I think it's safe to assume that Dear Abby has been manufacturing bullshiat letters to fill column inches and incite flamewars for decades. Think of it as institutional, paper-based trolling.

mr_a: Dear Anxious,

1. Borrow a big mean dog from somebody for a while. Next time the little monster's team loses a game, hopefully some half-rabid wolf-hybrid will take a bite out of his raised hand and fist. That will get your son the sensitivity training he desperately needs.

2. Put the kid up for adoption. You are out of your element.

3. You and your wife should sign up for some sort of painful electroshock therapy.

im 35 so i shouldnt have been blowing bubbles anyway but i REALLY shouldnt have been blowing them while reading this.

/coca cola everywhere

And this is what happens when the parents think it's more important to be the kid's friend. We're doomed.

//I also suspect there's more to the kid's anger than what's in the letter, but they ain't elaboratin'

You live in Cleveland, he better get use to a lifetime of dissapointment

/Cleveland Fan

A Clockwork Orange is nigh.

An entire generation Alex DeLarge's we have raised. We are nursing vipers. Trained to follow orders thanks to no child left behind. No concept of human compassion because mom and dad are always working. Highly materialistic. Intellectually incurious. Prone to violence because they are parking their ass on violent video games and sociopathic websites for hours a day. Over sexed and fed. Most importantly no concept of personal responsibility or honor.

Good luck with that. Tell me how it turns out.

Smoky Dragon Dish: This "letter" smacks of a Dear Abbey Troll. Either someone is trolling her, or she's trolling us. It just sounds made-up.

Yep smells like bullshiat.

Pussy parents that's can't stand up to an 8 year old would have their kids in participation leagues where nobody ever loses.

Asshole parents that are trying to grow the next great athlete don't give a rats ass about the dog, wouldn't write letters to dear Abby, and are probably the ones a the top of the "beating when you lose" pyramid.

Functional parents wouldn't let their kid take out their frustrations on an old dog.

The kid is probably just craving camel toads.

Ironically, probably the dog should be removed for it's own safety.

//kids a farking sociopath.

Now may be a good time to consider breeding rattlesnakes.

Dear Abby,

How the letter should read:

"Dear Abby,

I'm a whiney little pussy, who let's my sociopathic eight year old son push me around? I'm also a premature ejaculator, who is being cuckolded. My friends say I should just kill myself because I'm useless. What do you think?

Sincerly,
Weak-ass Excuse for a dad"

1. Man up and punish your son.

.2 Keep your dog, he loves you more than anything ever will.

3 . turn in your man card, or face your wife.

...GOOD DAD IN CLEVELAND

Dear Good Dad,

First - you are not a "good" dad. You clearly have no clue what parenting entails and are incapable of exercising the least control over your child.
Second - I wouldn't be so sure you're even the child's father. With your obvious stupidity, your wife could have been farking every man in town without you realizing it.
And third - you live in farking Cleveland? Bwahahahahaha - what a farking loser!

Dear "Good Dad" (The most "misnomerist" misnomer ever)

1. Leave the kid with me for a week. I'll straighten out the little punk ass.

2. Have yourself neutered.

1) Give the kid to someone that actually cares enough to not raise a serial killer
2) Get sterilized
3) Never get another animal
4) Go fark yourself

Some time ago; I felt that people were more or less decent. But, as I get older; I find that people act out of their own self interest. Also, truly decent people are few and far between. More and more; I tend to believe that nonsense, like this story, are not statistical outliers; but rather represent the vast majority of people.

/ things ain't what they used to be; personally, I feel we should bring back public hangings; maybe then people would behave properly

// get off my lawn you damn kids, rabble rabble rabble

Unreal. TFH is a pretty good summary of TFA.

Yeah, the dog's the problem here. *eyeroll*

SmackLT: I took a lot of time training my dog to make sure she wouldn't bite my toddler. That was for the toddler's safety, but also because a dog that can't maintain its composure around kids may have to be put down.

However, when the kid got older, I paid close attention to her, and every time she accidentally hurt the dog by her carelessness (accidentally stepping on a paw when the dog was lying down, for instance), I stepped in immediately and made her apologize to the dog and pet it gently. Both the dog and the child need to respect each other.

To repeat what BurnShrike said, you're the kid's freaking parent. If you're not man enough to correct your kid when your kid misbehaves, you shouldn't have become a parent in the first place. Grow a spine, drop your balls and correct your kid when he does something wrong. THAT'S YOUR F*CKING JOB, and if you can't do it now, you're in for an entire lifetime of disappointment.

This times a thousand.

