| Future Fark headline from December: They never saw it coming...TSA let it right through, but everyone who witnessed the event had nightmares about snow globes for weeks
|Showing 1-41 of 41 comments|
| Big Man On Campus
Where is the army of Disney lawyers when you need them?
Snow globes that appear to contain less than 3.4 ounces (approximately tennis-ball size) will be permitted
And yet in the past they wouldn't let on a tiny container of liquid unless it had the volume in print on the container. Is the TSA starting to become less farktarded or is this policy a mistake of some kind?
Pies?!? Not pies!! Will no one think of the clowns!!!
Jument: Snow globes that appear to contain less than 3.4 ounces (approximately tennis-ball size) will be permitted
Naw, the TSA just loves to troll.
/u mad bro?
Food items such as pies and cakes are permitted, but may require further inspection
Here's the screener that will do the "further inspection:"
| Honest Bender
"I got this."
Big Man On Campus: Where is the army of Disney lawyers when you need them?
On the way....
to DisneyWorld.....AKA Washington, DC and the Oval Office.
| Harvey Manfrenjensenjen
The updated travel tips are part of the TSA's attempt to streamline the lines at security checkpoints.
Translation: The updated travel tips are the way the TSA is turning "our policy has been bullshiat all along but we'd never admit it" into "hey, look at how generous we're being. Aren't we just the nicest people around? Christmas SpiritTM and all that shiat. You all should be grateful that we're being so nice while protecting you from the evil Muslim."
/Fark the TSA, everything about it and everyone associated with it.
Not enough fire in the
SnyderCat: Big Man On Campus: Where is the army of Disney lawyers when you need them?
Red #5 for being a chronic pinko.
TSA Horner sat in the corner examining your holiday pie.
He stuck in his thumb and pulled out a bomb.
And said, "What a good boy am I."
Nightmares about snow globes? Seems relevant.
"...yes Mr. TSA agent, sir. It's an apple pie. Please don't stick your dick in it."
cakes and pies! cakes and pies!
I would applaud a flash mob showing up and jamming snow globes that were apparently greater than 3.5 ounces up the asses of the TSA at every ariport at once this holiday season. Then refusing to fly, anyway.
You can take back your country,
but only if you want to.
Still illegal as of December 21, 2012:
* reindeer manure
* live reindeer
* dead reindeer
* frozen meat
* fruit cakes of more than 3.4 ounces
* mince pies made with alcohol
* plum cakes made with alcohol
* sugar plums
* sugar plum fairies
* Mershaum and Briar wood pipes
* jolly elves (over four and one half feet tall and 200 pounds)
* ermine trimmed boots
* vermin coated boots
* yule logs over 12 inches
* Christmas trees, natural
* Christmas trees, artificial, over 12 inches
* Christmas lights and other decorations that might conceal a bomb or parts of a bombe
* bombes (made with alcohol, over 3.4 ounces)
* holly, real
* mistletoe, fake or real
* barley candy, over 3.4 ounces per piece or a total of more than 12 ounces
* tubs of "hard tack" candy
* those dangerous Christmas ribbands (ribbons)
* More than one pound of chocolates, especially the Cherry filled kind
* Frog Surprise chocolates
* Skis (carry-on)
* magical articles larger than a wand or magic coin
* lamps shaped like legs (unless under six inches)
* Christmas cheer, high spirits, or laughter
* Christmas crackers or any toy that goes bang
* Menorahs over 12 inches in height or width, especially brass Menorahs
* brass monkeys, frozen
* brass monkeys, regular
* brass balls (larger than 3.4 ounces in total, per pair)
* recordings of Chirstmas hits that everybody is so farking sick of that they may try to kill you if you play them just one more time
* what Brantgoose has been wishing for in his stocking for all of these years (to whit, a elf)
* shoes with stillleto heels of more than 3.4 inches or made of hard materials such as metal, glass, or stone
* Dutch wooden shoes
* elves named Brandy
special20: SnyderCat: Big Man On Campus: Where is the army of Disney lawyers when you need them?
brantgoose: Still illegal as of December 21, 2012:
vudukungfu: I would applaud a flash mob showing up and jamming snow globes that were apparently greater than 3.5 ounces up the asses of the TSA at every ariport at once this holiday season. Then refusing to fly, anyway.
