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   2 DUIs + 3 tires = 0 cat food

12 Jun 2012 08:11 PM   |   6407 clicks   |   Salem News 2
Showing 1-46 of 46 comments
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Ed Finnerty     
FTFA: Amelia Poisson, 42, of 30 Folly Pond Road

This is a joke, right?

12 Jun 2012 06:19 PM
Apos     
Attempting an 007 car stunt is never advisable-doubly so if you're inebriated.

12 Jun 2012 06:21 PM
bigredwrench     
If you have a farked up name, might as well do farked up things.

12 Jun 2012 08:14 PM
some_beer_drinker    [TotalFark]  
your math, i don't get it.

12 Jun 2012 08:14 PM
Tiiba     

12 Jun 2012 08:15 PM
AverageAmericanGuy    [TotalFark]  
Only farked up people keep cats.

12 Jun 2012 08:15 PM
6655321     
Another crazy cat lady.

12 Jun 2012 08:16 PM
nimeye     
I was told there would be no math.

12 Jun 2012 08:17 PM
Fano     

Ed Finnerty: FTFA: Amelia Poisson, 42, of 30 Folly Pond Road

This is a joke, right?


allthingsclassicfilm.files.wordpress.comView Full Size


Soitanly!

12 Jun 2012 08:18 PM
cleveoh     

Ed Finnerty: FTFA: Amelia Poisson, 42, of 30 Folly Pond Road

This is a joke, right?


There's a "Look What The Cat Dragged In" joke in there somewhere...

If I have my Hair Metal band right?

12 Jun 2012 08:20 PM
fluffy2097     
This is just a MADD conspiracy and an excuse for small town cops to go on witch hunts for people driving 3 wheeled cars.

Anyways, this is only the second time she got on the highway piss drunk and missing a tire. She's obviously good to drive.

12 Jun 2012 08:24 PM
WTFDYW    [TotalFark]  
i are serious about mah kittehs well being

12 Jun 2012 08:25 PM
LeroyBourne     
Reminds me of my brother and I rolling through the neighborhood in our Big Wheels when we were kids. I had the dukes of hazard he had knight rider, we weren't drunk, but you couldn't tell difference by the hell we thought we were raising. And yes goddammit, we were cool.

12 Jun 2012 08:27 PM
LeafyGreens     
Hope the cats will be okay =)

12 Jun 2012 08:29 PM
just passing through     
I know we've all driven when we shouldn't, but how many times do you have to get a dui before you decide maybe you should stop?

12 Jun 2012 08:30 PM
maxx2112     
Did the kitteh get fed?

www.petnanny.chView Full Size



/ dnrta

12 Jun 2012 08:31 PM
fluffy2097     

just passing through: I know we've all driven when we shouldn't, but how many times do you have to get a dui before you decide maybe you should stop?


Driving drunk is a constitutional right. The king of beers said so, and now it is God's law. It's right in the Beerble. Carbonation 3:16 - And lo the lord sayeth unto the stumbling man, "brosef, thou cannot walk. It is better that thine drive."

12 Jun 2012 08:36 PM
ZAZ    [TotalFark]  
Additional charges include driving after suspension and having defective equipment.

It was night, but you can still get a ticket for a broken headlight in the daytime in Massachusetts. Somebody was driving with one headlight in the daytime and police used that as the pretext to stop the car. Courts couldn't construe the law narrowly to make sense because that would mean throwing out a conviction.

12 Jun 2012 08:39 PM
duffblue     

ZAZ: Additional charges include driving after suspension and having defective equipment.

It was night, but you can still get a ticket for a broken headlight in the daytime in Massachusetts. Somebody was driving with one headlight in the daytime and police used that as the pretext to stop the car. Courts couldn't construe the law narrowly to make sense because that would mean throwing out a conviction.


America!

12 Jun 2012 08:40 PM
Allen. The end.     
"The cat was fine..."

12 Jun 2012 08:42 PM
Fluorescent Testicle     
Sheogorath math?

Sheogormath?

12 Jun 2012 08:42 PM
Ryker's Peninsula     
XX Chromosome people problems

12 Jun 2012 08:44 PM
fluffy2097     

duffblue: America!


Massachusetts!

You'll be fine so long as you don't get pulled over by a state trooper.

Sir them a lot. They like that, sir.

12 Jun 2012 08:45 PM
scrumpox     
She may be in more trouble than she thinks^...

12 Jun 2012 08:48 PM
WTFDYW    [TotalFark]  

fluffy2097: just passing through: I know we've all driven when we shouldn't, but how many times do you have to get a dui before you decide maybe you should stop?

