The way the commentators (and camera work) has been fellating The Orc, you'd swear he's saviour of football for England. Jeez.

/Look! Rooney is celebrating the goal!
//Look! Rooney is disappointed in the miss!

dj_bigbird: The way the commentators (and camera work) has been fellating The Orc, you'd swear he's saviour of football for England. Jeez.

/Look! Rooney is celebrating the goal!
//Look! Rooney is disappointed in the miss!

Indeed, it's nauseating. I hate seeing his stupid face on TV, I wish he was banned for life.

dj_bigbird: The way the commentators (and camera work) has been fellating The Orc, you'd swear he's saviour of football for England. Jeez.

/Look! Rooney is celebrating the goal!
//Look! Rooney is disappointed in the miss!

Professional sport makes heroes of people who would otherwise be bagging groceries, reports Ric Romero. Rooney last seen shagging his hot wife on a bed of money.

czetie: dj_bigbird: The way the commentators (and camera work) has been fellating The Orc, you'd swear he's saviour of football for England. Jeez.

/Look! Rooney is celebrating the goal!
//Look! Rooney is disappointed in the miss!

Professional sport makes heroes of people who would otherwise be bagging groceries, reports Ric Romero. Rooney last seen shagging his hot wife on a bed of money.

This is an old story, but the young'uns might not know it:

Peter Crouch was once asked what he would be if he wasn't a professional footballer. He thought about it for a moment, and then replied 'A virgin'.

Slaxl: dj_bigbird: The way the commentators (and camera work) has been fellating The Orc, you'd swear he's saviour of football for England. Jeez.

/Look! Rooney is celebrating the goal!
//Look! Rooney is disappointed in the miss!

Indeed, it's nauseating. I hate seeing his stupid face on TV, I wish he was banned for life.



Shurrup you la!

Here's hoping England finish first so they can play Italy and we can all see France play Spain and see who can complain to the ref the most.

Stimied in a Rut: Here's hoping England finish first so they can play Italy and we can all see France play Spain and see who can complain to the ref the most.

That would be interesting, but is alas unlikely.

I think England will get through to the knock-out stage but be very lucky/do very well to get any further than the last eight.

Also, 50p sez Shevchenko plays.

I'm disappointed Rooney is there at all. We'll be lucky to get out of the group, let alone progress beyond the quarters. Thus, England has at most four games of which Rooney is banned for two. We should have taken another striker and not wasted a squad position on this thug.

Furthermore, he's banned for receiving a 2nd red card in a competitive match for lashing out at an opponent. Sorry, but I don't want this thug representing me on the international stage. Playing for your country isn't just about being good at football.

Some facts.

- Rooney hasn't scored in a finals comp since 2004.
- England wins more games when he doesn't play compared to when he does (70% to 62%).
- Rooney was an intergral 'talismanic' part of the team that failed to qualify for Euro 2008.

Lastly, did you watch the world cup in 2010? Couldn't score against the US, Slovenia or mighty Algeria. He'll not score against the Ukraine.

Hodgson will play Wellbeck up front with Rooney off him. I *really* hope I'#m proved wrong and this is the winign formation and Rooney gets a hattie.

Does anyone have a link to the picture of the Dutch team going home with suitcases in their hands?

midpoint: Peter Crouch was once asked what he would be if he wasn't a professional footballer. He thought about it for a moment, and then replied 'A virgin'.

Yep. He's on the top of my "virgin if not for soccer" list, closely followed by Rooney and Tevez, who looks like somebody once tried to slit his throat and plays like it was for not running hard enough.

30 46 years of hurt.

"All I've ever known was a long walk home in disappointment. Time and time again, always the nearly men, but I'll just keep on dreaming..."

TonnageVT: "All I've ever known was a long walk home in disappointment. Time and time again, always the nearly men, but I'll just keep on dreaming..."

[thatwoman.files.wordpress.com image 320x400]

England aren't the 'nearly men'

They're the "potentially quite good on paper, sometimes, I guess, assuming a bunch of stuff hypothetically goes their way, but most likely we will simply witness the exposure of their obvious and horrible weaknesses as a team' men.

Slaxl: Indeed, it's nauseating. I hate seeing his stupid face on TV, I wish he was banned for life.

Problem?

what idiot jackfarks at FIFA decided to schedule these games at the same time? morans.

I predict Rooney will be red-carded in the 34th minute and Ukraine win 1-0.

rickythepenguin: what idiot jackfarks at FIFA decided to schedule these games at the same time? morans.

