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   New candy releases a lingering rose scent through the pores of your skin and changes the sound of your flatulence to that of a gentle summer breeze

07 Nov 2012 11:29 AM   |   10255 clicks   |   Guardian
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colinspooky    [TotalFark]  
ooh, piece-a-candy

07 Nov 2012 06:36 AM
Sybarite    [TotalFark]  
My farts talk about Charlie Rose.

07 Nov 2012 09:45 AM
Englebert Slaptyback     
something something smell like fresh cinnamon rolls

07 Nov 2012 11:31 AM
Dreyelle    [TotalFark]  
This is a must have in my office. Put out a big bowl with a sign that reads, "Do the needfull, eat me"

07 Nov 2012 11:31 AM
ChipNASA     
Needs this:
Ass Don't Smell
snltranscripts.jt.orgView Full Size


Bob: Let me bring you up to date on the Civic Center project..

Male Co-Worker #1: [ sniffing the air ] Did somebody step in something?

Bob: I had Ted draw these up over the weekend..

Male Co-Worker #1: Oh, come on! Doesn't anybody else smell it?

[ turns around and disgusts tow other co-workers with the smell from his ass ]

Bob: I think we've finally solved the underground garage problem..

Male Co-Worker #1: I'm sorry. I can't concentrate. Can't we do this over the phone?

Male Co-Worker #2: Yes!

[ everyone leaves the office, leaving confused ]

[ SUPER: The Next Day ]

Bob: [ notices Ass Don't Smell canister on his desk ] Ass Don't Smell? [ thinking ] Hmm.. maybe somebody's trying to tell me something..
snltranscripts.jt.orgView Full Size


Announcer: Scrubbing doesn't work; perfumes only cover it up; and who has the time to soak? Forget all that junk, and step up to Ass Don't Smell.

[ SUPER: A Week Later ]

Male Co-Worker #3: Hey, Bob! Congratulations on the Civic Center project!

Bob: Thanks!

Male Co-Worker #3: [ notices canister in Bob's locker ] Huh? Ass Don't Smell? But your ass doesn't smell.

Bob: [ smiling confidently ] Exactly.

Announcer: Ass Don't Smell. The name says it all. Now, in new tamper-proof package

snltranscripts.jt.orgView Full Size

07 Nov 2012 11:33 AM
Rapmaster2000     
Is that a Seals and Crofts reference?

07 Nov 2012 11:34 AM
Pauly Math     

colinspooky: ooh, piece-a-candy


07 Nov 2012 11:34 AM
serial arseonist     
No thanks. Rolling thunder or GTFO

07 Nov 2012 11:35 AM
Heraclitus     
Want to make some real money? make my spunk taste like a Cherry Limeade.

07 Nov 2012 11:36 AM
Kim Jong B Illin     
It's been done.

cache.jezebel.comView Full Size

07 Nov 2012 11:37 AM
traylor     
I'll stay with the manly wet tropical monsoon of mine, thanks.

07 Nov 2012 11:37 AM
The Fonz    [TotalFark]  
"I'll believe that when me shiat turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet"

07 Nov 2012 11:38 AM
Evil Mackerel     
I wonder if the candy will be able to stand up to the old "Roasted garlic pizza with a pitcher of Optimator test",
/Extra garlic please.

07 Nov 2012 11:39 AM
Do the needful     

Dreyelle: This is a must have in my office. Put out a big bowl with a sign that reads, "Do the needfull, eat me"


[sneaks a handfull] 

07 Nov 2012 11:39 AM
WordsnCollision     
Japan has had these for a while now, such as "Man Smell Gum" which exudes rose-menthol aromas from your skin when you sweat.

www.mikesblender.comView Full Size

07 Nov 2012 11:40 AM
mhuckins     
FTFA: "The next time a crowded journey on public transport thrusts you too close to a malodorous armpit, take heart. Help will soon be just a boiled sweet away."