When your first introducing your pet to your child, you need to have an absolutely iron hand with reference to aggression. None is acceptable. This applies equally for your child though. I expect a dog to be able to handle a little ear tug, or nose smack until I can step in and discipline my child, but your kid needs to respect the animal just as much as the dog respects him (or at least your dominance over him). This is just teaching basic empathy in addition to general good pet practices. If he abuses your pet there is no reason why hes not going to beat the shiate out of someone else's dog. The owner is probably not going to take too kindly to this behavior, if the dog is even willing to tolerate it before giving him a sharp "back the FARK off bite" or worse.

Beaver1224: Reading the headline, I thought subby HAD to have made that up. Reading the article, I see that Abby made it up instead.

/Just too farkin' ridiculous

There are people way too stupid and "cool" to be parents. Even several weeks ago Dan Savage had some horrifying call about how he walked in on his 6 year old and her friend experimenting by shoving toys up their vaginas and his wife's reaction? Tell the kids it's ok as long as the toy is clean while his was more of a DADT policy. Savage and his resident expert on child behavior both screamed in terror and WTFness in reaction to that call.

Spoiled over privileged kid trifecta in play?

I dream of trolling dear Abby this mightily.

BurnShrike: You are not your kid's friend! You are their parent.

I like how American Dad said it in an episode - through a sign language using gorilla...

To paraphrase: Your child will have many friends, but only one father. Who are you to take that away from them by trying to be their friend instead?

My wife and I have been trying unsuccessfully for 12 years to have children. Stupid religious conviction prevented us from getting the help of a fertility clinic until recently. Adoption has its own issues but it's not completely out of the question - not something we want to take lightly.

I see things like this and I want to ask where the justice is in this cruel world? How can parents like this be allowed to have children?

Kid has a bright future ahead of him

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Magorn: In all seriousness though, the last time I checked, hurting an animal is the first red flag for "future serial killer", but with clueless parents like this I wouldn't be suprised if the Dog ends up destoryed as a "dangerous animal" after he decides to stop taking this kid's crap.

Yes. Congratulations "Parents": you're raising a sociopath!

Future CEO job creator?

Remove this family from the gene pool. Please oh please.

Problem solved.

GAT_00: Yes, this is much worse than beating children to within an inch of their lives, the way real parents act.

Gat, I love ya buddy but it's time to put down the keyboard.

TsarTom: Get a new dog.

[www.cracked.com image 333x400]

Someone needs to photoshop an Ewok in that shot.

Your Zionist Leader: Magorn: TsarTom: Diogenes: TsarTom: Get a new dog.

[www.cracked.com image 333x400]

Is that one of those fancy designer mixed breeds? The chow/Yeti?

Caucasian mastiff. They're no good for apartment living I'm told.

Holy hell, I thought the Great Pyrenees was a big dog, but this guy makes him look like a purse dog:
[puppyer.com image 271x320]

are we sure this is an actual dog breed and not the offspring of that flying thing from the Neverending Story?

My dad has SEVEN Great Pyrenees on his farm. He says it's to keep coyotes away, but I secretly think he's going to feed my sister in laws to them.

SEVEN? That's a crapload of kibble, to say nothing of the pooper-scooper duties. I would think not just Coyotes, but wolves and even Grizzly bears would hesitate when seeing one, let alone 7 of those big boys

TsarTom: Get a new dog.

[www.cracked.com image 333x400]

Magorn: Da fark is that? and how do I get it out of my furture nightmares?

Good lord THIS!

/That dog looks like it'll eat Satan's asshole out.

Have things really changed that much in 21 years?

Void_Beavis: My wife and I have been trying unsuccessfully for 12 years to have children. Stupid religious conviction prevented us from getting the help of a fertility clinic until recently. Adoption has its own issues but it's not completely out of the question - not something we want to take lightly.

I see things like this and I want to ask where the justice is in this cruel world? How can parents like this be allowed to have children?

God had a plan that you do not understand. Or some junk.

Go home.
Walk the dog.
Feed the dog.
Shoot the dog.
Bury the dog.

Alternatively:

Cook the dog.
Feed dog to son.
Raise son to be president.

/not wing-nutting

Virulency: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Magorn: In all seriousness though, the last time I checked, hurting an animal is the first red flag for "future serial killer", but with clueless parents like this I wouldn't be suprised if the Dog ends up destoryed as a "dangerous animal" after he decides to stop taking this kid's crap.

Yes. Congratulations "Parents": you're raising a sociopath!

Future CEO job creator?

Future Eagles quarterback

This was reddited first.

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Magorn: In all seriousness though, the last time I checked, hurting an animal is the first red flag for "future serial killer", but with clueless parents like this I wouldn't be suprised if the Dog ends up destoryed as a "dangerous animal" after he decides to stop taking this kid's crap.

Yes. Congratulations "Parents": you're raising a sociopath!

And they are encouraging future episodes by not nipping it in the bud, while he is still young

Dear "Good Dad",

Put the dog up for adoption...

