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   Protip: If you're planning a crime because you saw it on CSI, do bear in mind that they didn't get away with it on TV either

08 Nov 2012 03:14 PM   |   7217 clicks   |   Shields Gazette
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Saborlas    [TotalFark]  
Of course they don't get away with it on CSI. The show's very premise is ensuring that they don't get away with it. When writing fiction, it comes out the exact way you write it, regardless of what would actually happen in that situation.

08 Nov 2012 12:51 PM
Jument     
Enhance. Enhance. Enhance!

08 Nov 2012 03:22 PM
DoBeDoBeDo     
Actually if you could commit the crime in the exact same way as the show there is a good chance you'd get away with it in real life being that most of their evidence collection tools and techniques either don't exist or aren't legal.

08 Nov 2012 03:23 PM
MythDragon     
Something something
*sunglasses*
yeeeeaaaah

08 Nov 2012 03:23 PM
mrlewish     
41? What is she, British?

08 Nov 2012 03:28 PM
Dog Welder     
"Don't get away with it" is something of an understatement. They're usually caught in under an hour.

08 Nov 2012 03:34 PM
RandomAxe    [TotalFark]  
DoBeDoBeDo: Actually if you could commit the crime in the exact same way as the show there is a good chance you'd get away with it in real life being that most of their evidence collection tools and techniques either don't exist or aren't legal.

Yeah, but in both of the episodes I've seen the murder wouldn't have worked as depicted, either.

08 Nov 2012 03:34 PM
Oznog     
She should have said they wrote anti-gay slurs over the walls and carved them into her skin before they left.

08 Nov 2012 03:39 PM
Perducci     

Dog Welder: "Don't get away with it" is something of an understatement. They're usually caught in under an hour.


CSI has nothing on shows like NCIS, Without A Trace, and various others with a more national scope, though. They manage to criss-cross half the country a dozen times during an episode and still solve most crimes before the final commercial break.

"We have only 12 hours before the kidnap victim will run out of air! We need to figure out where he's being held!"
"I received a tip that the kidnapper once lived somewhere in rural Virginia. I'm going to head down there to see if I can find some clues."
"Okay, after talking to all the farmers in the state, I located one of his old neighbours. Apparently he has relatives in Florida. I'm on my way."

Meanwhile... the countdown clock at the bottom of the screen has dropped from 12 hours to 8 hours and 45 minutes.

08 Nov 2012 03:41 PM
vudukungfu    [TotalFark]  
I got an old classmate who gets reular gigs on CSI. She got gigs on Seinfeld, too. She graduated wtih me in '75 and looks great on TV. I'm going to have to ask her about her CSI experiences.
Usually I see a crime and guestimate how long it will take to make it to CSI. I have a mental gauge on "too soon" and "too late" and how long ti takes to rewite it and twist it. I'm close, usually.

08 Nov 2012 03:53 PM
redmid17    [TotalFark]  
Why didn't she just use the bag of coke to bribe a homeless guy into performing the robbery?

08 Nov 2012 03:54 PM
texdent    [TotalFark]  

Perducci: Dog Welder: "Don't get away with it" is something of an understatement. They're usually caught in under an hour.

CSI has nothing on shows like NCIS, Without A Trace, and various others with a more national scope, though. They manage to criss-cross half the country a dozen times during an episode and still solve most crimes before the final commercial break.

"We have only 12 hours before the kidnap victim will run out of air! We need to figure out where he's being held!"
"I received a tip that the kidnapper once lived somewhere in rural Virginia. I'm going to head down there to see if I can find some clues."
"Okay, after talking to all the farmers in the state, I located one of his old neighbours. Apparently he has relatives in Florida. I'm on my way."

Meanwhile... the countdown clock at the bottom of the screen has dropped from 12 hours to 8 hours and 45 minutes.


There was an episode of CSI Miami where Horatio has to go to Brazil and then fight his way out due to the gangs wanting him dead. He manages to survive and make it back to Miami all in one day.

08 Nov 2012 04:05 PM
vudukungfu    [TotalFark]  

texdent: There was an episode of CSI Miami where Horatio has to go to Brazil and then fight his way out due to the gangs wanting him dead. He manages to survive and make it back to Miami all in one day


How does a pale, skinney, ginger, gringo get the hot latina, anyway?

08 Nov 2012 04:15 PM
John Napkintosh     
Well, in fairness, they didn't get away with it on CSI because that particular species of flower only grows in one place, and it happens to be right across town in an industrial park. I'll go check it out.

08 Nov 2012 04:17 PM
umad     
I know this all too well. I committed a crime once and was caught because they made a GUI interface using visual basic to track my IP address. I was doomed from the start.

08 Nov 2012 04:27 PM
This Looks Fun    [TotalFark]  

umad: I know this all too well. I committed a crime once and was caught because they made a GUI interface using visual basic to track my IP address. I was doomed from the start.


That sounds familiar.

/Well done.

08 Nov 2012 04:33 PM
Jument     

umad: I know this all too well. I committed a crime once and was caught because they made a GUI interface using visual basic to track my IP address. I was doomed from the start.


I saw that one. I rewound my Tivo like six times because I couldn't farking believe they actually said that. Epic.

08 Nov 2012 04:42 PM
Citrate1007     
Why even involve the cocaine....it just seems unnecessary.

08 Nov 2012 04:51 PM
Missicat    [TotalFark]  

texdent: Perducci: Dog Welder: "Don't get away with it" is something of an understatement. They're usually caught in under an hour.