Unless they actually purchased a ticket for a flight they would never get to the point where their snow globe was being examined by the TSA.
So, really, it would be pretty easy for a terrorist to strap a load of explosives to his chest, wait until they get to the front of the long line of people waiting for the TSA guy to check their tickets (which is before their luggage is examined and they go through the back scatter), and press the boom button.
You'll get my 4 oz snow globe when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
| HotIgneous Intruder
FTA: Food items such as pies and cakes are permitted, but may require further inspection.
I farking bet.
The cake is a lie.
Watch out for those snow globes. If you're not careful, they hatch into shopping carts, which eventually meld to form a full-fledged mall.
I'd feel naked without my sword.
I've seen the idiotic Syfy movie "Ice Quake" to understand the evils of snow globes.
TSA MUST DIE!
/please, I mean, just look at this chit we have gotten ourselves into
DittoToo: vudukungfu: I would applaud a flash mob showing up and jamming snow globes that were apparently greater than 3.5 ounces up the asses of the TSA at every ariport at once this holiday season. Then refusing to fly, anyway.
Terrorists can also go into a line or any large gathering place and do the same thing, airports are not exclusive. They can do a stadium, a mall, the checkout line at walmart, anywhere massive people congregate. Are you saying we should expand the TSA's security power to the whole airport and to anywhere people congregate in large masses?
Jaws_Victim: DittoToo: vudukungfu: I would applaud a flash mob showing up and jamming snow globes that were apparently greater than 3.5 ounces up the asses of the TSA at every ariport at once this holiday season. Then refusing to fly, anyway.
No, we're saying we should shrink the TSA's security power to zero, where it belongs.
I've also noticed that massive people congregate at WalMart.
Bastardos! I tried to bring a snow globe back from Vegas to a friend about 4 years ago. Didn't want it to break so I was trying to bring it on the plane in my carry-on. I was told I had to go back to the front of the airport to ship it (and subsequently get back in the 45 minute wait of a line, missing my plane) or throw it in a trashcan (so sad). It was like flushing $25 down a toilet. And the smirk on the TSA agent's face was icing on the cake.
Thanks for the memories McCarran - just another reason why I will never go back to Vegas. They steal your money and your soul, right down to the last step out of their stinkin' town.
| Onkel Buck
TexanBoy: [24.media.tumblr.com image 500x284]
Came for the SOA reference
Gyrfalcon: No, we're saying we should shrink the TSA's security power to zero, where it belongs.
Yes. Yes, we are.
funkdafied: Bastardos! I tried to bring a snow globe back from Vegas to a friend about 4 years ago. Didn't want it to break so I was trying to bring it on the plane in my carry-on. I was told I had to go back to the front of the airport to ship it (and subsequently get back in the 45 minute wait of a line, missing my plane) or throw it in a trashcan (so sad). It was like flushing $25 down a toilet. And the smirk on the TSA agent's face was icing on the cake.
The TSA was trying to do you a favor. Snow globes are trite and pointless. The TSA saved you!
j/k... I had a grandmother who was into snow globes. I still think they're tacky but there's a warm place in my heart for them.
I've traveled extensively in my life, spent more time in airports than I care to recall, bur never in all my travels did I ever have the notion to bring a farking pie on the plane with me. If you ask me it's just a bunch of people biatching about nothing.
| Robert Farker
ReapTheChaos: I've traveled extensively in my life, spent more time in airports than I care to recall, bur never in all my travels did I ever have the notion to bring a farking pie on the plane with me. If you ask me it's just a bunch of people biatching about nothing.
I have found that, in general, the more often you fly the less you biatch about the TSA. I know a lot of people who fly often and I never hear them complain. It's the people who never fly or do so only on rare occasions that complain the most.
