Here's a tip: Don't play into the hype and instead just stay home on Black Friday. Try celebrating Christmas without falling into the consumerist trap.

iamrex: Don't play into the hype and instead just stay home on Black Friday.

God, no. Please, folks, we need videos of fistfights over bra sales!

We're counting on you.

www.amazon.com

My wife and I decided to visit a few stores on Black Friday, just to see how bad it could be. It wasn't to buy anything, mind you. We were just going to people-watch. So we decided to fly directly into the eye of the storm: Wal-Mart.

It was a farking sea of wall-to-wall people, and all of them were filled with the opposite of good cheer. One middle-aged lady took it upon herself to block a whole shelf of video games so others couldn't get to it, while her husband was on the phone trying to figure out which ones to get. When people would sneak around her and pluck a game from the shelf anyway, she would shoot hate-lasers out of her eyes.

A man yelled at a poor employee that he couldn't find anymore canned hams. He had at least 15 in his cart.

PS3s, Wiis, 360s, and DSes were in displays all over the farking store. So while some poor saps were just trying to get a gallon of milk or a dozen eggs, they had to weave around the line of people attempting to buy a Kinect system for their kids.

My wife and I almost got separated at least twice, just because of how densely packed the people were. Even after we decided it was time to make our escape, I pretty much had to act like an offensive lineman and shoulder our way to the door.

When we got to our car, we laughed and imagined what would have happened if we had actually come there to buy anything.

Fun fact: I started Christmas shopping in September. I finished cheap and early. Everything is wrapped and I'm farking done. I'm sure once Mrs. GreenAdder and I have kids, that'll be a different story. Toy and game companies wait until November to release their hot new items.

Step one: stay home

Yep, already been covered.

Fail safe plan: Stay the fark home, eat leftover turkey/stuffing/mashed potato sandwiches and drink more beer to placate the hangover from the day before.

And why does anyone ever bother writing this article in a given year? You could just copy/paste last year's article, throw a new date on it, and nobody could tell the difference.

GAT_00: Step one: stay home

Someone want to get the lights on the way out?

How to survive Black Friday:

1) Drive this:
 

2) Be this guy:
 

3) Carry one of these:
 


Or, you could be like me and stay home. I live about a mile from one of the busiest malls on this side of town. From Thanksgiving until January, I don't drive anywhere near that place(not that I would be able to).

MaudlinMutantMollusk: GAT_00: Step one: stay home

Someone want to get the lights on the way out?

I live right behind my city's most popular mall. I treat Black Friday like it's the zombie apocalypse. Which means I stock up on triple/quadruple alcohol amounts and barricade my driveway* with revolver in hand.

*you'd be amazed at how little I exaggerated this.

Already covered a dozen times over but anyway:

GreenAdder: And why does anyone ever bother writing this article in a given year? You could just copy/paste last year's article, throw a new date on it, and nobody could tell the difference.

That's pretty much what they did.

If only there was some way to shop for virtually everything in the convenience of your own home....hm..

If you need a "survival guide" to Black Friday, chances are you're a huge farking loser.

GreenAdder: When we got to our car, we laughed and imagined what would have happened if we had actually come there to buy anything.

5 or 6 years ago I was at home on Black Friday, just killing the day as per normal. At some point I decided I needed a power strip for some reason, decided I'd hit Best Buy and risk it. It was like 3 in the afternoon by then mind you, I figured surely by then the crowds would be thinned out after the crazies snatched up all the cheap DVD players or whatever.

I get there and the checkout line is literally snaked 5 levels deep, front of the store to the back. Every register open. It was nearly impossible to navigate a full half of the store because of the people in this line standing in the aisles.

I just stood there for a moment and drank in the absurdity of it all, and left, figuring whatever I wanted to plug in wasn't worth that effort.

CapeFearCadaver: I treat Black Friday like it's the zombie apocalypse

I'm struggling to think of differences between the two.

