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   It's Uptown vs Downtown in the impending New York City Civil War. So, who will win?

05 Nov 2012 06:12 AM   |   14947 clicks   |   Gawker
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Cup_O_Jo     
Uptown. Just lock the gates and arm the maids. Downtown will be to busy blogging nonsense.

05 Nov 2012 06:13 AM
Aar1012     

Cup_O_Jo: Uptown. Just lock the gates and arm the maids. Downtown will be to busy blogging nonsense.


I don't know...I mean...Uptown you cater to a million jerks...Uptown you're messengers and mailroom clerks, eating all your lunches at the hot dog carts. The bosses take your money and they break your hearts.

Uptown you cater to a million whores.You disinfect terrazzo on their bathroom floors.

Your morning's tribulation, afternoon's a curse, and five o'clock is even worse.

So that is a lot of pent up rage.

05 Nov 2012 06:19 AM
AlwaysRightBoy    [TotalFark]  
I am heading back to work in Midtown today for the first time from the Jersey shore. I will bring my Henry rifle as I will be perched high over 41st street.

/that's a joke NYPD

05 Nov 2012 06:19 AM
way south     
Which side has the most guns?

/wait... New York you say? Three day slapfight and they make up after Starbucks reopens.

05 Nov 2012 06:19 AM
abhorrent1     
Manhattan is an unpleasant, over-crowded, preposterously loud, foul-smelling, skyless island full of impolite people who have no sense...

Pretty much sums up the entire east coast.

05 Nov 2012 06:20 AM
Day_Old_Dutchie     
img805.imageshack.usView Full Size

Downtown came uptown
for you.

05 Nov 2012 06:21 AM
duffblue     
People actually live downtown?

05 Nov 2012 06:22 AM
Shadowknight     
This sounds like an awesome comic book premise. Now if I could only draw. Or write. Or had any talent at all.

05 Nov 2012 06:22 AM
Prank Call of Cthulhu     
New Yorkers fighting each other?

We all win, subby. We all win.

05 Nov 2012 06:23 AM
Summoner101     
Depends. Is the Uptown girl still living in her Uptown world?

05 Nov 2012 06:24 AM
DustBunny     
Sounds like as soon as the downtown kids get into the light and the wifi signal dings on their ipads they'll get distracted and have to check facebook and twitter...won't even be a fight.

05 Nov 2012 06:27 AM
way south     

Shadowknight: This sounds like an awesome comic book premise. Now if I could only draw. Or write. Or had any talent at all.


Have you though about working for DC comics?
You may be overqualified.

05 Nov 2012 06:28 AM
INeedAName     
I'm voting for downtown. The lights are much brighter. And you forget all your troubles. Forget all your cares...

/It's sad that the reason I know those lyrics is thanks to Short Circuit 2

05 Nov 2012 06:29 AM
Shadowknight     

Summoner101: Depends. Is the Uptown girl still living in her Uptown world?


You fark you so very, very much. Now I'm going to be living with that song for the rest of the day at least. Especially bad since those are the only two lyrics from the damn song I know...

05 Nov 2012 06:29 AM
MorrisBird    [TotalFark]  
Downtown has electricity again. My sister's restaurant was open for Sunday brunch. Say what you will about New Yorkers, we're resilient, and we have a caring, thinking governor.

05 Nov 2012 06:29 AM
RatMaster999     

way south: Which side has the most guns?


www.csmonitor.comView Full Size

05 Nov 2012 06:30 AM
Shadowknight     

way south: Have you though about working for DC comics?
You may be overqualified.


Well, I'm no Rob Liefeld, but I'll give it a shot!

05 Nov 2012 06:31 AM
SockMonkeyHolocaust     
Depends, is it a contest for people who just moved there to remind non-New Yorkers about the trials and tribulations of living in New York but it's still better than any where on Earth?

05 Nov 2012 06:31 AM
Summoner101     

Shadowknight: Summoner101: Depends. Is the Uptown girl still living in her Uptown world?

You fark you so very, very much. Now I'm going to be living with that song for the rest of the day at least. Especially bad since those are the only two lyrics from the damn song I know...


Hopefully this version will supplant the Billy Joel version that's likely in your head right now.

05 Nov 2012 06:32 AM
The Ice Cream Man     

Shadowknight: Summoner101: Depends. Is the Uptown girl still living in her Uptown world?

You fark you so very, very much. Now I'm going to be living with that song for the rest of the day at least. Especially bad since those are the only two lyrics from the damn song I know...