Robert Farker: ReapTheChaos: I've traveled extensively in my life, spent more time in airports than I care to recall, bur never in all my travels did I ever have the notion to bring a farking pie on the plane with me. If you ask me it's just a bunch of people biatching about nothing.
Why in the world would you think this is about complaining and/or the distraction du jour?
This is about collossal fearmongering run amok and government stupidity funding itself behind a false flag agenda "for your own good".
It ain't good, it ain't "for" you, it is to you.
Apparently, a little known fact, that the fluid restriction is because their machines can't see what is stashed inside the liquid (they are seen as one dense object).
Gyrfalcon: Jaws_Victim: DittoToo: vudukungfu: I would applaud a flash mob showing up and jamming snow globes that were apparently greater than 3.5 ounces up the asses of the TSA at every ariport at once this holiday season. Then refusing to fly, anyway.
Thanks, yeah, I think the TSA is a waste of time and money.
Jaws_Victim: Terrorists can also go into a line or any large gathering place and do the same thing, airports are not exclusive. They can do a stadium, a mall, the checkout line at walmart, anywhere massive people congregate.
But blowing up Wal-Mart won't shut down the airports, causing massive travel issues for tens of thousands of people, nor will it cause increased airport security, inconveniencing Millions more over the next few years and shredding the Bill of Rights even more.
Found this on 4chan a while back.
=== How the TSA stole Christmas ===
Liked Christmas a lot...
But the TSA,
Who lived and worked in DC,
The TSA hated freedom and the whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that their heads weren't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, their neckties were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that their brains were two sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, their brains or their ties,
They set about inventing rules worth despise.
Staring down their noses on us with big frowns.
All freedom-lovers from big cities to small towns.
For folks nation-wide from that end to the other,
Planned to spend holidays with one another.
"And they're buying their tickets!" TSA snarled with a sneer.
"Heavy travelling for Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then they strained, with their tiny brains trying.
"We MUST find a way to keep people from flying!"
"For very soon, we know all the people near and far,"
"Would wake up bright and early and rush to their car!"
"With Christmas cheer! And the joy! Oh, the Joy! Joy! Joy! Joy!"
"Holiday excitement! And JOY! JOY! JOY! JOY!"
"And on Christmas day, they'll sit down to a feast."
"And they'll feast! And they'll feast!"
"And they'll FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!"
"With hot apple cider, they'll eat rare Who-roast-beast."
"And mint christmas pies, 'til their waists have increased!"
"They'd do something we hate most of all!"
"Each of those people, the tall and the small,"
"Will go caroling after eating their fill."
"They'll go house to house, spreading goodwill."
"And they'll sing! And they'll sing!"
"And they'll SING! SING! SING! SING!"
"Peace on Earth and other nonsense sublime."
"Pursuit of happiness, hmmph! It's all thought-crime!"
"Over 200 years we've put up with it now!"
"We MUST stop freedom-to-travel!"
Then they got an idea!
An awful idea!
GOT A TYPICAL AWFUL IDEA!
"How about this for a start!" they laughed in their throats.
"We'll make them take off their shoes and their coats!"
And they chuckled, and clucked, "How 'bout more Grinchy tricks!
"Let's add pat-downs just to be complete dicks!"
"All we need is a scanner..." The brass looked around.
But since they aren't safe, there were none to be found.
Did that stop the old bastards...? "Ha!" TSA simply said,
"If we can't find cancer-machines, we'll make them instead!"
So they called up Chertoff, and offered piles of cash.
And blitzed the media with fear-mongering trash.
THEN to screw people further, and add more commotion
They decreed 3 ounces max for toothpaste and lotion.
"And bag each toiletry!", one bureaucrat wailed.
"Hassle-free travel will be completely curtailed!"
It was dark at the airport. Quiet snow filled the air.
Travellers came early to allow time to spare.
For the process was slow now beyond compare.
"This will be fun," the dictators hissed.
And they took to their stations, clenching their fists.
All the lines in the airport advancing by inches,
But no one spoke up to challenge these Grinches.
