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   This is how to be a superpower: Britain invaded 90% of the world

04 Nov 2012 05:55 PM   |   13464 clicks   |   Telegraph
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Arthur Jumbles    [TotalFark]  
They searched the world for herbs and spices because their own food was so horrible. After finding what they needed they withdrew to their home islands never to be heard from again. Pray that their food never becomes bland again or they will surely return!

04 Nov 2012 01:30 PM
xynix    [TotalFark]  
The old Brits were awesome at nation building. If you look at the countries or places they sat on for awhile they're all successful. Though South Africa is still not comparable to India or the US it's at least a shining beacon of what the African continent -could- one day become.

04 Nov 2012 02:04 PM
ThatGuyFromTheInternet     

xynix: The old Brits were awesome at nation building. If you look at the countries or places they sat on for awhile they're all successful. Though South Africa is still not comparable to India or the US it's at least a shining beacon of what the African continent -could- one day become.


Well, it's a lot easier when you eradicate the natives.

04 Nov 2012 02:47 PM
teto85    [TotalFark]  
Well, of course, the other countries didn't have flags.


With added Lego goodness

04 Nov 2012 02:52 PM
OregonVet    [TotalFark]  

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Well, it's a lot easier when you eradicate the natives.


And the problem with this is what?

04 Nov 2012 03:59 PM
MaudlinMutantMollusk    [TotalFark]  
And what have they got to show for it?

04 Nov 2012 04:23 PM
notmtwain     
I think a lot depends on your definition of invasion. I mean there's invasion and then there's invasion invasion.

04 Nov 2012 04:25 PM
TheDumbBlonde     

xynix: The old Brits were awesome at nation building. If you look at the countries or places they sat on for awhile they're all successful. Though South Africa is still not comparable to India or the US it's at least a shining beacon of what the African continent -could- one day become.


That's because they had to clean-up after the Dutch.

04 Nov 2012 04:49 PM
Lsherm    [TotalFark]  
Pales in comparison to Rome. The British are the sweat on the balls of the Roman Empire.

04 Nov 2012 05:04 PM
GAT_00     

Lsherm: Pales in comparison to Rome. The British are the sweat on the balls of the Roman Empire.


The Roman Empire invaded a much smaller percent of the world. Contrary to popular opinion, there is more to the world than North America and Europe.

04 Nov 2012 05:35 PM
Evenbiggerknickers     
jacksonville.typepad.comView Full Size


Men are fighting and dying to save all the pink bits for you ungrateful little twerps.

04 Nov 2012 05:44 PM
Lsherm    [TotalFark]  

GAT_00: Lsherm: Pales in comparison to Rome. The British are the sweat on the balls of the Roman Empire.

The Roman Empire invaded a much smaller percent of the world. Contrary to popular opinion, there is more to the world than North America and Europe.


Difference of degrees. The Roman Empire invaded almost the whole of the known world at the time. Britain just branched out into new territories, and they only had the means because of leftovers from the RE.

04 Nov 2012 05:45 PM
PhiloeBedoe    [TotalFark]  
Some invaders left more of a lasting impression:
i1079.photobucket.comView Full Size


...then the Moops... did so much f*ckin'...

04 Nov 2012 05:46 PM
GAT_00     

Lsherm: GAT_00: Lsherm: Pales in comparison to Rome. The British are the sweat on the balls of the Roman Empire.

The Roman Empire invaded a much smaller percent of the world. Contrary to popular opinion, there is more to the world than North America and Europe.

Difference of degrees. The Roman Empire invaded almost the whole of the known world at the time. Britain just branched out into new territories, and they only had the means because of leftovers from the RE.


I'm pretty sure China, as well as Sub-Saharan Africa, Australia and the Americas existed during Roman times. Your bias is showing. Let me guess, you don't think anything was invented in China either.

04 Nov 2012 05:47 PM
JasonOfOrillia    [TotalFark]  
How the hell did Sweden avoid invasion? They were a major European power at one point, the Brits should have wanted to give them a spanking at some point.

04 Nov 2012 05:58 PM
mongbiohazard     

Lsherm: GAT_00: Lsherm: Pales in comparison to Rome. The British are the sweat on the balls of the Roman Empire.

The Roman Empire invaded a much smaller percent of the world. Contrary to popular opinion, there is more to the world than North America and Europe.

Difference of degrees. The Roman Empire invaded almost the whole of the known world at the time. Britain just branched out into new territories, and they only had the means because of leftovers from the RE.



