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   Seriously, why would you want to write an erotic novel about your co-workers?

06 Nov 2012 12:24 PM   |   16673 clicks   |   Cracked
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FrancoFile     
Ooooh. Let's do this for everyone workplace sitcom on TV.

I have dibs on Two Broke Girls.

06 Nov 2012 12:28 PM
DittoToo     
You're a Victoria Secret model?

/DNRTFA

06 Nov 2012 12:30 PM
oukewldave     
I could come up with a new Saw movie involving my coworkers and bosses in about 20 minutes.

06 Nov 2012 12:31 PM
kvinesknows     
I ..uhh... wouldn't? is that the correct answer? Because if it is the correct answer I will go with that as my answer.

06 Nov 2012 12:32 PM
Zeb Hesselgresser     
"You misunderstand, Rubber Buckway," she said, because that was his name. "I'm not calling to them because I want to go. I'm calling because they are other princesses trapped in the bodies of coyotes, and I want them to know you as the hero I've come to love."

As she spoke, true to her word, the other Indian ghosts encroached from the darkness in the form of wild dogs, their teeth bared in reverence for Rubber.

"They think you are the most handsome man they have ever seen," she said. "They want to know if you would be willing to have an orgy with all the princesses. That means have sex with all of them at the same time."

"I know what 'orgy' means."

"I think it's a good idea."


do tell me more then

06 Nov 2012 12:34 PM
shizbgby_v2     
There are several co-workers I would love to help fix their paper jam in the copy room, if you know what I mean....

//But I will not mix business with lust/pleasure.

06 Nov 2012 12:34 PM
gusbot     
Have you SEEN my co-workers?!

06 Nov 2012 12:35 PM
factoryconnection    [TotalFark]  

gusbot: Have you SEEN my co-workers?!


Damn! Beaten to the punch.

06 Nov 2012 12:37 PM
jaybeezey     
I believe it's called Peterotica and i think his coworker was some kind of Spanish.

06 Nov 2012 12:41 PM
thurstonxhowell     
I could write an erotic novel based solely on my co-worker's ass.

06 Nov 2012 12:41 PM
ObscureNameHere     
Given that I work on a floor that has a large number of hot South American / Latin American women, such a proposal as in Subby's headline is not as undersirable as one might think.

06 Nov 2012 12:42 PM
iheartscotch    [TotalFark]  
If you are a bouncer at a good strip club; then I understand.

06 Nov 2012 12:44 PM
The My Little Pony Killer    [TotalFark]  
Because you need the pageviews.

06 Nov 2012 12:45 PM
dv-ous     
*cough*

I'm a little hot for teacher. Depending on the teacher in question.

06 Nov 2012 12:45 PM
Shazam999     
I've had some incredibly hot, wild female co-workers. I've never hooked up with any of them because I'm a loser.

06 Nov 2012 12:46 PM
Honest Bender    [TotalFark]  
blog.commarts.wisc.eduView Full Size


What about erotic friend fiction?

06 Nov 2012 12:47 PM
Rapmaster2000    [TotalFark]  
Thanks for that. My office has about 200 engineers.

06 Nov 2012 12:47 PM
El Brujo     

Rapmaster2000: Thanks for that. My office has about 200 engineers.


How many western duster trench coats and leather fedoras is that?

06 Nov 2012 12:49 PM
espiaboricua     

thurstonxhowell: I could write an erotic novel based solely on my co-worker's ass rack.


FTFM and others.

06 Nov 2012 12:51 PM
Odd Bird     

shizbgby_v2: There are several co-workers I would love to help fix their paper jam in the copy room, if you know what I mean....


The next time my shorts ride up, would you help me pull my boxers out of my ass?

06 Nov 2012 12:51 PM
espiaboricua     

ObscureNameHere: Given that I work on a floor that has a large number of hot South American / Latin American women, such a proposal as in Subby's headline is not as undersirable as one might think.


Pics or it doesn't happen.

06 Nov 2012 12:52 PM
Uzzah     

jaybeezey: I believe it's called Peterotica and i think his coworker was some kind of Spanish.


Bastard.

"The Hot Chick Who Was Italian or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish" by Peter Griffin.
Chapter One
Oh god, you should have seen this one hot chick. She was totally Italian...or maybe some kind of Spanish...

06 Nov 2012 12:56 PM
The sound of one hand clapping     

Shazam999: I've had some incredibly hot, wild female co-workers. I've never hooked up with any of them because I'm a loser.


Back when I worked in an office, surrounded by hot female co-workers I was going through my awkward, shy, not sure how to talk to women phase. Oh how I wish I could turn back time and put what I know now to use there. It almost makes me want to just change jobs and go back to working in a large office again just for all the women. I still kick myself sometimes for all the missed chances.

06 Nov 2012 12:56 PM
ravenlore     
omg ew.

06 Nov 2012 12:57 PM
BIGstan     
As I'm currently a full-time college student, can that mean classmates, in lieu of coworkers?

freshman girls are are favoring yoga pants over the short shorts as the weather gets colder.....

