Linkage (since it's too big to post here)

I withhold sex to punish him

It's simply amazing that anyone anywhere thinks this is ever a good idea.

Nothing says "go find someone else" like withholding sex to "punish" your partner.

Curse of the Goth Kids: OMGHAX D=

It took that many posts?

Stephen_Falken: chicks are stupid

You only say that because the women who hang out with you are stupid.

Itchy92: Perhaps I'm young and naive, but I've never understood this idea of "withholding" sex. Does that mean your partner normally "requests" sex, and you "supply" them with some? That seems really sad and empty, and kind of creepily subordinate behavior. This woman feels her only way of "punishing" her husband and asserting her power is to not be his sex receptacle?

You've not familiar with Lysistrata, are you?

I think its sweet when my husband tells me that porn comes a distant second to sex with me.

/Seriously.

TWX: brimed03: $20 says she owns the whole "Shades of Grey" series. In paperback.

Heh. Basically "bodice ripper" romance novels are just porn described with some plot in between. Women who read them shouldn't hold those who look at a little bit of porn any lower than they hold themselves.

Bingo! A bunch of my Twilight/50 Shades/Magic Mike-loving friends were all posting snarky statuses to the effect of "Quit whining about the plot of (insert shiatty title from above), it's not like we read/watch it for the plot!" They were pretty annoyed when I pointed out that such declarations mean they can no longer biatch about their boyfriends' porn since they just admitted to enjoying their own version.

/I must have been wired wrong
//I'd rather watch porn than subject myself to 50 Shades of Shiat
///The porn would also be a better love story than Twilight

If there was ever a woman who needs to read Savage Love, it's this woman. She's this way because her perception (or expectation) or reality is so far out of whack with actual reality. I'm surprised he's lasted 25 years, frankly.

Parmenius: sno man: ecmoRandomNumbers: She sounds fat.

No she sounds like the type of woman that is such a tightass, when she farts, only dogs can hear it.

I am stealing this.

I'm pretty sure I've been using this for 25 years. It's still impressive imagery, like "The Large Hadron Collider is busted. Can we use your wife's anus?"

Similar theme, but with current mods installed.

You should divorce a man who is old enough to be married 25 years and still doesn't know how to protect vital files on his computer.

This will put in the wide-open marriage market for virtuous, successful, considerate 50-year-old bachelors, any number of whom would be delighted to have a wife like you and would gladly submit to regular inspection of their files in order to get you.

You may also get just satisfaction from the knowledge that once you divorce him he will fap himself to sleep with nothing in his empty house to comfort him but peace, quiet, dignity, privacy, freedom, and whatever skanky whores could possibly be attracted to patient, tolerant, secure gentlemen.

Ladies, when you deprive your husband of sex it says you don't find him attractive and don't want him all that close to you.
That isn't love.
Gentlemen, it works that way when you neglect your lady too.

Look hard into the mirror honey. The problem is you!

What she needs to do is sit down and enjoy it with him.

Find somethin' you like, chick, and join in the fun. Because, regardless, he's probably jacking off 5 times a day to Mega Boob Olympics despite your "great sex life".

Guys like porn. Carry Nation, start a movement and petition Congress to outlaw porn. Lawmakers tried something similar with alcohol and look what happened. Withholding intimacy may force your guy to go elsewhere.

TWX: brimed03: $20 says she owns the whole "Shades of Grey" series. In paperback.

Heh. Basically "bodice ripper" romance novels are just porn described with some plot in between. Women who read them shouldn't hold those who look at a little bit of porn any lower than they hold themselves.

In-farking-deed.

/Owner of large swathes of romance novels
//It's cool. It's *my* porn

bhcompy: The longer you're with someone the more this will come up, for 9 out of 10 people at least. Women and men have different sexual ebbs and flows

No no, I totally get sexual ebbs and flows. But that's not what this sounds like. If my girlfriend doesn't want to have sex, I'm not going to find out when I say "bend over, it's that time" and she says "I have a headache", and it's certainly not going to be because she's trying to teach me a lesson about putting away dishes or something. That's what "withholding sex" sounds like to me; one person tries to initiate sex because it is an expected thing or some obligatory routine, and the other person declines. Maybe I'm being too literal about it.

