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Video  Conan O'Brien reviews Hitman: Absolution. Wants to know two things: 1) Can the game just be about the hot naked girl in the shower, and 2) WHEN did he get so RIPPED?

15 Nov 2012 12:45 PM   |   12731 clicks   |   Team Coco
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Langston    [TotalFark]  
Okay, I've made up my mind. I want him to review every new game that ever comes out from now on.

15 Nov 2012 09:43 AM
SnyderCat     
You are this close?

(think average male penis size...not imagined size...)

15 Nov 2012 12:53 PM
danno_to_infinity     
I saw that last night. It was great. I'm not even a gamer, I got as far as Missile Command by Atari and pretty much stopped there. But watching this last night had me in stitches.

now I actually want to try the game. I'd last .005 seconds before something would blow my brains out, I'm sure of that but I'd at least like to try it.

15 Nov 2012 12:54 PM
Satanic_Hamster     
Saw the "Saints" trailer for it.

Is that game supposed to be just snuff porn?

15 Nov 2012 12:56 PM
DirkTheDaring     

15 Nov 2012 12:58 PM
doczoidberg     

DirkTheDaring: What a hot naked woman in the shower may look like. NSFW


Thanks!
That made my hour.

15 Nov 2012 01:00 PM
Funbags     
Youtube link for anyone else whose browser wouldn't load that video.

15 Nov 2012 01:01 PM
Valiente     
Pfft. That's just outdoor plumbing!

15 Nov 2012 01:01 PM
Thudfark     

DirkTheDaring: What a hot naked woman in the shower may look like. NSFW


2.5 out of 3 ain't bad

15 Nov 2012 01:05 PM
BEER_ME_in_CT    [TotalFark]  
These are some of my favorite Conan segments. He should do one a week.

15 Nov 2012 01:12 PM
Jument     
That was actually pretty amusing and yeah, it made me want to buy the game.

15 Nov 2012 01:12 PM
thecpt     
Hitman 2 was unforgiving once your cover was blown. That game looks significantly easier with more attractions for the lowest common denominator. Kind of sad and might not pick it up now, but that review was pretty damn funny.

15 Nov 2012 01:13 PM
Treygreen13     
It's coming out in 5 days. Already pre-ordered. Very excited.

thecpt: Hitman 2 was unforgiving once your cover was blown. That game looks significantly easier with more attractions for the lowest common denominator. Kind of sad and might not pick it up now, but that review was pretty damn funny.


Hitman: Blood Money was the best in the series. If you never got a chance to play it, it's probably dirt cheap right now. Curtains Down was the best mission I've ever played in any game. Ever.

15 Nov 2012 01:15 PM
nursedude     

DirkTheDaring: What a hot naked woman in the shower may look like. NSFW


FARK: The shirtless guy at the back has bigger boobs...

15 Nov 2012 01:18 PM
RoboZombie     
You know, i watched the 'documentary' about Conan and thought, "Gee, this guy is a colossal douchebag!" I didn't really have an opinion on him one way or the other before that movie, but now, screw him and whatever he does.

15 Nov 2012 01:19 PM
thecpt     

Treygreen13: It's coming out in 5 days. Already pre-ordered. Very excited.

thecpt: Hitman 2 was unforgiving once your cover was blown. That game looks significantly easier with more attractions for the lowest common denominator. Kind of sad and might not pick it up now, but that review was pretty damn funny.

Hitman: Blood Money was the best in the series. If you never got a chance to play it, it's probably dirt cheap right now. Curtains Down was the best mission I've ever played in any game. Ever.


Metacritic had 2 over blood money, but by very little. I'll have to look for it in a bargain bin. The ending to 2 is epic. Why do I have a shed full of guns? Oh. ....shiat yeah biatch.

15 Nov 2012 01:20 PM
eltejon     
Conan has always been best in these kind of segments. We know that they are just the best lines from who knows how many attempts, but the gems are awesome, and the editing has always been good. I am thinking of the stuff when he did the Canada border guard mounty too.

15 Nov 2012 01:22 PM
The Ghost of Tom Ace     

nursedude: DirkTheDaring: What a hot naked woman in the shower may look like. NSFW

FARK: The shirtless guy at the back has bigger boobs...


Damn you!

/thanks for the laugh.

15 Nov 2012 01:25 PM
Flappyhead     
'Cause I'm a scarecrow in a cornfield motherfarker!!

15 Nov 2012 01:26 PM
hp6sa     
Funny... and even better, there's a link to Conan reviewing Just Dance 4 with ALEX MORGAN. GET TO THIS VIDEO RIGHT NOW

Link

15 Nov 2012 01:26 PM
Treygreen13     

thecpt: Metacritic had 2 over blood money, but by very little. I'll have to look for it in a bargain bin. The ending to 2 is epic. Why do I have a shed full of guns? Oh. ....shiat yeah biatch.


