I have to admit I had never thought of putting the two together. Not sure of the mechanics but I hope it works with sliced bacon too.

How could someone be so crazy and inhumane - to do that to perfectly innocent bacon...

bacon fap?

Wanted for questioning.

Well, if using swine grease as a fapping lubricant is wrong, you don't want to be right!

/you'll be a-shakin' when you pullin' your bacon!

toddalmighty: Nice little gem here: a slab of uncooked bacon the killer maybe used as a lubricant to masturbate.

That rules out Muslims and Jews as suspects.

Coelacanth: toddalmighty: Nice little gem here: a slab of uncooked bacon the killer maybe used as a lubricant to masturbate.

That rules out Muslims and Jews as suspects.

What if they were a self-hating Jew?

Well bacon is at least not as horrifying as necrophilia or masturbating with the blood.

Vern: Coelacanth: toddalmighty: Nice little gem here: a slab of uncooked bacon the killer maybe used as a lubricant to masturbate.

That rules out Muslims and Jews as suspects.

What if they were a self-hating Jew?

He used the bacon to assemble a new foreskin.

A Terrible Human: Well bacon is at least not as horrifying as necrophilia or masturbating with the blood.




Masturbating with the blood? Got that covered.

Paris1127: Well Lizzie Borden was in Fall River, so she has an alibi... Maybe the Axeman of New Orleans ventured north? Probably not, he didn't sexually assault victims... Doesn't really fit the Servant Girl Annihilator's MO either... Victor Licata was too young to smoke any marijuana, so he's blameless. Someone would've recognized Jake Bird, he probably would've been the only black person in Villisca (it's also important to note that he was 11 at the time). Ramón Mercader was born a year after the crime and Karla Faye Tucker wouldn't be born until 1959, so they're both off the hook...

All in all, I think it's safe to say that the Villisca Axe Murderer is dead. And that axes have been popular murder weapons for a long time, apparently...


You forgot about suicides. It could have happened. The best method for suicide at the time was bashing one's own head and body with a sharp axe multiple times. They didn't have bridges or prescription pills back then, fyi.

The bacon was just to throw people off the scent and divert attention to the debate about whether bacon was a good lubricant for masturbation or not. It worked!

toddalmighty: Nice little gem here: a slab of uncooked bacon the killer maybe used as a lubricant to masturbate.

Go on...

"he'd have to be one charming mother-farking pig"

Little.Alex: A Terrible Human: Well bacon is at least not as horrifying as necrophilia or masturbating with the blood.


[darkvomit.com image 292x333]

Masturbating with the blood? Got that covered.

That was kinda my point. Bundy and Dahmer have necrophilia covered but Dahmer was also a cannibal. Richard Chase was just all around farked up. Bacon just seems odd but the least awful choice for a serial killer if you know about most of the ones from 50's on.
/Robert Ressler deserves some kind of award for putting up with Bundy's bullshiat.

I made it about six paragraphs in. Read the daily fail day to day and this happens once a week.

This story is horrific.But not nearly as horrific as the author. Given how long ago this occured, I'd expect a dispassonate take. Given how the author has romanticiszes the killer, I'm thnking at best, she's an idiotic juviinile who should have been slapped down by her editor, or at worst a fellow psychopath who doesn't get that objecive crap like this encourages modern day killers while doing nothing to prevent them.

The moment you use your literary skills to dramatize a horrific event, you are perpetuating it's acceptance.

realityVSperception: at worst a fellow psychopath who doesn't get that objecive crap like this encourages modern day killers while doing nothing to prevent them.

Bundy at one point said porn was the reason he was a serial killer. Do you believe him?

I really wish Fark wouldn't talk about my bedroom like this.

This article reminded me of the ID Channel. I always watch and I'm always disappointed.

Maturbating with bacon grease though? I always wondered what people used for butt sex before there was lube specific for intercourse. I've been on bothe the giving and receiving end and there is no way that it's going to be pleasurable for either person without some good lube.

/spit doesn't work well either

See! Those scooby doo panics about psycho killers threatening to run tourists out of town are completely unfounded. At best, the killer would wake up the next morning to the town swarmed by either cops or tourists, not being able to buy out all that real estate they hoped would be abandoned so they could transform it into something mind-numbingly circuitous.

digitalpirate: This article reminded me of the ID Channel. I always watch and I'm always disappointed.

Maturbating with bacon grease though? I always wondered what people used for butt sex before there was lube specific for intercourse. I've been on bothe the giving and receiving end and there is no way that it's going to be pleasurable for either person without some good lube.

/spit doesn't work well either

Olive oil works pretty well.

/mmmm, bacon!

