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   Why is nobody asking whether David Petraeus is a honey-hungry dickzilla in heat? In other news, Dickzilla In Heat is subby's new hipster-alt-metal-polka band

15 Nov 2012 12:27 PM   |   2886 clicks   |   Gawker
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Lando Lincoln    [TotalFark]  
I'm not asking because I really do not give a shiat.

15 Nov 2012 08:47 AM
Sybarite    [TotalFark]  
I've been studiously avoiding the details of this whole Petraeus shiat-blizzard, because everything outside of "super effective general resigns over consensual adult sexual relationship" just seems so transparently salacious and petty and irrelevant. I don't GIVE a shiat who these women are.

Then this would be a good time to stop writing.

15 Nov 2012 09:09 AM
quickdraw     
She has a point. There is a double standard. But in this case it's also true that the public already knows who Petraeus is. And (because of the obvious power differential) they dont have to dig too deep to try to figure out his motivations. These women are an unknown and its not completely clear what their motivations are. It is possible that Broadwell fell in love with him but there are so many other possible motives that speculation is inevitable.

15 Nov 2012 09:25 AM
Diogenes    [TotalFark]  
I admit it's hard to divide out the salacious crap, but the whole situation does reveal some serious flaws. Military starfarkers seeking personal privilege. Poor scrutiny leading to potential intelligence vulnerabilities. A roguish (and shirtless) FBI agent who went crying to a buddy in Congress. The point at which the Commander in Chief was informed. There are some lessons to be learned here that I'm afraid will be subsumed by the soap opera.

15 Nov 2012 09:46 AM
coco ebert     
It's really amazing that an affair causes media soul-searching when it comes to their soft treatment of Petraeus. Not the consequences of going to war or military surges, but- an affair. Wow.

15 Nov 2012 10:17 AM
Gulper Eel    [TotalFark]  
And who among us hasn't been a honey hungry dickzilla in heat at some point?

15 Nov 2012 10:35 AM
Generation_D    [TotalFark]  

Diogenes: I admit it's hard to divide out the salacious crap, but the whole situation does reveal some serious flaws. Military starfarkers seeking personal privilege. Poor scrutiny leading to potential intelligence vulnerabilities. A roguish (and shirtless) FBI agent who went crying to a buddy in Congress. The point at which the Commander in Chief was informed. There are some lessons to be learned here that I'm afraid will be subsumed by the soap opera.


Well said on all points.

15 Nov 2012 10:52 AM
TheBeastOfYuccaFlats    [TotalFark]  

Diogenes: I admit it's hard to divide out the salacious crap, but the whole situation does reveal some serious flaws. Military starfarkers seeking personal privilege. Poor scrutiny leading to potential intelligence vulnerabilities. A roguish (and shirtless) FBI agent who went crying to a buddy in Congress. The point at which the Commander in Chief was informed. There are some lessons to be learned here that I'm afraid will be subsumed by the soap opera.


Someone on MSNBC said that this whole thing sounds like if EL James and Tom Clancy wrote a collaborative novel:

"50 Shades of Red October"

15 Nov 2012 12:21 PM
Pants full of macaroni!!     
Please refer to the South Park episode "Sexual Healing".

15 Nov 2012 12:32 PM
Rapmaster2000     
I'm just surprised by the existence of skanks that chase Generals. It sounds like the setup to a scene on the General's desk with Jill Kelly.

/cue the casio beat
/yes, i'm aware i missed an e

15 Nov 2012 12:34 PM
SkunkWerks     
Why is nobody asking whether David Petraeus is a honey-hungry dickzilla in heat?

Lessee. Married, two women on the side. I'ma go with:

i190.photobucket.comView Full Size

15 Nov 2012 12:34 PM
Uzzah     
Is Dickzilla related to Fartzilla?

cdn.fd.uproxx.comView Full Size

15 Nov 2012 12:54 PM
Shakespeare's Monkey    [TotalFark]  
Today I learned two phrases, "Chubby Bunny" and "Butt Chug". I would probably just refer to David Petraeus as a spinal column in a uniform.

15 Nov 2012 12:57 PM
Ninja Otter     

quickdraw: She has a point. There is a double standard. But in this case it's also true that the public already knows who Petraeus is. And (because of the obvious power differential) they dont have to dig too deep to try to figure out his motivations. These women are an unknown and its not completely clear what their motivations are. It is possible that Broadwell fell in love with him but there are so many other possible motives that speculation is inevitable.


