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   Ten most ridiculous White House online petitions: come for the petition to punch Grover Norquist in the dick, stay for Joe Biden as Guy Fieri's sidekick

15 Nov 2012 09:57 AM   |   8339 clicks   |   The Daily Caller
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thomps     
wasn't the norquist one submitted by a farker? i thought i remember seeing someone post something to that effect in one of the "hey y'all we should secede" threads

15 Nov 2012 09:17 AM
BunkyBrewman     

thomps: wasn't the norquist one submitted by a farker? i thought i remember seeing someone post something to that effect in one of the "hey y'all we should secede" threads


Pretty sure it was. Seems somebody has been very busy as of late.

15 Nov 2012 09:34 AM
JackieRabbit     
I'm sure the White House understood from the start that this site would attract the crazies and people who just want to fark with them.

15 Nov 2012 09:59 AM
Satanic_Hamster     
WHAT. I only got number three? Man, that Daily Caller guy needs to be punched in the dick.

15 Nov 2012 10:00 AM
Fart_Machine     
So can we cockpunch Norquist now?

15 Nov 2012 10:03 AM
HeartBurnKid     

Satanic_Hamster: WHAT. I only got number three? Man, that Daily Caller guy needs to be punched in the dick.


You should start a petition or something.

15 Nov 2012 10:03 AM
sodomizer     
Before the Secession petitions: "Online petitions are great! They're so stylish and functional! They show us the future of open government!"

After the Secession petitions: "Online petitions are terrible! They're worse than useless! Only idiots should use these!"

15 Nov 2012 10:04 AM
AFKobel     
I haven't seen anything on the TBird for Joe lately.

How's that going?

15 Nov 2012 10:05 AM
abhorrent1     
Oh ffs. Enough with the petition stories. It's the new Amazon reviews only not as funny and got old much faster.

15 Nov 2012 10:05 AM
Rapmaster2000     

sodomizer: Before the Secession petitions: "Online petitions are great! They're so stylish and functional! They show us the future of open government!"

After the Secession petitions: "Online petitions are terrible! They're worse than useless! Only idiots should use these!"


Meh.

15 Nov 2012 10:06 AM
thurstonxhowell     
How is a petition to punch Grover Norquist in the dick in any way ridiculous? What's ridiculous is every second that he's not getting punched in the dick.

15 Nov 2012 10:06 AM
Satanic_Hamster     

HeartBurnKid: Satanic_Hamster: WHAT. I only got number three? Man, that Daily Caller guy needs to be punched in the dick.

You should start a petition or something.


cdn.overclock.netView Full Size


Wonder how many moronic submissions I'd have to put up before getting banned. You know, this also raises the point of how many retarded or racist ones are being submitted.

15 Nov 2012 10:06 AM
The Irresponsible Captain    [TotalFark]  
bmadore.squarespace.comView Full Size


I've got to browse that site one day. I wonder if there's one to change from "In God We Trust" to "E pluribus unum" on our currency. That's always a popular one.

15 Nov 2012 10:06 AM
theorellior    [TotalFark]  
Cockpunching Grover Norquist? This petition is relevant to my interests.

15 Nov 2012 10:07 AM
theorellior    [TotalFark]  

The Irresponsible Captain: I wonder if there's one to change from "In God We Trust" to "E pluribus unum" on our currency.


There's another good idea that's time has come.

15 Nov 2012 10:08 AM
NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!     

sodomizer: Before the Secession petitions: "Online petitions are great! They're so stylish and functional! They show us the future of open government!"

After the Secession petitions: "Online petitions are terrible! They're worse than useless! Only idiots should use these!"


It's not today only idiots SHOULD use them, it's that the idiots in the press are giving so much attention to these idiots and their idiocy that the rest of the mouth breathing idiots are convinced we are days away from the second coming of Stonewall Jackson at the Third Manasas. So the idiots have completely devalues what could be an otherwise useful tool. This is why we can't have nice things.

/idiots.

