FTFA: Critics may say the concept is tacky but guests aren't forced to make a contribution,

"Couples will say, we spent a lot of money on our wedding day, we want to receive something we can use, not four toasters."

Guess what? Ultimately no one forces a couple to spend a lot of money on their wedding. Most people I talk to who say they spent too much money on a wedding blames their family for forcing them. And if said wedding feels like it's been reduced to a value transaction that they don't want to get screwed on, it's not going to be that fun/romantic/magical day anymore.

It's not just tacky, it's the sign of a very poor host.

Too bad they aren't middle to upper class Chinese, their parents would buy them the house.

Anyway when we got married we did mention on the registry that cash or check was preferred as we'd rather have a larger down payment, get a more favorable loan, and buy the toaster later. We also picked returnable gifts so for the more traditional guests who had to buy a physical item, we just returned it later (sorry stores). Honestly our favorite gifts were the cheaper ones that had personal significance and of course it didn't hurt that most of the people also tossed a little cash in. We bought the house, lived on our college furniture and slowly remodeled and redecorated as the budget allowed. We ended up with a nice downpayment and more money to stick into educational funds for the kids we didn't even have yet.

I'd also say if you get married early in life, you should ask for cash and look at mutual funds or the like. Right now is pretty good in terms of buy cheap. With your retirement horizon 40+ years away (more like 50, sorry kids) stick that money in the market and wait a few decades.

Basically I can see lots of valid reasons to ask for cash to make your mortgage less painful or get some mutual funds up and running. Just don't ask for a whole house. Instead say "We still can get five years of use out of the college furniture, so we'd prefer cash for the other costs that come with establishing a household."

/i am an engineer, not a finance consultant, so go talk to one of the latter first
//didn't really expect expensive gifts at the wedding

A few months after my brother got married, I was at their new house helping them prepare for Thanksgiving. My brother took delight in showing me their multiple food processors and huge containers of spices. He exclaimed, "You should get married. When you get married, people give you lots of stuff!"

I guess he forgot that I was one of those people.

This seems nice. No snark.

For what a lot of people pay for their silly weddings, they could have a killer down payment on a house. Asking for money is tacky. You want money? Graduate from college then invite your extended family to your parent's house. If you have as much family as I do, you'll get a few months rent easy.

How do I set this up, but for a Rainbow vacuum?

God, I hate people who treat their union as a chance to go on a shopping spree, by way of their friends and family.

If you're young and need help setting up a house fit to hold a married couple, fine. But if you're some middle- or upper-middle-class couple and you just want flashy loot, then fark you. I hope you get divorced and have to divide up all your dust-covered fancy kitchen appliances.

I understand people want to express generosity on such a day. You're lucky you have people like that in your life. Don't abuse it, because you've done nothing to earn it.

When I gt hitched, it will be either donations to charity in our names, or BYOB for the dance-party reception. Because, like most Americans, we already have more than enough.

The My Little Pony Killer: multiple food processors

WTF?

My wife set up an entirely sensible registry, we had a small wedding at my parents' house, and we got a lot of cash. We didn't tell anybody we were registered either, because that's a dick move. Maybe they asked our parents, I don't know.

The only nonsense gift we got was a Waterford vase from Neiman Marcus. My wife doesn't even like cut flowers.

Sadly Neiman Marcus had nothing we could possibly want, so we didn't return it.

My cousin had three different salad sets on her wedding registry and two different sets of dishes. She was divorced in less than a year. (Ladies, don't marry scumbags. Especially if they've cheated on you before.)