If Broadwell hadn't gone bunny-boiler, the story probably never would have surfaced. That gives a reason for a double standard.

Meanwhile, I've read other articles talking about men cheating, claiming that women are more moral. So who are the men cheating with?

15 Nov 2012 01:00 PM
Snort     
Now gawker is republishing jezebel's crap? Soon it will be an even bigger vortex of suck.

15 Nov 2012 01:02 PM
myrrh     
Because nobody but you gives a fark, that's why.

15 Nov 2012 01:05 PM
GreatGlavinsGhost     
Is there a collection of all the FARK band names?

15 Nov 2012 01:08 PM
Spare Me     
Well at least he's not a Crazed Sex Poodle.

15 Nov 2012 01:08 PM
Valiente     
Number 3 in GIS for "Dick Zilla":

meetthezillas.comView Full Size


Most of the rest were pretty much what you would assume.

15 Nov 2012 01:11 PM
anotar     
My issue with positions of responsibility and affairs, the generic answer says they are more liable for blackmail rather than point out that if you cheat on/be dishonest with your wife, is there actually anything you will NOT be dishonest about?

15 Nov 2012 01:12 PM
cherryl taggart     

anotar: My issue with positions of responsibility and affairs, the generic answer says they are more liable for blackmail rather than point out that if you cheat on/be dishonest with your wife, is there actually anything you will NOT be dishonest about?


anotar: My issue with positions of responsibility and affairs, the generic answer says they are more liable for blackmail rather than point out that if you cheat on/be dishonest with your wife, is there actually anything you will NOT be dishonest about?


Well, seeing how Bill Clinton got to serve out his term of office, I'm still not seeing the reason that Petraeus has to go. Maybe political power is exempt, while political appointee is not?

15 Nov 2012 01:28 PM
Marshal805     
I'll be Lisa Simpson and give the answer to the question no one asked; Because one look at his wife makes it clear why he would cheat on her. Not saying he should have, but I understand.

15 Nov 2012 01:40 PM
An-Unnecessarily-Long-Name     
Jezebel continues to be the lowest form of journalism setting women back 30 years.

15 Nov 2012 01:42 PM
j__z     

Marshal805: I'll be Lisa Simpson and give the answer to the question no one asked; Because one look at his wife makes it clear why he would cheat on her. Not saying he should have, but I understand.


Ding, ding, ding we have a winner!

15 Nov 2012 01:45 PM
Smelly Pirate Hooker     
I think "honey-hungry dickzilla" is kinda obvious. Most men fark women who aren't their wives because they wanna fark someone who isn't their wife.

But because women's motivations for farking someone are not always strictly sexual, those motives are up for "debate." Esp. when the power/income/fame differential is so significant.

My question is why 40-something women behave like middle schoolers (or one of them did, at least). From what I can tell, if either one had acted with the maturity adult women are supposed to possess, nobody would have found out about any of this shiat.

Note: When you ask the FBI to investigate emails being sent to a high-ranking general, they investigate ALL the emails, not just the ones you're worried about. And if you don't want people to think you're trying to hump the general, maybe you don't send him thousands of "flirtatious" emails.

Just saying, there are different tones you use when communicating with people. When you're communicating with a general you are not married to, maybe cut down on the frequency of the messages and keep it strictly business when you do communicate.

15 Nov 2012 01:47 PM
BullBearMS     
TFA also contains the phrase "hookerish, jizz-misting snatch-hound" which is much more awesome.

15 Nov 2012 01:54 PM
quickdraw     

Gulper Eel: And who among us hasn't been a honey hungry dickzilla in heat at some point?


Some of my best friends are honey hungry dickzillas.

/dont judge

15 Nov 2012 02:29 PM
jodaveki     
Yah, it's a mystery no one's wondering if a man is likely to nail a woman who all but sits on his face. Why is no one ferreting out the answer to that enigma??

15 Nov 2012 02:43 PM
wambu     
1. Because of he changed mufflers at the local Midas shop, no woman as attractive as Paula Broadwell would bother wih him.

2. Because all men are dickzillas to some extent.

15 Nov 2012 02:44 PM
ZombiesYall     
Because if men truly will fark any attractive woman that allows them to, then it is up to the women to decide whether the farking happens. I mean, that is the paradigm, right, that women always decide, and that any women can get laid if she wants to, and that it is only men who go through sexual droughts unwillingly?

