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   The New Zealand Advertising Standards Authority would like you all to know that Jesus doesn't heal cancer. Carry on

30 Sep 2014 11:52 AM   |   2687 clicks   |   Stuff.co.nz
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Mixolydian Master     
27.media.tumblr.comView Full Size

30 Apr 2012 09:07 PM
mamoru    [TotalFark]  
The New Zealand Advertising Standards Authority would like you all to know that Jesus doesn't heal cancer.

That's just because if he cured your cancer, then he'd be robbing you of the satisfaction of working hard to struggle to live while a debilitating diseases slowly eats away at you, and that satisfaction is one of life's greatest rewards. Ask anyone who has ever had to deal with cancer, and I'm sure they'll agree. Because Jesus loves you.

/anyone seen my fishin' pole?

30 Apr 2012 10:02 PM
MaudlinMutantMollusk    [TotalFark]  
pfft...

/Everyone knows the real money is in treatments, not cures

30 Apr 2012 10:10 PM
AverageAmericanGuy    [TotalFark]  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: pfft...

/Everyone knows the real money is in treatments, not cures


I LOL'd

30 Apr 2012 10:20 PM
rebelyell2006     
Signs like that are everywhere in the South. At least New Zealanders have enough brains to shut down that idiocy before it spreads.

30 Apr 2012 10:24 PM
Loucifer     
He doesn't heal cancer, but he totally could if he wanted to.

30 Apr 2012 10:24 PM
Jixa     
FTA - "As the mother of a three-year-old boy who has spent the past 18 months fighting against leukaemia, I find the above billboard offensive and upsetting," the complainant, identified only as Jody Condin, wrote."

Well obviously you aren't praying hard enough, lady.

30 Apr 2012 10:26 PM
The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves     
[jesusstolemyheroin.jpg]

30 Apr 2012 10:27 PM
Creoena     
No, he only peddles cancer insurance

1.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size


/DNRTA

30 Apr 2012 10:27 PM
ox45tallboy    [TotalFark]  
It would be very interesting to have something like this go to court in the US, what with all the "religious freedom" when it comes to determining what health services to offer people.

30 Apr 2012 10:27 PM
AverageAmericanGuy    [TotalFark]  

30 Apr 2012 10:28 PM
ox45tallboy    [TotalFark]  
www.boredville.comView Full Size

30 Apr 2012 10:29 PM
ox45tallboy    [TotalFark]  

AverageAmericanGuy: Jesus doesn't cure leukemia. He cures the cancer of eternal damnation


29.media.tumblr.comView Full Size

30 Apr 2012 10:31 PM
RibbyK     

ox45tallboy: It would be very interesting to have something like this go to court in the US, what with all the "religious freedom" when it comes to determining what health services to offer people.


court
religion
freedom
health services

You covered hectares of territory there. Unclear whether I should applaud or cringe?

30 Apr 2012 10:33 PM
thesubliminalman     

AverageAmericanGuy: The problem is that Jesus cures cancer of the soul.

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

There is none righteous, no, not one

This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Jesus doesn't cure leukemia. He cures the cancer of eternal damnation.


That was really retarded, I hope you are joking.

30 Apr 2012 10:34 PM
The water was cold     
No, but he does a great job of curing my lawn of weeds.

30 Apr 2012 10:34 PM
RibbyK     

Jixa: FTA - "As the mother of a three-year-old boy who has spent the past 18 months fighting against leukaemia, I find the above billboard offensive and upsetting," the complainant, identified only as Jody Condin, wrote."

Well obviously you aren't praying hard enough, lady.


www.demotivationalposters.orgView Full Size

30 Apr 2012 10:35 PM
Mr. Potatoass     
Jesus cured my ham.

30 Apr 2012 10:38 PM
phrawgh     
What do people think He is? A miracle worker?

30 Apr 2012 10:38 PM
Fart_Machine     
www.gamesprays.comView Full Size

30 Apr 2012 10:38 PM
ox45tallboy    [TotalFark]  
Historically Inaccurate But More Appealing to European-Descended Americans Blonde Baby Jeebus is still smiling.

www.feelslikehomeblog.comView Full Size

30 Apr 2012 10:39 PM
ox45tallboy    [TotalFark]  

RibbyK: ox45tallboy: It would be very interesting to have something like this go to court in the US, what with all the "religious freedom" when it comes to determining what health services to offer people.

court
religion
freedom
health services

You covered hectares of territory there. Unclear whether I should applaud or cringe?