The author is ignoring that most people smell because they just don't give a rat's ass about their hygiene.

07 Nov 2012 11:41 AM
SlagginOff     
I prefer to have whiskey seeping through my pores.

07 Nov 2012 11:41 AM
MBooda     
This is a repeat from 1736.
i274.photobucket.comView Full Size

07 Nov 2012 11:42 AM
HailRobonia     
This is what will happen:

cellar.orgView Full Size

The bees! The beeseeeeees!

07 Nov 2012 11:42 AM
Langdon Alger     
when my dad was diagnosed with cancer he went through this phase of herbal/holistic approach to aid in his chemo treatments. When he read somewhere that garlic would help, he started eating cloves of Garlic everyday. This was fine until it turned to spring and it started getting warmer outside. My mom and my dad were in the yard doing some work when my mom said "do you smell pizza?" My dad said no, but my mom realized it was him who smelled like pizza because he was sweating it out. After that, mom made dad take the "no smell" version of garlique caplets.

07 Nov 2012 11:42 AM
blatz514     

07 Nov 2012 11:43 AM
Uniquely Common     
I'm ordering a pack for kicks and giggles. I'll let you all know if it works.

07 Nov 2012 11:43 AM
ShannonKW     
"The Lord created the fart, then He put a smell in it so the deaf could enjoy it. If I'd created the fart, I'd have made it smell like coffee. That way if someone farted in the morning, you'd think breakfast was ready." -- Redd Foxx

07 Nov 2012 11:43 AM
BitwiseShift     
10 stone = 140 lbs. Can never remember whether it's 14 or 28 lbs.

Standing next to a 300 lb traveler on a crowded, bouncing city bus is enough excitement, whether or not BO or roses is in the air.

07 Nov 2012 11:44 AM
xaratherus     
Just wait until this technology is adopted into a Bertie Botts-esque prank candy. Eat one, and you smell like flowers; eat another, you smell like an unflushed bus station toilet.

07 Nov 2012 11:44 AM
Langdon Alger     
Jimmy: I'm getting sick, you smell like aftershave and taco meat!

07 Nov 2012 11:48 AM
Minktastic Mink!     
Cerulean blue is like a gentle summer breeze.

07 Nov 2012 11:49 AM
unfarkingbelievable     
But I really LIKE tearing my ass up with a rip-roaring fart!

07 Nov 2012 11:50 AM
Spiralmonkey    [TotalFark]  
As a prolific garlic eater I'd be worried that I'd end up smelling of roses and garlic, which is not an appealing combination. I'll stick to my shower-every-day-and-wear-clean-clothe s routine..

07 Nov 2012 11:50 AM
stuffy     
Now if they could make seamen tase like chocolate, we could all be happy.

07 Nov 2012 11:54 AM
Smeggy Smurf    [TotalFark]  
sema.dps.mo.govView Full Size


What a gentle summer breeze might look like coming out of my ass

07 Nov 2012 11:55 AM
brantgoose    [TotalFark]  
Great.

Now we don't have to eat roses to fart bouquets.

07 Nov 2012 11:56 AM
WordsnCollision     

stuffy: Now if they could make seamen tase like chocolate, we could all be happy.


www.geekalerts.comView Full Size
 

/don't tase me admiral

07 Nov 2012 11:58 AM
flushdepot     
My co-workers, especially the female ones, say my toots have the aroma of perfume of the gods. Bless them so much. Cabbage for supper tonite.

07 Nov 2012 12:01 PM
Needlessly Complicated     

stuffy: Now if they could make seamen tase like chocolate, we could all be happy.


My Maple Cookie tea will make your... manly secretions... taste like maple syrup.

07 Nov 2012 12:01 PM
Bronzemom     
Gentle summer breeze? There is NOTHING in this universe that could stop the malodorous typhoon issuing from my DH's butt!

