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   Five easy ways to make yourself sick for a week. For some reason going into your mom's bedroom didn't make the list

05 Nov 2012 10:48 AM   |   14566 clicks   |   Mother Nature Network
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Diogenes    [TotalFark]  
# 6: Lick all your money.

This one kills me:

Put your hands on anything and everything in the doctor's office waiting room, especially your pediatrician's office, which, according to WebMD, is a hotbed for germs, with sick patients touching toys and magazines, and leaving their germs all over them. If you're very lucky, you may catch something positively frightening.

Yet there are always toys and magazines in the waiting room. Ignorant to the obvious, or drumming up business?

/always has a "car book"

05 Nov 2012 09:35 AM
kd8our     
I work at an airport, I think that would count for something. Not only that but I handle the money and the people. The only way it could get worse is if I took one of the cleaning jobs.

05 Nov 2012 10:50 AM
HailRobonia    [TotalFark]  
Plan a weeklong vacation.

I seem to always get sick just as I am going on vacation.

05 Nov 2012 10:52 AM
GameSprocket     
Between my wife and my kids, I have two of those covered.

05 Nov 2012 10:52 AM
blunto     
This is the stupid article aver greenlighted.

05 Nov 2012 10:52 AM
filter     
Now I remember what garbage that site truly is.

I do all of the above to keep my immune system healthy.

05 Nov 2012 10:53 AM
Tom_Slick     
Missing, take a trans-Atlantic flight.

05 Nov 2012 10:54 AM
Fizpez     
I work in a school and my wife works in a hospital. We have 3 kids in a different school district and they're all in extra curriculars with kids from different schools.

We couldnt catch colds any easier if we ordered them from Amazon.com.

05 Nov 2012 10:54 AM
The more you eat the more you fart     
Look at subby's wife naked.

05 Nov 2012 10:54 AM
ChipNASA     
Licking my taint.
/if I could I'd never leave my house.
//taint.

05 Nov 2012 10:55 AM
cgraves67     
I think they forgot "have kids" and "fly". I always seem to get sick immediately following a trip by aircraft.

05 Nov 2012 10:55 AM
bonno     
Nah - the best way to get sick is simple:

Book a holiday.

Works every time.

05 Nov 2012 10:56 AM
JackieRabbit     
Ias the obvious tag taking the day off?

05 Nov 2012 10:57 AM
barncook     
I was expecting this article would be more specific and give real examples of things to do to get sick. For example, eat a pound of black jelly beans. You won't be able to leave the bathroom for a week.

05 Nov 2012 10:58 AM
Nana's Vibrator    [TotalFark]  

The more you eat the more you fart: Look at subby's wife naked.


therynoshorn.comView Full Size

05 Nov 2012 10:59 AM
ChipNASA     

barncook: I was expecting this article would be more specific and give real examples of things to do to get sick. For example, eat a pound of black jelly beans a coupold of MREs. You won't be able to leave go to the bathroom for a week.

/military

05 Nov 2012 10:59 AM
Diogenes    [TotalFark]  

HailRobonia: Plan a weeklong vacation.

I seem to always get sick just as I am going on vacation.


bonno: Nah - the best way to get sick is simple:

Book a holiday.

Works every time.


Yep. This past weekend was the first I haven't been on pager duty for over a month. Last week I busted my ass to make sure I wouldn't need to put in OT on my first pager-free weekend in so long. Made plans, was psyched. Then, at about 4:30pm on Friday, I felt it. Swollen neck glands, voice cutting out, mucus. I wanted to kill someone.

05 Nov 2012 11:01 AM
fireclown     
images.wikia.comView Full Size

Bedroom is fine, just stay out of her office.

/aint no sink in the office.

05 Nov 2012 11:02 AM
CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  

cgraves67: I think they forgot "have kids" and "fly". I always seem to get sick immediately following a trip by aircraft.


Whew! I'm covered then.

05 Nov 2012 11:02 AM
stevarooni    [TotalFark]  

Diogenes: Made plans, was psyched. Then, at about 4:30pm on Friday, I felt it. Swollen neck glands, voice cutting out, mucus. I wanted to kill someone.