Driving drunk is a constitutional right. The king of beers said so, and now it is God's law. It's right in the Beerble. Carbonation 3:16 - And lo the lord sayeth unto the stumbling man, "brosef, thou cannot walk. It is better that thine drive."


nice touch there. I LMAO

12 Jun 2012 08:57 PM
Ken VeryBigLiar     

fluffy2097: Anyways, this is only the second time she got on the highway piss drunk and missing a tire. She's obviously good to drive.


In Wisconsin you can drive a bus full of kids in that condition.

12 Jun 2012 09:03 PM
JonZoidberg     
FTFA: Amelia Poisson, 42, of 30 Folly Pond Road

What would you call it the next time this idjit goes driving and splatters her brains all over the pavement? (Other than a win for the rest of us)

A Poisson distribution!

12 Jun 2012 09:05 PM
LordOfThePings     
psipunk.comView Full Size

12 Jun 2012 09:06 PM
Precision Boobery     

Apos: Attempting an 007 car stunt is never advisable-doubly so if you're inebriated.


i.telegraph.co.ukView Full Size

www.coolgizmotoys.comView Full Size

productplacementandmovies.files.wordpress.comView Full Size


Is there any other way?

12 Jun 2012 09:06 PM
lerxst2112     
When pulled over for such a transgression, its not appropriate to look out your window, notice the missing tire and say in front of the officer:

"Oh for f*ck's sake, AGAIN!?"

12 Jun 2012 09:09 PM
sk8r     
I cringe when I see the offender is around my age. Epic DUI at 22, awful idea but almost a rite of passage. Epic DUI at 42, cat lady got some issues. Bet her kids are proud.

WTF though- how do you not process that a missing wheel is a problem? The 'cat food' she had finally run though was her vodka stash. No liquior stores that make deliveries?

12 Jun 2012 09:17 PM
Klippoklondike    [TotalFark]  
i269.photobucket.comView Full Size

12 Jun 2012 09:34 PM
rf134a     
Why would she need to go buy cat food? Cats love eating poisson!

12 Jun 2012 09:46 PM
Liz Lemon    [TotalFark]  
Mom?

12 Jun 2012 09:57 PM
WordyGrrl    [TotalFark]  
Can you imagine all the hijinks that will ensue when "self-driving car" technology is "perfected" for use? It's gonna be Drunky McDrunkerson Expressway out there, leading to an extra-long line at the Taco Bell drive-thru.

12 Jun 2012 09:57 PM
Day_Old_Dutchie     
One man's fish is another man's Poisson.

12 Jun 2012 10:26 PM
FooDog     
That's a couple of towns over from where I live. Will have to keep an eye open for drunk cat ladies.

12 Jun 2012 10:29 PM
MaudlinMutantMollusk    [TotalFark]  

FooDog: That's a couple of towns over from where I live. Will have to keep an eye open for drunk cat ladies.


She'll be walking

12 Jun 2012 10:59 PM
Goimir     
Red Green unavailable for comment.

12 Jun 2012 11:11 PM
Jirafa     
Wait... who said the cat food was to be eaten by actual cats? This lady is crazy; she drives with 3 tires, which is something most people would notice even while drunk. Maybe the cat food is for her.

sk8r: The 'cat food' she had finally run though was her vodka stash. No liquior stores that make deliveries?


Or that.

/really hope there's no starving kitties trapped in her house

13 Jun 2012 01:36 AM
MattyBlast    [TotalFark]  
I guess that "buy three tires, get the fourth one free" promotion ended.

13 Jun 2012 02:39 AM
over_and_done     

MattyBlast: I guess that "buy three tires, get the fourth one free" promotion ended.


Okay, that's pretty damn funny. Maybe not "+1 internets" funny, but I'd easily award +0.85 internets.

13 Jun 2012 04:16 AM
ransack.     

LordOfThePings:


What the hell is this thing??

13 Jun 2012 04:42 AM
LordOfThePings     

ransack.: What the hell is this thing??


MAG Concept car

13 Jun 2012 04:56 AM
hagopiar     
"Anyways, this is only the second time she got on the highway piss drunk and missing a tire"

Sounds like it was the third time... FTA:

still a second offense because there has been no conviction stemming from Wednesday's arrest

/loophole FTW!

13 Jun 2012 03:11 PM
fluffy2097     

hagopiar: "Anyways, this is only the second time she got on the highway piss drunk and missing a tire"

Sounds like it was the third time... FTA:

still a second offense because there has been no conviction stemming from Wednesday's arrest

/loophole FTW!


The first time she was drunk as shiat and had all 4 tires. ;)

13 Jun 2012 05:17 PM
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