Known by whom? Pretty sure the rest of the world was known by the people who lived there. Asia, South America, North America, Australia...

04 Nov 2012 05:59 PM
Spiralmonkey    [TotalFark]  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: And what have they got to show for it?


We don't have to learn as many new languages when we go on holiday.

04 Nov 2012 06:01 PM
mongbiohazard     

JasonOfOrillia: How the hell did Sweden avoid invasion? They were a major European power at one point, the Brits should have wanted to give them a spanking at some point.



Who the hell would want to invade a place with lutefisk? When waging war with Sweden the spoils of war smell spoiled.

04 Nov 2012 06:01 PM
starsrift     

MaudlinMutantMollusk: And what have they got to show for it?


Tea, potatoes, and the knowledge that you can boil anything to make a meal.

04 Nov 2012 06:02 PM
Hector Remarkable     
Heh-heh....Laycock...

04 Nov 2012 06:03 PM
Forbidden Doughnut    [TotalFark]  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: And what have they got to show for it?


Peace, order, and good government*?


* USA may be the red-headed stepchild of the British Empire in that regard...

04 Nov 2012 06:03 PM
wildcardjack     
British Invasion

wjltevansville.comView Full Size

04 Nov 2012 06:04 PM
Tom_Slick     

JasonOfOrillia: How the hell did Sweden avoid invasion? They were a major European power at one point, the Brits should have wanted to give them a spanking at some point.


They worked it out through arranged marriages not military actions.

04 Nov 2012 06:06 PM
quatchi    [TotalFark]  

JasonOfOrillia: How the hell did Sweden avoid invasion? They were a major European power at one point, the Brits should have wanted to give them a spanking at some point.


Think all those years of being raped and pillaged by Vikings mighta put 'em off some.

Or was that the Danes?

/Not an historian.

04 Nov 2012 06:07 PM
Dahnkster     
Something, something invaded by a Brit...
collegecandy.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

04 Nov 2012 06:09 PM
cloud_van_dame     

xynix: The old Brits were awesome at nation building. If you look at the countries or places they sat on for awhile they're all successful.


There are advantages to speaking English when it is the global lingua franca.

Also, Brits put in railroads, schools and hospitals. Not all colonial powers did this.

04 Nov 2012 06:10 PM
RayD8     
In your face Brittain. North Africa and Asia have now invaded you.

04 Nov 2012 06:10 PM
Shadow Blasko     

teto85: Well, of course, the other countries didn't have flags.


With added Lego goodness


As opposed to the Austro-Hungarian Empire

/Like a Flan in a cupboard.

04 Nov 2012 06:10 PM
Joe Peanut     
They need to colonize big countries in order to compensate for the size of their little island.

04 Nov 2012 06:11 PM
EngineerAU     

xynix: The old Brits were awesome at nation building. If you look at the countries or places they sat on for awhile they're all successful. Though South Africa is still not comparable to India or the US it's at least a shining beacon of what the African continent -could- one day become.


There are lots of places in Africa I'd rather go than South Africa. If you look at where the countries where at independence versus now, many of them have gotten past the initial power vacuum and are growing economically quickly. Botswana already as a per capita GDP equal to some parts of the US. Yes, crappy parts of the US but still impressive for what use to be one of the poorest nations on earth. In another ten years, they could get considered a developed nation. Not every country is filled with armed thugs roaming the countryside looking for people to rape and kill. It's a really big place and quite diverse. Much of it still is troubled but not all of it.

South Africa on the other hand is an economic power (relative to Africa) but has so much baggage left over from the days of white rule that it's going to be a long time before it's all sorted out. Many of the other nations have a relatively clean slate and are socially cohesive. That's what will get them ahead of the nations like South Africa that are made up of a random assortment of tribal groups chosen for the geographic convenience of colonial powers.

04 Nov 2012 06:13 PM
rocky_howard     
If you look at the map, you'll notice that most of the countries they didn't invade are landlocked, which means, no navy advantage.

Truly a testament of the British naval power through the ages.

i.telegraph.co.ukView Full Size


Navy : British Empire :: Air Force : United States

04 Nov 2012 06:13 PM
Flint Ironstag    [TotalFark]  

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: xynix: The old Brits were awesome at nation building. If you look at the countries or places they sat on for awhile they're all successful. Though South Africa is still not comparable to India or the US it's at least a shining beacon of what the African continent -could- one day become.

Well, it's a lot easier when you eradicate the natives.