Martian_Astronomer: I've pretty much always been of the opinion that when you explicitly start treating sex as a quid pro quo, you've already lost. However I've never been married so I guess that little bit of idealism will probably get beaten out of me some day.

That's my view, too. When sex isn't a spontaneous act of passion or desire, you're just going through the motions (pun intended) and it seems like it wouldn't be emotionally satisfying. But as I said, young and naive I suppose.

Big_Doofus: Wow! Marriage sucks. What a news flash.

I've been married twenty years. It sucks.

married 18 years here. last 10 sex-free. yes, 10 years. not so much as a hug or a kiss. and this is another weekend home alone, as the biatch rents a bungalow upstate NY for her and her little co-worker friends to hang out at on weekends, holidays and vacations. in 4 years i was invited there once, which was actually to drive her nephew (a painter) there to give her an estimate on work, which she pretended was a pleasant lunch get-together. my wife has turned into the most self-centered immature piece of shiat i've ever known.

Cyno01: [i.imgur.com image 769x764]

A curious Farker has to ask inquire...

... is Opera still as slow and performance-destroying as it was five or six years ago?

Seth'n'Spectrum: ask inquire

derp

KrispyKritter: Big_Doofus: Wow! Marriage sucks. What a news flash.

I've been married twenty years. It sucks.

married 18 years here. last 10 sex-free. yes, 10 years. not so much as a hug or a kiss. and this is another weekend home alone, as the biatch rents a bungalow upstate NY for her and her little co-worker friends to hang out at on weekends, holidays and vacations. in 4 years i was invited there once, which was actually to drive her nephew (a painter) there to give her an estimate on work, which she pretended was a pleasant lunch get-together. my wife has turned into the most self-centered immature piece of shiat i've ever known.

*checks out profile for reason to stay in ridiculous relationship with useless biatch*

Uhm... Dude. Maybe you should update your profile? :)

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Don't marry crazy

That pretty much just leaves gay marriage, then.

JonZoidberg: Whenever I read these stupid letters, I don't doubt that there are people like this out there, I just think that the columnist writes it all.
The allure of this column isn't the advice, it's the audacity of the biatch. I guess I'd just like to think that the self-important biatches out there are either too stupid to type an email or are a little smarter than that.

/Off to shop for a gift, my 9th anniversary is this week.

The article was written for this gem.

"The mandala of marital misery"

Xenomech: I withhold sex to punish him
It's simply amazing that anyone anywhere thinks this is ever a good idea.

Nothing says "go find someone else" like withholding sex to "punish" your partner.

Agreed. Sex in a relationship should NOT be treated like a commodity to be bought and sold. It diminishes and cheapens it.

It should not be a currency - it should be a connection.

Some women are just really narcissistic and their relationship has to be all about them. That's what's going on here. This woman wants her man to only ever think about here. The reason porn "hurts" her is because she can't stand the idea that he has eyes for any other woman.

She needs to read some Savage Love and go to relationship counseling. If that doesn't straighten her out, he needs to ditch her because the issue isn't porn, it is control. She demands that his emotions belong only to her and that never works well.

KrispyKritter: my wife has turned into the most self-centered immature piece of shiat i've ever known.

why the hell are you still married then?

mikewadestr: Look hard into the mirror honey. The problem is you!

She has power issues, big time. It's not even about sex, it's about maintaining control over someone so she can dominate them. Honestly, if she had a little more smarts, she could realize this fetish and indulge on a number of websites. Instead, she's using it to dominate her spouse, which is just wrong on so many levels. She's going to end up divorced as hell in a little bit, and I'm wondering why the guy is staying in the first place. Probably because she would go nuts if he was the one to divorce her.

charmbomb: What she needs to do is sit down and enjoy it with him.

Find somethin' you like, chick, and join in the fun. Because, regardless, he's probably jacking off 5 times a day to Mega Boob Olympics despite your "great sex life".

The sad thing is that he's probably got a libido and hers has dried-up, leaving him in need of an outlet. This is usually the point where a marriage falls apart or opens up.

thoughtcancer: If there was ever a woman who needs to read Savage Love, it's this woman. She's this way because her perception (or expectation) or reality is so far out of whack with actual reality. I'm surprised he's lasted 25 years, frankly.