06 Nov 2012 12:58 PM
mongbiohazard     
Well, I work in the apartment business, which is something like 75% women. Some of which are scorching hot...

06 Nov 2012 12:59 PM
suthrnrunt     
Never get your buns where you make your bread.

06 Nov 2012 12:59 PM
Bleyo     
I don't know. I think the prospect of Seanbaby farking an avalanche has some merit.

And even as he rolled pantsless between the moist pockets and jagged debris like a tongue in a mouth, he knew that this couldn't continue. "This is the last time," he thought. "I'm with Carol now, and I love her. I can't keep farking avalanches like this."

06 Nov 2012 01:00 PM
WhippingBoy     
I work out of a home office. I am my only co-worker.

/hmmm

06 Nov 2012 01:00 PM
freetomato     

Rapmaster2000: Thanks for that. My office has about 200 engineers.


My former office had hundreds of federal agents, most young, fit and handsome. About 80% of them were 10s, 15% were 7-9s, and the remaining 5% 7s and below. At the time I could definitely see the erotic novel potential. As it was, my female co-workers and I (only 6 of us in the office) discussed the matter thoroughly, and figured we had enough material for beefcake calendars for several years.

The eye-candy is the only thing I miss about that job.

06 Nov 2012 01:00 PM
Uzzah     

suthrnrunt: Never get your buns where you make your bread.


Or "don't fish off the company pier."

/broke that rule on several occasions. Knowing where you stand in the organization gives you a little bit of wiggle room
//oh could she wiggle...

06 Nov 2012 01:02 PM
PC LOAD LETTER    [TotalFark]  
I have been fortunate to have several jobs where I could rub one out in a harem fantasy. At home, of course.

06 Nov 2012 01:02 PM
Cuchulane    [TotalFark]  

06 Nov 2012 01:06 PM
wildcardjack     
I work by myself so the erotica would have to be about my barcode scanner, packing tape dispenser, a stack of books and cardboard boxes.

And the barcode scanner would be the equivalent of granny porn. On the verge of breaking a hip if the stud pushes too hard.

06 Nov 2012 01:07 PM
The sound of one hand clapping     

Uzzah: suthrnrunt: Never get your buns where you make your bread.

Or "don't fish off the company pier."

/broke that rule on several occasions. Knowing where you stand in the organization gives you a little bit of wiggle room
//oh could she wiggle...


Tricks I learned after deciding to break the 'don't date where you work' rule.

1. Treat the girl with respect (I know this should be obvious but it isn't for some guys).

2. Avoid getting drawn into an argument when breaking up (Had 2 girls try to draw me into an argument even though they had been disrespectful to me and they were the ones who wanted to break up. Took a lot of resolve but I managed to stay cool and just keep civil).

3. This one is kinda harsh and should never be abused, but be more popular than the person you are dating. People will take sides when a couple break up at work, make sure you know that more people will take your side or you'll be in for a rough ride.

Even following these rules though, sometimes it's impossible to avoid some drama. I still couldn't answer whether it's worth it. I don't have regrets but sometimes I wonder if I should...

06 Nov 2012 01:08 PM
Rapmaster2000    [TotalFark]  

El Brujo: Rapmaster2000: Thanks for that. My office has about 200 engineers.

How many western duster trench coats and leather fedoras is that?


Here are the worst things I regularly see.

1. The dude who always wears the leather western stitch vest around the office all day.
2. The two guys who always wear a black leather cowboy hat to the office (I wonder who thinks who stole the look).
3. Shorts pulled up over the gut such that the waist appears to be at the base of the ribcage.
4. Polyester stretch pants.

This place is better than some other places I've worked in the style department. When I was at Motorola, there were three sysadmins who all wore leather biker jackets and would smoke in front of the office like a gang of 50s greasers.

06 Nov 2012 01:08 PM
spelletrader     
You would understand if you worked with me...

06 Nov 2012 01:11 PM
eas81     
I work in an I/T sweatshop command center. So thats going to be a huge negitory!!!

06 Nov 2012 01:12 PM
vonapathy     

Honest Bender: [blog.commarts.wisc.edu image 300x168]

What about erotic friend fiction?


came here for this, leaving satisfied.

06 Nov 2012 01:12 PM
blatz514     
I work at a university. We hire students for the work/study program. Writing about some of the college girls that have worked for us throughout the years would be epic.

06 Nov 2012 01:14 PM
Harry Freakstorm     
Shelly in Customer Service was nervous. She should have never worn this short of a skirt to work today. It barely covered her nice, shapely butt and her boss, Mrs. Puckerpuss, looked at her with dagger in her eys.

"Well, maybe Miss Puckerpuss, if you didn't have long shapely legs like these, you wouldn't wear those ill fitting slacks. And my rack is absolutely perfect. Why it just heaves out of the short blouse and the buttons seem ready to burst at any moment" she thought to herself.

