(full site)
Fark.com

Back To Main
   Pacifiers may be among the deadliest things you can put in your toddlers mouth according to this not-at-all designed to induce panic non-report

06 Nov 2012 10:55 AM   |   3788 clicks   |   US News
Showing 1-38 of 38 comments
Refresh
iheartscotch     
Wash your pacifiers; you damn, dirty apes.

06 Nov 2012 10:58 AM
Random Anonymous Blackmail     
That and a rabid squirrel.

06 Nov 2012 10:58 AM
megalynn44    [TotalFark]  
Csb: I didn't quit my Betsy's (what we called a pacifier) until the day I started preschool shortly after turning 3. My mom had tried everything to get me to quit sooner but the only thing that worked was my new teacher telling me I couldn't bring it to preschool cause preschool was for big girls. I went straight home & threw them all away.

/riveting stuff
//didn't kill me

06 Nov 2012 11:00 AM
cgraves67     
1) you're not supposed to use a paci for the first few months (Nipple Confusion, your new band name), which gives the youngling time to build an immune system

2) babies stick all kinds of dirty things in their mouths on a minute by minute basis anyway. pacifiers are not the worst of it.

3) If this were a real problem the infant mortality rate would be much higher in this country.

06 Nov 2012 11:01 AM
kvinesknows     
1) awesome page 2 in that article
2) "The majority of things you're going to find on a pacifier are things we'll find on our clothes, normal human flora," THIS.. 100% THIS.. also of note.. if not using a PACIFIER they are using their thumbs... theirs thumbs which are actually touching all sorts of things all over the place.
3) when you drop a pacifier on the ground obviously the best way to clean is it to simply stick it in your own ultra clean mouth and wiping it on your super clean shirt before giving it back to baby

06 Nov 2012 11:04 AM
TabASlotB     

kvinesknows: 1) awesome page 2 in that article
2) "The majority of things you're going to find on a pacifier are things we'll find on our clothes, normal human flora," THIS.. 100% THIS.. also of note.. if not using a PACIFIER they are using their thumbs... theirs thumbs which are actually touching all sorts of things all over the place.
3) when you drop a pacifier on the ground obviously the best way to clean is it to simply stick it in your own ultra clean mouth and wiping it on your super clean shirt before giving it back to baby


Whenever I need to clean my baby's pacifier, I just stick the nipple in the end of my whiskey flask and swirl it around. Kid seems to like it...although he did scream like a little biatch the week I ran out of bourbon and was forced to use Jack Daniels. Little guy's got taste.

06 Nov 2012 11:09 AM
luktti     
Round up the dirty little gutter snipes.

06 Nov 2012 11:12 AM
thatboyoverthere     
One of the reason we have so many health problems in the United States is that we are too clean. Let your kids play in the dirt. Let them put things in their mouths (as long as they're not alive.) It not only how they learn but how they develop their immune system.

06 Nov 2012 11:13 AM
yves0010     

TabASlotB: kvinesknows: 1) awesome page 2 in that article
2) "The majority of things you're going to find on a pacifier are things we'll find on our clothes, normal human flora," THIS.. 100% THIS.. also of note.. if not using a PACIFIER they are using their thumbs... theirs thumbs which are actually touching all sorts of things all over the place.
3) when you drop a pacifier on the ground obviously the best way to clean is it to simply stick it in your own ultra clean mouth and wiping it on your super clean shirt before giving it back to baby

Whenever I need to clean my baby's pacifier, I just stick the nipple in the end of my whiskey flask and swirl it around. Kid seems to like it...although he did scream like a little biatch the week I ran out of bourbon and was forced to use Jack Daniels. Little guy's got taste.


I hear bourbon is good to use on a teething little baby. Numbs the gums.

06 Nov 2012 11:16 AM
Saruman_W     
Gotta strengthen that immune system somehow.

06 Nov 2012 11:18 AM
farbiez     
"He also recommends throwing out pacifiers after two weeks of use because wear increases the bacteria-trapping porousness of the plastic."