I wouldn't doubt that he's started cheating or has a place where he keeps his real shiat for the eventual divorce. The fact that she's trying to control him via snooping means he's at least got a storage bin somewhere.

GloomCookie613: Bingo! A bunch of my Twilight/50 Shades/Magic Mike-loving friends were all posting snarky statuses to the effect of "Quit whining about the plot of (insert shiatty title from above), it's not like we read/watch it for the plot!" They were pretty annoyed when I pointed out that such declarations mean they can no longer biatch about their boyfriends' porn since they just admitted to enjoying their own version.

Actually, Magic Mike was a good movie in its own right, showing how people use each other....but I digress. But it is odd how American life likes to fark up what should be normal human relationships by telling one sex it's okay to do something and another not to do something.

KrispyKritter: Big_Doofus: Wow! Marriage sucks. What a news flash.

I've been married twenty years. It sucks.

married 18 years here. last 10 sex-free. yes, 10 years. not so much as a hug or a kiss. and this is another weekend home alone, as the biatch rents a bungalow upstate NY for her and her little co-worker friends to hang out at on weekends, holidays and vacations. in 4 years i was invited there once, which was actually to drive her nephew (a painter) there to give her an estimate on work, which she pretended was a pleasant lunch get-together. my wife has turned into the most self-centered immature piece of shiat i've ever known.

Yeah, this is why open relationships rock.

Itchy92: Perhaps I'm young and naive, but I've never understood this idea of "withholding" sex. Does that mean your partner normally "requests" sex, and you "supply" them with some? That seems really sad and empty, and kind of creepily subordinate behavior. This woman feels her only way of "punishing" her husband and asserting her power is to not be his sex receptacle?

I guess I like to think when my partner and I engage in sexual activity, it's out of mutual desire, and neither of us is doing so out of some obligation to the other or as a kind of bargaining chip. Ugh.

You'd like to think that way wouldn't you? Unfortunately many women (and some men to be fair) have been indoctrinated quietly since childhood into a sort of shadow system that no one likes to talk about. In this system, sex is used mainly as a reward or more rarely as an inducement to get the other partner to do something, purchase something, or begin/alter/end a behaviour. It's unfortunate, it's more than a bit twisted and childish, and to my view it dooms a relationship with its use - but that doesn't mean it's not very, very widespread.

Sad, true.

(Note: aforementioned obviously does not apply to relationships where the mutual and agreed understanding is that sex will be provided in exchange for certain material/status benefits. If that's the case then fine have fun I suppose - although I'd not want to be involved in it. If the relationship is at least intended to be love and/or friendship, this sort of behaviour is suicide. It'll just likely take a while to realize that said relationship is dead, but it WILL happen.)

telaran: Cyno01: [i.imgur.com image 769x764]

ZZfolders? That's a lot of sleep therapy.

Heh, before bed. Every night.

Well, I must be the luckiest man in Ballard then. Not only is my wife of nearly seven years not crazy, but she is a very loving and encouraging woman. I tell her everyday when I leave for work that she's the prettiest woman I know, and that I love her. And every night when we go to sleep, I tell her I love her and wish her sweet dreams.

I hope that the rest of you are at least as happy as I am, and having a great weekend.

WeenerGord: KrispyKritter: my wife has turned into the most self-centered immature piece of shiat i've ever known.

why the hell are you still married then?

I agree. Life is too short, and your wife can take care of herself. Open the marriage or leave.

I think he should give up the porn


And just start bringing hookers home.

"Honey, we're going to need the bedroom for a few minutes. Go ahead and start supper without me.."

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: You'd like to think that way wouldn't you? Unfortunately many women (and some men to be fair) have been indoctrinated quietly since childhood into a sort of shadow system that no one likes to talk about. In this system, sex is used mainly as a reward or more rarely as an inducement to get the other partner to do something, purchase something, or begin/alter/end a behaviour. It's unfortunate, it's more than a bit twisted and childish, and to my view it dooms a relationship with its use - but that doesn't mean it's not very, very widespread.

I agree, it is there and it's so horrible that I feel bad for whomever was 'taught' this. That said, American life is starting to ditch a lot of poisonous relationship attitudes that were formed by crazy religious types who had to protect 'the family' so they could keep their social control. A lot of relationships as defined by the status quo are really restrictive and poisonous, designed only to manufacture and maintain roles that nobody fits perfectly into.