I was going to run [limp?] with the joke this evening, but the thread disappeared for a couple of hours.

czetie: midpoint: Peter Crouch was once asked what he would be if he wasn't a professional footballer. He thought about it for a moment, and then replied 'A virgin'.

Yep. He's on the top of my "virgin if not for soccer" list, closely followed by Rooney and Tevez, who looks like somebody once tried to slit his throat and plays like it was for not running hard enough.

Rooney to be sent off or bag two tonight?

I predict Rooney in for Carroll, possibly Walcott in for Milner, but I'd rather have Walcott in for Young. Rest of tean unchanged wrt personnel.

RumsfeldsReplacement: I predict Rooney will be red-carded in the 34th minute and Ukraine win 1-0.


unfortunately that's all too possible.

I'm terrible at predicting scores, but I'm guessing France wins over Sweden, and the Ukraine plays hard to draw England.

So glad I get to watch this at work today. This has been a good soccer week.

/bought his ticket to US v Jamaica in September last night, wooo...

Come on Woy, put Wooney and Welbeck up front.

rickythepenguin: what idiot jackfarks at FIFA decided to schedule these games at the same time? morans.

Because no biscuits for you that's why

rickythepenguin: what idiot jackfarks at FIFA decided to schedule these games at the same time? morans.

So as not to give teams that play second an unfair advantage by knowing exactly what they have to do to advance. Also, probably to discourage point shaving. Moran.

What gives, Roy?

czetie: midpoint: Peter Crouch was once asked what he would be if he wasn't a professional footballer. He thought about it for a moment, and then replied 'A virgin'.

Yep. He's on the top of my "virgin if not for soccer" list, closely followed by Rooney and Tevez, who looks like somebody once tried to slit his throat and plays like it was for not running hard enough.

I think Tevez pulled a pot of boiling water onto his head when he was 2.

His mom asked him to warm up to go to the hospital and he told her to fark off.

This ridiculous picture is my temporary desktop wallpaper.

I'm a novice/casual soccer fan, and after watching many UEFA matches this year I have a serious question for you experts out there...

I understand the endless debate about flopping (cheating vs. doing your best to help your team?), but I am both disgusted and puzzled by the "writhing in pain" that follows the flop. Is there ANY justification for this? Hasn't the ref already decided to call or not call a foul at that point? Just what is the point of rolling around in "agony" for a minute or two until they miraculously cure you with the magic spray? Is this now some ancient and obscure ritual, like tossing salt in a sumo ring, that has no bearing on the actual sport anymore?

A lot of refs still get sold on a good "Look I really am quite seriously injured" bit and bring the play back for a free kick.

RedZoneTuba: but I am both disgusted and puzzled by the "writhing in pain" that follows the flop. Is there ANY justification for this? Hasn't the ref already decided to call or not call a foul at that point? Just what is the point of rolling around in "agony" for a minute or two until they miraculously cure you with the magic spray?


Leave Italy alone.

rickythepenguin: RedZoneTuba: but I am both disgusted and puzzled by the "writhing in pain" that follows the flop. Is there ANY justification for this? Hasn't the ref already decided to call or not call a foul at that point? Just what is the point of rolling around in "agony" for a minute or two until they miraculously cure you with the magic spray?


Leave Italy alone.

Portugal was showing that the student can become the master. I was so disgusted at the theatrics in that game.

Homer Nixon: A lot of refs still get sold on a good "Look I really am quite seriously injured" bit and bring the play back for a free kick.


i disagree.....i can't recall a ref changing his mind due to an italian flopping around....i'm sure someone could point to some shiatty Serie A / chinese league or whatever game, or midlevel mexican league but at this level, the refs aren't swayed. the most they do if a player is "apparently" seriously injured is call for the stretcher.

and to further illustrate the piont, a pretty good rule of thumb for a serious soccer injury is no movement. When a player actually snaps his leg or gets concussed, generally, they don't move.

/still remembers rivaldo getting a ball kicked into his leg at the corner position and then him going down holding his face. FIFA dinged him a game, as i recall.

Miereles looked like he'd been shot in the chest and the replay showed the barest of contact, if any. Among the many things UEFA needs to get serious about is punishing diving, even if it's retroactive fines based on video footage.

RedZoneTuba: I'm a novice/casual soccer fan, and after watching many UEFA matches this year I have a serious question for you experts out there...

