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   How to explain the Elmo Sex Scandal to your kids: an illustrated guide starring Justin Bieber and Elmo

15 Nov 2012 09:34 AM   |   5203 clicks   |   Gawker
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Cythraul     
Here's how I'd explain to my kids:

"Kids, some people like to blackmail others for money. Learn to guard your reputation early, and don't fool around with any Kindergarten sluts."

15 Nov 2012 09:07 AM
Molavian     
Well, that was fairly awesome.

15 Nov 2012 09:38 AM
fireclown     
I just scrolled down through it. I usually hate Gawker, but this here is gold.

15 Nov 2012 09:38 AM
Carth     
Further reinforcing the idea that it just isn't worth it for any adult male to take a job/work for a charity that puts them in contact with kids. Just the accusation of abuse is enough for ruin you.

15 Nov 2012 09:40 AM
protectyourlimbs     
Elmo did something wrong with someone bad who used it to blackmail Elmo for money, the bad guy was paid and the wrong thing was taken back allowing Elmo to not get punished... lesson learned kids...

15 Nov 2012 09:40 AM
thecpt     
I got halfway through then I said to myself "wow, making fun of child rape isn't funny even if it didn't happen."

15 Nov 2012 09:44 AM
Leeds     
DRTFA-

Is Elmo sticking his hand up Bieber's arse to show how this works, or is Bieber shoving his hand up Elmo's arse?

So many questions

15 Nov 2012 09:46 AM
danielscissorhands     
And then TMZ said: "We are never going to give money to fibbers until we have verified their stories... Just kidding," the continued "we love to give money to fibbers, and we will never stop."

The End

15 Nov 2012 09:48 AM
danielscissorhands     
they

15 Nov 2012 09:48 AM
Raithun     
Why explain?

15 Nov 2012 09:49 AM
imfallen_angel     
That was quite good.

I now know the story about something that I never cared to read about.

15 Nov 2012 09:50 AM
upndn     
For some reason Bieber and Elmo go well together in sentence form.

15 Nov 2012 09:51 AM
abhorrent1     
If I had kids that were young enough to still be watching elmo, here's how I would explain it.

"Don't worry about it, just watch Elmo"

15 Nov 2012 09:55 AM
blatz514    [TotalFark]  
img.gawkerassets.comView Full Size


Coffee. Computer. Covered.

15 Nov 2012 09:56 AM
Hand Banana     
How would they even know about it and why would you tell them?

15 Nov 2012 10:00 AM
JackieRabbit     
Why would anyone think they would need to explain this to their kids?

15 Nov 2012 10:02 AM
katerbug72     

abhorrent1: If I had kids that were young enough to still be watching elmo, here's how I would explain it.

"Don't worry about it, just watch Elmo"


THIS. I wonder how many of those crazy parent groups are going to boycott Sesame Street because Kevin is gay and involved in a scandal? My kid isn't going to know anything about this and will continue to watch Sesame Street. To him, Elmo is Elmo, not a man with his hand up Elmo's butt.

15 Nov 2012 10:08 AM
Cythraul     

katerbug72: abhorrent1: If I had kids that were young enough to still be watching elmo, here's how I would explain it.

"Don't worry about it, just watch Elmo"

THIS. I wonder how many of those crazy parent groups are going to boycott Sesame Street because Kevin is gay and involved in a scandal? My kid isn't going to know anything about this and will continue to watch Sesame Street. To him, Elmo is Elmo, not a man with his hand up Elmo's butt.


I have to wonder if the whole 'gay thing' isn't why a lot of people are really upset about it.

15 Nov 2012 10:09 AM
ManateeGag    [TotalFark]  
that was...disturbing...

15 Nov 2012 10:11 AM
abhorrent1     

Cythraul: katerbug72: abhorrent1: If I had kids that were young enough to still be watching elmo, here's how I would explain it.

"Don't worry about it, just watch Elmo"

THIS. I wonder how many of those crazy parent groups are going to boycott Sesame Street because Kevin is gay and involved in a scandal? My kid isn't going to know anything about this and will continue to watch Sesame Street. To him, Elmo is Elmo, not a man with his hand up Elmo's butt.

I have to wonder if the whole 'gay thing' isn't why a lot of people are really upset about it.


Probably for the parents but WTF do the kids care? They don't and most likely would be unaware unless their AW Mommy blogger got her panties in a bunch.

Even if they did hear something and ask you about it just tell them "Don't worry about it". With a kids attention span, they won't even remember it 5 minutes later.

15 Nov 2012 10:14 AM
bkosh84     
Am I a bad person for reading that in Elmo's voice?

15 Nov 2012 10:14 AM
fireclown     

bkosh84: Am I a bad person for reading that in Elmo's voice?


I don't know how anyone COULDN'T read that in Elmos voice.

15 Nov 2012 10:17 AM
Noobian Noob     
all I know is that if my 3 year old doesnt get her elmo presents for xmas there will be bloodshed.

maybe mine. maybe yours. but somebody is going to bleed....lol

15 Nov 2012 10:18 AM
Cythraul     

abhorrent1: Cythraul: katerbug72: abhorrent1: If I had kids that were young enough to still be watching elmo, here's how I would explain it.

