FTA: "According to Maloney, officers discovered that the dog had ripped off the child's shirt and was biting the child's pants, in an effort to remove the clothing from the child's body. Maloney says the dog did not bite the child, only the clothing."

That's...odd. Any reason why a dog would do that?

So, Mommy McDrunkerson owns the Coppertone dog?

gopher321: FTA: "According to Maloney, officers discovered that the dog had ripped off the child's shirt and was biting the child's pants, in an effort to remove the clothing from the child's body. Maloney says the dog did not bite the child, only the clothing."

That's...odd. Any reason why a dog would do that?

Dog wanted sexy time?

Dog has been having sexy time drunky mom?

Imagine all the possibilities?

gopher321: FTA: "According to Maloney, officers discovered that the dog had ripped off the child's shirt and was biting the child's pants, in an effort to remove the clothing from the child's body. Maloney says the dog did not bite the child, only the clothing."

That's...odd. Any reason why a dog would do that?

Dogs are notorious crap eaters, my guess is she was not a prompt dog feeder or diaper changer

Don't let the dog rip the toddler's clothes off

Yeah! Drink and pass out on the futon.

I already have Direct TV.

Im glad subby clarified that in the last sentence. I got to 'the dog ripped his clothes off' and wondered why the dog was wearing clothes

gopher321: FTA: "According to Maloney, officers discovered that the dog had ripped off the child's shirt and was biting the child's pants, in an effort to remove the clothing from the child's body. Maloney says the dog did not bite the child, only the clothing."

That's...odd. Any reason why a dog would do that?

The dog's pants were still at the dry cleaners and he wanted to run out and pick up some more beer.

Ugh, at least the dog stopped at the clothing. This could have been a million times worse.

Please let this be the new headline formula. I love/hate those commercials! hahahaha

I shared the headline and story with my girlfriend and she asked, "Is the kid OK?" Wow, I'm an asshole I didn't even think of that.

Re-reading the story it looks like the dog was just playing with the toddler. Probably thinking, "Fool, whatchya doin with them threads on you?!?"

I guess I figured the dog was urban.

gopher321: FTA: "According to Maloney, officers discovered that the dog had ripped off the child's shirt and was biting the child's pants, in an effort to remove the clothing from the child's body. Maloney says the dog did not bite the child, only the clothing."

That's...odd. Any reason why a dog would do that?

1. Pedo-dog
2. You take the wrappers off your food before you eat don't you?
3. If the family was gonna force its dog to be naked then the dog thought the family should be forced to be naked too

Ugh, the mom looks like an older sister of the kid on Gummo. Yeeeeikes

An Eastlake woman was arrested on Monday and charged with two counts of child endangering after police allegedly found her passed out drunk in her home, while with her children, ages three and five.

Uhmm, rest of paragraph is.... ???
Apparently the children are fine and were hired by the station to write their articles.

gopher321: FTA: "According to Maloney, officers discovered that the dog had ripped off the child's shirt and was biting the child's pants, in an effort to remove the clothing from the child's body. Maloney says the dog did not bite the child, only the clothing."

That's...odd. Any reason why a dog would do that?

Um...DUH!!! It's obvious.
The dog bit off the kid's clothes because dogs don't have thumbs so he couldn't un-do the buttons and zippers!
Jeez.

I wonder if the cop gets any Mahoney Maloney jokes.

Ah, good old Eastlake. When the Indians moved their Single A team there (now known as the Lake County Captains) the local paper had a contest to name the team. One of the entries that the paper reported was "The Eastlake Hillbillies" but they didn't put it in for the voting. Should have written in my vote for it anyway.

gopher321: FTA: "According to Maloney, officers discovered that the dog had ripped off the child's shirt and was biting the child's pants, in an effort to remove the clothing from the child's body. Maloney says the dog did not bite the child, only the clothing."

That's...odd. Any reason why a dog would do that?


The dog might have been protecting the kid from what he thought was clamping itself onto the child.

Maybe the kid just started wearing clothes and the dog wasn't used to seeing him in anything but a diaper, so he attacked the clothes.

This needs captioned.

LeroyBourne: I wonder if the cop gets any Mahoney Maloney jokes.

You mean Maloney bologna?

