"No No No I didn't sleep with my last companion and you are no where near as hot as her"

"Now, now... who's the Doctor here?"

"You see, the role of the companion is not about romance, it's about an old man who misses his granddaughter, Susan.

Now that you're playing that role, we can remind viewers of this fact so we can dispense with all of this Doctor-companion romance nonsense."

"Trust me. I know what I'm doing."

"Penis goes here ..."

"Well, we are all set. I see here you declined the Anal Clause. Very well. All that is left is your physical. Please go in and take your shirt off. I will be in momentarily. Don't worry, I'm The Doctor."

"Most people around here are limey chimney sweeps!"

Here, use these for your...uhhh...heavy days.

I'm sorry. It was immature of me to ask if you're bigger on the inside.

"I swear I can be just as cool as the last doctor!"

"No, it says right here you were to have used the Clairol Light Auburn."

"Here is the maintenance schedule for the Jacuzzi in the Tardis, and whatever you do, don't go back to November 5, 1955. Here's the keys. Have it back by midnight."

I served with David Tennant, I knew David Tennant, David Tennant was a friend of mine. Sir, you're no David Tennant.

:But- but- but- but you are special, Pond, er, Rose, uh, my Sarah Jane, er....."

"Here it is; paragraph 3b. The contract always includes a private nude scene in my studio at the end of the season. And the ball-gag is an essential element of the story..."

Can my sonic screwdriver remove your panties? Let's find out, shall we?

"Are your eyes really sensitive? Do you suffer from dry eye? If we encounter angel statues, this is information I am going to need to know. Don't wear contacts."

"It's like a universal law. Caption contests are lame in every corner of the galaxy. The only person in the entirely of the universe that loved caption contests was Sil, and well.. You don't want to be pals with Sil."

"If we fly the TARDIS to this point in time, we might be able to save Christopher Eccleston's career!"

"I know what these papers say that you're only 16, but with the TARDIS we can can just travel to July 18, 2014"

"This is a list of all the places in the universe where they sell Jammie Dodgers. Very important bit of information, that."

Evil Mackerel: I'll have you know I have the staying power of eleven men.

... and, from the looks of it, she's either incredulous or not impressed.

This will take awhile, they're replacing the phone booth with a cell tower.

No, it says right her that the poop chute is fair game!

"It's right here in the rules. If you repost the photo when you submit your caption, you'll get more votes. Votes are cool."

"It does go there"

"You're required to sleep with me. It's right here in your contract, see? Sleeping with is cool."

"I'll order two chip butties, a pack of crisps, and a fizzy drink."

"I'm not the caterer."

"So who are you again?"

"Look Anastasia, we've gone over the hard limits/soft limits a dozen times. Are you going to sign it or not?"

/votes are cool

"Let's go to my place so that I can do the pap smear on you"

"Ok. I'm glad to know that dentists like you are so versatile."

It says you get a season and if there aren't at least 24 websites with pictures of your head photoshopped on a hot (see that there? Hot) naked girl's body, you'll be replaced with a cyberwench.

Oops, retroactive vote button

It says right here that we are to pose awkwardly so that internet users can make penis jokes about us

Where did you get that dress? Its awful . . . and those shoes, and that coat, geeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzz.

"...and that is how a tesseract occlusion allowed for the implementation of the first DVDA.?

"I specifically asked for Mila Kunis. WTF is this shiat?"

"I wish Harkness would stop sending me these love letters"

You must've gotten it when you were riding that tractor in your bikini.

DW: "Can you act?"
Companion: "Of course!"
DW: "Good, then act like people still give a rat's ass about this show."

....and then on alternate Wednesdays we'll be dressing up in the furry costumes and yiffing and on every third Saturday it's schiesse porn all day long...

Jo? Now I was too old for her then.....It's complicated.

"No, see, I'm a time traveler. I can just go back to before hiring discrimination was a thing. So it's perfectly alright that the advert lists 'British, female and cute' as required qualifications."

I'm REALLY glad I got this role, as the only other acting gigs available for me were Frankenstein and playing the part of Rocky Dennis. This face is handy at Halloween, but not so much in Broadway

"Do you have a Kissogram Bobby's outfit? This is very important to the survival of the universe!"

It had BETTER be bigger on the inside. Fassbender's is humorously miniscule in comparison.

Well, I can think of at least two reasons you are well-suited for this role.

You know how caption contests on Cracked are totally lame? I hear they're doing them on Fark now.

Forgot to turn on voting for prior entry

It's bigger on the inside... of my pants.