For the illusion of safety free from attack,
Security theater begins in the back.
"Let's first cut off these baggage locks."
"We promise no stealing," said those dishonest cocks.
Then they slunk through the luggage, with a smiles most unpleasant,
Getting grubby fingerprints apon every present!
Pop guns! Pan-pollers! Pan-tukas! And drums!
Checkerboards! Thistle-winks! Popcorn! And plums!
Then on down the line they sent the whole bunch,
Haphazardly smashing the bags with a crunch!
Bag inspectors aside, there's a type even meaner:
The *CAUSE* of long lines, the TSA screener!
Performing nude scans and pat-downs and more,
These domestic enemies of amendment four.
One bitter agent bent on screwing with lives,
Gave extra "security" to daughters and wives.
For the approaching mom, he raised scanning power.
Her naked body would be online within hours.
The next family member to come into view,
Was little Cindy-Lou Who, who was no more than two.
She stared at the agent and said, "TSA, why?
"Why are you taking our freedom away? WHY?"
But, you know, that agent was so brainwashed and thick,
His training kicked in to recite the old schtick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the "professional" lied,
"We're making it safer to have your plane ride."
"We're stopping the terrorist agenda, my dear."
"And those seeking to control you with fear."
And his fib fooled the child. And the irony lost,
Of "stopping" terrorism at a far greater cost.
With a creepy smile and thinking thoughts quite unclean,
He groped the young girl and waved her past the machine.
Then the last thing he said,
"With the threat level so dire,"
"Not even adult diapers are safe from inquire."
"Grandma bombers in wheelchairs," explained the old liar.
And not one speck of push-back from the man-of-the-house.
For his courage was even too small for a mouse.
And so tyranny advances without any friction,
Because Americans are pussies lacking conviction!
It was quarter of dawn...
All the lines still a-crawl.
All the crowd not allowed
Their dignity at all.
The Christmas decorations seemed lifeless and hollow.
The cold weary travellers had orders to follow.
Christmas spirit was crushed; TSA had succeeded.
Those uppity passengers got the beat-down they needed.
"Pooh-pooh to freedom! Americans are fools."
"They don't get there's no end to new rules!"
"They'll never wake up! I know just what they'll do!"
"They'll pause for each policy a minute or two,"
"Then the sheep will give in thinking, 'What can you do?'"
"Now," grinned control freaks, "we've finally acheived,"
"An open-view police state, that no one believed."
...But that couldn't happen in the land of the free...
At least in theory... It was hyperbole!
But that just isn't true!
Why, in fact, we *ARE* screwed!
For everyone in America, the tall and the small,
Was obeying Big Brother. No defiance at all!
We haven't stopped tyranny from coming.
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And it's been steadily growing a since a decade ago,
With few even asking: "How could it be so?
It came without protest! It came without impedence!
It came without outcry or civil disobedience!
You can puzzle for hours, `till your puzzlers are sore.
Eventually realizing what you hadn't before:
Maybe freedom, you think, can't just be hoped for.
Maybe freedom...perhaps...takes a little bit more!
And what happens now...?
To dissolve TSA?
Well our small balls
Must grow three sizes today!
And then the true cost of freedom shines through,
And we each find the strength of ten Grinches plus two!
And the minute our balls don't feel quite so light,
We'll march on the capital! We'll march day and night!
With a smile in our souls, we'll descend on those crooks,
Cheerfully repealing that crap from the books!
We'll ride on airplanes, even with bottled waters!
We'll bring back no-groping for our wives and our daughters!
We'll bring back our dignity and tringlers and fuzzles!
We'll carry-on, if we choose, our dafflers and wuzzles!
We aren't just sheep getting dumber and fatter!
Could be the voice that most matters.
Welcome Christmas bring your cheer
Cheer to all Whos far and near
Christmas day is in our grasp
So long as we have hands to clasp
Christmas day will always be
Just as long as we have we
Welcome Christmas while we stand
Heart-to-heart and hand-in-hand.
|Showing 1-41 of 41 comments|
| This thread is closed to new comments.|