A Terrible Human: realityVSperception: at worst a fellow psychopath who doesn't get that objecive crap like this encourages modern day killers while doing nothing to prevent them.

Bundy at one point said porn was the reason he was a serial killer. Do you believe him?

Why not? It's caused me to kill my fair share of kittens.

Gleeman: Olive oil works pretty well.

I suggest using Extra Virgin to make the sex particularly ironic.

Gleeman: digitalpirate: This article reminded me of the ID Channel. I always watch and I'm always disappointed.

Maturbating with bacon grease though? I always wondered what people used for butt sex before there was lube specific for intercourse. I've been on bothe the giving and receiving end and there is no way that it's going to be pleasurable for either person without some good lube.

/spit doesn't work well either

Olive oil works pretty well.

/mmmm, bacon!

I actually thought about that.

I'll stick with my Swiss Navy, thank you very much!

I see no problems with some bacon wrapped sausage!!!

>

Paris1127: ...axes have been popular murder weapons for a long time, apparently...

And the same can (and should) be said for bacon as a masturbatory lube.

I'll be in my kitchen...

digitalpirate: Maturbating with bacon grease though? I always wondered what people used for butt sex before there was lube specific for intercourse. I've been on bothe the giving and receiving end and there is no way that it's going to be pleasurable for either person without some good lube.

Now, I've got that "anal fisting with lard" scene from Caligula stuck in my brain...

/Kill me now...

holy shiat, if there is ever a time to mention tl;dr, this is it

Why'd you need lubricate to jerk one out?

I mean, I can understand it can make it nicer if you've got some nice-smelling lube etc. but why the hell would you be that desperate for lube that you'd use bacon grease?!
You can jerk it just fine without any you know!

Odin and his meat.

RobSeace: digitalpirate: Maturbating with bacon grease though? I always wondered what people used for butt sex before there was lube specific for intercourse. I've been on bothe the giving and receiving end and there is no way that it's going to be pleasurable for either person without some good lube.

Now, I've got that "anal fisting with lard" scene from Caligula stuck in my brain...

/Kill me now...

In the name of the Emperor and citizens of... Rome!!

I find the pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted cured meats.

RobSeace:
Now, I've got that "anal fisting with lard" scene from Caligula stuck in my brain...


I had a similar flashback from a bad Waffle House experience in Chattanooga.

RobSeace: digitalpirate: Maturbating with bacon grease though? I always wondered what people used for butt sex before there was lube specific for intercourse. I've been on bothe the giving and receiving end and there is no way that it's going to be pleasurable for either person without some good lube.

Now, I've got that "anal fisting with lard" scene from Caligula stuck in my brain...

/Kill me now...

Well, at least its not playing out in your kitchen.

digitalpirate: This article reminded me of the ID Channel. I always watch and I'm always disappointed.

Maturbating with bacon grease though? I always wondered what people used for butt sex before there was lube specific for intercourse. I've been on bothe the giving and receiving end and there is no way that it's going to be pleasurable for either person without some good lube.

/spit doesn't work well either

They were a lot tougher in the old days.

BTDT

Don't worry, Salon will blame it on the Jews.

RobSeace: digitalpirate: Maturbating with bacon grease though? I always wondered what people used for butt sex before there was lube specific for intercourse. I've been on bothe the giving and receiving end and there is no way that it's going to be pleasurable for either person without some good lube.

Now, I've got that "anal fisting with lard" scene from Caligula stuck in my brain...

/Kill me now...

In Polish history there is a very famous poem (Pan Tadeusz) that got famously bastardized into a pr0n version where they describe the use of post-bacon lard as use of lubricant. With great details. Try reading that as a curious 12 year old boy. That stuff sticks with you.


//I know CSB.
///Bacon the magical fruit-vegetable

I...

I used to think bacon made everything better.

I now know that I was horribly, horribly wrong...

Evil Mackerel: RobSeace: digitalpirate: Maturbating with bacon grease though? I always wondered what people used for butt sex before there was lube specific for intercourse. I've been on bothe the giving and receiving end and there is no way that it's going to be pleasurable for either person without some good lube.

Now, I've got that "anal fisting with lard" scene from Caligula stuck in my brain...

/Kill me now...

Well, at least its not playing out in your kitchen.

That depends, is he at work right now?

realityVSperception: ...you are perpetuating it's acceptance.

Aren't we supposed to be accepting of everyone's differences?

So what you're saying is that you're an exclusionary elitist.

For those of you who despise an unsolved mystery, as I do: The most likely suspect is a guy called Henry Lee Moore (no relation), who was found guilty of some *different* axe murders around the same time.