07 Nov 2012 12:02 PM
brantgoose    [TotalFark]  
After reading Please Don't Eat the Daisies, by theatre critic and domestic humorist, Jean Kerr, I tried some to see why the kids were doing it. The stems, petals and leaves are delicious. The florets on the other hand, stick in your teeth and have an unpleasant, feculant mouth feel.

I'd give them about a 7. Not nearly as nice as candied violets or other edible flowers (see wedding cakes). Better than spinach though, and not poisonous like, say, buttercups, which even cows won't eat, as you can tell if you drive past a field of cows with buttercups growing in their pasture.

Watch out for that foamy stuff that insects leave on them. They're not worth it.

The book was made into a movie with Doris Day (slut! slut!) and David Niven (gay) in 1960. It was also a TV series.

07 Nov 2012 12:03 PM
KrispyKritter     
one day the Avon lady was cold calling in one of the very tall buildings downtown. she was feeling unusually gassy that day and her stomach hurt from not being able to relieve the pressure. it seemed she couldn't find a moment when there wasn't someone in the room or the hallway. finally she was overjoyed to find herself alone on the elevator and she let a very unlady-like stinky rip loud and long.

embarrassed by the intensity of her own flatulence the Avon rep quickly dug into her bag and found a sampler of 'Evergreens in Autumn' which she quickly doused about the elevator just before the door opened. a few business men got on the elevator with her and one was heard sniffing the peculiar odor.

she turned and explained "I'm an Avon lady. Do you like our latest scent?" to which the gentleman replied "I dunno, miss. It kinda smells like someone shiat a Christmas tree".

07 Nov 2012 12:06 PM
Sybarite    [TotalFark]  

stuffy: Now if they could make seamen tase like chocolate, we could all be happy.



I had a girl say this to me. She goes "you know, if god intended women to suck dick, he'd have made cum taste like chocolate" I said "Yeah, but he had to make it taste like bleach so you remember to do the laundry." - Doug Stanhope

07 Nov 2012 12:07 PM
Needlessly Complicated     

Needlessly Complicated: stuffy: Now if they could make seamen tase like chocolate, we could all be happy.

My Maple Cookie tea will make your... manly secretions... taste like maple syrup.


I apologize, link MAY be NSFW (has suggestive photograpy/language but no naughty parts). Wasn't thinking about it. Mods can delete if you want.

07 Nov 2012 12:11 PM
intotheabyss81     
"Farts are cute. Farts are fun. Farts are shiat without the mess." George Carlin

07 Nov 2012 12:12 PM
buddyrtr     
Flatulante for all!

07 Nov 2012 12:21 PM
TheGogmagog     
Been done:
api.ning.comView Full Size

07 Nov 2012 12:22 PM
wildcardjack     
images3.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size


And now my dookie smells like freshly baked cinnamon rolls.

07 Nov 2012 12:39 PM
muck1969    [TotalFark]  
can this stuff be surreptitiously added to crack and the food given to the homeless? it would make helping them so much easier.

07 Nov 2012 12:52 PM
Nuclear Monk     
Seems to me, it would only add more awkwardness. Most socially-adapted people generally don't verbalize anything when they smell a fart and just keep the feeling of disgust to themselves. A strong scent of roses probably doesn't have that same custom.

"Hey, did anyone else just catch a strong smell of roses?" "Is that your perfume?"

07 Nov 2012 01:07 PM
MythDragon     
When subby's mom farts it sounds like a gentle breeze.

because of my cock.

07 Nov 2012 01:13 PM
biglew99     
24.media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 

But ROSES really smell like...


/oblig
//fire like da aas en of dat wee'

07 Nov 2012 02:07 PM
CygnusDarius     
I say we use this in every Anime/Comic/Game Con.

07 Nov 2012 02:23 PM
Fark In The Duck    [TotalFark]  
i536.photobucket.comView Full Size

07 Nov 2012 02:37 PM
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