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   Chinese news team investigates mysterious "mushroom" discovered by rural villagers. *facepalm* That's no shroom (possibly Not safe for work)

19 Jun 2012 07:51 AM   |   35082 clicks   |   Kotaku
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Mr. Coffee Nerves    [TotalFark]  
MY MOM SAID IT WAS A 'NECK MASSAGER!'

19 Jun 2012 05:35 AM
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Grables'Daughter     
You just can't make that stuff up.

19 Jun 2012 05:50 AM
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Grables'Daughter     
www.10klakes.com

"That's no mushroom. It's a masturbation station."

19 Jun 2012 05:55 AM
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Slaxl     
That must be one of the top 5 worst things to unwittingly pick up. Definitely #1 if it's oozing white goo.

19 Jun 2012 06:33 AM
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Confabulat    [TotalFark]  
At least they washed it.

19 Jun 2012 06:53 AM
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BurnShrike     
Still, the villagers had their own theories, thinking that they'd found a type of lingzhi mushroom; the reporter seemed to agree, adding that the lingzhi mushroom can be found in the region and even was a secret to longevity.

I'd have loved to see them try to cook it up and eat it.

SUPPLIES!

19 Jun 2012 07:13 AM
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Wanebo    [TotalFark]  
Well it does nestle in dark wet places...

19 Jun 2012 07:48 AM
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Confabulat    [TotalFark]  
We should be worried that Chinese journalism is finally catching up to our American standards.

19 Jun 2012 07:51 AM
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s1ugg0     
fishtonian.com

19 Jun 2012 07:55 AM
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durbnpoisn     
Do you think the entire country being kept in the dark about the outside world has anything to do with their ignorance?

19 Jun 2012 07:57 AM
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Nick Nostril     
img406.imageshack.us

Doesn't look like a Chinaman to me.

19 Jun 2012 07:57 AM
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Prank Call of Cthulhu     
Oh, man, I wondered where I left that thing! I mean, my friend was wondering. Thanks for finding it, can you send it back to me? So I can give it back to my friend? Thanks.

19 Jun 2012 07:58 AM
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BumpInTheNight     
Grables'Daughter: [www.10klakes.com image 468x315]

"That's no mushroom. It's a masturbation station."


2.bp.blogspot.com

It Belongs in a masterbatorium!

19 Jun 2012 07:59 AM
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HighlanderRPI    [TotalFark]  
Nick Nostril: [img406.imageshack.us image 500x269]

Doesn't look like a Chinaman to me.


Well, it does look like a mushroom if you really squint

19 Jun 2012 08:00 AM
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mytdawg     
i174.photobucket.com

19 Jun 2012 08:00 AM
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BurnShrike     
Mr. Coffee Nerves: MY MOM SAID IT WAS A 'NECK MASSAGER!'

Unknown to the villagers, what they had actually discovered was a male masturbation aid.


I think you may want to have a talk with your mom.

19 Jun 2012 08:02 AM
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ongbok     
BurnShrike: Still, the villagers had their own theories, thinking that they'd found a type of lingzhi mushroom; the reporter seemed to agree, adding that the lingzhi mushroom can be found in the region and even was a secret to longevity.

I'd have loved to see them try to cook it up and eat it.

SUPPLIES!


"Hey, it has a rich cream filling!"

19 Jun 2012 08:04 AM
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Sgt Otter    [TotalFark]  
durbnpoisn: Do you think the entire country being kept in the dark about the outside world has anything to do with their ignorance?

China's population is 1.3 billion. I'm pretty sure they have a passing familiarity with the vagina.

19 Jun 2012 08:06 AM
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eltejon     
So one of the villagers upgraded his favorite toy and had to dispose of the old one. Thinks (in Chinese), "Hey! An 80m [sic] deep hole! Zoink".

Now who do you think led the theory that it was a mushroom? And the villagers turn to each other, wondering who it was... or if their's will be found next.

19 Jun 2012 08:08 AM
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foo monkey     
"When we dug down to about 80m deep, we fished out this long, fleshy object," one villager told reporter Ye Yunfeng (via Shingaiist) It's got a nose and an eye, but we have no idea what it is!"

WTF was it doing 80M underground?

19 Jun 2012 08:08 AM
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basemetal    [TotalFark]  
That story really blows.

19 Jun 2012 08:10 AM
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InternetSecurityGuard     
Hmm... how did it 80m down?

China had these millions of years ago?

19 Jun 2012 08:11 AM
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0Icky0     
durbnpoisn: Do you think the entire country being kept in the dark about the outside world has anything to do with their ignorance?

Do you think confusing China with North Korea has anything to do with your ignorance?

19 Jun 2012 08:12 AM
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DjangoStonereaver    [TotalFark]  
No 'shroom. Boom Boom?

