What's a watermelon doing there?

I don't necessarily need to be here for this
I'm going to keep the headphones up

Motherfocker, I'm awesome, no, you're not, dude, don't lie
I'm awesome, I'm drivin' around in my mom's ride
I'm awesome, a quarter of my life gone by
And I met all my friends online

Motherfocker, I'm awesome, I will run away from a brawl
I'm awesome, there's no voicemail, nobody called
I'm awesome, I can't afford to buy eight-balls
And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall

You know my pants sag low, even though
That went out of style like ten years ago
Spose, I got the swagger of a cripple
I got little biceps, getting fatter in the middle

And lyrically I'm not the best
Physically the opposite of Randy Moss and yet
So preposterous, feel the awesomeness
The most obnoxious guest up at the sausage-fest

Oh yes, the girls are repulsed
So I hide in my hood like I'm joining a cult
I'm as nervous as my cat Ol' Dirty Curtis
All my writtens are bitten and all my verses are purchased

Me? I'll never date an actress, got too many back zits
Plus my whole home-aroma is cat piss
Every show I do is poorly promoted
And if you like this it's 'cause my little sister wrote it

I'm awesome, no, you're not, dude, don't lie
I'm awesome, I'm drivin' around in my mom's ride
I'm awesome, a quarter of my life gone by
And I met all my friends online

Motherfocker, I'm awesome, I will run away from a brawl
I'm awesome, there's no voicemail, nobody called
I'm awesome, I can't afford to buy eight-balls
And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall, I'm awesome

Check it out, I'm from Maine and I don't hunt
(Nope)
And I can't ski, smoke weed but I can't roll blunts
Find me whipped by my wifey, my neck not icy
Eatin' at McDonalds because Subway's pricey

And my unibrow's plucked
Just asked my mom if I could borrow ten bucks
She's like, "For what? Blunt wraps and some Heinekens?
You skinny prick, go get a gym membership and vitamins"

I'm like, mom, please don't blame it on me
I got my bad habits from you, Dad, and Aunt Steve
My attitude's sour but my futon's sweet
And the hair on my ass, it is Jumanji

Suit untailored, ringtone Taylor Swift
Can't tweet up on my twitter 'cause I haven't done shiat
Bank account red, body un-groomed
The only good thing about me is I'm off stage soon

I'm awesome, no, you're not, dude, don't lie
I'm awesome, I'm drivin' around in my mom's ride
I'm awesome, a quarter of my life gone by
And I met all my friends online

Motherfocker, I'm awesome, I will run away from a brawl
I'm awesome, there's no voicemail, nobody called
I'm awesome, I can't afford to buy eight-balls
And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall, I'm awesome

Furthermore, I'm cornier than ethanol, cheesier than provolone
I spent ages eight to ten living in a motor home
With an ego the size of Tim Duncan
Even though I got shiat for brains like a blumpkin

I'm twenty-four serving lobster rolls
Because I spent a decade filling Optimals
And I'm not even the bomb in Maine
On my game, I'm only about as sexy as John McCain

Now put your hands up if you have nightmares
If you wouldn't man-up if there was a fight here
If you got dandruff, if you drink light beer
I'm out of breath

I'm awesome, no, you're not, dude, don't lie
I'm awesome, I'm drivin' around in my mom's ride
I'm awesome, a quarter of my life gone by
And I met all my friends online

Motherfocker, I'm awesome, I will run away from a brawl
I'm awesome, there's no voicemail, nobody called
I'm awesome, I can't afford to buy eight-balls
And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall

I'm awesome

Was Gallagher involved with the watermelon tossing?

So, she saw the melon tossing in advance and still chose to walk between - or did she have her head so far up her ass she didn't notice?

"The Flying Watermelons" sounds like the worst acrobatic act in the UniverSoul Circus (pops)
/greatest show on Earf

Wanted for questioning...

HighlanderRPI: So, she saw the melon tossing in advance and still chose to walk between - or did she have her head so far up her ass she didn't notice?

They should counter-sue stating the watermelon saved her life by permanently upping her situational awareness. It's deadly to walk around Manhattan just following the flow of pedestrians... you can be one step behind crossing the street on a stale light and get hit by a 40mph cab.

