You know you're wearing too much Axe body spray if you are wearing any axe body spray.

yeah... the chicks dig that dollar store scent

/smells like axe

What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.

Smells like Bigfoot's dick.

God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

Why wasn't Hazmat called?

oldfarthenry: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.

Smells like Bigfoot's dick.

God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

Did he use, like, a can and a half?

Does anyone older than 13 use axe body spray?

A friend of mine and I were walking home during set break of a show one time (play in a band), and he starts spraying all this axe over himself. I tell him chicks don't dig that shiat, it smells like rubbing alcohol and industrial cleaner. No later than a minute later we walk by this fairly attractive woman and she remarks "You smell good". I'm losing faith in humanity.

thomps: You know you're wearing too much Axe body spray if you are wearing any axe body spray.

Came to say that. We're done here.

Ugh. Makes me urpy just thinking about it. We had to ban the stuff because our 7th and 8th grade boys were basting themselves in it.

Axe, er Tag, Tanker hits NJ shore is still one of the funniest Onion articles ever.

LarryDan43: Does anyone older than 13 use axe body spray?

After waiting in line to see a movie last week the answer is yes.

Rufus Lee King: This is what I used to pour all over myself in my formative years:

[wesclark.com image 640x446]

I once set off the tornado warning siren the next block over.

Heh... I went for the lime, myself

/later, I switched to Brut
//that stuff would knock a buzzard off a shiatwagon

done in one

CSB
My freshman year in college, when it was a new product, they handed out free samples of Axe spray for every single person in the dorms (I went to a predominantly male engineering school). Since that shiat smelled like ass, no one used it as directed, but instead used tools to remove the peephole from other peoples' doors and spray a can's worth of that crap into their room while they were at class. The hallways, and most people, smelled like Axe (ass) for the next couple weeks.
/CSB

I remember being in a club in the early 2000's where they were giving out travel sized cans of Axe. By the end of the night, they covered the floor and everything REEKED of the green Axe. Whose dumb idea was that?

Bruxellensis: done in one

CSB
My freshman year in college, when it was a new product, they handed out free samples......spray a can's worth of that crap into their room while they were at class. The hallways, and most people, smelled like Axe (ass) for the next couple weeks.
/CSB

Free sample simulpost (missed by 2 mins).

ecmoRandomNumbers: Ugh. Makes me urpy just thinking about it. We had to ban the stuff because our 7th and 8th grade boys were basting themselves in it.

Were they master basters?

Rufus Lee King: This is what I used to pour all over myself in my formative years:

[wesclark.com image 640x446]

I once set off the tornado warning siren the next block over.

I remember that stuff. God, I feel so old.

Whiskey Dickens: Bruxellensis: done in one

CSB
My freshman year in college, when it was a new product, they handed out free samples......spray a can's worth of that crap into their room while they were at class. The hallways, and most people, smelled like Axe (ass) for the next couple weeks.
/CSB

Free sample simulpost (missed by 2 mins).

I knew it couldn't be a unique experience. I imagine they sent samples of that crap all over the country to that same demographic, with the same devastating results.

I can smell that sitting here reading about it. The wife bought me a can...I use it to kill flies. No flame necessary.

There is a young guy where I work that's using something akin to Raid. You can smell him coming around a corner fifty feet away. My eyes actually tear up.

Axe body spray is made of 100% douchebag pheromones. MOst women don't like it. Only the ones attracted to douchebags. These women are NOT catches by any definition. Although they may have something you can catch from them.

60% of the time, it works everytime

Bruxellensis: done in one

CSB
My freshman year in college, when it was a new product, they handed out free samples of Axe spray for every single person in the dorms (I went to a predominantly male engineering school). Since that shiat smelled like ass, no one used it as directed, but instead used tools to remove the peephole from other peoples' doors and spray a can's worth of that crap into their room while they were at class. The hallways, and most people, smelled like Axe (ass) for the next couple weeks.
/CSB

I'm guessing you went to GMI/Kettering?

Rufus Lee King: This is what I used to pour all over myself in my formative years:

[wesclark.com image 640x446]

I once set off the tornado warning siren the next block over.

