Why can't One

Hold all these asparagus?

This is exactly the sort of the disaster that will finally wake up global warming deniers

This makes me sad.

It's the debbul weed brussel sprout's fault, I just KNOW it.

Stop the aparagus persecution!

What a pisser.

Oh, to be in England

Now that April's there,

And whoever wakes in England

Sees, some morning, unaware,

That the tiniest tadger and the world's stiffest prick

Run urine clear and free of smell

Round the toilet bowl

While the chafing stings on the berries, ow

In England--now!

Did a Mod greenlight his own submission?

/article not funny
//lack of ironic tag ironic

Wrapped in thinly sliced prosciutto, grilled, with hollandaise and a wedge of lemon please tyvm.

I heard on NPR that some town in Michigan is having a 'stem' festival instead of a tulip festival because all the flowers came and went already. So I guess, have a 'dormant asparagus' festival? Or 'muddy waters' festival :P

Spar-grass (as it's pronounced here) is a vile, heave-inducing substance,... right up there with brusslesprouts, collard greens, spinach and okra....

I am not seeing any asparagus. Pack your bags, you are on your way to a labor camp.

Just burn the port-a-potties. Down wind, please.

First the squid, now the asparagus.

Well, that's really going to put a damper on the British Stinky Urine Festival, isn't it?

GeeksAreMyPeeps: This is exactly the sort of the disaster that will finally wake up global warming deniers

On the plus side, the cygnets hatched earlier this year in Devonshire than any time since the 1300s. That means that there will be more swans for early banquets. Just one of the many benefits of global warming that us delusional dishonest hoaxers aren't telling you about. Oops! Shouldn't have said that part out loud. Oops! Shouldn't have admitted to saying the secret part out loud. It's too hot.

The monks at one abbey in Devonshire have been "farming" wild swans since the Middle Ages. In many places, swans are a royal perogative (you can only kill or eat swan with royal permission), but this is one of those exceptions that make British law and custom so rich and fascinating for eccentrics who love British law and custom.

SweetSilverBlues: This makes me sad.

It's the debbul weed brussel sprout's fault, I just KNOW it.

Stop the aparagus persecution!

Exactly, it's asparadisgusting.

bump: Spar-grass (as it's pronounced here) is a vile, heave-inducing substance,... right up there with brusslesprouts, collard greens, spinach and okra....

Well I ain't real fond of okra, but how can you not like collard greens?

ghare: bump: Spar-grass (as it's pronounced here) is a vile, heave-inducing substance,... right up there with brusslesprouts, collard greens, spinach and okra....

Well I ain't real fond of okra, but how can you not like collard greens?

The secret is the gourmet fryin' and boilin' of all vegetables to slimy, mushy, barely self-supporting structure.
The least offensive of this regional cooking being the fried green tomato crusted with cornmeal, but you won't catch trichinosis from the porkchops and frahd chicken crunchy all the way through.

AverageAmericanGuy: What a pisser.

You beat me to it.

But the dogs won't overheat in the summer now.

So do the Brits boil them to an olive drab pulp?

mjg: Did a Mod greenlight his own submission?

/article not funny
//lack of ironic tag ironic

Subby here, and not a Mod or Admin. I'm a little surprised that I got a green for this as well. Maybe the Admin, like me, found the idea of an asparagus festival on its own a little silly, with the necessity of cancelling it fark-worthy

loki see loki do: So do the Brits boil them to an olive drab pulp?

No. Well some might but I imagine all average Americans cook and eat to a level of Michelan Star chef so I will happily accept your assumption.

Anyway I favor grilling them with rock salt and olive oil. Sweeter that way.

gumpy: loki see loki do: So do the Brits boil them to an olive drab pulp?

No. Well some might but I imagine all average Americans cook and eat to a level of Michelan Star chef so I will happily accept your assumption.

Anyway I favor grilling them with rock salt and olive oil. Sweeter that way.

Thanks to Jacques Pepin, I like broccoli stems more than asparagus or artichokes. The thicker the stem, the better. Just peel to white or very light green then steam. It tastes a lot like artichoke hearts.

Hopefully, the Irish potato festival is still safe...

Meanwhile, in California...

/asparagus!

They couldn't get Brittany spears to sub in at the last minute?

Probably just as well. I imagine you could smell the porta-potties from miles away.

GeeksAreMyPeeps: mjg: Did a Mod greenlight his own submission?

/article not funny
//lack of ironic tag ironic

Subby here, and not a Mod or Admin. I'm a little surprised that I got a green for this as well. Maybe the Admin, like me, found the idea of an asparagus festival on its own a little silly, with the necessity of cancelling it fark-worthy

Yeah, I can see that. Good point.

GeeksAreMyPeeps: mjg: Did a Mod greenlight his own submission?

/article not funny
//lack of ironic tag ironic

Subby here, and not a Mod or Admin. I'm a little surprised that I got a green for this as well. Maybe the Admin, like me, found the idea of an asparagus festival on its own a little silly, with the necessity of cancelling it fark-worthy

My first thought.

Which was actually: Wow, there's an "asparagus festival"? Wow, someone is actually sad they had to cancel it?

Asparagus is one of the only vegetables I actually like.

/eating shrimp w/asparagus as I type
//we have plenty of asparagus

What kind of monsters would hold an asparagus festival?

I can like, or at least tolerate most green vegtables. Asparagus is vile and disgusting. Or maybe just the fact my mother boiled it until it was limp, mushy and tasted like piss made it so.

That's a shame.

I love asparagus season -- I've been cooking with it almost every night for the last week.

mjg: Did a Mod greenlight his own submission?

/article not funny
//lack of ironic tag ironic

There's nothing ironic about this story. Irony is about incongruity.

A festival centered around asparagus being canceled because said crop is unavailable is exactly the outcome you'd expect. Had the festival continued without asparagus, that would have just been strange.

octopied: What kind of monsters would hold an asparagus festival?

I can like, or at least tolerate most green vegtables. Asparagus is vile and disgusting. Or maybe just the fact my mother boiled it until it was limp, mushy and tasted like piss made it so.

Sis?

John Buck 41: octopied: What kind of monsters would hold an asparagus festival?

I can like, or at least tolerate most green vegtables. Asparagus is vile and disgusting. Or maybe just the fact my mother boiled it until it was limp, mushy and tasted like piss made it so.

Sis?

I HATE boiled and steamed asparagus.

Step one, after cleaning and chopping it into ~1" pieces: spray with Pam or else add a couple of tablespoons of butter, or olive oil, your preference. Cook on medium in a saute pan or at least non-stick frying pan, cook. About 10 min in, add Penzey's Krakow Nights pepper/garlic blend (liberally). Cook until browning around the edges of the asparagus. Assuming you can tolerate the plant (ie it doesn't make you nauseous) this may indeed be the method that changes your mind. I used to grill it in a similar fashion on foil, but sauteing it is faster. I used to despise asparagus, but this changed my mind.