Yeah, right. I remember the days of no sleep, struggling to find a pacifier in a kitchen drawer, under the crib, where EVER just to stop the crying. There is no way most parents could afford to voluntarily throw one out after only 2 weeks of use.

06 Nov 2012 11:26 AM
Nexzus     
Our little guy never really got the hang of a pacifier. Just kept spitting it out, so we gave up. Never really was much of a thumbsucker either. Though at 13 months old, he's now just starting to get 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night, unless he's got a cold. Which is the last couple days. *Yaaawwwwnnnn*.

farm9.staticflickr.comView Full Size

If this woke you up a few times per night crying for you, would you resist?

06 Nov 2012 11:36 AM
Grave_Girl    [TotalFark]  
This will freak out some of the first time parents. The ones who have been told (nipple confusion be damned) to use a pacifier to prevent SIDS...and now they're disease-coated.

/4 kids--two took pacifiers & two didn't

06 Nov 2012 11:41 AM
The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves     
Yeah, cause toddlers never pick up random things off the floor and put them in their mouths.

06 Nov 2012 11:42 AM
kvinesknows     

Nexzus: Our little guy never really got the hang of a pacifier. Just kept spitting it out, so we gave up. Never really was much of a thumbsucker either. Though at 13 months old, he's now just starting to get 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night, unless he's got a cold. Which is the last couple days. *Yaaawwwwnnnn*.

[farm9.staticflickr.com image 320x320]
If this woke you up a few times per night crying for you, would you resist?


hell no.. I would be all over that.

06 Nov 2012 11:44 AM
thedumbone     

Nexzus: If this woke you up a few times per night crying for you, would you resist?


Sure... It's cute now... but just wait until it gets a little older.

upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size

06 Nov 2012 11:50 AM
Valiente     
In related news, one of the worst places to put a baby is a rabbi's mouth.

/it's a bris some are willing to take, evidently.

06 Nov 2012 11:54 AM
ayrlander     

TabASlotB:
Whenever I need to clean my baby's pacifier, I just stick the nipple in the end of my whiskey flask and swirl it around. Kid seems to like it...although he did scream like a little biatch the week I ran out of bourbon and was forced to use Jack Daniels. Little guy's got taste.


That's disgusting, and you should feel badly. Giving a baby JD is so very irresponsible; what would have happened if he'd learned to prefer it over bourbon?? As a parent, it was very dangerous for you to take that risk with your child.

06 Nov 2012 11:56 AM
factoryconnection    [TotalFark]  

cgraves67: 1) you're not supposed to use a paci for the first few months (Nipple Confusion, your new band name), which gives the youngling time to build an immune system


I don't know where you heard this, but a lot of the "nipple confusion" risks bandied about aren't true, certainly not universally. Babies are not likely to be confused by a pacifier that doesn't dispense milk; bottles maybe.

Grave_Girl: This will freak out some of the first time parents. The ones who have been told (nipple confusion be damned) to use a pacifier to prevent SIDS...and now they're disease-coated.


There certainly isn't enough bouncing around the internet already to freak them out, so it is nice of them to add this brilliant deduction to the pile in its most threatening form.

06 Nov 2012 11:57 AM
FizixJunkee     

farbiez: "He also recommends throwing out pacifiers after two weeks of use because wear increases the bacteria-trapping porousness of the plastic."

Yeah, right. I remember the days of no sleep, struggling to find a pacifier in a kitchen drawer, under the crib, where EVER just to stop the crying. There is no way most parents could afford to voluntarily throw one out after only 2 weeks of use.



We had pacifiers EVERYWHERE in our apartment. Our daughter was hooked on them. Nothing made her happier than getting a new package of "boos" (her word for them).

We're in the process of moving. The other Junkee and I have a bet going regarding the number of lost pacifiers we're going to find as we're packing.

06 Nov 2012 11:57 AM
YouPeopleAreCrazy     
FTA:
...commonly used antibiotics such as penicillin and methicillin.

wait...WHAT?
Starting them out early, aren't we?