My older brother used that stuff. We had to air out the bathroom after he got ready for a date.

I'm in favor of setting people who wear Axe on fire.

The Irresponsible Captain: thomps: You know you're wearing too much Axe body spray if you are wearing any axe body spray.

Came to say that. We're done here.

The smell of that sh*t makes me want to kick the douchebags in the nutz, really hard.

Don't you guys sit there and knock that shiat like it doesn't work - I sprayed myself with it one day at my old job and the girls in my office (all college chicks) were all over it with "omg what is that" "why does that smell so good?!" "it reminds me of *name of random guy here* omg it's soooo good".

College chicks dig the smell of Axe regardless of the gender of who's wearing it.

WarszawaScream: Don't you guys sit there and knock that shiat like it doesn't work - I sprayed myself with it one day at my old job and the girls in my office (all college chicks) were all over it with "omg what is that" "why does that smell so good?!" "it reminds me of *name of random guy here* omg it's soooo good".

College chicks dig the smell of Axe regardless of the gender of who's wearing it.

are you sure they weren't just passive-aggressively making fun of you? college girls can be biatches.

That's hot.

Ahh, yes Axe. I remember back in college, we'd all get these little packets filled with goodies such a deoderant, toothpase, condoms, candy and other awesome shiat. They would also include a little sample bottle of Axe. Many enterprising students would take these little bottles, and make "axebombes" basically you use ductape to rig the can to spray continuously until it was empty. My first roommate in college managed to get himself into a prank war with the guy four doors down from us. My roomate saran wrapped the other guy's door, and the other guy retaliated by tossing an axebomb into our room. Unfortunately I was in the room at the time he chucked the axebomb. To this day, I can not tolerate strong smells of axe (or any kind of perfume for that matter)

Mr.Poops: A friend of mine and I were walking home during set break of a show one time (play in a band), and he starts spraying all this axe over himself. I tell him chicks don't dig that shiat, it smells like rubbing alcohol and industrial cleaner. No later than a minute later we walk by this fairly attractive woman and she remarks "You smell good". I'm losing faith in humanity.

WarszawaScream: Don't you guys sit there and knock that shiat like it doesn't work - I sprayed myself with it one day at my old job and the girls in my office (all college chicks) were all over it with "omg what is that" "why does that smell so good?!" "it reminds me of *name of random guy here* omg it's soooo good".

College chicks dig the smell of Axe regardless of the gender of who's wearing it.

The only girls who like Axe body spray tend to have social diseases.

//works in a high school... September's horrible, by now they've figured out it smells horrible... will be horrible again in September when the new 9th graders show up...

Leeds37: Bruxellensis: done in one

CSB
My freshman year in college, when it was a new product, they handed out free samples of Axe spray for every single person in the dorms (I went to a predominantly male engineering school). Since that shiat smelled like ass, no one used it as directed, but instead used tools to remove the peephole from other peoples' doors and spray a can's worth of that crap into their room while they were at class. The hallways, and most people, smelled like Axe (ass) for the next couple weeks.
/CSB

I'm guessing you went to GMI/Kettering?

Nope.

/hint: think "winter carnival"

Bruxellensis: Leeds37: Bruxellensis: done in one

CSB
My freshman year in college, when it was a new product, they handed out free samples of Axe spray for every single person in the dorms (I went to a predominantly male engineering school). Since that shiat smelled like ass, no one used it as directed, but instead used tools to remove the peephole from other peoples' doors and spray a can's worth of that crap into their room while they were at class. The hallways, and most people, smelled like Axe (ass) for the next couple weeks.
/CSB

I'm guessing you went to GMI/Kettering?

Nope.

/hint: think "winter carnival"

Aha. I was only off by about 500 miles.

My girlfriends' 13 years old son wears way too much of that stuff and why, yes, he is a douche.. The shanks love him, mom hates it.

Every time we walk by Abercrombie & Fitch at the mall, I tell my 4 yr old daughter and 2 yr old daughter to remember that smell because they should never date a guy that smells like that. I figure it's never too young to start.