After working retail for a few years, including Black Friday, I now avoid it like the plague.

/at least I was on commission at the time
//90 hour work week sucked, the $5,000 check for a week of work at the end didn't

As someone who works at a retail store, here's the secret the media doesn't ever tell you:

NO ONE on Black Friday is buying Xmas gifts. Because who the fark buys people 55" TV's for Xmas? No one. EVERYONE is buying shiat for themselves. It's the biggest day of gluttony and greed every year.

Black November online.

Party-sized bucket of flan: If you need a "survival guide" to Black Friday, chances are you're a huge farking loser.

If you need a survival guide to Black Friday, go right to the source.

 

/NOTLD was a sendup of consumerism

Be an agent of chaos.

Go to Walmart and put premade 'FREE with ANY purchase' stickers on XBoxes and HDTVs
Stop your car in the busiest fire lane and change a tire.
Loudly delay the line at Best Buy demanding to know why they don't take Diner's Club.

Everyone who participates in Black Friday deserves every negative thing that happens to them.

I don't think I've been out on Black Friday in a few years. I just troll Amazon for deals off and on all day. The shopping for the kids is done; just need to find something for the wifey.

Derwood: As someone who works at a retail store, here's the secret the media doesn't ever tell you:

NO ONE on Black Friday is buying Xmas gifts. Because who the fark buys people 55" TV's for Xmas? No one. EVERYONE is buying shiat for themselves. It's the biggest day of gluttony and greed every year.

At least when it comes to electronics it never seems to be the good stuff on sale either. Sure, you can get a TV for super cheap price, but it's some crappy no-name brand that usually retails for $399 that you can get for $199 instead. If they had the Sharp Elite or Sony XBR on sale for half price, I might camp out the night before.

Joke's on you. I'm already one step ahead, because first you need friends/family for whom to buy stuff on Black Friday.

/I need a hug

I'd think avoiding Wal-Mart and other ghetto stores is key. There's decent shopping experience to be had if you avoid Bertha/Cacendra/Lopita and her forty crotch-spawn.

I work that day; it promises to be a barn burner.

As has been said often; it's a celebration of capitalism in its most primal form. You should probably stay home.

/ but, if everybody's grandma and the poofy hair guy is right; we don't have to worry bout much after the 21st of December.

// excepting, of course, the rising of Cthulhu

dont buy your friends and family shiat they never needed to begin with

F*ck Black Friday in the ass.

Mister Peejay: /NOTLD was a sendup of consumerism

Dawn of the Dead, sorry. The one with the mall.

Mister Peejay: /NOTLD was a sendup of consumerism

You're thinking of Dawn of the Dead.

Was it always called Black Friday, or was it given that monicker in response to all the people trampled to death by blacks stampeding to get the last $239.99 eMachines laptop?

Target gives you a discount for signing up for a credit card. this is a very funny thing to do when there's 50+ people in line behind you.

Derwood: As someone who works at a retail store, here's the secret the media doesn't ever tell you:

NO ONE on Black Friday is buying Xmas gifts. Because who the fark buys people 55" TV's for Xmas? No one. EVERYONE is buying shiat for themselves. It's the biggest day of gluttony and greed every year.

You're right. The big ticket items get selfish people into the store.

But the other random crap is what ends up under the tree. You think stores make money from selling $500 msrp items for $199? The point is to get you in the door or on their site looking at all the other shiat they sell. The maniacs throwing a big screen in their cart and running to the register make a big show, but I've seen others amble around the store, eyeing the 10% discounts and giving whatever's slightly on sale to their relatives.

Bob_Laublaw: God, no. Please, folks, we need videos of fistfights over bra sales!

I, for one, would like to see more bra fights.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Was it always called Black Friday, or was it given that monicker in response to all the people trampled to death by blacks stampeding to get the last $239.99 eMachines laptop?