Homicidal tendencies are not, despite what some might say, a symptom of a communicable disease. You need to get yourself checked out into a mental health facility!

:D

05 Nov 2012 11:08 AM
Diogenes    [TotalFark]  

stevarooni: Diogenes: Made plans, was psyched. Then, at about 4:30pm on Friday, I felt it. Swollen neck glands, voice cutting out, mucus. I wanted to kill someone.

Homicidal tendencies are not, despite what some might say, a symptom of a communicable disease. You need to get yourself checked out into a mental health facility!

:D


You never met my grandmother. She can make anyone stabby.

05 Nov 2012 11:13 AM
PsyLord     
#6: Have a scheduled exam in school the next day. Students seem to fall ill suddenly when it comes to exam days.

05 Nov 2012 11:16 AM
CruJones     
Huh, I believe the opposite. Too much washing of hands, etc. is bad for your immune system. I also eat food left out overnight. I know, shocking. I recently ate eggs five months past the expiration date.... GASP. I prefer the very scientific smell test for my food.

05 Nov 2012 11:26 AM
Englebert Slaptyback     

Five easy ways to make yourself sick for a week.


Thanks for the heads-up, I guess. Yay. Or something.

05 Nov 2012 11:27 AM
DragonIV     

Diogenes: HailRobonia: Plan a weeklong vacation.

I seem to always get sick just as I am going on vacation.

bonno: Nah - the best way to get sick is simple:

Book a holiday.

Works every time.

Yep. This past weekend was the first I haven't been on pager duty for over a month. Last week I busted my ass to make sure I wouldn't need to put in OT on my first pager-free weekend in so long. Made plans, was psyched. Then, at about 4:30pm on Friday, I felt it. Swollen neck glands, voice cutting out, mucus. I wanted to kill someone.


Sounds like I word in a field with similar demands. Works like this: bust your ass for the week leading up, so you can indeed go a weekend without any "homework," as my kids call it. Usually means I compress my typical 60 hours in 7 days to 60 in four or five. Throw in less sleep and poor eating, and you've got a pretty good recipe for getting sick.

/ and yet, I still do this, time and again. Something about coding under the gun, or something like that.
// funny how in this day and age of connectivity, sick days mostly impact your days off instead of one's working days.

05 Nov 2012 11:28 AM
HailRobonia    [TotalFark]  
Buy Halo 4. You'll be "sick" for a week!

05 Nov 2012 11:30 AM
dennysgod     
Go to the Politics tab

05 Nov 2012 11:32 AM
URAPNIS     
There is a dude in my office that is sick ALL the time.
His stupid kids get sick all the time too.
I'm pretty sure that if Polio is reintroduced on a large scale, it will be his fault.

05 Nov 2012 11:37 AM
DarthBart     
Chicken tartare

05 Nov 2012 11:37 AM
Diogenes    [TotalFark]  

DragonIV: // funny how in this day and age of connectivity, sick days mostly impact your days off instead of one's working days.


Yeah. And it kills me when people think I have it easy because I can work from home. It just means work can intrude further into your personal life. Storm closing the building? Well, you can continue to work if you have connectivity.

Shiat, I get paged for stuff even when I'm not on the damned schedule. Partly due to our processes, partly due to the fact that my counterpart is a dumbfark.

05 Nov 2012 11:38 AM
SoupJohnB     

dennysgod: Go to the Politics tab


Are we talking about physical or mental illness, here?

/those farkers are going cut-snake crazy in that tab

05 Nov 2012 11:39 AM
Tatterdemalian     

filter: Now I remember what garbage that site truly is.

I do all of the above to keep my immune system healthy.


Mother Nature Network: Providing sound advice for environmentalists, left wingers, and other basement-dwelling misanthropes who need excuses to avoid all contact with their fellow human beings for fear of being infected with any form of biological or psychological contamination.

/our theories work PERFECTLY on paper, in computer models, even in carefully controlled and isolated experiments
//it's the lack of controls on the real world that's the problem

05 Nov 2012 11:44 AM
dittybopper    [TotalFark]  
Five easy ways to make yourself sick for a week. For some reason going into your mom's bedroom didn't make the list

That's because herpes is forever.