Maybe this will help you feel better.

05 Nov 2012 06:35 AM
Summoner101     

MorrisBird: Downtown has electricity again. My sister's restaurant was open for Sunday brunch. Say what you will about New Yorkers, we're resilient, and we have a caring, thinking governor.


Speaking of governors, Gov Christie has certainly been shed in a better light in many people's eyes due to his management of the hurricane itself and the media trying to bait him.

/they probably didn't have enough bait
//they'd need a lot
///because he's fat
////I admit, I respect him more now

05 Nov 2012 06:35 AM
david_gaithersburg     
apocalypticfilms.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

05 Nov 2012 06:35 AM
starlost     
hunterdon, somerset, and morris counties in nj use their money to equip a professional army consisting of desperate southern/coastal jerseyians. united jersey rolls over nyc and atlantic city becomes fort bilko atlantico. its the worlds most powerful naval base and has the best hookers and blacklack too. over the next several hundred years united jersey invades 90% of countries in the world.

05 Nov 2012 06:39 AM
Shadowknight     

Summoner101: Hopefully this version will supplant the Billy Joel version that's likely in your head right now.


All in all, I think I like the Billy Joel version better. Never liked the punk scene that much. Well, except for Green Day.

/ducks

The Ice Cream Man: Maybe this will help you feel better.


Not really. Though the sight of his 80s hair did make me giggle.

05 Nov 2012 06:39 AM
StrikitRich    [TotalFark]  
anotherplotdevice.files.wordpress.comView Full Size


What about Coney Island?

05 Nov 2012 06:39 AM
KrispyKritter     

abhorrent1: Manhattan is an unpleasant, over-crowded, preposterously loud, foul-smelling, skyless island full of impolite people who have no sense...

Pretty much sums up the entire east coast.


you must live in a world surrounded by warmth and light, people who find you clever and amusing and potential partners who nearly drool at how incredibly sexy they find you.

nah, not really. i'm guessing you're a miserable dooshbag twatwaffle that has no vermin in the house because even they are repulsed by you. your foul breath peels the paint from the walls and the seediest of prostitutes feel dirty from your gaze, you pinhead cocksucker. one day your wake will be attended by happy smiling people who are glad you're gone.

05 Nov 2012 06:43 AM
HotIgneous Intruder     
What is this nonsense?
Funny? Not really.
Stupid? Extremely.

Who churns out this garbage?

05 Nov 2012 06:44 AM
mikemoto    [TotalFark]  
Brooklyn

05 Nov 2012 06:44 AM
Paris1127    [TotalFark]  
Well, if all else fails, they could try sawing Manhattan in half again.

/or try to get back that chest of beads and trinkets from the Lenape

05 Nov 2012 06:44 AM
Wobambo     

abhorrent1: Manhattan is an unpleasant, over-crowded, preposterously loud, foul-smelling, skyless island full of impolite people who have no sense...

Pretty much sums up the entire east coast.


I used to live on the east coast and thought it was alright. Then I moved to Montana. Have never met so many friendly and nice people.

05 Nov 2012 06:56 AM
sinistermonk     
I think "who gives a shiat" will win, but I could be underestimating the sheer power of "no one outside of NY cares" uppercuts.

05 Nov 2012 07:05 AM
jenlen     

sinistermonk: I think "who gives a shiat" will win, but I could be underestimating the sheer power of "no one outside of NY cares" uppercuts.


THIS.

05 Nov 2012 07:08 AM
duffblue     

KrispyKritter: abhorrent1: Manhattan is an unpleasant, over-crowded, preposterously loud, foul-smelling, skyless island full of impolite people who have no sense...

Pretty much sums up the entire east coast.

you must live in a world surrounded by warmth and light, people who find you clever and amusing and potential partners who nearly drool at how incredibly sexy they find you.

nah, not really. i'm guessing you're a miserable dooshbag twatwaffle that has no vermin in the house because even they are repulsed by you. your foul breath peels the paint from the walls and the seediest of prostitutes feel dirty from your gaze, you pinhead cocksucker. one day your wake will be attended by happy smiling people who are glad you're gone.


Ronburgundy.jpg

05 Nov 2012 07:09 AM
digidorm    [TotalFark]  
FTA: Staten Island Ferry means that Downtown would have a superior navy.

I've got nothing witty to add; this was kinda funny, I didn't get the rest of it.