Well, taxes these days are kind of like playing the lotto: you're not going to win, but watching a bunch of numbskulls fight over the money is worth every cent.

30 Apr 2012 10:41 PM
thesubliminalman     
WHUT ABOUT THE OTHE STUFF CAN HE FIX THAT?

30 Apr 2012 10:41 PM
Brian_of_Nazareth     
We knew this, but thanks. He's been dead a couple thousand years, so it was probably safe to assume he doesn't cure a lot of diseases.

Cheers.

30 Apr 2012 10:41 PM
Britney Spear's Speculum     
I wonder if this would get taken down in the US?

30 Apr 2012 10:42 PM
Oznog     
cdn-www.i-am-bored.comView Full Size

30 Apr 2012 10:42 PM
ox45tallboy    [TotalFark]  

Mr. Potatoass: Jesus cured my ham.


1.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size


/wait a minute, Jesus was a Jew.

30 Apr 2012 10:43 PM
andersoncouncil42     
I wish we could get the nutjobs in the US to stop putting up billboards that claim abortions cause breast cancer.

30 Apr 2012 10:43 PM
Elzar     

AverageAmericanGuy: The problem is that Jesus cures cancer of the soul.

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

There is none righteous, no, not one

This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Jesus doesn't cure leukemia. He cures the cancer of eternal damnation.


Jesus heals cancer and leukemia all the time. However, Jesus has never healed an adult amputee by allowing their limb to grow back. Not once, in any scientific journal or historical account. 100% non-heal rate of amputees.

Because if Jesus healed an amputee it would be tangible proof of his existence and reduce faith to nothingness. But if it does happen, its because of Zeus's divine providence or the next step in human evolution.

/ Still can't explain how Jesus heals so many cancer survivors...
// Mysterious ways
/// It's all right

30 Apr 2012 10:44 PM
rebelyell2006     

AverageAmericanGuy: The problem is that Jesus cures cancer of the soul.

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

There is none righteous, no, not one

This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Jesus doesn't cure leukemia. He cures the cancer of eternal damnation.


You logged into the wrong account, Bevets.

30 Apr 2012 10:44 PM
ox45tallboy    [TotalFark]  

andersoncouncil42: I wish we could get the nutjobs in the US to stop putting up billboards that claim abortions cause breast cancer.


www.jillstanek.comView Full Size

30 Apr 2012 10:44 PM
Jixa     

Mr. Potatoass: Jesus cured my ham.


Hell of a trick considering he's Jewish!

30 Apr 2012 10:45 PM
FormlessOne    [TotalFark]  

AverageAmericanGuy: The problem is that Jesus cures cancer of the soul.

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

There is none righteous, no, not one

This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Jesus doesn't cure leukemia. He cures the cancer of eternal damnation.


Jesus mows my neighbor's lawn. He cures the cancer of dandelions.

30 Apr 2012 10:46 PM
ox45tallboy    [TotalFark]  

andersoncouncil42: I wish we could get the nutjobs in the US to stop putting up billboards that claim abortions cause breast cancer.


farm3.static.flickr.comView Full Size

30 Apr 2012 10:46 PM
thesubliminalman     

ox45tallboy: andersoncouncil42: I wish we could get the nutjobs in the US to stop putting up billboards that claim abortions cause breast cancer.

[www.jillstanek.com image 640x422]


you do realize that ain't real?

30 Apr 2012 10:47 PM
phrawgh     
FTW: Cancer heals the world of people.

30 Apr 2012 10:48 PM
LovingTeacher     

AverageAmericanGuy: The problem is that Jesus cures cancer of the soul.

