"I mean, I just want to solve this the right way,"

... by calling 911?

Reminds me of this (far more assertive) 911 dispatcher. (pops)

You know what? I don't think I've ever called 911 in my life. I think I'd be almost as nervous as a 16-year-old calling a girl.

Calm down. It's not like they put Miracle Whip on it.

FishyFred: Reminds me of this (far more assertive) 911 dispatcher. (pops)

You know what? I don't think I've ever called 911 in my life. I think I'd be almost as nervous as a 16-year-old calling a girl.

I've only had to once, I think most people are at least that shaken up when they have to do so. And if they're not they're either Dirty Harry or doing it wrong.

Hell man, makes me so mad!

Getting all uppity over not having enough mayo on your sandwich? Sounds like white people problems.

Did these guys respond?

The funny part is his statement that he intends to go back and get sandwiches in the future. Yeah, you do that. I'm sure the mayo will have just the right amount of snot in it for you, moran.

I've called once, after a car went past me then up over a curb and into a telephone pole. Boy was I surprised.

Somebody had already called it in.

This is the future. Citizens who are so inept at and uncomfortable with the idea of solving their own problems face-to-face with the actual people involved, and just want the government to come solve their problem for them. An entire nation of adult-aged preschoolers.

You sound fat.

this is the kind of news i want to read on a daily basis. so cutting edge... so eloquently covered. so backwoods retard.
ding fries are done

FishyFred: Reminds me of this (far more assertive) 911 dispatcher. (pops)

You know what? I don't think I've ever called 911 in my life. I think I'd be almost as nervous as a 16-year-old calling a girl.

Who might just be a cop.

I remember calling the cops over marshmallows once...

...when I was 7 years old.

I've only called 911 once, and I thought I had a burst appendix. Turns out that it was just a kidney stone. My point is, I would only call 911 if I thought it was life-threatening.

I guess some think of it as their personal biatching hotline

BigNumber12: This is the future. Citizens who are so inept at and uncomfortable with the idea of solving their own problems face-to-face with the actual people involved, and just want the government to come solve their problem for them. An entire nation of adult-aged preschoolers.

This.

Can't they charge him for frivolous 911 calls?

fawlty: The funny part is his statement that he intends to go back and get sandwiches in the future. Yeah, you do that. I'm sure the mayo will have just the right amount of snot in it for you, moran.

If I were the owner, I'd just refuse him service. Some customers aren't worth it.

Would you like some sandwiches?

I know it's reached urban legend status, but a fellow ambulance crew got a call while we were all sitting in the EMS room requesting food from McDonald's.

Specifically, it was a call for abdominal pain. Patient said they couldn't afford food, and hadn't eaten for three days. Requested that they stop by McDonald's and pick up a #3 breakfast combo with an extra hash brown. Dispatch read this off while trying to stifle laughter.

Our chief, who was standing next to the radio when the call came in, and just told him to cancel the call and just send a police unit instead. So she probably got her nice meal in lockup, so that's good for her.

fawlty: The funny part is his statement that he intends to go back and get sandwiches in the future. Yeah, you do that. I'm sure the mayo will have just the right amount of snot in it for you, moran.


It amazes me that even the most self-important, arrogant people fail to realize this idea every time they shiat all over their servers. This is basic, elementary school self-preservation.

Oh yes, you put them right in their place. Now that they know who you are, they'll probably spend extra time making your sandwich just perfect, so as to impress Your Majesty.

And it amuses me how often said self-important people are absolute nobodies.

Mega Steve: I've only called 911 once, and I thought I had a burst appendix. Turns out that it was just a kidney stone. My point is, I would only call 911 if I thought it was life-threatening.

I guess some think of it as their personal biatching hotline

When you are in that level of pain (kidney stones, yikes!), calling 911 is the right thing to do, even if it later turned out to not be life-threatening. There are far more life-threatening conditions that cause that kind of pain, and it is better to be safe than sorry (or dead).

FishyFred: Reminds me of this (far more assertive) 911 dispatcher. (pops)

You know what? I don't think I've ever called 911 in my life. I think I'd be almost as nervous as a 16-year-old calling a girl.

