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   We're about to reach Peak Coffee

10 Nov 2012 07:51 AM   |   7055 clicks   |   Huffington Post
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Makh    [TotalFark]  
Ok, it's now time to panic.

However, you have to love the name given to wild coffee. Psychotria Nervosa

Now, I want to try it.

10 Nov 2012 07:45 AM
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Mr. Coffee Nerves    [TotalFark]  
Juan Valdez is just one man, and Diego is just one burro, people!

10 Nov 2012 07:50 AM
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p4p3rm4t3     
img440.imageshack.us

10 Nov 2012 07:53 AM
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wildcardjack     

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Juan Valdez is just one man, and Diego is just one burro, people!


Is that coffee actually vegan at that point? It involves the exploitation of animals.

10 Nov 2012 07:59 AM
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funktilious_j    [TotalFark]  

wildcardjack: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Juan Valdez is just one man, and Diego is just one burro, people!

Is that coffee actually vegan at that point? It involves the exploitation of animals.


I think Kopi Luwak is the only non-vegan coffee. And wouldn't any coffee exploit animals? Is not man an animal?

10 Nov 2012 08:04 AM
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sporkme     
static8.businessinsider.com

10 Nov 2012 08:05 AM
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opiumpoopy     
Climate change?

I never knew coffee grew at the North Pole. It'll all sink when all the ice melts...

10 Nov 2012 08:06 AM
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Ed_Severson     
WHAT THE fark?!?

What's that? 2080?

Nevermind, then. I'll be dead. Crisis averted.

10 Nov 2012 08:20 AM
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7FARK7     
And how is this different from all the other climate CYCLES the Earth has gone through? Including all the time before Humans were here, even before the Dinosaurs were here!?! Why is the Arabica suddenly going to die NOW???

10 Nov 2012 08:24 AM
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RevLovejoy     
/Reads headline. Panics.
//See expected end date of 2080
///relaxes, sips hot coffee

10 Nov 2012 08:27 AM
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Mr. Potatoass     
www.955online.com

10 Nov 2012 08:30 AM
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Ordinary Genius     
They can take my Kona From my cold, dead hands.

10 Nov 2012 08:31 AM
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Snarfangel     
So...Greenland will become the new hub of coffee growing?

10 Nov 2012 08:39 AM
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Mayhem of the Black Underclass     
So the wild variety will be gone, because it can't adapt to the new temperature. OK. Let's use our brains to do something about it. We could breed a temperature resistant version. Or genetically engineer one. It would probably take a couple of decades. So if we started now, we might just ensure we have coffee in 70 years.

10 Nov 2012 08:41 AM
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Smirky the Wonder Chimp     
I look forward to telling my hypothetical grandchildren about these fantastical things called "fish," and amazing foods and beverages like coffee, tea and doughnuts as we slowly ingest our dole-yeast-and-Chlorella porridge in the morning.

10 Nov 2012 08:50 AM
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loonatic112358     
murder rates increase exponentially as the coffee supplies dwindle in my immediate area

10 Nov 2012 09:24 AM
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KrispyKritter    [TotalFark]  

Smirky the Wonder Chimp: I look forward to telling my hypothetical grandchildren about these fantastical things called "fish," and amazing foods and beverages like coffee, tea and doughnuts as we slowly ingest our dole-yeast-and-Chlorella porridge in the morning.


no worries. a little work, a few bucks, you can grow all sorts of yummies even fish in tanks in your basement. as for coffee, i'll go the Mad Max route, shaving the sides of my head and risking life and limb as i lunge from a odd motorized buggy through the drive-in window at Dunkin Donuts, laying everyone to waste before i run out the door with a Box of Joe to go.

10 Nov 2012 09:26 AM
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Abe Vigoda's Ghost    [TotalFark]  
I'm hording now, for my ancestors.

10 Nov 2012 09:34 AM
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KawaiiNot     
I don't wanna live in a world without coffee.

10 Nov 2012 09:36 AM
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threadjackistan     

KrispyKritter: Smirky the Wonder Chimp: I look forward to telling my hypothetical grandchildren about these fantastical things called "fish," and amazing foods and beverages like coffee, tea and doughnuts as we slowly ingest our dole-yeast-and-Chlorella porridge in the morning.

no worries. a little work, a few bucks, you can grow all sorts of yummies even fish in tanks in your basement. as for coffee, i'll go the Mad Max route, shaving the sides of my head and risking life and limb as i lunge from a odd motorized buggy through the drive-in window at Dunkin Donuts, laying everyone to waste before i run out the door with a Box of Joe to go.


Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk. Day and night they grind it, ka-chunk ka-chunk ka-chunk.

10 Nov 2012 09:36 AM
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BolshyGreatYarblocks     
So when do we invade and occupy Colombia? To give teh freadums to the locals, of course.

10 Nov 2012 09:52 AM
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Hickory-smoked     

7FARK7: And how is this different from all the other climate CYCLES the Earth has gone through? Including all the time before Humans were here, even before the Dinosaurs were here!?! Why is the Arabica suddenly going to die NOW???


Desertification. Any other questions?