Mynd you, watermelon blows to the head can be pretti nasti

/got nothin'

Actually Der Fliegende Hollander is much more entertaining.

eyeq360: Was Gallagher involved with the watermelon tossing?

Came for the Gallagher reference, leaving satisfied! :)

Come to Brooklyn. The Borough of Churches, Hipsters, Negroes, and Hasids.

You too, enemaman! Thanks!

I thought that was Harlem?

Lived in a brownstone, lived in the ghetto, I've lived all over this town.

this ain't no party. this ain't no disco. this ain't no foooling around..

drongozone: Come to Brooklyn. The Borough of Churches, Hipsters, Negroes, and Hasids.

Forgot the Arabians and The Gowanus Canal Boys

This ain't no Mudd Club, or CBGB's, I ain't got time for that now.

I usta know a watermelon juggler.

Could have been worse.

Could have been flying toasters.

If you can't run with the hounds, stay on the porch with the pups

My roommate's grandfather was an Alabama state trooper in the 50s and 60s. Well, he was driving passenger when he and his partner saw a black guy walking down the side road. They yelled at him that they had a watermelon for him. They then proceeded to hand this guy the melon while going 40 mph. Melon destroyed and black guy was laid out. Troopers didn't even slow down.

Hobo Jr.: My roommate's grandfather was an Alabama state trooper in the 50s and 60s. Well, he was driving passenger when he and his partner saw a black guy walking down the side road. They yelled at him that they had a watermelon for him. They then proceeded to hand this guy the melon while going 40 mph. Melon destroyed and black guy was laid out. Troopers didn't even slow down.

....erm, cool story Bro?

TFA also has a helpful photo of what a watermelon looks like too!

r1niceboy: Hobo Jr.: My roommate's grandfather was an Alabama state trooper in the 50s and 60s. Well, he was driving passenger when he and his partner saw a black guy walking down the side road. They yelled at him that they had a watermelon for him. They then proceeded to hand this guy the melon while going 40 mph. Melon destroyed and black guy was laid out. Troopers didn't even slow down.

....erm, cool story Bro?

Meh.

It's all I got regarding watermelons.

Dumb woman needs to watch where she is going.

Dadoody:

Huh?

Also, seems she was in the City, not BK. Just saying.

HighlanderRPI: So, she saw the melon tossing in advance and still chose to walk between - or did she have her head so far up her ass she didn't notice?

And the person throwing the fruit wasn't aware of people walking on a sidewalk in the most populous city in the country? It's Manhattan on a major street (86th is a crosstown road, with subway stops on any train that runs across it). Plus this is New York. You don't throw shiat to unload your truck, unless you're working the fish markets. You load a dolly and cart that shiat in. If you choose to throw it, you let people walk by first.

Mangoose: Dadoody:

Huh?

Also, seems she was in the City, not BK. Just saying.

HighlanderRPI: So, she saw the melon tossing in advance and still chose to walk between - or did she have her head so far up her ass she didn't notice?

And the person throwing the fruit wasn't aware of people walking on a sidewalk in the most populous city in the country? It's Manhattan on a major street (86th is a crosstown road, with subway stops on any train that runs across it). Plus this is New York. You don't throw shiat to unload your truck, unless you're working the fish markets. You load a dolly and cart that shiat in. If you choose to throw it, you let people walk by first.

This happened in bensonhurst which is not in Manhattan and neither is this 86th street. Other than that I agree with you.

Its sad that she bumped her head but hopefully her melons are okay.

Didn't the article say 86th street? I should read more gooder.

Still jist of comment pertains.

Mangoose: Didn't the article say 86th street? I should read more gooder.

Still jist of comment pertains.

We do have numbered roads in Brooklyn as well, strangely enough.

From TFA "The fruit stand could not be reached for comment."

Did someone say Brooklyn?

lilplatinum: Mangoose: Didn't the article say 86th street? I should read more gooder.

Still jist of comment pertains.

We do have numbered roads in Brooklyn as well, strangely enough.

I thought they were all obscure numbers few had ever heard about.

What am I doing here?

/that kid's now a grown woman now, ya ol' fogey