06 Nov 2012 11:59 AM
EddyKilowatt     
Pacifier: an object that you triple-wash and steam sterilize before placing in the mouth of your first-born, and pick up off the ground and dust off on your sleeve before placing in the mouth of your third-born.

06 Nov 2012 12:01 PM
TabASlotB     

ayrlander: TabASlotB:
Whenever I need to clean my baby's pacifier, I just stick the nipple in the end of my whiskey flask and swirl it around. Kid seems to like it...although he did scream like a little biatch the week I ran out of bourbon and was forced to use Jack Daniels. Little guy's got taste.

That's disgusting, and you should feel badly. Giving a baby JD is so very irresponsible; what would have happened if he'd learned to prefer it over bourbon?? As a parent, it was very dangerous for you to take that risk with your child.


What can I say? I make poor parenting decisions when I'm huffing ether and drinking at the same time.

06 Nov 2012 12:03 PM
factoryconnection    [TotalFark]  

EddyKilowatt: Pacifier: an object that you triple-wash and steam sterilize before placing in the mouth of your first-born, and pick up off the ground and dust off on your sleeve before placing in the mouth of your third-born.


Ain't that the truth. HOWEVER when our 2nd was in the hospital at 2 weeks of age, we did sterilize every pacifier that hit the floor. Fortunately, we had a rotation of 10 and a very good friend that lived mere blocks away to help.

06 Nov 2012 12:07 PM
Luthiel     
That sucks.

06 Nov 2012 12:25 PM
JoeyJoJo     
My 26 month old finally killed his last one yesterday. Hallefarkenlujiah. For months I was begging mama to wean him off it, but she resisted for fear of the weeks of crying for his 'pabbi'. Last night he slept like he always has after he realized "whi pabbi brokkun" (white paci broken).

img442.imageshack.usView Full Size


Uploaded with ImageShack.us

FTFA: He also recommends throwing out pacifiers after two weeks of use because wear increases the bacteria-trapping porousness of the plastic.

img560.imageshack.usView Full Size


Uploaded with ImageShack.us

This one was bought at least 9 months ago when we were cycling through 6 of them.

06 Nov 2012 12:37 PM
Day_Old_Dutchie     
Now, what are we supposed to use to plug up that noisy orifice?

Back in the day, you simply drugged the noisy little brats to get some peace and quiet..
img593.imageshack.usView Full Size


"With a solution like Soothing Syrups, your child is the last thing you have to worry about! With marvelous ingredients such as morphine, codeine, heroin, and opium there is no need to worry! When you need to sleep, your child will sleep...all day...no problem."

Lots more here.  Link 
Including hysterical paroxysm. Bow-chicka-wow-wow!

06 Nov 2012 12:56 PM
MayoSlather     
Where is the safety report for adults using them on ecstacy?

06 Nov 2012 12:56 PM
Cheesehead_Dave     
I remember getting up at 2 AM to a crying baby, getting down on the floor and flailing my arm around under her crib to see if I could find a pacifier that she invariably tossed overboard on the wall side, and popping it right into her mouth without even looking at it.

She seemed to turn out fine. Hardly ever gets sick, either.

06 Nov 2012 12:59 PM
Bathia_Mapes    [TotalFark]  

iheartscotch: Wash your pacifiers; you damn, dirty apes.


Exactly. It's not freakin' rocket science.

06 Nov 2012 01:07 PM
croesius     
Mrs. Croesius and I were tossing around the idea of seeing how long we could go without using a pacifier on our offspring, then we found we're having twins. Something tells me having two lil uns "crying it out" in stereo might be too much...

06 Nov 2012 01:09 PM
Civchic     
Nipple confusion (at least with my two monkeys) is a load of crock. Food comes out? Ok, I will suck on it. Nothing comes out? You got something with food? No? Ok, I'll suck on it.

The first weaned himself off the sucky at 10 months when he got a wicked head cold and couldn't breathe with it in his mouth (he only used it for sleep time by that point anyway). Second is 7 months and likes it way more than her brother did - which may be because I pop it in there way more with her. Hell, if a fifty cent piece of plastic will soothe her while her three year old brother has a Chernobyl-style meltdown, why the hell wouldn't I?