They gave Axe samples out when I started university back in 2003, and much of the same shenanigans went on, although several of the guys loved the stuff.

/is a girl, and thinks any guy who wears Axe, or a shiatton of cologne in general is farking asshole who needs to EABOD
//can't handle the smell of Axe or any sort of strong scent, literally can't breathe
///yeah, you whores with your perfumes too. Seriously, why do people think that cologne/perfume is something they need to drown themselves in? Don't you people know what showers are?

The Jami Turman Fan Club: I'm in favor of setting people who wear Axe on fire.

WOOOOOOOAAAAAAAOOOOOOOH! YOUR AXE IS ON FIIIIIYYEERR!

/kings of leon'd

Back in the day, we didn't have Axe body spray. We had to make-do with what we had...

Rufus Lee King: This is what I used to pour all over myself in my formative years:

[wesclark.com image 640x446]

I once set off the tornado warning siren the next block over.

I'd forgotten all about that stuff!

Seriously guys and gals, please go easy on the cologne. It can put an asthmatic into an attack. I usually have to hold my breath on elevators these days. I don't have very bad asthma, but just riding up with an elevator full of women wearing a lot of cologne immediately make my chest tighten and I start coughing. If I can smell your perfume without being close enough to fark you, you're wearing too much.

offmymeds: Rufus Lee King: This is what I used to pour all over myself in my formative years:

[wesclark.com image 640x446]

I once set off the tornado warning siren the next block over.

I remember that stuff. God, I feel so old.

I might have bought it for my dad for father's day.

JackieRabbit: Rufus Lee King: This is what I used to pour all over myself in my formative years:

[wesclark.com image 640x446]

I once set off the tornado warning siren the next block over.

I'd forgotten all about that stuff!

Seriously guys and gals, please go easy on the cologne. It can put an asthmatic into an attack. I usually have to hold my breath on elevators these days. I don't have very bad asthma, but just riding up with an elevator full of women wearing a lot of cologne immediately make my chest tighten and I start coughing. If I can smell your perfume without being close enough to fark you, you're wearing too much.

I had this experience with a bank teller last week. She was wearing so much of it I started wheezing, coughing, eyes swelling, throat itching. She asked me if I had a cold. I should have told her it was anaphylaxis... I just wanted to conversation to end.

When I was 12 I poured an entire bottle of cologne on my head and then sat next to this girl I liked to try and impress her. My luck, she was allergic to strong scents and I caused her to have an allergic reaction. Might have blown my chances on that one

Have had good success with

As with everything, good stuff costs.

Savage Bacon: The Jami Turman Fan Club: I'm in favor of setting people who wear Axe on fire.

WOOOOOOOAAAAAAAOOOOOOOH! YOUR AXE IS ON FIIIIIYYEERR!

/kings of leon'd

Kings of Leon does to my ears what Axe does to my nose.

thomps: are you sure they weren't just passive-aggressively making fun of you? college girls can be biatches.

Nah, they weren't like that; we were a pretty tight group, all went out partying together all the time and etc (I was only three or four years older.) Turned out one of the girls' boyfriend or crush or some guy she otherwise liked wore the same stuff, hence the sudden swooning. It was still pretty funny though - suddenly I understood how the Long Island guidos manage to get laid. AXE, BRO.

Smoky Dragon Dish: JackieRabbit: Rufus Lee King: This is what I used to pour all over myself in my formative years:

[wesclark.com image 640x446]

I once set off the tornado warning siren the next block over.

I'd forgotten all about that stuff!

Seriously guys and gals, please go easy on the cologne. It can put an asthmatic into an attack. I usually have to hold my breath on elevators these days. I don't have very bad asthma, but just riding up with an elevator full of women wearing a lot of cologne immediately make my chest tighten and I start coughing. If I can smell your perfume without being close enough to fark you, you're wearing too much.

I had this experience with a bank teller last week. She was wearing so much of it I started wheezing, coughing, eyes swelling, throat itching. She asked me if I had a cold. I should have told her it was anaphylaxis... I just wanted to conversation to end.

You should have told her but to be fair anaphylaxis prevents fluid conversation.