The ending to Blood Money is also epic. I won't ruin it for you if you plan to play it, but I will put it here under Spoilers...

*spoilers*
*spoilers*
You come back to life at your own funeral and gun down everyone who came to gloat over your death. I think I ended up killing a guy with a rake too. It was sweeeeet.

15 Nov 2012 01:30 PM
Flappyhead     

Treygreen13: It's coming out in 5 days. Already pre-ordered. Very excited.

thecpt: Hitman 2 was unforgiving once your cover was blown. That game looks significantly easier with more attractions for the lowest common denominator. Kind of sad and might not pick it up now, but that review was pretty damn funny.

Hitman: Blood Money was the best in the series. If you never got a chance to play it, it's probably dirt cheap right now. Curtains Down was the best mission I've ever played in any game. Ever.


Oh come on, like anything could top sneaking into a ex-mobsters house and shoving him down a flight of stairs while dressed as a clown.

15 Nov 2012 01:35 PM
ChrisDe     
"What I like about this property, there's a lot of body storage."

15 Nov 2012 01:37 PM
Treygreen13     

Flappyhead: Oh come on, like anything could top sneaking into a ex-mobsters house and shoving him down a flight of stairs while dressed as a clown.


I dunno, man. I just really enjoyed figuring out Curtains Down. Pushing someone down the stairs is funny, but sneaking in and replacing a prop gun with a real gun and watching as your target's co-star blasts your target's face off in the middle of rehearsal was awesome.

15 Nov 2012 01:44 PM
inner ted     

thecpt: Hitman 2 was unforgiving once your cover was blown. That game looks significantly easier with more attractions for the lowest common denominator. Kind of sad and might not pick it up now, but that review was pretty damn funny.


this is now a running theme in all games isn't it?

i can appreciate wanting to attract a wider audience, but at the risk of alienating your core fans?

one of my all time favorite games is Splinter Cell series - but after 'chaos theory' it went waaaay downhill, just becoming a shooter with highlights over the bad guys so they don't surprise you.

/gamersadface

15 Nov 2012 01:44 PM
inner ted     

Treygreen13: It's coming out in 5 days. Already pre-ordered. Very excited.

thecpt: Hitman 2 was unforgiving once your cover was blown. That game looks significantly easier with more attractions for the lowest common denominator. Kind of sad and might not pick it up now, but that review was pretty damn funny.

Hitman: Blood Money was the best in the series. If you never got a chance to play it, it's probably dirt cheap right now. Curtains Down was the best mission I've ever played in any game. Ever.


**spoiler of old ass game**

is that the mission at the theater??

swapping pistols and watching the ensuing "drama" was easily in the top 10 gaming moments

15 Nov 2012 01:45 PM
moothemagiccow    [TotalFark]  
These are the best conan bits, probably ever

15 Nov 2012 01:47 PM
Treygreen13     

inner ted: is that the mission at the theater??


Yep.

And of course, the guy getting his face exploded on stage for an audience lures the other mark out... and then OOPS a lighting rig falls on him. Such an unfortunate accident. Really, just a bad string of luck for those two.

Your character isn't even really under any suspicion. There's a couple of other ways to do it, but that's the best in my opinion.

15 Nov 2012 01:48 PM
thecpt     

moothemagiccow: These are the best conan bits, probably ever


I don't know, the cut to car chases and of course chuck norris lever are classics. Can't find good videos as it seems NBC universal found and killed everyone who ever kept them.

inner ted: gamersadface


Yeah. This game might still be true to the core but making him ripped, naked lady in shower, seemingly forgiving stealth system, and I don't know the story yet but not have 47 always struggling with his concept of existence kind of alienate me.

Not going to hate, its just I really liked what made Hitman the Hitman series what it was.

15 Nov 2012 01:56 PM
mitEj    [TotalFark]  
I will have to check this out when I get home

15 Nov 2012 02:06 PM
inner ted     

thecpt: moothemagiccow: These are the best conan bits, probably ever

I don't know, the cut to car chases and of course chuck norris lever are classics. Can't find good videos as it seems NBC universal found and killed everyone who ever kept them.

inner ted: gamersadface

Yeah. This game might still be true to the core but making him ripped, naked lady in shower, seemingly forgiving stealth system, and I don't know the story yet but not have 47 always struggling with his concept of existence kind of alienate me.

