Yet again, you need "qualifications"....

Well sure, that sounds like a lot. But one little bird gets loose and flies into a jet engine intake and ends up killing 200 people... and it's all your fault.

No thanks. I'll keep the shiatty job I have. No one is going to die or be horribly maimed in a freak copywriting tragedy.

Couldn't they just round up a bunch of stray cats?

I know a guy for the job. We got this one kid, Mongo. He's got a forehead like a drive-in movie theatre, but he's a good ship so we don't bust his chops too much. So, one day Mongo gets out of his cage...

The airport spends $10,00 a year on pyrotechnics.

Maybe that's why they still have problems

Yeah, birds are jerks. Usually eagles are smart enough to get out of your way but I'll be damned if you don't need to swerve around to avoid crows and seagulls.

Hawks can be jerks, man.

/obscure for fark?

Being an Airport Wildlife Biologist is to "chasing birds off a runway" as being a surgeon is to "cutting people up."

Hey ya'll give me a lawn chair, all the beer I can drink, a shotgun (and unlimited shells) and I'll do this darn durn job.

Hawnkee: I know a guy for the job. We got this one kid, Mongo. He's got a forehead like a drive-in movie theatre, but he's a good ship so we don't bust his chops too much. So, one day Mongo gets out of his cage...

Mongo just pawn in game of life...

Sounds boring, I'll stick to programming.

Yeah, but then what do you do about all the cats on the runway?

I heard that Software Engineers make $100k a year just to sit in front of a computer all day! Anybody can do that!

reported: Couldn't they just round up a bunch of stray cats?

Then you have to hire some guy to chase off all the cats. And that ain't free.

That reminds me of the guy who was trying to chase some wild animal off a runway. Ground control couldn't see the animal, they just saw the guy flailing his arms around and running about. Ground control then put out a message on the loudspeaker: "You are now clear for takeoff".

/Why, yes, I AM bad at recounting stories. Sorry.

A pay cut and move to Florida? Fark you.
Throw in Mila Kunis and Summer Glau and we can talk.

Mr_Fabulous: Well sure, that sounds like a lot. But one little bird gets loose and flies into a jet engine intake and ends up killing 200 people... and it's all your fault.
No thanks. I'll keep the shiatty job I have. No one is going to die or be horribly maimed in a freak copywriting tragedy.

Butterfly Effect - I think you just started a tornado outbreak in the midwest.

gulogulo: Being an Airport Wildlife Biologist is to "chasing birds off a runway" as being a surgeon is to "cutting people up."

I would prefer something like "Migratory Wildlife Dispersement Engineer"

The Bird is the word.

I'm ready. Where do I sign up?

hello.
Yes this is dog.

Rapmaster2000: I heard that Software Engineers make $100k a year just to sit in front of a computer all day! Anybody can do that!

I'm doing that right now! Sign me up!

Oh no! People earning a decent living for doing something other than moving money around.

Sure, getting rid of birds on a runway seems easy enough.

What happens when it's something that overs 1k lbs

Odd Bird: A pay cut and move to Florida? Fark you.
Throw in Mila Kunis and Summer Glau and we can talk.



You know, I clicked your profile expecting somebody living in the New England area. Shock and hilarity to see you are from Anywhere, GA.

I haz solution and will work cheap

Ferel cats need a home too

I work with retards

I was watching a show a few nights ago where fishermen on the Columbia River are paid a bounty to catch a certain kind of fish that messes with the salmon, something like $8 a fish.
Paid to fish, damn, what the hell am I doing in this cubicle.....

"Um...I shoot birds at the airport."

"Everyone hates birds!"

Suddenly remembered his Charlemagne:
"Let my armies be the rocks and the trees and the birds in the sky..."

We have a similar issure in my hometown with geese in the waterfront park. Some woman gets paid just over 30k for six months work to have her specially trained dog keep the geese away. Everytime the issue comes up I say "30k for six months work, I'll dress up as a dog and chase the geese away myself"

Unoriginal_Username: Sure, getting rid of birds on a runway seems easy enough.

What happens when it's something that overs 1k lbs

[militarybases.com image 480x270]

Dinner?

Hire a bunch of younger versions of me. (currently well over 50 yrs old)

Tell them they can try to touch the planes as they take-off and land if they scare the birds.