CSI has nothing on shows like NCIS, Without A Trace, and various others with a more national scope, though. They manage to criss-cross half the country a dozen times during an episode and still solve most crimes before the final commercial break.

"We have only 12 hours before the kidnap victim will run out of air! We need to figure out where he's being held!"
"I received a tip that the kidnapper once lived somewhere in rural Virginia. I'm going to head down there to see if I can find some clues."
"Okay, after talking to all the farmers in the state, I located one of his old neighbours. Apparently he has relatives in Florida. I'm on my way."

Meanwhile... the countdown clock at the bottom of the screen has dropped from 12 hours to 8 hours and 45 minutes.

There was an episode of CSI Miami where Horatio has to go to Brazil and then fight his way out due to the gangs wanting him dead. He manages to survive and make it back to Miami all in one day.


I also love how on NCIS they can drive from DC to Norfolk in about 10 minutes.

08 Nov 2012 04:57 PM
blatz514    [TotalFark]  

Jument: umad: I know this all too well. I committed a crime once and was caught because they made a GUI interface using visual basic to track my IP address. I was doomed from the start.

I saw that one. I rewound my Tivo like six times because I couldn't farking believe they actually said that. Epic.


Automatic ATM Machine?

08 Nov 2012 05:16 PM
man metaphysical     
L oh fkin L
Some people man

08 Nov 2012 05:19 PM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     
Protip: If you're planning a crime because you saw it on Scooby-Doo, do bear in mind that they got stopped by those meddling kids and their dog.

08 Nov 2012 05:20 PM
blatz514    [TotalFark]  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Protip: If you're planning a crime because you saw it on Scooby-Doo, do bear in mind that they got stopped by those meddling kids and their dog.


cdn2-b.examiner.comView Full Size


And her.

08 Nov 2012 05:23 PM
Jim_Callahan     
To be fair, they usually don't get away with it on CSI because in that setting, sorcery is real and solely the province of law enforcement. The show has nothing to do with actual forensics or even science, it's basically "Merlin" with technobabble instead of fake Latin.

08 Nov 2012 05:24 PM
ongbok    [TotalFark]  

umad: I know this all too well. I committed a crime once and was caught because they made a GUI interface using visual basic to track my IP address. I was doomed from the start.


Damn you. I was going to use that line.

/Nicely done.

08 Nov 2012 05:49 PM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     

blatz514: cdn2-b.examiner.com

And her.


And/or the Harlem Globetrotters.

08 Nov 2012 05:54 PM
MajorBurns     

umad: I know this all too well. I committed a crime once and was caught because they made a GUI interface using visual basic to track my IP address. I was doomed from the start.


I wonder if they used this

08 Nov 2012 06:50 PM
slauer     
I also love how on NCIS they can drive from DC to Norfolk in about 10 minutes.

This. I assumed it was a suburb of DC until I actually looked at a map. That looks like a 2 or 3 hour drive.

08 Nov 2012 08:05 PM
cyks     

slauer: I also love how on NCIS they can drive from DC to Norfolk in about 10 minutes.

This. I assumed it was a suburb of DC until I actually looked at a map. That looks like a 2 or 3 hour drive.


It's closer to 4 hours... but, even if it were just a 10 minute drive, DC traffic would turn it into a 2-3 hour drive for most of the day.

08 Nov 2012 10:32 PM
Fano     

DoBeDoBeDo: Actually if you could commit the crime in the exact same way as the show there is a good chance you'd get away with it in real life being that most of their evidence collection tools and techniques either don't exist or aren't legal.


You should probably use a few episodes of Columbo for pointers on how to get away with murder since the case wouldn't be solved unless the dump clumsy cop gets under your rich, educated skin and causes you to confess. I bet 90% of his charges wouldn't stick in court.

Best solution: reverse the safety settings on a guillotine in a locked room, or have an atheletic woman with dementia to commit the crime

08 Nov 2012 10:35 PM
Fano     
Also, i like to chat up strangers in trains. You never know what they'll agree to.

08 Nov 2012 10:37 PM
redmid17    [TotalFark]  

cyks: slauer: I also love how on NCIS they can drive from DC to Norfolk in about 10 minutes.

This. I assumed it was a suburb of DC until I actually looked at a map. That looks like a 2 or 3 hour drive.

It's closer to 4 hours... but, even if it were just a 10 minute drive, DC traffic would turn it into a 2-3 hour drive for most of the day.


How does pacing work?

08 Nov 2012 10:53 PM
Resident Muslim     

Jument: Enhance. Enhance. Enhance!


This. In every spook show/movie.

"can you shift the camera angle slightly so that we can get a better look at the suspect?"
"let me try.....There you go!"
"Excellent work. Let's go get him guys!"


Uh. No.

08 Nov 2012 11:48 PM
whenIsayGO     
Every once in a while on CSI they used to have a case that they actually didn't solve, or where they had a suspect but couldn't prove it. It was refreshing. It feels like it's been a while since they've done that.

09 Nov 2012 12:09 AM
SlothB77    [TotalFark]  

Jument: Enhance. Enhance. Enhance!


i love how the CSI people can take anyone's security camera, no matter how old or poor quality and turn it into this 1000 megapixel camera.

09 Nov 2012 09:05 AM
Thaddeus Mutton     

SlothB77: Jument: Enhance. Enhance. Enhance!

i love how the CSI people can take anyone's security camera, no matter how old or poor quality and turn it into this 1000 megapixel camera.


Pfft. Amateurs.

This is how it's done.

09 Nov 2012 11:25 AM
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