Not going to hate, its just I really liked what made Hitman the Hitman series what it was.


that's just it - foregoing the main element: stealth is just how they ruined Splinter Cell.

i always loved the "ballers" (twin chrome .45's) but i don't think i ever even equipped them (except for plinking in the church yard) cause they aren't exactly 'stealthy'

Treygreen13: inner ted: is that the mission at the theater??

Yep.

And of course, the guy getting his face exploded on stage for an audience lures the other mark out... and then OOPS a lighting rig falls on him. Such an unfortunate accident. Really, just a bad string of luck for those two.

Your character isn't even really under any suspicion. There's a couple of other ways to do it, but that's the best in my opinion.


goddamitsomuch - now i'm going to have to put halo4 on hold when i get home and reboot that (after digging it out of the piles of games i don't play but can't trade in for $3) cause i only remember doing the pistol swap & watching the show.

now there i learn i missed another target and could have done an even MORE elaborate "show"

well done sir, well done indeed.

15 Nov 2012 02:10 PM
marius2    [TotalFark]  
I loved the first(?) Hitman, but I've always hated levels where you can't trip alarms, etc and this just seems full of it.

That being said, that was farking hilarious!

15 Nov 2012 02:11 PM
swahnhennessy     

DirkTheDaring: What a hot naked woman in the shower may look like. NSFW


The row of perverts really classes it up. And made me ashamed to be looking at it.

15 Nov 2012 02:13 PM
meat0918     

RoboZombie: You know, i watched the 'documentary' about Conan and thought, "Gee, this guy is a colossal douchebag!" I didn't really have an opinion on him one way or the other before that movie, but now, screw him and whatever he does.


I stopped that documentary about half way through with the same assessment.

I still find him funny, but given the situation he was in, where a lot of his material became NBC's, yeah, I'd be a dick too as I worked through my emotions.

15 Nov 2012 02:15 PM
thecpt     

inner ted: i always loved the "ballers" (twin chrome .45's) but i don't think i ever even equipped them (except for plinking in the church yard) cause they aren't exactly 'stealthy'


That's actually another thing that annoyed me in this video. The ballers were silenced.
WTF?

To me (and friends who played the game) the ballers were what you turned to when had to shoot your way out. Pulling both triggers simultaneously made your target airborne from the force.

Its nitpicking though, but with the little I saw of the game those are the thoughts I have.

15 Nov 2012 02:19 PM
DirkTheDaring     

swahnhennessy: DirkTheDaring: What a hot naked woman in the shower may look like. NSFW

The row of perverts really classes it up. And made me ashamed to be looking at it.


You should have seen the crowd when she started soaping up.

15 Nov 2012 02:23 PM
powhound     
Just leaving a DirkMark here...for later....after I'm home and the wife is sleeping.

15 Nov 2012 02:26 PM
tlchwi02     

thecpt: That's actually another thing that annoyed me in this video. The ballers were silenced.
WTF?


you could unlock the slienced ballers by completing challenges in most of the hitman games i played. also i seem to recall you could dual weild one of the ballers with the silenced 9mm and then just shoot the beretta, but still having the "oh crap he saw me" firepower available.

15 Nov 2012 02:27 PM
Treygreen13     

tlchwi02: thecpt: That's actually another thing that annoyed me in this video. The ballers were silenced.
WTF?

you could unlock the slienced ballers by completing challenges in most of the hitman games i played. also i seem to recall you could dual weild one of the ballers with the silenced 9mm and then just shoot the beretta, but still having the "oh crap he saw me" firepower available.


The silverballers can be silenced in Blood Money. You can also put magnum ammo in them and kill people through doors - although I gotta be honest I don't think I ever tried that.

15 Nov 2012 02:40 PM
inner ted     

thecpt: inner ted: i always loved the "ballers" (twin chrome .45's) but i don't think i ever even equipped them (except for plinking in the church yard) cause they aren't exactly 'stealthy'

That's actually another thing that annoyed me in this video. The ballers were silenced.
WTF?

To me (and friends who played the game) the ballers were what you turned to when had to shoot your way out. Pulling both triggers simultaneously made your target airborne from the force.

Its nitpicking though, but with the little I saw of the game those are the thoughts I have.


tlchwi02: thecpt: That's actually another thing that annoyed me in this video. The ballers were silenced.
WTF?

you could unlock the slienced ballers by completing challenges in most of the hitman games i played. also i seem to recall you could dual weild one of the ballers with the silenced 9mm and then just shoot the beretta, but still having the "oh crap he saw me" firepower available.


now that he mentions it, i seem to recall the silenced ballers... but i'm just not sure, it's been so long.

but they still made a big mess - piano wire ftw

also: the mission (like the first one iirc) at the vineyard - i got such a freaking kick out of pushing dudes over the railing to *splat* on the floor below... which made such a great distraction & was just freaking hilarious.

a pal of mine self restricts his play so that he just WILL NOT use a firearm in that game (or splinter cell: chaos theory) & he would & still gives me so much shiat for ever shooting people. it's the best.

