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   Twenty-seven things you can't do without Facebook. Stalking your ex is not on the list

12 Nov 2012 09:17 PM   |   14374 clicks   |   Buzzfeed
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Ed Finnerty     
If it's so great, why are you trying to convince me to join when clearly I'm not interested?

Oh, and:

3.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

12 Nov 2012 06:19 PM
Radak    [TotalFark]  
And nothing of value was lost.

12 Nov 2012 06:35 PM
SlothB77    [TotalFark]  
stalking other people is more valuable than all 27 of those combined.

12 Nov 2012 07:28 PM
Donnchadha    [TotalFark]  
I'm willing to bet that only two of those things you really can't do without a facebook account -- getting a job at facebook and getting a facebook email address.

That entire list is like saying it's impossible to take a photograph without a phone anymore.

12 Nov 2012 07:44 PM
GAT_00     
13. Poke someone in an acceptable manner

Back in my day, we threw sheep at each other and we liked it!

12 Nov 2012 08:09 PM
Dead for Tax Reasons     

SlothB77: stalking other people is more valuable than all 27 of those combined.


a lot of the list did include stalking-like behavior

12 Nov 2012 08:20 PM
Snarcoleptic_Hoosier    [TotalFark]  
28. Rub one out to sexy pictures of friends of friends because they can't figure out how to make settings private

/Don't judge me

12 Nov 2012 08:20 PM
mamoru    [TotalFark]  
14. Talk to people against their will

Has this guy never heard of an elevator?

/what?

12 Nov 2012 09:15 PM
Indubitably     
This is part of the reason why I don't face, unless in person, and then you can see my ugly mug all you want, for I'll be the one smilin' at ya.

*)

12 Nov 2012 09:24 PM
Indubitably     

mamoru: 14. Talk to people against their will

Has this guy never heard of an elevator?

/what?


P.S. You are talked to against your will when you wake up.

12 Nov 2012 09:24 PM
BigNumber12     
My grandparents are dead. Nice try, Facebook.

12 Nov 2012 09:26 PM
bunner     
28. Raise fake sheep and corn

29. Get spammed with "friend" requests

30. Piss away hours posting the intimate and mundane minutiae of your day to day existence for the benefit of other people who do the same thing, despite that neither they, nor you, read it or give a sh*t.

12 Nov 2012 09:27 PM
iheartscotch     

GAT_00: 13. Poke someone in an acceptable manner

Back in my day, we threw sheep at each other and we liked it!


Now tell me about the time the virtual bank forclosed on your virtual farm, grandpa.

/ I keed, I keed

12 Nov 2012 09:29 PM
TheTurtle     
Pretty much every farking thing on that list, I'm like, "so farking what?"

Sites that co-opt FB for commenting are run by lamers on behalf of morons for the benefit of idiots.

Real sites know how to write trollproofing.

12 Nov 2012 09:30 PM
The Irresponsible Captain    [TotalFark]  
28) Watch Mitt Romney's "Likes" go down.

12 Nov 2012 09:34 PM
SockMonkeyHolocaust     
At these prices, I am practically giving these Nazi memorabilia away!

12 Nov 2012 09:35 PM
trivial use of my dark powers     
Somehow, even though I don't have an account, I think I'll find the strength to carry on.

12 Nov 2012 09:37 PM
Transubstantive     
How is it legal for potential employers, especially government agencies, to require you to surrender your facebook login information when that will lead to the very same information they are prohibited from asking directly? I'm talking age, marital status, political affiliation, etc. That is automatically out-of-bounds, so why isn't requiring full access to your facebook account?

12 Nov 2012 09:37 PM
Indubitably     

Transubstantive: How is it legal for potential employers, especially government agencies, to require you to surrender your facebook login information when that will lead to the very same information they are prohibited from asking directly? I'm talking age, marital status, political affiliation, etc. That is automatically out-of-bounds, so why isn't requiring full access to your facebook account?


Doublethink.