I don't think that women understand how men feel about porn. They think that we feel about it the same that they feel about it and their butthurt trumps whatever we might say because, you know, they have those feelings.

My buddy confided that his wife told him that while it's OK if he polished his knob , he damn well better think only about her while he does it. Another hunting buddy's wife believes that choking the chicken is a blatant act of infidelity that should result in divorce. Both men, obviously, now lie to their wives and the wives wonder why the husbands aren't "emotionally close".

So, the lady throws out his porn and withholds sex.

How is she going to keep him from hookers?

Hope she doesn't mind a little chlamydia, HPV, clap, or whatever else he brings home.

JonZoidberg: Whenever I read these stupid letters, I don't doubt that there are people like this out there, I just think that the columnist writes it all.
The allure of this column isn't the advice, it's the audacity of the biatch. I guess I'd just like to think that the self-important biatches out there are either too stupid to type an email or are a little smarter than that.

/Off to shop for a gift, my 9th anniversary is this week.

I can believe it's real. I've been friends to girls who think this way, and are weirded out by the fact that I do not sympathize/agree with them. BF's sis gave a 40's style pin-up calendar to my BF for X-mas one year... and apologized to me. There was no need to apologize - it was a very nice calendar. Lots of tasteful pinup pics in it. Very beautiful art.

/a man may like porn
//it's not necessarily a reflection on you, his girlfriend
///he just may really like porn
//my Victorian erotica?
/from my cold, dead hands

wambu: I don't think that women understand how men feel about porn. They think that we feel about it the same that they feel about it and their butthurt trumps whatever we might say because, you know, they have those feelings.

My buddy confided that his wife told him that while it's OK if he polished his knob , he damn well better think only about her while he does it. Another hunting buddy's wife believes that choking the chicken is a blatant act of infidelity that should result in divorce. Both men, obviously, now lie to their wives and the wives wonder why the husbands aren't "emotionally close".

What women don't understand is that men just have to have a squirt periodically. No big deal. Just a physiologic thing.

snarketyfarker: Well, I must be the luckiest man in Ballard then. Not only is my wife of nearly seven years not crazy, but she is a very loving and encouraging woman. I tell her everyday when I leave for work that she's the prettiest woman I know, and that I love her. And every night when we go to sleep, I tell her I love her and wish her sweet dreams.

You value a woman like that and she's gonna value you right back. Good for both of you. May you always be happy.

KrispyKritter: married 18 years here. last 10 sex-free. yes, 10 years. not so much as a hug or a kiss. and this is another weekend home alone, as the biatch rents a bungalow upstate NY for her and her little co-worker friends to hang out at on weekends, holidays and vacations. in 4 years i was invited there once, which was actually to drive her nephew (a painter) there to give her an estimate on work, which she pretended was a pleasant lunch get-together. my wife has turned into the most self-centered immature piece of shiat i've ever known.

Whoa... get a hooker.

Dear K.,

You husband is married to a shrew.


Sincerely,
Carolyn.

jeaux65: I think its sweet when my husband tells me that porn comes a distant second to sex with me.

/Seriously.

Pretty kinky you two measure the actual distance it goes

ladyfortuna: Most men like some porn. It almost never means anything other than they like to look at something different once in a while.

Frankly since my drive is less than my husband's, I'm ok with his porn hobby since it hardly ever causes an issue (and when it does, it's just due to timing).


This. You are a great woman!

But also, it is not necessarily about variation(though variation is awesome), but just the ability to watch something erotic and lazily do yourself. (for the general audience, fyi just directing at you because you're a convenient quote, you'll obviously get most of what follows easily) Did I mention you're a great woman?

It's a recharging of the batteries. Some men prefer fly fishing, or playing golf, or whatever. It's just a variation of the relaxing hobby, and you know in a way, he'll never really get sexually frustrated(as an ongoing condition). Some of those men that don't have that type of "me time" end up with some serious issues.

He may learn a trick or three, or discover a fetish that he wants you both to try, but by and large it really doesn't affect his relationship with you, it doesn't lessen what you have. Masturbation for most people is not about love and will not affect any social aspect they have, except maybe make them run late for a party or something on rare occasion of a longer than normal shower.