05 Nov 2012 07:10 AM
abhorrent1     

sinistermonk: I think "who gives a shiat" will win, but I could be underestimating the sheer power of "no one outside of NY cares" uppercuts.


I only care because I praying for mutual assured destruction.

05 Nov 2012 07:11 AM
AlwaysRightBoy    [TotalFark]  

Wobambo: abhorrent1: Manhattan is an unpleasant, over-crowded, preposterously loud, foul-smelling, skyless island full of impolite people who have no sense...

Pretty much sums up the entire east coast.

I used to live on the east coast and thought it was alright. Then I moved to Montana. Have never met so many friendly and nice people.


Did you become a dental floss tycoon?

05 Nov 2012 07:12 AM
TheVeryDeadIanMartin     

Day_Old_Dutchie: [img805.imageshack.us image 220x261]
Downtown came uptown
for you.


Came here for David Wilcox reference and leaving satisfied.

05 Nov 2012 07:15 AM
Oldiron_79     
Nuke the entire site from Orbit, its the only way to be sure

05 Nov 2012 07:26 AM
GORDON     
You know, if I had known global warming would shift hurricanes farther north and cause things like this, I would have started burning tires in my back yard loooong before I actually did.

05 Nov 2012 07:26 AM
CreamFilling     

MorrisBird: Downtown has electricity again. My sister's restaurant was open for Sunday brunch. Say what you will about New Yorkers, we're resilient, and we have a caring, thinking governor.


Yep, if a hurricane had hit anyplace else in the world the entire population would have laid down in the streets and waited for wolves and bobcats to come eat them. Way to bounce back. You're truly a unique people.

05 Nov 2012 07:29 AM
agent00pi     

Aar1012: Cup_O_Jo: Uptown. Just lock the gates and arm the maids. Downtown will be to busy blogging nonsense.

I don't know...I mean...Uptown you cater to a million jerks...Uptown you're messengers and mailroom clerks, eating all your lunches at the hot dog carts. The bosses take your money and they break your hearts.

Uptown you cater to a million whores.You disinfect terrazzo on their bathroom floors.

Your morning's tribulation, afternoon's a curse, and five o'clock is even worse.

So that is a lot of pent up rage.


cache.gawker.comView Full Size


/Sing it, child.

05 Nov 2012 07:39 AM
thornhill     
Uptown.

Our pre-war apartment buildings are impenetrable fortresses.

05 Nov 2012 07:39 AM
Lord Farkwad     
I think downtown will win.
s7.postimage.orgView Full Size

05 Nov 2012 07:40 AM
herrDrFarkenstein     
i2.listal.comView Full Size
 

I guess downtown, cuz this.

05 Nov 2012 07:41 AM
herrDrFarkenstein     

StrikitRich: [anotherplotdevice.files.wordpress.co m image 494x303]

What about Coney Island?


Warriors ... Come out and swim. Warriors, come out and swiiiiiim.

05 Nov 2012 07:43 AM
MorrisBird    [TotalFark]  
I do not understand the animosity in this thread toward the east coast. What did we ever do to hurt you?

05 Nov 2012 07:53 AM
HotWingConspiracy     

sinistermonk: I think "who gives a shiat" will win, but I could be underestimating the sheer power of "no one outside of NY cares" uppercuts.


And here you are, putting effort in to not caring. What's nice about us owning the media is that you have to care.

05 Nov 2012 07:54 AM
pag1107     

herrDrFarkenstein: [i2.listal.com image 333x270] 

I guess downtown, cuz this.


I was coming in here to ask whether this will involve stovepipe hats and rabbits on sticks.

05 Nov 2012 07:55 AM
Wobambo     

AlwaysRightBoy: Wobambo: abhorrent1: Manhattan is an unpleasant, over-crowded, preposterously loud, foul-smelling, skyless island full of impolite people who have no sense...

Pretty much sums up the entire east coast.

I used to live on the east coast and thought it was alright. Then I moved to Montana. Have never met so many friendly and nice people.

Did you become a dental floss tycoon?


I haven't worked down that far on my itemized agenda.

05 Nov 2012 07:56 AM
Nabb1    [TotalFark]  

MorrisBird: Downtown has electricity again. My sister's restaurant was open for Sunday brunch. Say what you will about New Yorkers, we're resilient, and we have a caring, thinking governor.


Man, we could have used one of those during Katrina. Instead, we had an idiot savant.

05 Nov 2012 07:56 AM
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