"Don't worry about it, just watch Elmo"

THIS. I wonder how many of those crazy parent groups are going to boycott Sesame Street because Kevin is gay and involved in a scandal? My kid isn't going to know anything about this and will continue to watch Sesame Street. To him, Elmo is Elmo, not a man with his hand up Elmo's butt.

I have to wonder if the whole 'gay thing' isn't why a lot of people are really upset about it.

Probably for the parents but WTF do the kids care? They don't and most likely would be unaware unless their AW Mommy blogger got her panties in a bunch.

Even if they did hear something and ask you about it just tell them "Don't worry about it". With a kids attention span, they won't even remember it 5 minutes later.


Parents are more the problem with this than whether or not a kid 'needs' to understand the situation. For example, your kid loves Elmo, and he or she has a Elmo lunch box. Your kid goes to school and gets bullied for having an Elmo lunch box by kids whose parents have warned the little bullies about what kind of person Elmo supposedly is. Your kid comes home and asks why.

"Don't worry about it," may not be a sufficient answer.

15 Nov 2012 10:20 AM
Brick-House     
and of course there's that thing he had with Shaq...

justinbieberfanclub.blogg.seView Full Size

15 Nov 2012 10:25 AM
Dead-Guy     
In the comments, someone suggested the Beiber doll reminded them a lot of the old Luke Skywalker doll. They warned that a Star Wars remake by Disney at this point could have Justin Beiber playing the role of Luke.

I don't think I will ever sleep again.

15 Nov 2012 10:34 AM
Son of Thunder    [TotalFark]  

Cythraul: katerbug72: abhorrent1: If I had kids that were young enough to still be watching elmo, here's how I would explain it.

"Don't worry about it, just watch Elmo"

THIS. I wonder how many of those crazy parent groups are going to boycott Sesame Street because Kevin is gay and involved in a scandal? My kid isn't going to know anything about this and will continue to watch Sesame Street. To him, Elmo is Elmo, not a man with his hand up Elmo's butt.

I have to wonder if the whole 'gay thing' isn't why a lot of people are really upset about it.


Looking back over some of the fark threads, "the whole gay thing" seems more like the reason some were defending him. If this had been a 38-year-old man boinking a girl who was almost the same age as his daughter, we'd have just called him a sleezy perv (the oldsters would have used the archaic form "dirty old man"), and only the dateless losers would have defended him by crying "but technically barely legal" while fapping to an ad for Girls Gone Wild.

15 Nov 2012 10:53 AM
legion_of_doo     
Elmo Street sucks, and we haven't watched it in ages. I'm going to put in the Muppet Show DVD, even if it is more for grown ups. 

/ oh nos I'm been racists against teh they people

15 Nov 2012 10:54 AM
Cythraul     

Son of Thunder: Cythraul: katerbug72: abhorrent1: If I had kids that were young enough to still be watching elmo, here's how I would explain it.

"Don't worry about it, just watch Elmo"

THIS. I wonder how many of those crazy parent groups are going to boycott Sesame Street because Kevin is gay and involved in a scandal? My kid isn't going to know anything about this and will continue to watch Sesame Street. To him, Elmo is Elmo, not a man with his hand up Elmo's butt.

I have to wonder if the whole 'gay thing' isn't why a lot of people are really upset about it.

Looking back over some of the fark threads, "the whole gay thing" seems more like the reason some were defending him. If this had been a 38-year-old man boinking a girl who was almost the same age as his daughter, we'd have just called him a sleezy perv (the oldsters would have used the archaic form "dirty old man"), and only the dateless losers would have defended him by crying "but technically barely legal" while fapping to an ad for Girls Gone Wild.


Yeah, I'm sure it was the fact that the two are gay men that people were defending him.

15 Nov 2012 10:56 AM
Son of Thunder    [TotalFark]  
All that aside, the shark pic was my favorite. I should steal that for use the next time the topic of media talking heads comes up.

15 Nov 2012 10:56 AM
fireclown     

Cythraul: Yeah, I'm sure it was the fact that the two are gay men that people were defending him.


Oddly, this fact changes the way that the arguement happens. The gay angle will bring out a lot of white knighting from people who think that gay folks should be treated more or less just like straights, and fury from people who do not think that this is the case. It brings out both sides, and makes them angrier.

/0.02

15 Nov 2012 11:34 AM
Lunaville     
I would like to post that my kids will never know about this incident, but at the school they currently attend, I'm surprised they haven't already come home with a mangled version wherein Grover raped Elmo. I practically hear the one kid "Uh-huh, it's true because xxxx told me and his family gets television and they watch the news."

15 Nov 2012 12:02 PM
blatz514    [TotalFark]  

legion_of_doo: Elmo Street sucks, and we haven't watched it in ages. I'm going to put in the Muppet Show DVD, even if it is more for grown ups. 

/ oh nos I'm been racists against teh they people


You leave the They people out of this!

15 Nov 2012 02:39 PM
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