06 Nov 2012 01:27 PM
ayrlander     
We were lucky with our oldest child; she used a pacifier, and we were able to take it away pretty simply, by convincing her she's old enough not to need it anymore. We're trying to figure out what to do with our youngest now, though; she's a thumb sucker, and it's harder, and probably illegal, to take away her thumb. We tell her she's a big girl now and doesn't need to suck her thumb, and she says "okay, I won't" and puts it into her mouth a minute later. Given she's been doing it since she was a month or two old, this might be tricky.

Happily enough, my oldest didn't get stricken down by some weird disease because we didn't santize the paccy every time she dropped it. I didn't realize how close we were to starting a new global pandemic!

06 Nov 2012 01:40 PM
cy_co_whore     
I'm so glad they published the results from the experiment we all did in 6th grade or so... I think we all deserve our cut of whatever funding there was, don't you?

06 Nov 2012 01:52 PM
kvinesknows     

Civchic: Nipple confusion (at least with my two monkeys) is a load of crock. Food comes out? Ok, I will suck on it. Nothing comes out? You got something with food? No? Ok, I'll suck on it.

The first weaned himself off the sucky at 10 months when he got a wicked head cold and couldn't breathe with it in his mouth (he only used it for sleep time by that point anyway). Second is 7 months and likes it way more than her brother did - which may be because I pop it in there way more with her. Hell, if a fifty cent piece of plastic will soothe her while her three year old brother has a Chernobyl-style meltdown, why the hell wouldn't I?


hu hu hu .. she already likes things in her mouth

06 Nov 2012 02:13 PM
DingleberryMoose     

ayrlander: We were lucky with our oldest child; she used a pacifier, and we were able to take it away pretty simply, by convincing her she's old enough not to need it anymore. We're trying to figure out what to do with our youngest now, though; she's a thumb sucker, and it's harder, and probably illegal, to take away her thumb. We tell her she's a big girl now and doesn't need to suck her thumb, and she says "okay, I won't" and puts it into her mouth a minute later. Given she's been doing it since she was a month or two old, this might be tricky.


Peer pressure will take care of that problem for you, just be patient.

I was once very anti-pacifier in my attitudes. Then I had kids and moderated a bit. Then I went to work for CPS and found out using a pacifier at bedtime significantly reduces the risk of SIDS. I'm all for them now. Just clean them with a baby wipe and stick them back it. Baby wipes will clean anything.

croesius: Mrs. Croesius and I were tossing around the idea of seeing how long we could go without using a pacifier on our offspring, then we found we're having twins. Something tells me having two lil uns "crying it out" in stereo might be too much...


Get 'em started in slings early and they'll be easier. Get hold of a ring sling or something similar and they'll ride happily upon you for hours as you go around and do what you need to do. You can make your own maya-wrap from instructions to be found here. Add a pocket on the tail end big enough to hold a few wipes in a ziploc bag and a diaper (and a bottle, if you go that route) and you can carry the baby in it with no stroller or diaper bag and have both hands free. It beats hell out of bothering with a stroller and a diaper bag and all that other crap when you're shopping. You could also design and make your own. I did and Brenna and I like it.

06 Nov 2012 03:40 PM
StashMonster     
never used one on my daughter, never had one myself either.

06 Nov 2012 08:52 PM
Isildur     

thatboyoverthere: One of the reason we have so many health problems in the United States is that we are too clean. Let your kids play in the dirt. Let them put things in their mouths (as long as they're not alive.) It not only how they learn but how they develop their immune system.



It's called the "hygiene hypothesis", and it turns out it's not that simple.

07 Nov 2012 04:06 AM
Showing 1-38 of 38 comments
Refresh
This thread is closed to new comments.


Back To Main

More Headlines:
Main | Sports | Business | Geek | Entertainment | Politics | Video | FarkUs | Contests | Fark Party | Combined