15 Nov 2012 10:08 AM
Nightsweat     

The Irresponsible Captain: [bmadore.squarespace.com image 552x414]

I've got to browse that site one day. I wonder if there's one to change from "In God We Trust" to "E pluribus unum" on our currency. That's always a popular one.


I'm submitting one to change it from "In God We Trust" to "How YOU Doin'?"

15 Nov 2012 10:08 AM
BitwiseShift     
Grover really needs to take a bath. Just don't know what to fill the tub with.

15 Nov 2012 10:10 AM
i upped my meds-up yours     
Grover Norquist has no dick.

15 Nov 2012 10:11 AM
Spandau    [TotalFark]  
Damn, I would have totally signed up for punching Grover in the dick.

15 Nov 2012 10:12 AM
HeartBurnKid     

BitwiseShift: Grover really needs to take a bath. Just don't know what to fill the tub with.


Well, that depends; is he small enough to drown in the tub?

15 Nov 2012 10:12 AM
theorellior    [TotalFark]  

BitwiseShift: Grover really needs to take a bath. Just don't know what to fill the tub with.


Readymix?

15 Nov 2012 10:13 AM
sprawl15    [TotalFark]  

BitwiseShift: Grover really needs to take a bath. Just don't know what to fill the tub with.


Nair.

15 Nov 2012 10:14 AM
Dr Dreidel     
How about one to punch Guy Fiedi in the dick? Or make him eat nothing but his own crappy TGI"Food" from now until the heat death of the multiverse.

How about Joe Biden gets to punch Fiedi in the dick for the final shot of his final show (does he still have one?).

// I really hate Guy
// Guy LeDouche would be a better food analyst

15 Nov 2012 10:14 AM
HeartBurnKid     

sodomizer: Before the Secession petitions: "Online petitions are great! They're so stylish and functional! They show us the future of open government!"

After the Secession petitions: "Online petitions are terrible! They're worse than useless! Only idiots should use these!"


Before you stuck your dick in the pie: "Mmmm, that pie looks delicious! I totally want a piece of that!"

After you stuck your dick in the pie: "OMG why would you do that? That's disgusting! Throw it out!"

15 Nov 2012 10:15 AM
Crabs_Can_Polevault     

BitwiseShift: Grover really needs to take a bath. Just don't know what to fill the tub with.


Razor blades, rock salt, and jellyfish.

15 Nov 2012 10:16 AM
theorellior    [TotalFark]  
I know we like to help out our fellow man and all, but there's no reason to deliberately prolong the life of an election-season troll here, folks.

15 Nov 2012 10:16 AM
grchunt     
Can anyone provide a linky to the "punch Norquist in the dick" petition? I really feel as though Farkers could help making that happen.

15 Nov 2012 10:17 AM
MrBallou    [TotalFark]  
Where we need to send the petition is to every dick-headed Congressman who has signed Norquist's pledge. Tell them to stop submitting to the sovereignty of this asshat and get on with the business of running the country.

15 Nov 2012 10:17 AM
Rann Xerox     

i upped my meds-up yours: Grover Norquist has no dick.


Norquist's dick was cut in half and then drowned in the bathtub.

15 Nov 2012 10:17 AM
Satanic_Hamster     

grchunt: Can anyone provide a linky to the "punch Norquist in the dick" petition? I really feel as though Farkers could help making that happen.


They deleted it after a day or two.

I submitted it, didn't get greenlighted. I guess some modmin likes dicks or something. :(

15 Nov 2012 10:18 AM
cassanovascotian     
There was a Canadian politician who proposed something similar.
His name was Stockwell Day, and he proposed a plan that if more than 3% of the population signed a petition for some action, the government would be legally required to vote on it. Then a comedian started a petition to force said politician to change his first name to Doris.


The petition idea never got much further.

15 Nov 2012 10:20 AM
BlastYoBoots    [TotalFark]  
The Biden one isn't gearing us up for a Guy Fieri '16 presidential run, is it?

Because I'm not ready for the End.

15 Nov 2012 10:21 AM
jso2897     
I've submitted a petition to get them to take the website down:Link
It needs more signatures to go public.
Yeah, I'm an asshole.