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

There is none righteous, no, not one

This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Jesus doesn't cure leukemia. He cures the cancer of eternal damnation.


Kinda sounds like you are blaming cancer patients for being sinners and that's why they got the cancer.

I realize that the "wages of sin" refer to original sin but that has always seemed like a dick move on god's part to me. The original people screwed up so I'll just punish everyone ever born from now on.

/The wages of sin are a bad reputation and too many friends

30 Apr 2012 10:49 PM
ox45tallboy    [TotalFark]  
In the US, foods such as breakfast cereals claiming health benefits must get FDA approval to advertise this.

Why shouldn't churches that claim "Jesus cures disease" have to get FDA approval?

30 Apr 2012 10:49 PM
wildcardjack     

rebelyell2006: AverageAmericanGuy:... Jesus doesn't cure leukemia. He cures the cancer of eternal damnation.

You logged into the wrong account, Bevets.


Ehh, this one was kind of friendly compared to Bevets. There's more than one bible thumper on Fark, and he's agreeing with the condemnation of people offering faith cures for cancer.

/I cure cancer with a solution of salt and salt peter

30 Apr 2012 10:50 PM
beer4breakfast     
But he does bring us food.

i46.tinypic.comView Full Size

30 Apr 2012 10:50 PM
Fista-Phobia     
www.forkparty.comView Full Size

30 Apr 2012 10:50 PM
Fista-Phobia     

ox45tallboy: In the US, foods such as breakfast cereals claiming health benefits must get FDA approval to advertise this.

Why shouldn't churches that claim "Jesus cures disease" have to get FDA approval?


farm1.static.flickr.comView Full Size


This.

30 Apr 2012 10:52 PM
Holfax    [TotalFark]  

AverageAmericanGuy: Jesus doesn't cure leukemia. He cures the cancer of eternal damnation.


I hear goji berries are good for that, too.

30 Apr 2012 10:52 PM
Heamer     
The kind of people who believe that Jesus will cure their cancer are exactly the kind of people I want dying from cancer.

/cancer survivor

30 Apr 2012 10:53 PM
Mock26     

AverageAmericanGuy: For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.


Good thing that I do not sin.

30 Apr 2012 10:54 PM
ox45tallboy    [TotalFark]  

thesubliminalman: ox45tallboy: andersoncouncil42: I wish we could get the nutjobs in the US to stop putting up billboards that claim abortions cause breast cancer.

[www.jillstanek.com image 640x422]

you do realize that ain't real?


I don't know the story behind it, supposedly it was in Waco, TX. Here's a link to the story I found it on.

Here's the press release from the Coalition on Abortion and Breast Cancer, which is located on the site referenced on the billboard.

For the record, I am in no way, shape, form or fashion AT ALL saying I believe this. I have no opinion on it whatsoever, and, as far as abortion goes, it's a subject best left to the womenfolk to decide.

I'm only responding to show that it seems the billboard is (was) actually there, not that I believe there is any kind of link between abortion and breast cancer.

30 Apr 2012 10:58 PM
snuff3r     

Heamer: The kind of people who believe that Jesus will cure their cancer are exactly the kind of people I want dying from cancer.

/cancer survivor


I'm glad you wrote that because I was thinking it and didn't want to come across as an asshole.

/err

30 Apr 2012 10:58 PM
Nem Wan     
Not sure how this would get ruled on in the U.S. Saying "Jesus heals cancer" is clearly in First Amendment territory but advertising that a church heals cancer is not. A claim about what Jesus does is not testable but a claim that church membership results in cancer being cured is.

30 Apr 2012 10:58 PM
Hassan Ben Sobr     
Smoking kills people, but it cures ham.

30 Apr 2012 10:59 PM
Britney Spear's Speculum     

ox45tallboy: andersoncouncil42: I wish we could get the nutjobs in the US to stop putting up billboards that claim abortions cause breast cancer.

[www.jillstanek.com image 640x422]


I like how they re-state a misheard answer to a question no one asked

media.onsugar.comView Full Size

30 Apr 2012 10:59 PM
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