15 Nov 2012 02:41 PM
dv-ous     

DirkTheDaring: swahnhennessy: DirkTheDaring: What a hot naked woman in the shower may look like. NSFW

The row of perverts really classes it up. And made me ashamed to be looking at it.

You should have seen the crowd when she started soaping up.


Meh. She doesn't strike me as the type to use soap.

15 Nov 2012 02:43 PM
whizbangthedirtfarmer     

nursedude: DirkTheDaring: What a hot naked woman in the shower may look like. NSFW

FARK: The shirtless guy at the back has bigger boobs...


And their cameras are not pointed at her ...?

15 Nov 2012 02:43 PM
Treygreen13     

inner ted: also: the mission (like the first one iirc) at the vineyard - i got such a freaking kick out of pushing dudes over the railing to *splat* on the floor below... which made such a great distraction & was just freaking hilarious.


There's a guy in the snowy level with the Christmas orgy.. you're supposed to get him while he sits in the hot tub. There are about a dozen witnesses just standing there and he never leaves. The way you're "supposed" to get him is poison his beverage... but if you're lucky you can throw a remote mine from the floor above into the hot tub and then explode everyone in it as soon as it lands. Hilarious stuff to see everyone just scatter. Sometimes the game spots you, sometimes it doesn't.

Also, in Curtains Down - it's not effective for your final mission, but one of the more badass things you can do in that mission is knock out the co-star, put on his uniform, and then stand on your mark and just splatter the target from a foot away while everyone watches. And everyone claps and applauds for about 15 seconds and then they realize that he's really dead and you're not the co-star and then you spin around and ice the 2nd target and just run out.

15 Nov 2012 02:50 PM
Fark In The Duck    [TotalFark]  

thecpt: hp6sa: Funny... and even better, there's a link to Conan reviewing Just Dance 4 with ALEX MORGAN. GET TO THIS VIDEO RIGHT NOW

Link

Who's Alex MoOH MY GAWD

[theoriginalwinger.com image 400x600]


Is the paint edible? Body paint threadjack?? Puhleeeeze.....!!!?? Dirk's gotta have something for us!

15 Nov 2012 02:52 PM
DirkTheDaring     

dv-ous: DirkTheDaring: swahnhennessy: DirkTheDaring: What a hot naked woman in the shower may look like. NSFW

The row of perverts really classes it up. And made me ashamed to be looking at it.

You should have seen the crowd when she started soaping up.

Meh. She doesn't strike me as the type to use soap.


I don't know about that, but she smelled pretty good to me.

15 Nov 2012 02:53 PM
DirkTheDaring     

Fark In The Duck: thecpt: hp6sa: Funny... and even better, there's a link to Conan reviewing Just Dance 4 with ALEX MORGAN. GET TO THIS VIDEO RIGHT NOW

Link

Who's Alex MoOH MY GAWD

[theoriginalwinger.com image 400x600]

Is the paint edible? Body paint threadjack?? Puhleeeeze.....!!!?? Dirk's gotta have something for us!


I sure do, but not on this computer.

15 Nov 2012 02:54 PM
Fark In The Duck    [TotalFark]  

DirkTheDaring: Fark In The Duck: thecpt: hp6sa: Funny... and even better, there's a link to Conan reviewing Just Dance 4 with ALEX MORGAN. GET TO THIS VIDEO RIGHT NOW

Link

Who's Alex MoOH MY GAWD

[theoriginalwinger.com image 400x600]

Is the paint edible? Body paint threadjack?? Puhleeeeze.....!!!?? Dirk's gotta have something for us!

I sure do, but not on this computer.


You do not disappoint! You are a gentleman and a scholar (and the one with painted boobie pictures)!!

15 Nov 2012 02:55 PM
MattMillerTime     
Link

ill be golfin with this chick if you guys need me

15 Nov 2012 02:59 PM
MattMillerTime     
or my link get stomped....either way... Natalie Gulbis body paint golfing would be a good time

15 Nov 2012 02:59 PM
tlchwi02     

Treygreen13: The silverballers can be silenced in Blood Money. You can also put magnum ammo in them and kill people through doors - although I gotta be honest I don't think I ever tried that.


i looked it up, there appears to be a baller SD option in the games i checked

15 Nov 2012 02:59 PM
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