15 Nov 2012 10:21 AM
Needlessly Complicated     
This is why we can't have nice things.

15 Nov 2012 10:25 AM
dinch     

cassanovascotian: There was a Canadian politician who proposed something similar.
His name was Stockwell Day, and he proposed a plan that if more than 3% of the population signed a petition for some action, the government would be legally required to vote on it. Then a comedian started a petition to force said politician to change his first name to Doris.


The petition idea never got much further.


Great idea! I should go on and start a petition to change Boehner's first name to "Strangest".

15 Nov 2012 10:25 AM
highbrow45     
Guy Fieri is horrible and should never be put in charge of anything.

15 Nov 2012 10:25 AM
BlastYoBoots    [TotalFark]  

highbrow45: Guy Fieri is horrible and should never be put in charge of anything.


I bet Romney would have appointed him to the Supreme Court to make it look like he was "giving a voice to the little guy".

15 Nov 2012 10:28 AM
Pants full of macaroni!!     

sodomizer: Before the Secession petitions: "Online petitions are great! They're so stylish and functional! They show us the future of open government!"

After the Secession petitions: "Online petitions are terrible! They're worse than useless! Only idiots should use these!"


Speaking of cockpunching.....

15 Nov 2012 10:29 AM
Canton     

The Irresponsible Captain: [bmadore.squarespace.com image 552x414]

I've got to browse that site one day. I wonder if there's one to change from "In God We Trust" to "E pluribus unum" on our currency. That's always a popular one.


In a word, yes.

15 Nov 2012 10:30 AM
Canton     

Canton: The Irresponsible Captain: [bmadore.squarespace.com image 552x414]

I've got to browse that site one day. I wonder if there's one to change from "In God We Trust" to "E pluribus unum" on our currency. That's always a popular one.

In a word, yes.


Or, well, it's close enough. I am all for the pledge part.

15 Nov 2012 10:33 AM
FatherChaos     
#5: Planning ahead for the Tarkin administration
"As a trusted member of the Imperial Senate, we the delegation of Alderaan are asking that as a sign of good faith toward the will of the people of the galaxy, the Empire respect our wishes and allow Alderaan to peacefully exit the empire, acting as a model for other star systems to follow should they freely choose. We trust that the Emperor still listens to reason and to the people, and we certainly hope that the arrival of this new small moon that has just started orbiting our planet is a sign of hope and prosperity for all the citizens of Alderaan."


images2.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size

15 Nov 2012 10:33 AM
bigdawgmark     
I don't know how they got the link and I don't care, but number 5 on that list is mine. Please consider signing for the fine people of Alderaan. 150 signatures and we make it to the main searchable page.

15 Nov 2012 10:33 AM
cassanovascotian     

dinch: Great idea! I should go on and start a petition to change Boehner's first name to "Strangest".


I was trying to think of a good one -and that's better than anything I had come up with!.
Anyone other submissions?

15 Nov 2012 10:33 AM
Baz744     
I'd sign the cockpunch Norquist one.

15 Nov 2012 10:33 AM
Nightsweat     

BitwiseShift: Grover really needs to take a bath. Just don't know what to fill the tub with.


Lye?

15 Nov 2012 10:38 AM
indarwinsshadow     
WE ask that the United States government, change the name from "United States of America" to "We Work For China".

Please sign on the dotted line.

15 Nov 2012 10:38 AM
Nightsweat     

bigdawgmark: I don't know how they got the link and I don't care, but number 5 on that list is mine. Please consider signing for the fine people of Alderaan. 150 signatures and we make it to the main searchable page.


Tarkin administration? I think you overestimate his chances.

15 Nov 2012 10:39 AM
Pointy Tail of Satan     
How about this one?

Link

15 Nov 2012 10:41 AM
JackieRabbit     

theorellior: Cockpunching Grover Norquist? This petition is relevant to my interests.


You have to pay a $2500 excise tax to cock-punch Grover Norquist.

15 Nov 2012 10:44 AM
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