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   Man loses leg after being crushed by giant crucifix. His lawyer quickly vows to go after the church and crucify them

05 Nov 2012 11:59 AM   |   3852 clicks   |   Inquisitr
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I_Am_Weasel    [TotalFark]  
Kevin Kitson, David Jimenez's attorney, explained that his client was given permission to clean the crucifix, which was in desperate need of some tender, loving care. Holding the 600 pound statue in place was a single screw, one that would ultimately prove worthless in the long run.


Fools! Everyone knows that Jesus must be nailed up, not screwed.

/Thus sealith my fate.

05 Nov 2012 08:05 AM
TheHighlandHowler    [TotalFark]  
Unfortunately for Jimenez, the same crucifix he attributes with saving his wife has now claimed one of his legs.


The Lord giveth....

05 Nov 2012 08:14 AM
Sybarite    [TotalFark]  
Somebody thought magic came without a price.

05 Nov 2012 08:18 AM
mamoru    [TotalFark]  
That's alright. I'm sure God could just miracle it back.

Unless... Is there a football game this Sunday that He is already committed to paying attention to?

05 Nov 2012 08:46 AM
MaudlinMutantMollusk     
Damn... that thing must have really nailed him

05 Nov 2012 08:52 AM
Gulper Eel    [TotalFark]  
Of course it happened in Newburgh.

05 Nov 2012 08:52 AM
ArkAngel    [TotalFark]  
The church should counter sue for payment for saving his wife

05 Nov 2012 09:10 AM
Diogenes    [TotalFark]  

mamoru: That's alright. I'm sure God could just miracle it back.

Unless... Is there a football game this Sunday that He is already committed to paying attention to?


a0.twimg.comView Full Size

05 Nov 2012 11:31 AM
marcpen    [TotalFark]  
Wow. This was funny - last week.

05 Nov 2012 11:31 AM
AMonkey'sUncle     
whereisyourgodnow.jpg

05 Nov 2012 12:01 PM
buntz     
Whoa Whoa Whoa, Miss Lippy, the part I don't get? Is why the pizza worker was cleaning the crucifix int he first place?!

05 Nov 2012 12:02 PM
Dear Jerk     
Stigmata!

05 Nov 2012 12:05 PM
Smeggy Smurf     
Do not taunt Happy Fun God.

05 Nov 2012 12:06 PM
buckeyebrain     
raylyonsden.comView Full Size

I'm gonna crucify him. Real bad.

05 Nov 2012 12:08 PM
Sandor at the Zoo     
Well, to hell with this!

/Barry ZuckerKorn

05 Nov 2012 12:08 PM
IAmRight     
Obviously he will lose, as this has to be ruled an act of God.

05 Nov 2012 12:08 PM
Prey4reign    [TotalFark]  
Jesus had his time on the cross; this guy had his time under it.

05 Nov 2012 12:09 PM
IAmRight     
"The 45-year-old pizza worker"

Homie, you weren't making $3 million with that job if you worked 200 years.

05 Nov 2012 12:10 PM
Girion47     
GOD'S WILL!
GOD'S WILL!
GOD'S WILL!
GOD'S WILL!
GOD'S WILL!
GOD'S WILL!
GOD'S WILL!
GOD'S WILL!
GOD'S WILL!

See? The church has a perfect defense against negligence.

05 Nov 2012 12:11 PM
lamecomedian     
Getting crushed by a crucifix?

I guess I'd be pretty cross, too.

/Then again, I also try to look on the bright side of life.

05 Nov 2012 12:14 PM
Resident Muslim    [TotalFark]  

IAmRight: "The 45-year-old pizza worker"

Homie, you weren't making $3 million with that job if you worked 200 years.


45 year old pizza?!
Must have been New York.
Or Chicago.

Whatever, they're both the same.

/trying to start another pizza flame war

05 Nov 2012 12:17 PM
Smurfme     
The church cured his wife's cancer. He should have to pay 3 mill.

05 Nov 2012 12:18 PM
ruta     
So God can cure cancer, but can't keep a piece of wood attached to a wall.

"Damn it, Jimenez, I'm a doctor, not a carpenter!"

05 Nov 2012 12:20 PM
hammettman     
So he'd asked for a miracle to cure his wife's cancer and it cost him his leg in return.

Sounds like a typical deal made with the devil.

05 Nov 2012 12:20 PM
thedumbone     
the priest who gave his client permission to clean the statue should be held responsible for "telling someone to go forward with an action and causing this accident."

The person who decided that the mounting was sufficient may have caused it.
The person doing the cleaning may have caused it.