*)

12 Nov 2012 09:38 PM
jmr61     

Transubstantive: How is it legal for potential employers, especially government agencies, to require you to surrender your facebook login information when that will lead to the very same information they are prohibited from asking directly? I'm talking age, marital status, political affiliation, etc. That is automatically out-of-bounds, so why isn't requiring full access to your facebook account?



It is.

12 Nov 2012 09:39 PM
Juc     

Transubstantive: How is it legal for potential employers, especially government agencies, to require you to surrender your facebook login information when that will lead to the very same information they are prohibited from asking directly? I'm talking age, marital status, political affiliation, etc. That is automatically out-of-bounds, so why isn't requiring full access to your facebook account?


I remember seeing something about a court case somewhere about that recently, basicly the answer is that you cannot require a potential employee to surrender login information for anything.

12 Nov 2012 09:40 PM
chaosweaver     
13. Poke someone in an acceptable manner.

Umm... my friends and I use pokes as a form of greeting when we get together IN PERSON. It's so much more fun when the ticklish friend shows up, we usually torture her until the movie starts.

12 Nov 2012 09:40 PM
SquiggsIN     

TheTurtle: Pretty much every farking thing on that list, I'm like, "so farking what?"

Sites that co-opt FB for commenting are run by lamers on behalf of morons for the benefit of idiots.

Real sites know how to write trollproofing.


I've just started boycotting sites/businesses that want facebook likes. I do not now nor will I ever have a desire to put my face in their book.

12 Nov 2012 09:41 PM
The All-Powerful Atheismo     
I don't have facebook and I can do almost all of those damn things you farking tools.

12 Nov 2012 09:42 PM
radarlove     
"Publicly prove that you are smarter than your friends"

I do that by not having a Facebook.

This list was almost as big a pile of horseshiat as FB is.

/oops, don't have a Facebook, sure hope I'm able to post this comment!

12 Nov 2012 09:43 PM
SquiggsIN     

radarlove: "Publicly prove that you are smarter than your friends"

I do that by not having a Facebook.

This list was almost as big a pile of horseshiat as FB is.

/oops, don't have a Facebook, sure hope I'm able to post this comment!


this this this and so much more this. "I can't find you on facebook" "I know, I don't really want to talk to idiots who rely on facebook"

12 Nov 2012 09:44 PM
The My Little Pony Killer     
I like how the list has a few points but then quickly devolves into "you can't use Facebook apps" for the other 12 or so posts.

12 Nov 2012 09:46 PM
RedPhoenix122    [TotalFark]  

bunner: 28. Raise fake sheep and corn

29. Get spammed with "friend" requests

30. Piss away hours posting the intimate and mundane minutiae of your day to day existence for the benefit of other people who do the same thing, despite that neither they, nor you, read it or give a sh*t.


As for 28, Harvest Moon is better.

12 Nov 2012 09:46 PM
bunner     
"Why don't you have a facebook page??!!1!!"

"I think it's a bullsh*t attention whore site, utterly devoid of use or meaning to anyone other than the data miners running the place, and if I wanted my personal information to be a product, I'd put it in envelopes and sell it at a consignment shop."

"U R jus teh 0LD!"

"Yeahhhhhhhh, sure hon. OK."

12 Nov 2012 09:48 PM
Tenatra     
"24. Get your lost wallet returned"

Some people would use the address on an ID if it was there.

You can also use www.spokeo.com, public records or signing up for random crap will put your name all over the net

12 Nov 2012 09:49 PM
hugheric     
get invited to shiat you don't care about by people you never talk to.

12 Nov 2012 09:50 PM
MagicMissile     
28. Get arrested, fired from your job, spied on by Law Enforcement and Private Investigators!

12 Nov 2012 09:51 PM
Duck_of_Doom     
Get a job at a public agency

Earlier this year reports surfaced of public agencies requiring applicants to submit their Facebook log-in and password. If you don't have one at all, it could raise a few eyebrows.


What the fark? Really, what the ever-living fark?! Why would anyone even CONSIDER giving complete strangers such information??? And what business is it what you look at, do, or post in your off-time? If you're into Paula Deen and Chevy worship, want to make hateful posts about your boss, or be a flaming idiot, who are you hurting? Ok you're hurting everyone who reads your crap, but that's voluntary self-abuse on the reader's side.