If you can't get your kid to respect others or otherwise control his temper, then it's better for the dog that he/she be placed in a better home.

Now, let that sink in a bit. You're such an awesome parent, that you can't handle/raise/discipline your child properly, and that you're not even fit to have a pet in your family.

Now, put your kid in therapy. He obviously needs it. He'll thank you for it later. You and the mother need to ge therapy as well in the hopes that you understand how you helped to reinforce this behavior by not seeking assistance once you realized that you couldn't address this problem on your own. You will thank the rest of us for the advice (should you choose to follow it) later in life.

Sincerely,

The rest of society.

lennavan: Void_Beavis: My wife and I have been trying unsuccessfully for 12 years to have children. Stupid religious conviction prevented us from getting the help of a fertility clinic until recently. Adoption has its own issues but it's not completely out of the question - not something we want to take lightly.
I see things like this and I want to ask where the justice is in this cruel world? How can parents like this be allowed to have children?
God had a plan that you do not understand. Or some junk.

I wouldn't touch that with a--oh wait yes I would. GOD DOESN'T WANT YOU AND YOUR WIFE TO BE HAPPY.

TsarTom: Caucasian mastiff. They're no good for apartment living I'm told.

I hear they're effective at scaring off wizards and supernatural critters though.

Rot in hell, you shiatty excuse for a dad.

Even Rosie O'Donnell's pussy isn't on your level of sheer pussy magnitude. And that biatch has a giant pussy.

Get him one of those easy-bake ovens and a box full of baby chicks from the local co-op. Make him go full tilt.

Hot water or a torch. Either will melt a snowflake in nothing flat.

iheartscotch: Some time ago; I felt that people were more or less decent. But, as I get older; I find that people act out of their own self interest. Also, truly decent people are few and far between. More and more; I tend to believe that nonsense, like this story, are not statistical outliers; but rather represent the vast majority of people. // get off my lawn you damn kids, rabble rabble rabble

I'm from Chicago and likely from your generation and recall college kids rioting with cops during the '68 Demo Convention and when a Hippie protestor blew up the Univ of Wisconsin Math-Science building (killed a grad student).

Friendly suggestion: Stop getting your news from Fark and CNN, who would make you think a) all kids are no-good brats, and b) the world is doomed. Want a different perspective? Visit any middle-class Little League baseball game: parents have all signed a paper to STFU, there's one "winning" team per season, and only one All Star team per division. You'll typically see disciplined athletes and genuine parents.

Or just believe the rare, low-rent highlight YouTube. Up to you. Kids haven't changed: you have.

/You're welcome on my lawn anytime.

Trance750: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Magorn: In all seriousness though, the last time I checked, hurting an animal is the first red flag for "future serial killer", but with clueless parents like this I wouldn't be suprised if the Dog ends up destoryed as a "dangerous animal" after he decides to stop taking this kid's crap.

Yes. Congratulations "Parents": you're raising a sociopath!

And they are encouraging future episodes by not nipping it in the bud, while he is still young

Indeed. If this isn't a troll, keep the dog and euthanize the child. Seriously. This is a future rapist/murderer in the works and should be killed for the good of society.

someone needs to punch that f-ing sociopath kid in the face every single time he touches the dog in anger.

theorellior: I think it's safe to assume that Dear Abby has been manufacturing bullshiat letters to fill column inches and incite flamewars for decades. Think of it as institutional, paper-based trolling.

I think that every day I read her bit in the paper (It's lonely at work from 12 am till 4). Some of the "people" that write her seem way too stupid to actually write her in the first place. The one that especially peaked my horsecrap-o-meter was the 14 y/o girl who wrote about her parents taking away her internet for coming home late, and doing chores, and how it was destroying her life.

I mean, I remember being a kid. It was only ten years ago. I complained about it to all my friends who could hear, but honestly, who would take the time to passive aggressively attack your parent on a national scale when facebook is RIGHT THERE!

The first trick is to explain to the kid that hurting animals (or people) because you are angry is wrong. If you don't, he might get the idea that this is OK.

If that doesn't work, get a really good insurance plan and one of those Caucasian Mastiff things.

Franco: A Clockwork Orange is nigh.

An entire generation Alex DeLarge's we have raised. We are nursing vipers. Trained to follow orders thanks to no child left behind. No concept of human compassion because mom and dad are always working. Highly materialistic. Intellectually incurious. Prone to violence because they are parking their ass on violent video games and sociopathic websites for hours a day. Over sexed and fed. Most importantly no concept of personal responsibility or honor.

Good luck with that. Tell me how it turns out.

Are you kidding? It is working out great, all the boys are in jail or their momma's basement all the girls are sex starved money craving whores who don't mind farking old guys for a buck or too. The only problem is the girls want us to pay for their birth control so they can keep hammering away.