Those thoughts made her want to check to see that her breasts were still confined. But she knew that if she managed to check her lacy bra with her hands, she would never stop. No. They would have to check the rest of her outfit. The short skirt, the nylons and even the thong which even now grew saturated with love juice. "But back to work," she told herself. The idiots in shipping had sent the Genex Corporation the wrong supplies again. Leave it to Shelly to clean up the mess.

"No sir. We apologize for the error. Those surface to air missiles were supposed to go to Iran" she told the angry customer. "I know they were labelled "Baby Formula". That's the only way Fed Ex will accept them! Your shipment of instant noodles have left the warehouse. I can give you a tracking code if you want."

It took a while but the stranger at the other end of the line was finally satisfied. Shelly didn't have to promise him a discount on his next shipment. That would look good on her performance review. She took a moment to relax and think about her silk stockings. So soft! If only I could get Cheryl in the next cube to feel them. Maybe during lunch. That feeling returned to her.

"Hey. Looks like I'm going to be down here a bit longer" said Network Technician Harry Freakstorm. "Your computer wiring is all messed up. I'm surprised you haven't been hacked. Just forget that I'm under your desk. This will take a while. Also, you may hear camera sounds and flashes of light. that's my line tester. So just uncross your legs and get back to work."

Shelly nodded. that Harry was always finding problems with her system. What a great worker he was. Oh well, there were some calls in the queue. Time to get back to work. She uncrossed her legs and she could hear Harry's wire timing tool clicking away. He must have found a hacker.

06 Nov 2012 01:16 PM
loonatic112358     

Rapmaster2000: This place is better than some other places I've worked in the style department. When I was at Motorola, there were three sysadmins who all wore leather biker jackets and would smoke in front of the office like a gang of 50s greasers.


were they all bald?

06 Nov 2012 01:21 PM
kvinesknows     

Harry Freakstorm: Shelly in Customer Service was nervous. She should have never worn this short of a skirt to work today. It barely covered her nice, shapely butt and her boss, Mrs. Puckerpuss, looked at her with dagger in her eys.

"Well, maybe Miss Puckerpuss, if you didn't have long shapely legs like these, you wouldn't wear those ill fitting slacks. And my rack is absolutely perfect. Why it just heaves out of the short blouse and the buttons seem ready to burst at any moment" she thought to herself.

Those thoughts made her want to check to see that her breasts were still confined. But she knew that if she managed to check her lacy bra with her hands, she would never stop. No. They would have to check the rest of her outfit. The short skirt, the nylons and even the thong which even now grew saturated with love juice. "But back to work," she told herself. The idiots in shipping had sent the Genex Corporation the wrong supplies again. Leave it to Shelly to clean up the mess.

"No sir. We apologize for the error. Those surface to air missiles were supposed to go to Iran" she told the angry customer. "I know they were labelled "Baby Formula". That's the only way Fed Ex will accept them! Your shipment of instant noodles have left the warehouse. I can give you a tracking code if you want."

It took a while but the stranger at the other end of the line was finally satisfied. Shelly didn't have to promise him a discount on his next shipment. That would look good on her performance review. She took a moment to relax and think about her silk stockings. So soft! If only I could get Cheryl in the next cube to feel them. Maybe during lunch. That feeling returned to her.

"Hey. Looks like I'm going to be down here a bit longer" said Network Technician Harry Freakstorm. "Your computer wiring is all messed up. I'm surprised you haven't been hacked. Just forget that I'm under your desk. This will take a while. Also, you may hear camera sounds and flashes of light. ...


FA.. oops done.. anyone got a kleenex?

06 Nov 2012 01:21 PM
loonatic112358     
damnit all to hell, there's only two females in my office

the pregnant one or the former girlfriend of the office dork

06 Nov 2012 01:22 PM
nmemkha     
4.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

06 Nov 2012 01:23 PM
eriphila     
120 days of Sodom, maybe, with what i have here to work with

06 Nov 2012 01:25 PM
spunkymunky     

loonatic112358: damnit all to hell, there's only two females in my office

the pregnant one or the former girlfriend of the office dork


I'll take the pregnant one as long as I don't have to pay for babby.

06 Nov 2012 01:27 PM
Rapmaster2000    [TotalFark]  

loonatic112358: Rapmaster2000: This place is better than some other places I've worked in the style department. When I was at Motorola, there were three sysadmins who all wore leather biker jackets and would smoke in front of the office like a gang of 50s greasers.

were they all bald?


I don't think so. This was 13 years ago, so they'd probably be bald now.

06 Nov 2012 01:28 PM
whidbey     
Because they're almost always hot.

06 Nov 2012 01:30 PM
ColSanders     

Shazam999: I've had some incredibly hot, wild female co-workers. I've never hooked up with any of them because I'm a loser.


This.

06 Nov 2012 01:32 PM
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