I understand the endless debate about flopping (cheating vs. doing your best to help your team?), but I am both disgusted and puzzled by the "writhing in pain" that follows the flop. Is there ANY justification for this? Hasn't the ref already decided to call or not call a foul at that point? Just what is the point of rolling around in "agony" for a minute or two until they miraculously cure you with the magic spray? Is this now some ancient and obscure ritual, like tossing salt in a sumo ring, that has no bearing on the actual sport anymore?


Well, beyond the whole flopping thing, there's lots of vitriol sent the way of players who are struck (whether it's a foul doesn't matter as much in this instance), and it hurts like hell for about 100 seconds. Bash your shin on the table on the way to the bathroom in the dark at 3:00 am? Hurts like a mofo, but you're fine in a minute. I hate when I see that happen on the pitch, and people respond with "Oh! Look at that diving faker! What a nancy! derpderp!"

It bothers me because when people can't even distinguish between pain-response and theatrics, how can we expect them to discern fouls from simulation? It just results in everyone getting up in arms every time someone trips, rather than focusing on the ones who try to job the refs, which is where the real problem lies.

RedZoneTuba: Just what is the point of rolling around in "agony" for a minute or two until they miraculously cure you with the magic spray?

In some cases, like getting hit or scraped with the cleats, it can really be agony for a minute or two followed by feeling fine. You probably don't notice it happen in other sports as much because they go to the bench for a couple minutes or plays, but it does.

For the fakers, it's probably to try to get a call later. Or a rest. Or to waste time if you've got the lead.

RedZoneTuba: I'm a novice/casual soccer fan, and after watching many UEFA matches this year I have a serious question for you experts out there...

I understand the endless debate about flopping (cheating vs. doing your best to help your team?), but I am both disgusted and puzzled by the "writhing in pain" that follows the flop. Is there ANY justification for this? Hasn't the ref already decided to call or not call a foul at that point? Just what is the point of rolling around in "agony" for a minute or two until they miraculously cure you with the magic spray? Is this now some ancient and obscure ritual, like tossing salt in a sumo ring, that has no bearing on the actual sport anymore?

I take it more as embellishment to justify the call. If the player were to hop right up, the ref would know it was a flop and be less likely to call a foul when that player was involved, legitimate or not. By writhing in pain, they are showing the ref that the call was correct and he has no reason to doubt the players' integrity on future fouls.

RedZoneTuba: I understand the endless debate about flopping (cheating vs. doing your best to help your team?), but I am both disgusted and puzzled by the "writhing in pain" that follows the flop. Is there ANY justification for this? Hasn't the ref already decided to call or not call a foul at that point? Just what is the point of rolling around in "agony" for a minute or two until they miraculously cure you with the magic spray? Is this now some ancient and obscure ritual, like tossing salt in a sumo ring, that has no bearing on the actual sport anymore?

I play soccer, so I can tell you that collisions in soccer hurt, a LOT, and very often it's a lot worse than it looks. But the strange thing about most collisions I've experienced is that while they sting unbearably for a minute or two, the pain goes away after that and you're good to go again.

Of course, this goes out the window if it's completely egregious flopping with zero contact, but I haven't seen a whole lot of that during these euros. Refs have also been carding players for even perceived flopping, to the point where at least in one case they've penalizing victims of legitimate fouls.

Loomy: Well, beyond the whole flopping thing, there's lots of vitriol sent the way of players who are struck (whether it's a foul doesn't matter as much in this instance), and it hurts like hell for about 100 seconds. Bash your shin on the table on the way to the bathroom in the dark at 3:00 am? Hurts like a mofo, but you're fine in a minute. I hate when I see that happen on the pitch, and people respond with "Oh! Look at that diving faker! What a nancy! derpderp!"

It bothers me because when people can't even distinguish between pain-response and theatrics, how can we expect them to discern fouls from simulation? It just results in everyone getting up in arms every time someone trips, rather than focusing on the ones who try to job the refs, which is where the real problem lies.


So much this.

FireZs: to the point where at least in one case they've penalizing victims of legitimate fouls.


yeah, taht slash on Karagounis sunday, I imagine there's already been a quiet apology for that one.