"I drink a whiskey drink / I drink a vodka drink / and when I have to pee / I don't make it to the bathroom and just pass out on the sofa, so leave me the eff alone while I wet myself."

Fark the toddler.

Buffet: Fark the toddler.

FloydA: Buffet: Fark the toddler.

[i105.photobucket.com image 426x639]

So....who's that creeepy cat?

Here's how I see this happening:

Mom not watching kid or dog.

Dog plays with kid, tugging at clothing (possibly even herding instinct to keep kid from toddling off, like kids do)

Kid resists clothing being tugged, being toddler, duffs the clothing altogether, and kids at certain ages love to 'streak'.

My contention here is: Dogs was framed, and at least was paying more attention to the kid than Mom.

Krymson Tyde: [localtvwjw.files.wordpress.com image 302x226]
This needs captioned.

Oh crap, not again

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: LeroyBourne: I wonder if the cop gets any Mahoney Maloney jokes.

You mean Maloney bologna?


no, maloney sounds like mahoney
maaaaaaaaaaaaloooooooneeeeeeeeeeeeey! !!!!

gopher321: FTA: "According to Maloney, officers discovered that the dog had ripped off the child's shirt and was biting the child's pants, in an effort to remove the clothing from the child's body. Maloney says the dog did not bite the child, only the clothing."

That's...odd. Any reason why a dog would do that?

Maybe doggy was giving fashion tips to the tot.

vodak parenting how-to:

place 5 yr old in Fort Closet, close & lock door

put naked 3 yr old on compost pile with Dog nearby for protection

turn on Oprah, swill teh vodak

gopher321: FTA: "According to Maloney, officers discovered that the dog had ripped off the child's shirt and was biting the child's pants, in an effort to remove the clothing from the child's body. Maloney says the dog did not bite the child, only the clothing."

That's...odd. Any reason why a dog would do that?

Obviously because they didnt have direct tv. Shouldve started the chain reaction with " if ur drunk and dont have direct tv, then you'll pass out from boredom"

Krymson Tyde: This needs captioned.

I gots my am's and pm's mixed up... again. From now on, I'll only drink when it's dark out.

gopher321: FTA: "According to Maloney, officers discovered that the dog had ripped off the child's shirt and was biting the child's pants, in an effort to remove the clothing from the child's body. Maloney says the dog did not bite the child, only the clothing."

That's...odd. Any reason why a dog would do that?

Same reason that dogs do most of their weird behavior. Someone rewarded them for it (or it's it's own reward). Probably the dog did it while playing a few times, people thought it was hilarious and gave the dog all kinds of attention, and it went from there.

Ever see the millions of dogs chasing their tail videos on youtube? Same thing. They sort of had a propensity to do it once in a while, and someone reinforced it a lot, usually not on purpose.

Krymson Tyde: This needs captioned.

My caption: Roll Tide!

/ zing

// sorry had to do it

And that's why you don't give a mouse a mickey.

So switch to DirecTV?

jaylectricity: Please let this be the new headline formula. I love/hate those commercials! hahahaha

Yeah, props to subby for being original!

/but would I hit the dog?

violentsalvation: I already have Direct TV.

Satellite TV is overrated, but then TV programming still sucks these days, regardless of who your carriers and providers are.

Also, DirecTV. (My pedantic bone was itching.)

My dog yanks at my sleeve when he wants food. If this broad neglects her kids, you can imagine that feeding the dog isn't high on her priority list. Its a good doggie that didn't eat the tasty toddler.

She was dreaming about reenacting scenes with Charlie Sheen.

The causality chain seems more likely than the stupid commercials' sequences of events.

Krymson Tyde: [localtvwjw.files.wordpress.com image 302x226]
This needs captioned.

No. It needs quarantined.

You got mommy in trouble again. Bad dog.

El_Frijole_Blanco:
Dogs are notorious crap eaters, my guess is she was not a prompt dog feeder or diaper changer

Great headline, +1 subby.

So the kid was never in any real trouble.

Oh, c'mon. Who HASN'T passed out drunk while their small children wander around having their clothes ripped off by dogs? HELICOPTER PARENTS, that's who. Hell, when I was a kid, we had WILD animals trying to rip off our clothes before we were a year old, and we fought them. That precious snowflake sounds way too soft. Probably has fake autism or something.