I believe it was because stores had to deal with higher volume. Not necessarily the good way, the kind like you mentioned. Stampeding crazy shoppers. The idea that it's because stores go from the financial red to the black on that weekend is a myth.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Was it always called Black Friday, or was it given that monicker in response to all the people trampled to death by blacks stampeding to get the last $239.99 eMachines laptop?

Don't make fun of eMachines. I had one and it served me well for 3 1/2 years. The only reason it died was because the female power input pin is bent. Probably fixable but beyond my capabilities.

i don't even do xmas, man.

fark you i'm gonna buy something for everybody i know because you say so.

has nothing to do with me, whatever it is.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Was it always called Black Friday, or was it given that monicker in response to all the people trampled to death by blacks stampeding to get the last $239.99 eMachines laptop?

/notsureiftrolling.jpg

It's called Black Friday as it's the first day of the fiscal year that some retailers actually start running a profit.

MoronLessOff: Bob_Laublaw: God, no. Please, folks, we need videos of fistfights over bra sales!

I, for one, would like to see more bra fights.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Was it always called Black Friday, or was it given that monicker in response to all the people trampled to death by blacks stampeding to get the last $239.99 eMachines laptop?

I believe it was because stores had to deal with higher volume. Not necessarily the good way, the kind like you mentioned. Stampeding crazy shoppers. The idea that it's because stores go from the financial red to the black on that weekend is a myth.

Huh... Wikipedia seems to give merit to both definitions.

I use Black Friday to buy all the stuff I need for myself that I can wait a few weeks to get.

Christmas shopping starts december 22nd.

Kimpak: If only there was some way to shop for virtually everything in the convenience of your own home....hm..

It seems like the convenient way to do it, but I felt so bad for my UPS driver. Yeah they're hiring more people, but those guys were delivering at my building every day last year.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Was it always called Black Friday, or was it given that monicker in response to all the people trampled to death by blacks stampeding to get the last $239.99 eMachines laptop?

Wikipedia says this is the first mention of "Black Friday" associated with the day after Thanksgiving. From a 1961 Philly PR newsletter.

For downtown merchants throughout the nation, the biggest shopping days normally are the two following Thanksgiving Day. Resulting traffic jams are an irksome problem to the police and, in Philadelphia, it became customary for officers to refer to the post-Thanksgiving days as Black Friday and Black Saturday. Hardly a stimulus for good business, the problem was discussed by the merchants with their Deputy City Representative, Abe S. Rosen, one of the country's most experienced municipal PR executives. He recommended adoption of a positive approach which would convert Black Friday and Black Saturday to Big Friday and Big Saturday

elchupacabra: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Was it always called Black Friday, or was it given that monicker in response to all the people trampled to death by blacks stampeding to get the last $239.99 eMachines laptop?

/notsureiftrolling.jpg

It's called Black Friday as it's the first day of the fiscal year that some retailers actually start running a profit.

False.

Retailers should have a disclaimer that any violence started that day will AUTOMATICALLY shut down the store and the perpetrator will be identified publicly as they are escorted out of the building.

xynix: www.amazon.com

Came here to say this.

MoronLessOff: elchupacabra: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Was it always called Black Friday, or was it given that monicker in response to all the people trampled to death by blacks stampeding to get the last $239.99 eMachines laptop?

/notsureiftrolling.jpg

It's called Black Friday as it's the first day of the fiscal year that some retailers actually start running a profit.

False.

TYVM for the interesting article.

Black Friday Shopping:

Step one - brew some fresh coffee
Step two - turn on the computer
Step three - shop online (paying particular attention to no tax and free shipping)
Step four - refill coffee cup and go watch football

Tyrone Biggums: xynix: www.amazon.com

Came here to say this.

I've had an internet connection since '95 and am pretty tech-savvy, but I can't remember ever buying anything on Amazon. I don't know if this makes me weird or not.

I generally don't waste my time fighting the crowds at retail stores. Shopping for Christmas online FTW.