05 Nov 2012 11:46 AM
SlothB77    [TotalFark]  
take the subway/ metro a lot and touch everything, especially the handrails on the escalators. jam yourself into the cars crowded with the most people or with the most homeless-looking people.

do a very intense workout that causes you to sweat a lot. then, to cool off, take your dog for a long walk wearing just your sweaty t-shirt and shorts in 40-degree weather. bonus: a little rain will get you really sick.

05 Nov 2012 11:47 AM
charmbomb     
As a mom of a toddler as well as working in a non profit thrift store in the ghetto, I laugh at you all, for I have not been sick in two years.

HAHA!

05 Nov 2012 11:53 AM
Nightsweat     
Oh my god DAD! What ARE YOU DOING TO MOM!
I'm disgusted and traumatized!
//She actually likes the counterclockwise swirl, you should know that!

05 Nov 2012 11:55 AM
Langdon Alger     
Put the movie Showgirls on loop.

05 Nov 2012 11:56 AM
genepool lifeboat     
Become so dependent on anti-bacterials that your immune system turns to shiat.

05 Nov 2012 11:56 AM
Miss Stein     
Article was spot-on about hospitals, especially if you work in an area with a lot of foot traffic. Service vendors are the worst; they pretty much ignore cleanliness procedures. I had one vendor come in to tell me that our Employee Health had just diagnosed him with norovirus, and he was leaving for the day. That's information he should have phoned in. We immediately started scrubbing down doorknobs and everything else he might have touched, but it was too late. Half of us were camped out in our home bathrooms by the next morning.

05 Nov 2012 12:09 PM
BarkingUnicorn     
I don't work in a hospital, and I never visit sick friends or relatives there.

When I take my sick kid to a doc, I make him stand in a corner on a paper towel.

I avoid children like they were rabid pitbulls.

I wash my hands three times before and after meals and pit stops.

When someone sticks a hand out to shake, I just look at him like he's nuts.

I use my elbow to open public restroom doors and flush. I don't wash if everything isn't hands-free.

So people who tell me I'm sick are just wrong.

05 Nov 2012 12:28 PM
KarmicDisaster    [TotalFark]  
1) Brandy

05 Nov 2012 12:32 PM
Jon iz teh kewl     

DarthBart: Chicken tartare


www.spice-world.deView Full Size

05 Nov 2012 12:37 PM
DVDave     
#9 Insulate your snowflakes from the world. Never let them touch shopping carts or handrails or let them share someone else's cup or fork. Do everything in your power to ensure they never develop an immune system.

05 Nov 2012 01:06 PM
ThighsofGlory     

DarthBart: Chicken tartare


Shrimp cocktail at the Dennys in Socorro, NM.

05 Nov 2012 01:19 PM
Mell of a Hess     
#6 - Drive a bus full of elementary school kids.

Still haven't quite shaken this year's cold. I think we're swapping it back and forth among ourselves.

Love those kids, otherwise.

05 Nov 2012 01:34 PM
Resident Muslim     
Go to Hajj.

/sick

05 Nov 2012 01:40 PM
dk47     
This list is B.S. 1 liter of Jose Cuervo gold tequila plus six tacos from taco bell.

05 Nov 2012 02:15 PM
Latinwolf     
fireclown:
images.wikia.com
Bedroom is fine, just stay out of her office.

/aint no sink in the office.


Just curious but what series is that from?

05 Nov 2012 02:31 PM
crozzo     

BarkingUnicorn: I don't work in a hospital, and I never visit sick friends or relatives there.

When I take my sick kid to a doc, I make him stand in a corner on a paper towel.

I avoid children like they were rabid pitbulls.

I wash my hands three times before and after meals and pit stops.

When someone sticks a hand out to shake, I just look at him like he's nuts.

I use my elbow to open public restroom doors and flush. I don't wash if everything isn't hands-free.

So people who tell me I'm sick are just wrong.


Is that you, Mitt?

05 Nov 2012 02:58 PM
filter     

Resident Muslim: Go to Hajj.

/sick


I thought you all had to thoroughly wash yourselves first.

05 Nov 2012 03:06 PM
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