Unless the priest was one of the above, I've got to side with the insurance company on this one.

05 Nov 2012 12:22 PM
HotIgneous Intruder     
At least he didn't lose the leg playing football.

05 Nov 2012 12:23 PM
Englebert Slaptyback     

I_Am_Weasel


Fools! Everyone knows that Jesus must be nailed up, not screwed.


Correct. The militant followers are screwed up.

05 Nov 2012 12:23 PM
Do the needful    [TotalFark]  
Sueing the church, brilliant idea considering Jesus already smited him once. The church should just remind him how popular this will make him in heaven.

05 Nov 2012 12:23 PM
hovsm     
H should sue Jesus

05 Nov 2012 12:24 PM
BitwiseShift     
Let's take this out of the religious arena for a while. And try to match it with another similar institution.

Say this happened at Penn State, at the Football offices for instance. If something fell from the stadium and forced the amputation of a leg, $3M would be altogether a common claim, even if the guy made a little money betting on games earlier.

See, that was easy.

05 Nov 2012 12:26 PM
Needlessly Complicated     

05 Nov 2012 12:26 PM
vudukungfu    [TotalFark]  
His suit is lame.
If only someone could heal him.

05 Nov 2012 12:26 PM
Quark_Quasar     
There's something very fishy about this story...

He was trying to pray away his wife's cancer?

05 Nov 2012 12:28 PM
Agent Smiths Laugh    [TotalFark]  
Just consider it back-pay on their taxes.

05 Nov 2012 12:28 PM
MayoSlather     
Too bad it won't be covered by insurance due to it being an act of god.

05 Nov 2012 12:29 PM
Englebert Slaptyback     

Man loses leg after being crushed by giant crucifix.


Reported to be hopping mad.

05 Nov 2012 12:29 PM
Karma Curmudgeon     
It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a reinforced anchor.

05 Nov 2012 12:29 PM
Amos Quito     
At least it wasn't a giant cock.

05 Nov 2012 12:31 PM
Oznog     

hammettman: So he'd asked for a miracle to cure his wife's cancer and it cost him his leg in return.

Sounds like a typical deal made with the devil.


That's why Human Transmutation is strictly forbidden in the world of Alchemy. Our greatest taboo.

/get the man some automail, stat!

05 Nov 2012 12:31 PM
Amos Quito     

Amos Quito: At least it wasn't a giant cock.

  

rlv.zcache.comView Full Size



DAMN!

05 Nov 2012 12:33 PM
Jon iz teh kewl     
www.blackbookmag.comView Full Size

05 Nov 2012 12:40 PM
seniorgato     
Who the hell hangs anything with 1 screw? I hung a 2 lb birdhouse this weekend and it required two screws.

05 Nov 2012 12:46 PM
MyNameIsMofuga     
Hey at least curing his wife's cancer didn't cost him an arm and a leg.

05 Nov 2012 12:46 PM
IAmRight     

seniorgato: Who the hell hangs anything with 1 screw? I hung a 2 lb birdhouse this weekend and it required two screws.


A 600-lb crucifix, no less.

That's a hell of a screw.

05 Nov 2012 12:55 PM
Agent Smiths Laugh    [TotalFark]  

Amos Quito: Amos Quito: At least it wasn't a giant cock.  

[rlv.zcache.com image 400x400]


DAMN!


That's a lot of cock.

05 Nov 2012 12:56 PM
Girion47     

IAmRight: seniorgato: Who the hell hangs anything with 1 screw? I hung a 2 lb birdhouse this weekend and it required two screws.

A 600-lb crucifix, no less.

That's a hell of a screw.


that's what your mom said last night!

05 Nov 2012 01:00 PM
KatjaMouse     
I didn't know my uncle was in the crucifix installing business.

05 Nov 2012 01:01 PM
mutterfark    [TotalFark]  
That cross needs some crucifixin'.

05 Nov 2012 01:14 PM
Crotchrocket Slim     

ArkAngel: The church should counter sue for payment for saving his wife


You'd not only have to find a way to demonstrate that the Almighty intervened on his wife's behalf (and no, her cancer going into remission isn't prima facie evidence of this, cancer goes into remission all the time even when no one prayed for it), and also that this was somehow arranged by the church itself. Even if you did manage to argue this in a court of law, this still would not let the church off the hook for securing that crucifix in such a substandard fashion. Being a church doesn't excuse such haflassed engineering and workmanship, frankly.

05 Nov 2012 01:15 PM
monoski     
Silly Christians and their evil god, crushing legs and making rape babies. When you they ever learn?

05 Nov 2012 01:49 PM
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