Might be fun to watch.

/Looks at the mirror and knows there is a small GA airport down the road. (throws my ritalin in the street and heads out)

/DAMN! I still have the restraining orders for doing that in the past.

Rip Dashrock: I was watching a show a few nights ago where fishermen on the Columbia River are paid a bounty to catch a certain kind of fish that messes with the salmon, something like $8 a fish.
Paid to fish, damn, what the hell am I doing in this cubicle.....


So the object of that job would be to:
A) kill a few fish per day in order to make your money, and
B) breed & restock remaining fish en masse, in order to retain job security

SultanofSchwing: Hawnkee: I know a guy for the job. We got this one kid, Mongo. He's got a forehead like a drive-in movie theatre, but he's a good ship so we don't bust his chops too much. So, one day Mongo gets out of his cage...

Mongo just pawn in game of life...

Wrong movie.

ritalinchild 54: Hire a bunch of younger versions of me. (currently well over 50 yrs old)

Tell them they can try to touch the planes as they take-off and land if they scare the birds.

Might be fun to watch.

/Looks at the mirror and knows there is a small GA airport down the road. (throws my ritalin in the street and heads out)

/DAMN! I still have the restraining orders for doing that in the past.

That sounds like a great way to close an airport, make it so no one will land because there are children on the runway.

Ned Stark: Yeah, but then what do you do about all the cats on the runway?

You deploy the Chinese needle snakes.

Unoriginal_Username: Sure, getting rid of birds on a runway seems easy enough.

What happens when it's something that overs 1k lbs

[militarybases.com image 480x270]

the uh 20mm cannon on the front of that f16 might prove effective

Genju: Odd Bird: A pay cut and move to Florida? Fark you.
Throw in Mila Kunis and Summer Glau and we can talk.

You know, I clicked your profile expecting somebody living in the New England area. Shock and hilarity to see you are from Anywhere, GA.

Heh...20 years in AZ, then 20 on Long island, the last 6 down here.
I think there's a stupid current in the southeas, the majority* of people here with above average common sense and intellect are carpet baggers.

_{*apologies to G. Shaw, an exception}

Mr_Fabulous: Well sure, that sounds like a lot. But one little bird gets loose and flies into a jet engine intake and ends up killing 200 people... and it's all your fault.

And since it's in Florida, you'll be charged with 200 counts of involuntary manslaughter and/or negligent homicide. Higher charges if you're a non-white.

Peregrins can be jerks. SHIELDS UP!

King Something: Mr_Fabulous: Well sure, that sounds like a lot. But one little bird gets loose and flies into a jet engine intake and ends up killing 200 people... and it's all your fault.

And since it's in Florida, you'll be charged with 200 counts of involuntary manslaughter and/or negligent homicide. Higher charges if you're a non-white.

Bullshiat. I was standing my ground!

theorellior: Ned Stark: Yeah, but then what do you do about all the cats on the runway?

You deploy the Chinese needle snakes.


So, what do you do about all the snakes on the runway? Wait a minute, just answered my own question. We're good.

change1211: Usually eagles are smart enough to get out of your way

Usually.

Ned Stark: Yeah, but then what do you do about all the cats on the runway?

You get some dogs to chase off the cats.

YouPeopleAreCrazy: change1211: Usually eagles are smart enough to get out of your way

Usually.

Sad story, eagles are some amazing birds. There's around 20-60 of them around the airport that I fly out of and they normally just stay out of the way. I do remember one time when I had to bank around 60 degrees to avoid one that decided it wanted to take up my airspace, it screwed up my base turn so much I just ended up doing a simulated engine failure landing.

Crows on the other hand, they're just jerks. I was doing circuits and there was a thunderstorm nearby. A wave of thunder rolled by and scatted what looked to be thousands of crows just as I lifted off, I ended up having to wait for there to be a gap in the birds before a making a very steep climb.

Ned Stark: Yeah, but then what do you do about all the cats on the runway?

Yeah, you don't need 100k or a biologist to keep birds off the runway, but you do need them to help prevent a lawsuit and CYA.

Actual cost of preventing bird strikes: http://www.readyforten.com/users/RFTd eb/posts/5188-how-to-make-a-bird - scarer