In many places their success was working with the natives. India, for example, was a huge country and the British ruled it with seventy thousand people, soldiers and civil servants. They were always hugely outnumbered but managed to rule it for years, and left a legal system and civil service in place to this day. America poured huge numbers of troops, weapons and equipment into Vietnam but never got anywhere near to control.

04 Nov 2012 06:14 PM
the_chief     
Time to step up and finish the job. Tally-ho.

04 Nov 2012 06:14 PM
mark12A     
Heh-heh....Laycock...

I've been to Laycock Abbey. Avon Vale Hunt meets there, so I've foxhunted around it. Nice little collection of shops, and a delightful pub...

04 Nov 2012 06:15 PM
skinink     
And now all the U.K. is, is Americas' lap dog. And Scotland is again trying to secede from the U.K.

04 Nov 2012 06:15 PM
urban.derelict     

04 Nov 2012 06:16 PM
rocky_howard     

xynix: The old Brits were awesome at nation building. If you look at the countries or places they sat on for awhile they're all successful. Though South Africa is still not comparable to India or the US it's at least a shining beacon of what the African continent -could- one day become.


COMMON LAW. IT WORKS, biatchES!!

04 Nov 2012 06:16 PM
nigeman     

xynix: The old Brits were awesome at nation building. If you look at the countries or places they sat on for awhile they're all successful. Though South Africa is still not comparable to India or the US it's at least a shining beacon of what the African continent -could- one day become.



God damn I hope you're trolling.

04 Nov 2012 06:18 PM
rockforever     

xynix: The old Brits were awesome at nation building. If you look at the countries or places they sat on for awhile they're all successful. Though South Africa is still not comparable to India or the US it's at least a shining beacon of what the African continent -could- one day become.


You know, most of those places were doing pretty well on their own before the Brits got there.

Plus most of the places are far worse off due to British or other western intervention.

04 Nov 2012 06:19 PM
Spiralmonkey    [TotalFark]  

Tom_Slick: JasonOfOrillia: How the hell did Sweden avoid invasion? They were a major European power at one point, the Brits should have wanted to give them a spanking at some point.

They worked it out through arranged marriages not military actions.


This. King Carl Gustaf is the great great grandson of Queen Victoria.

04 Nov 2012 06:20 PM
BigNumber12     
Iceland - that's fantastic.

04 Nov 2012 06:20 PM
cloud_van_dame     
When did the Brits invade Mexico? To take Belize?

04 Nov 2012 06:24 PM
Spiralmonkey    [TotalFark]  

urban.derelict: Correction: The Bank of England invaded 90% of the world. -->


"This video is private" - what was the gist?

04 Nov 2012 06:24 PM
scalpod     
So, how'd that work out for them?

04 Nov 2012 06:25 PM
Amos Quito     
FTA:Twenty one years later, Havana and a large part of the island fell to the British after a bloody siege, only to be handed back to the Spanish in 1763, along with another unlikely British possession, the Philippines, in exchange for Florida and Minorca.

The Brits got screwed.

04 Nov 2012 06:27 PM
fusillade762     

04 Nov 2012 06:28 PM
Greymalkin     
Thats a pretty loose definition of Invasion.

Basically anywhere that someone wearing a British uniform or peripherally paid by the British spent 5 minutes counts as an invasion by that book.

04 Nov 2012 06:32 PM
ChuDogg     

rockforever: xynix: The old Brits were awesome at nation building. If you look at the countries or places they sat on for awhile they're all successful. Though South Africa is still not comparable to India or the US it's at least a shining beacon of what the African continent -could- one day become.

You know, most of those places were doing pretty well on their own before the Brits got there.

Plus most of the places are far worse off due to British or other western intervention.


True, most of mankind was better off as hunter-gatherers/subsistence farming. European-introduced nation-states, representative government, industrial agriculture and economies as created a population explosion in most of the world. With the same naivete we continue this intervention making things worse for many years to come.

04 Nov 2012 06:37 PM
Doc Batarang     

cloud_van_dame: When did the Brits invade Mexico? To take Belize?


France, Britain and Spain signed a treaty against Mexico because the Mexicans owed them money. In the 1860s, they were blockaded and invaded to attempt to secure that debt.

04 Nov 2012 06:42 PM
fusillade762     

Doc Batarang: cloud_van_dame: When did the Brits invade Mexico? To take Belize?

France, Britain and Spain signed a treaty against Mexico because the Mexicans owed them money. In the 1860s, they were blockaded and invaded to attempt to secure that debt.


In before ZOMG CHINA MIGHT DO THE SAME THING TO US!!!

04 Nov 2012 06:48 PM
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