Here's an offer for you Farkers: Give me your login and password, and I will give you a rock-solid defense against trolling. You can say "Duck_of_Doom posted that, not me!" All the fun of a troll alt, no need to create one. EIP.

/not serious

12 Nov 2012 09:52 PM
chaosweaver     
19. Force your religious beliefs on others.

Have you not been to a state/county fair, or gone to the mall in the last 8 years?

12 Nov 2012 09:53 PM
bunner     
I mean, if you really need to know what style burrito some bored secretary in NJ bought for lunch, today, that's what Twitter is for. Bonus - No pictures of her kids refrigerator art.

12 Nov 2012 09:53 PM
whatshisname     
29. Ignore gifts of virtual livestock and vegetables

12 Nov 2012 09:54 PM
Dellirium     
What about 27 things that you DON"T need FaceBook for?
Please feel free to add to this list:

1. Have a life
2. Not piss off all your friends by aimlessly bombarding them with non-important mental spewings.
3. Not be tracked by FB and other morons.
4. Not have your personal information milked/ sold to other marketing assholes.
5. Suffer through endless advertising.
6. Be reminded by how fat, old, ugly, stupid your friends are becoming (or yourself).
etc., etc.

12 Nov 2012 09:56 PM
i.r.id10t     
#13 brings back memories of the 80s, and hearing folks holler "hey finger me about a party later this week!" in the halls ...

12 Nov 2012 09:58 PM
Indubitably     
Closing in.

12 Nov 2012 09:58 PM
cretinbob     
www.analoghype.comView Full Size

12 Nov 2012 09:59 PM
gregario     
#24 Get your lost wallet returned.

I was biking and I spotted a woman's wallet on the shoulder of the road. Turned around picked it up and it was filled with credit cards and cash. Long story short, I turned it into a Sheriff's deputy on my ride home and then when I got home found the owner on Facebook. She wasn't listed in the phone book. I messaged her to tell her I found her wallet and turned it in and the Sheriff had it. Never heard from the ungrateful biatch. Messaged her a week later to see if she got it. No response. Didn't want a reward, just a farking thank you .

/I'm looking at you Tami Orr

12 Nov 2012 09:59 PM
KrispyKritter     
i find joy in learning of Farkers who do not, have not and will not FB. you are the better people, and i'm glad to anonymously know you.

looking forward to a post by someone who is unable to read the linky on their iPhone, complains about it. god knows i love those posts too.

12 Nov 2012 10:01 PM
Bucky Katt    [TotalFark]  
I seem to be getting by without those 27 things.

12 Nov 2012 10:03 PM
NightGuard     
Okay, after reading that list, I've been able to do pretty much all of those things prior to discovering Facebook. Heck, I think I was connecting with the older generations online before Facebook existed. I was amazed to see how many senior citizens were playing some of the really old online games like The Realm. And most of us had our WinAmp telling our IRC client what songs we were listening to.

/no, I'm not that old, but get off my lawn anyway

12 Nov 2012 10:07 PM
dopekitty74     
I have two, one with a fake name, which is the one i actively use and is not appropriate for potential employers to surf, and another which is squeaky clean, but has enough friends and been around for a few months. I go there sporadically, like and share a thing or two, then leave again

12 Nov 2012 10:07 PM
Indubitably     

Bucky Katt: I seem to be getting by without those 27 things.


Cute.

Ever-watchful, eh?

atch this.

12 Nov 2012 10:08 PM
Mugato    [TotalFark]  
Brought to to you by the "People Desperately Trying to Keep Facebook Relevant Council"

Just talk to people, assholes.

12 Nov 2012 10:10 PM
otto the bull     
The more my Wife talks about her facebook, the more it validates my hatred of the general population.

12 Nov 2012 10:11 PM
the_chief     
SERVES NO PURPOSE

12 Nov 2012 10:12 PM
GranoblasticMan     
Am I the only person who read this as satire?

12 Nov 2012 10:13 PM
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