15 Nov 2012 02:54 PM
shortymac     

Marshal805: I'll be Lisa Simpson and give the answer to the question no one asked; Because one look at his wife makes it clear why he would cheat on her. Not saying he should have, but I understand.


She is a 60 year old lady! Give me a break. Looks have nothing to do with the ability to keep it in your pants, especially when cheating means losing so farking much. He easily could have gone on a date with Mary Palm and her 5 sisters thinking about her instead.

I'll flip it as well, why would she want to bang a 60 year old man? A man who could easily be her Dad. Ewwww. Especially when her hubby is cuter than him IMHO.

15 Nov 2012 03:02 PM
shortymac     

cherryl taggart: anotar: My issue with positions of responsibility and affairs, the generic answer says they are more liable for blackmail rather than point out that if you cheat on/be dishonest with your wife, is there actually anything you will NOT be dishonest about?

anotar: My issue with positions of responsibility and affairs, the generic answer says they are more liable for blackmail rather than point out that if you cheat on/be dishonest with your wife, is there actually anything you will NOT be dishonest about?

Well, seeing how Bill Clinton got to serve out his term of office, I'm still not seeing the reason that Petraeus has to go. Maybe political power is exempt, while political appointee is not?


He's the head of the CIA and can NOT have affairs due to honeypots, blackmailing, etc.

15 Nov 2012 03:04 PM
scanman61     

shortymac: Marshal805: I'll be Lisa Simpson and give the answer to the question no one asked; Because one look at his wife makes it clear why he would cheat on her. Not saying he should have, but I understand.

She is a 60 year old lady! Give me a break. Looks have nothing to do with the ability to keep it in your pants, especially when cheating means losing so farking much. He easily could have gone on a date with Mary Palm and her 5 sisters thinking about her instead.

I'll flip it as well, why would she want to bang a 60 year old man? A man who could easily be her Dad. Ewwww. Especially when her hubby is cuter than him IMHO.


Money and/or power.

15 Nov 2012 03:23 PM
stuffy     
Going to have to get that on a shirt.

15 Nov 2012 04:20 PM
shortymac     

scanman61: shortymac: Marshal805: I'll be Lisa Simpson and give the answer to the question no one asked; Because one look at his wife makes it clear why he would cheat on her. Not saying he should have, but I understand.

She is a 60 year old lady! Give me a break. Looks have nothing to do with the ability to keep it in your pants, especially when cheating means losing so farking much. He easily could have gone on a date with Mary Palm and her 5 sisters thinking about her instead.

I'll flip it as well, why would she want to bang a 60 year old man? A man who could easily be her Dad. Ewwww. Especially when her hubby is cuter than him IMHO.

Money and/or power.


That's just as dumb as saying "well his wife is ugly".

15 Nov 2012 04:53 PM
Gulper Eel    [TotalFark]  

shortymac: I'll flip it as well, why would she want to bang a 60 year old man?


See this guy?

images.askmen.comView Full Size


Henry Kissinger plowed his way through Diane Sawyer, Candice Bergen, Jill St. John, Shirley Maclaine, and Liv Ullman in their primes, despite looking like Henry Kissinger.

15 Nov 2012 08:37 PM
Generation_D    [TotalFark]  

shortymac: Marshal805: I'll be Lisa Simpson and give the answer to the question no one asked; Because one look at his wife makes it clear why he would cheat on her. Not saying he should have, but I understand.

She is a 60 year old lady! Give me a break. Looks have nothing to do with the ability to keep it in your pants, especially when cheating means losing so farking much. He easily could have gone on a date with Mary Palm and her 5 sisters thinking about her instead.

I'll flip it as well, why would she want to bang a 60 year old man? A man who could easily be her Dad. Ewwww. Especially when her hubby is cuter than him IMHO.


I believe they're called "daddy issues."

Also, power is an aphrodesiac.

None of this stuff's particularly new nor surprising.

15 Nov 2012 09:38 PM
CigaretteSmokingMan     
If you look throughout history all great men have been full of lust.

15 Nov 2012 10:59 PM
Marshal805     

CigaretteSmokingMan: If you look throughout history all great men have been full of lust.


FTFY

/Great men just have an easier time.

15 Nov 2012 11:23 PM
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