19 Jun 2012 08:13 AM
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johnson442     
InternetSecurityGuard: Hmm... how did it 80m down?

China had these millions of years ago?


Well, many of the great "inventions" in the Western world had actually been discovered by the Chinese centuries earlier, so....

Clever people, those Chinese

19 Jun 2012 08:15 AM
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Vertdang     
0Icky0: durbnpoisn: Do you think the entire country being kept in the dark about the outside world has anything to do with their ignorance?

Do you think confusing China with North Korea has anything to do with your ignorance?


I believe they were refering to "the great firewall of china".
/seems they hit a nerve, care to share?

19 Jun 2012 08:15 AM
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Spaced Lion     
mytdawg: [i174.photobucket.com image 500x504]

www.shadowlocked.com

19 Jun 2012 08:17 AM
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Charles Martel     
I like the reporterette. She's sooo cute.

19 Jun 2012 08:19 AM
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Harry Zach OBalls     
InternetSecurityGuard: Hmm... how did it 80m down?

China had these millions of years ago?


terracotta spank bank

19 Jun 2012 08:19 AM
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Vertdang     

19 Jun 2012 08:20 AM
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Barnstormer     
The Chinese discovered a fungi to be with?

19 Jun 2012 08:21 AM
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MythDragon     
image.hdvnbits.org
"That's not a mushroom, Travis. Portabella or otherwise."

/you can, however, put your mushroom tip in it.

19 Jun 2012 08:24 AM
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Oscar_Madisons_cleaning_lady     
Those responsible have been sacked shot.

19 Jun 2012 08:26 AM
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Apos    [TotalFark]  
I hereby dub the hapless reporter "Dildo Baggins".

19 Jun 2012 08:27 AM
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kcfarker     
The news report never mentions what retail stores might carry something like this.

\I'm just asking for a friend.

19 Jun 2012 08:28 AM
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Skr     
I'm just kinda curious if the intended use is solo play or two dudes going in it at once from both sides. Penis jousting like that could be painful if done wrong.


Originally it looked roughly like a dog toy so I thought perhaps a confused dog had buried his master's apparatus, though that wouldn't be anything like 80m deep.


On further inspection, it kinda looks like one of the inserts usually found in the cheaper end range of companion dolls.

19 Jun 2012 08:29 AM
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I Havent Killed Anybody Since 1984     
Follow up story about the next town over that found an odd, flashlight with no bulb, and that won't shine.

19 Jun 2012 08:30 AM
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This text is now purple     
johnson442: Well, many of the great "inventions" in the Western world had actually been discovered by the Chinese centuries earlier, so....

It's amazing how many inventions the Chinese made, then subsequently did shiat-all with.

19 Jun 2012 08:31 AM
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moike     
Skr: I'm just kinda curious if the intended use is solo play or two dudes going in it at once from both sides.

You mean like... Chinese finger cuffs?

19 Jun 2012 08:33 AM
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kungfu jesus with a side of lime     
the fungi of Yugoth it is not

19 Jun 2012 08:37 AM
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poe_zlaw     
they all thought was WAY too long to be a masturbation toy.

19 Jun 2012 08:37 AM
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theflatline    [TotalFark]  
Chinese Penis Cuff

19 Jun 2012 08:42 AM
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YodaBlues    [TotalFark]  
s3.jspenguin.org
It's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a mushroom... always use the indefinite article a mushroom, never your mushroom.

19 Jun 2012 08:46 AM
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rainbowbutter     
just when i needed cheering up, along comes the absurd. :) but the question that remains is, who buried that bone?

19 Jun 2012 08:46 AM
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Skr     
moike: Skr: I'm just kinda curious if the intended use is solo play or two dudes going in it at once from both sides.

You mean like... Chinese finger cuffs?


Exactly. Though the condition to get it off would be a race to the finish I suppose.

19 Jun 2012 08:47 AM
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Crewmannumber6    [TotalFark]  
moike: Skr: I'm just kinda curious if the intended use is solo play or two dudes going in it at once from both sides.

You mean like... Chinese finger cuffs?


i25.photobucket.com
Wut?

19 Jun 2012 08:52 AM
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MythDragon     
Skr: moike: Skr: I'm just kinda curious if the intended use is solo play or two dudes going in it at once from both sides.

You mean like... Chinese finger cuffs?

Exactly. Though the condition to get it off would be a race to the finish I suppose.


Well any way you look at it, one guy will end up providing the lube to get the other guy free.
/ewww

19 Jun 2012 08:53 AM
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JohnCarter     
It luv you long time

19 Jun 2012 08:53 AM
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mytdawg     
I heard it was found by Sum Ting Wong

19 Jun 2012 08:54 AM
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ongbok     
The really bad part is that before they knew what it was, you know somebody licked it to see what it tasted like.

19 Jun 2012 08:56 AM
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