France win group with (a) win and ENG loss/draw; (b) draw and ENG draw; (c) win and ENG win and tiebreaker [see below]
England win group with (a) win and FRA loss/draw; (b) draw and FRA loss; (c) win and FRA win and tiebreaker [see below]
Ukraine win group with win and FRA loss/draw

France is runner-up with (a) loss/draw and ENG win; (b) loss and ENG draw; (c) draw and ENG loss; (d) win and ENG win and lost tiebreaker [see below]; (e) loss and ENG loss and tiebreaker [see below]
England is runner-up with (a) draw and FRA win/draw; (b) win and FRA win and lost tiebreaker [see below]; (c) loss and ENG loss and tiebreaker [see below]
Ukraine is runner-up with win and FRA win

France advance with (a) win/draw; (b) UKR loss/draw; (c) loss and ENG loss and tiebreaker [see below]
England advance with (a) win/draw; (b) loss and FRA loss and tiebreaker [see below]
Ukraine advance with win

France out with loss and UKR win and lost tiebreaker [see below]
England out with (a) loss and FRA win/draw; (b) loss and FRA loss and lost tiebreaker [see below]
Ukraine out with loss/draw

Tiebreaker comes into play if England and France both win or both lose.
If France's margin is better or even with England's, France wins the tiebreaker.
If England's margin is 2+ better than France's, England wins the tiebreaker.
If England's margin is 1 better, the tiebreaker moves to goals scored.
If England scores as many, more, or one fewer goal than France, England wins the tiebreaker.
If France scores 2+ more goals than England, France wins the tiebreaker.

My official prediction today:

Rooney to be a massive failure for England. Again.

Gerrard to carry the squad on his back but can't eek out the win. Again.

England to exit a tournament early. Again.

Ukraine over England 1-0, with at least one major injury to a key English player.

rickythepenguin: FireZs: to the point where at least in one case they've penalizing victims of legitimate fouls.


yeah, taht slash on Karagounis sunday, I imagine there's already been a quiet apology for that one.

I don't know if an apology can make up for causing this much rage.

Even the British press is fellating Rooney with almost the exact same story here

rickythepenguin: FireZs: to the point where at least in one case they've penalizing victims of legitimate fouls.


yeah, taht slash on Karagounis sunday, I imagine there's already been a quiet apology for that one.

Nice *.gif for that one here

I just wish there were a way to rescind this type of yellow after the fact. I don't think it would besmirch the honour of the referee, since from his angle, it looked like a harmless brush, 2 steps, then a tumble, when in reality Karagounis tried his hardest to keep his balance after a trip.

It seems harsh* to keep him out of a knockout match when it's now abundantly clear that a mistake was made.

/Incredibly stupid, actually, but it is UEFA, after all...

RedZoneTuba: I'm a novice/casual soccer fan, and after watching many UEFA matches this year I have a serious question for you experts out there...

I understand the endless debate about flopping (cheating vs. doing your best to help your team?), but I am both disgusted and puzzled by the "writhing in pain" that follows the flop. Is there ANY justification for this? Hasn't the ref already decided to call or not call a foul at that point? Just what is the point of rolling around in "agony" for a minute or two until they miraculously cure you with the magic spray? Is this now some ancient and obscure ritual, like tossing salt in a sumo ring, that has no bearing on the actual sport anymore?

Of course there is justification. Officials can change the level of offense depending on the injury. Seriously injuring a player with a careless challenge should result in a card. When I see a star player, such as Cristiano Ronaldo, in severe pain after a harsh tackle by the thuggish Dutch, it's a clear indication that the official needs to take control of the game by issuing at least a yellow, if not a straight red card, to the offending player.

When in doubt, throw them out!

TheKnownUniverse: rickythepenguin: FireZs: to the point where at least in one case they've penalizing victims of legitimate fouls.


yeah, taht slash on Karagounis sunday, I imagine there's already been a quiet apology for that one.

I don't know if an apology can make up for causing this much rage.

I didn't know Robert De Niro played for Greece.

Koman Coulibaly: Of course there is justification. Officials can change the level of offense depending on the injury. Seriously injuring a player with a careless challenge should result in a card. When I see a star player, such as Cristiano Ronaldo, in severe pain after a harsh tackle by the thuggish Dutch, it's a clear indication that the official needs to take control of the game by issuing at least a yellow, if not a straight red card, to the offending player.

When in doubt, throw them out!

I've missed you.

No Shevchenko. I lose my 50p

England 1 - 1 Ukraine (Gerrard 42, Schevchenko 76)
France 1 - 0 Sweden (Benzema 54)

Bring on the Spaniard in the QFs!

/England will lose on penalties, after playing like Chelsea vs. Barcelona.
//No shame in losing to that Spain team though.

No Sheva? Change my prediction above to 1 - 0 England then.

Mr_H: I didn't know Robert De Niro played for Greece.


ha. in the live action thread, i made that same joke: "karagounis just went full De Niro".