I worked at an adult book store, 3rd shift, for 9 months. We shared a parking lot with a crack motel. Were across the street from a homeless shelter and projects. I had 911 on speed dial...

fawlty: The funny part is his statement that he intends to go back and get sandwiches in the future. Yeah, you do that. I'm sure the mayo will have just the right amount of snot in it for you, moran.


"Snot doesn't go in mayo. We use a different bodily fluid for that."

BigNumber12 Smartest
Funniest
2012-06-15 01:05:59 PM


This is the future present. Citizens who are so inept at and uncomfortable with the idea of solving their own problems face-to-face with the actual people involved, and just want the government to come solve their problem for them. An entire nation of adult-aged preschoolers.

/Alright, give me Ham on five but hold The Mayo.

Alwysadydrmr: BigNumber12: This is the future. Citizens who are so inept at and uncomfortable with the idea of solving their own problems face-to-face with the actual people involved, and just want the government to come solve their problem for them. An entire nation of adult-aged preschoolers.

This.

Can't they charge him for frivolous 911 calls?


I see it every day. People who exchange pleasantries with their neighbors every day out on the street, then go inside and call the cops on them for a barking dog or slightly-too-high lawn or whatever, because they are so terrified of the idea of a "confrontation."

Mega Steve: I've only called 911 once, and I thought I had a burst appendix. Turns out that it was just a kidney stone. My point is, I would only call 911 if I thought it was life-threatening.

I guess some think of it as their personal biatching hotline

Yeah, they sure feel like something is so horribly wrong with you that you're gonna die.

This was greened? Really? I saw the article on MSN, thought about an attempted submission, figured it wouldn't make the cut.
Greens on Fark and the stock market, risky business I tell ya.

BigNumber12: This is the future. Citizens who are so inept at and uncomfortable with the idea of solving their own problems face-to-face with the actual people involved, and just want the government to come solve their problem for them. An entire nation of adult-aged preschoolers.

It really can be like being a referee on a daycare playground sometimes.

"Here is my version of events, fix it for me NOW and if I don't like what you tell me I will continue to tie up this emergency line until you tell me I was the correct one I PAY YOUR SALARY!!!!111!!!"

Job security?

doubled99: BigNumber12 Smartest
Funniest
2012-06-15 01:05:59 PM


This is the future present. Citizens who are so inept at and uncomfortable with the idea of solving their own problems face-to-face with the actual people involved, and just want the government to come solve their problem for them. An entire nation of adult-aged preschoolers.


Oh I get it. I'm just pointing out that, like obesity, the problem is only becoming more and more universal.

I can see him calling if they didn't put enough mustard, but mayo? C'mon!

FishyFred: Reminds me of this (far more assertive) 911 dispatcher. (pops)

You know what? I don't think I've ever called 911 in my life. I think I'd be almost as nervous as a 16-year-old calling a girl.

I've called 911 twice (once when my law school roommate collapsed on the floor and started convulsing; once when I smelled smoke coming out of my basement) and also was once a 16-year-old calling girls, and yeah, I'd say the level of nervousness is about the same.

Thing is, the 911 folks were a hell of a lot more responsive to my desperate pleas than the girls were.

Loreweaver: Mega Steve: I've only called 911 once, and I thought I had a burst appendix. Turns out that it was just a kidney stone. My point is, I would only call 911 if I thought it was life-threatening.

I guess some think of it as their personal biatching hotline

When you are in that level of pain (kidney stones, yikes!), calling 911 is the right thing to do, even if it later turned out to not be life-threatening. There are far more life-threatening conditions that cause that kind of pain, and it is better to be safe than sorry (or dead).

Suck it up nancy. I've driven myself to the ER a couple times for kidney stones. They aren't that bad. The only time I've had to call 911 was when some neighbors were having an argument at 2am loud enough that we could hear them with the windows closed. Something about threatening others in the argument, too.

Don't EVER fark with the people who handle your food.

Calling 911 for not enough mayo? shiat I call 911 when those bastards don't hold the mayo after I've asked them to hold it.

farking mayo...get a real condiment.

The only time I ever called was when my dad passed out at the dinner table once. The dispatcher was really good and got me through it after she realized (almost instantly) that this was a real emergency.

It's not a job I could do. Especially at the shiat wages I'm sure they get.