10 Nov 2012 10:23 AM
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RobSeace    [TotalFark]  

threadjackistan: KrispyKritter: Smirky the Wonder Chimp: I look forward to telling my hypothetical grandchildren about these fantastical things called "fish," and amazing foods and beverages like coffee, tea and doughnuts as we slowly ingest our dole-yeast-and-Chlorella porridge in the morning.

no worries. a little work, a few bucks, you can grow all sorts of yummies even fish in tanks in your basement. as for coffee, i'll go the Mad Max route, shaving the sides of my head and risking life and limb as i lunge from a odd motorized buggy through the drive-in window at Dunkin Donuts, laying everyone to waste before i run out the door with a Box of Joe to go.

Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk. Day and night they grind it, ka-chunk ka-chunk ka-chunk.


images2.wikia.nocookie.net

There has been too much violence. Too much pain. But I have an honorable compromise. Just walk away. Give me your grinder, the beans, the coffee, and the whole compound, and I'll spare your lives. Just walk away and we'll give you a safe passageway in the wastelands. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror.

10 Nov 2012 10:28 AM
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signaljammer     
Makh
I'm drinking coffee right now!!

Ok, it's now time to panic.

However, you have to love the name given to wild coffee. Psychotria Nervosa

Now, I want to try it.


One day, we may all have to make due with a morning bowl of Psychotria viridis!
Link

Seriously, robusta doesn't haveta be gritty rapca, it just so often is.

10 Nov 2012 10:41 AM
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i upped my meds-up yours     

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Juan Valdez is just one man, and Diego is just one burro, people!


El Exigente don't give a fark.

/obscure

10 Nov 2012 10:58 AM
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Clemkadidlefark     
BTW - Peak coffe? Meh. Peak Oil though is now very real. Obama just created it by outlawing any and all oil drilling Out West on any federal lands. Where, you know, all the oil is. More oil than all the Mideast combined. Makes perfect sense.

If you're Stalin.

10 Nov 2012 11:24 AM
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raerae1980    [TotalFark]  
NO. NO NO NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

/someone hold me *sob*

10 Nov 2012 11:36 AM
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Zugswang     
I guess the good news is that we have a lot of ways to synthesize caffeine through chemical conversions that don't require the coffee bean.

10 Nov 2012 12:34 PM
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Trocadero     
The quick aside at the end was a wake up call; one blight could kill off all of the bananas. What the hell have all those corrupt republics been doing all those years they've been oppressing people?

10 Nov 2012 01:34 PM
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Surool     
OH NO! The article says WILD (not cultivated) COFFEE MIGHT GO EXTINCT IN 70 YEARS!!11!!!1!!!1!

10 Nov 2012 02:16 PM
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yet_another_wumpus     

Surool: OH NO! The article says WILD (not cultivated) COFFEE MIGHT GO EXTINCT IN 70 YEARS!!11!!!1!!!1!


You dog wants auroch meat.

10 Nov 2012 02:30 PM
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danno_to_infinity     

p4p3rm4t3: [img440.imageshack.us image 550x378]


thank you, over in 3

10 Nov 2012 03:14 PM
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cyberspacedout     
Relax, guys, we won't all be reduced to drinking tea.

Even if this one goes extinct, they'll just use another species of coffee plant that grows at lower altitudes. coffea canephora, also known as robusta, is currently used for maybe 1/5 of the world's coffee. The flavor's not as good as Arabica, but the plant is more resistant to disease and pests, and has a higher caffeine content.

Also, there are a few others: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffea#S pecies (even one that's caffeine free, but who would want that?)

10 Nov 2012 04:12 PM
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Smirky the Wonder Chimp     

KrispyKritter: Smirky the Wonder Chimp: I look forward to telling my hypothetical grandchildren about these fantastical things called "fish," and amazing foods and beverages like coffee, tea and doughnuts as we slowly ingest our dole-yeast-and-Chlorella porridge in the morning.

no worries. a little work, a few bucks, you can grow all sorts of yummies even fish in tanks in your basement. as for coffee, i'll go the Mad Max route, shaving the sides of my head and risking life and limb as i lunge from a odd motorized buggy through the drive-in window at Dunkin Donuts, laying everyone to waste before i run out the door with a Box of Joe to go.


media.screened.com

There has been too much violence. Too much pain. But I have an honorable compromise. Just walk away. Give me your cappucino machines, the coffee beans, the french presses, and the whole Dunkin Donuts, and I'll spare your lives. Just walk away and we'll give you a safe passageway in the wastelands. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror.

10 Nov 2012 06:27 PM
Reply
Smirky the Wonder Chimp     
www.lisashea.com

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion,
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
The hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

10 Nov 2012 06:30 PM
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DarkVader     
Meh.

Coffee isn't that tasty anyway.

10 Nov 2012 08:25 PM
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Kittypie070     
Panicky morons.

11 Nov 2012 08:01 AM
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Surool     

Kittypie070: Panicky morons caffeine addicts.


11 Nov 2012 02:02 PM
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Hickory-smoked     

Clemkadidlefark: BTW - Peak coffe? Meh. Peak Oil though is now very real. Obama just created it by outlawing any and all oil drilling Out West on any federal lands. Where, you know, all the oil is. More oil than all the Mideast combined. Makes perfect sense.


You know... the whole point of peak oil is that expanding production to dirtier and more expensive extraction methods isn't actually a solution.

11 Nov 2012 06:33 PM
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Kittypie070     
NO!! I SAID PANICKY MORANS!!

11 Nov 2012 07:05 PM
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