It's about gratification, no more emotional than indulging in a favorite food. A non emotional but downright good time, a sense of pleasure removed from all thoughts of others. Some people just need to learn how to enjoy themselves, in this case, literally. Who would begrudge a man who got up from the couch to go to the kitchen and have a delicious snack?

Typically, a spouse jealous of masturbation does NOT do "that sort of thing" . o (ick) o . They are a buttoned up individual who was taught that their bodies were bad in one form or another, and hence, get jealous easily because they've got confidence issues themselves, not because of any real threat of the porn taking the man away.

What really irks me is people that say porn(or in a recent thread, video game chicks), teach people to degrade women. I can see where it can screw up a growing mind if it's only exposed to the worst of what's out there, young boys are prone to be dominant and if that's how they are taught to percieve sex, well, bad things can happen. But by and large a mature adult doesn't percieve it that way at all, they don't learn social cues from porn, because they've already got their social values in order.(ideally....there are some adults who aren't all that stable or mature, as well as some that are mentally deficient, the problem isn't the material, it's the people and their upbringing).

Porn, like video games or guns themselves, don't do bad things. People that are farked in the head do those things. Blaming what amounts to inanimate objects is a sign of delusion if nothing else.

Now comes the reversal. As to the people saying he should leave her... What if in every other aspect they are the perfect couple? We know that some men are dominant, can't really escape that. What people seem to ignore is that some women are in fact docile and there are good matches in there. People come in all different demeanor and personalities. Sometimes an odd but close to perfect as possible match can be made. Why should the man leave? Why should the woman HAVE to be an equal if she really doesn't care to be? What specifics do we really know aside from the wife's stance on porn?

Why should a feminist get the say on how all women should act? Why should a man's man be able to insult men for being less than perfectly masculine and in charge? Is it all projection of one's own flaws?

I really don't get why people are convinced they're such experts on what personalities other people should have. It boggles the mind that people can be that demented to think that they're that relevant as to be the pattern by which all shall be judged.

/rant
//time for sleep
///maybe a moment or two in the bunk first though
////Also, you're a great woman!

wambu: I don't think that women understand how men feel about porn. They think that we feel about it the same that they feel about it and their butthurt trumps whatever we might say because, you know, they have those feelings.

My buddy confided that his wife told him that while it's OK if he polished his knob , he damn well better think only about her while he does it. Another hunting buddy's wife believes that choking the chicken is a blatant act of infidelity that should result in divorce. Both men, obviously, now lie to their wives and the wives wonder why the husbands aren't "emotionally close".

I tell my wife to think about whatever the hell gets her wet. And she can masturbate whenever the hell she wants to.

Just because she is withholding sex doesn't mean he isn't getting any. He collects porn. Porn in his left hand and his right hand in frenzied masturbation. What a surprise, he is not missing her.

kroonermanblack: I have to ask, why the paperback specification? Because she's too cheap to buy the hardbacks? Or because even her books can't have a hardback?

Well, I'm not a scientist, but I would be thinking that a paperback you can be reading a page and have the other side of the book folded over the back of the page that is being read.

I guess some people like to read one-handed......

There's only one thing do do, really. Intently watch each and every porn download, find which themes occur most often, and meticulously re-enact each and every sordid scene and gauge his approval.
Just be a good, loving wife in other words.

snarketyfarker: Well, I must be the luckiest man in Ballard then. Not only is my wife of nearly seven years not crazy, but she is a very loving and encouraging woman. I tell her everyday when I leave for work that she's the prettiest woman I know, and that I love her. And every night when we go to sleep, I tell her I love her and wish her sweet dreams.

I hope that the rest of you are at least as happy as I am, and having a great weekend.

Enjoy it, it most certainly can change.

/WAS happily married for 18 years, then it changed radically.

Men + Porn = Hamster + Food

Mrs. Smurf has a problem with my porn watching habits. I don't spend enough time watching lesbian porn to find the really good videos she wants to watch.

Translation:
Subby sent in this obvious troll question, and then submitted the article to Fark.

Caught my hubby looking at porn the other night so I'm getting a kick.

/we ended up doing it because, well, he was ready, so why not?