FishyFred: Reminds me of this (far more assertive) 911 dispatcher. (pops)

You know what? I don't think I've ever called 911 in my life. I think I'd be almost as nervous as a 16-year-old calling a girl.

I've only called a couple times to report some suspicious activity in my neighborhood. One time it was when I was following this young guy, maybe 17 or 18 years old. Dispatch informed me to stop following him for my own safety. Turns out this young black kid ended up raping and killing one of my 70 year old neighbors. Worst part is he bludgeoned her to death with an Arizona Iced Tea can. Wish I hadn't listened to that 911 operator. I was packing, so I definitely could of prevented the crime and taken this scum out. I'll never forget that day.

The stupid is strong with this one....

jfivealive: FishyFred: Reminds me of this (far more assertive) 911 dispatcher. (pops)

You know what? I don't think I've ever called 911 in my life. I think I'd be almost as nervous as a 16-year-old calling a girl.

I've only called a couple times to report some suspicious activity in my neighborhood. One time it was when I was following this young guy, maybe 17 or 18 years old. Dispatch informed me to stop following him for my own safety. Turns out this young black kid ended up raping and killing one of my 70 year old neighbors. Worst part is he bludgeoned her to death with an Arizona Iced Tea can. Wish I hadn't listened to that 911 operator. I was packing, so I definitely could of prevented the crime and taken this scum out. I'll never forget that day.

Was she hot?

What if you're working at a 911 call center and someone has a heart attack. WHO DO YOU CALL?

Sounds like white bread problems

I can't agree with his methods, but I understand where he is coming from.


/A sandwhich just isn't a sandwhich
//without the tangy zip of miracle whip

Psycoholic_Slag: Don't EVER fark with the people who handle your food.

This.

I rarely eat fast food, maybe once a month, and when I do it's usually Subway or Cousin's because they make the sandwich right in front of me.

I don't eat out to retaurants a lot either but I wouldn't ask to take something back if it wasn't done to my liking. Too risky that maybe a disgruntled cook would spit in it or something.

[Bobby wants plain toast, which isn't on the menu]
Bobby: I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.
Waitress: A #2, chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?
Bobby: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.
Waitress: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?
Bobby: I want you to hold it between your knees

555-FILK: Psycoholic_Slag: Don't EVER fark with the people who handle your food.

This.

I rarely eat fast food, maybe once a month, and when I do it's usually Subway or Cousin's because they make the sandwich right in front of me.

I don't eat out to retaurants a lot either but I wouldn't ask to take something back if it wasn't done to my liking. Too risky that maybe a disgruntled cook would spit in it or something.

I've worked as a cook before, and as long as it is a legitimate complaint and you're not a dick about it, the cook really won't mess with you. However, if you order a rare steak though and send it back because it's "still has red in the middle", yeah, he's gonna rub that thing on his nutsack before putting it back on your plate.

stonicus: Was she hot?

Actually not too bad for a 70 year old. She was irish and was blessed with nice healthy pale skin, so it didn't really wrinkle very badly. The years were good to her and she looked 20 years younger than her real age. The only bad part was gravity was pretty mean to her tits. She was a former soccer player so it gave her something to do and reminisce about.

I still chuckle when I think about that idiot who called 911 to ask what time Disneyland opened.

Mega Steve
I've only called 911 once, and I thought I had a burst appendix. Turns out that it was just a kidney stone. My point is, I would only call 911 if I thought it was life-threatening.

I guess some think of it as their personal biatching hotline


From what I've observed from people dealing with a kidney stone on the loose, there is no 'just' or 'only' about it.

Those motherfarkers hurt.

BigNumber12: fawlty: The funny part is his statement that he intends to go back and get sandwiches in the future. Yeah, you do that. I'm sure the mayo will have just the right amount of snot in it for you, moran.


It amazes me that even the most self-important, arrogant people fail to realize this idea every time they shiat all over their servers. This is basic, elementary school self-preservation.

Oh yes, you put them right in their place. Now that they know who you are, they'll probably spend extra time making your sandwich just perfect, so as to impress Your Majesty.

And it amuses me how often said self-important people are absolute nobodies.

No I'm not, smart ass!!!
Uh...I mean, yeah. I hate those people too.