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   Sideshow Bob made a half-hearted suicide attempt in his prison cell

15 Nov 2012 12:12 PM   |   12248 clicks   |   CBS4Denver - KCNC
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Sybarite    [TotalFark]  
I thought we'd given up on the Sideshow Bob thing weeks ago.

15 Nov 2012 09:56 AM
ManateeGag    [TotalFark]  
someone should help him with that.

15 Nov 2012 10:32 AM
gilgigamesh     
Did he use a rake?

Hahahaha. I'm just kidding. I don't really care.

15 Nov 2012 10:39 AM
CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  
Do it.

15 Nov 2012 10:40 AM
Generation_D    [TotalFark]  
Ashame he didn't just do that first and spare everyone else instead.

I still think his mom is probably deeply involved in why he's such a messed up punk, but the media seems to have bought into her crap and left her alone.

15 Nov 2012 10:53 AM
CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  
I truly wish more sociopaths would just kill themselves.

15 Nov 2012 11:10 AM
Abe Vigoda's Ghost     
I want to read the story on how he choked to death on his own detached penis.

15 Nov 2012 12:15 PM
No Time To Explain     
You know what? Do the opposite, don't help him to die, force him to live

/best torture is life sometimes

15 Nov 2012 12:15 PM
xanadian    [TotalFark]  
He wasn't successful?

Damn.

15 Nov 2012 12:17 PM
mootmah    [TotalFark]  
That picture is creepier than the carrot-top ones

15 Nov 2012 12:17 PM
fappomatic     
FTA: "CBS4 has learned from reliable law enforcement sources that James Holmes has made multiple suicide attempts in recent days, and at least one of the attempts led to a brief hospitalization."

Translation: "We beat the ever-livin' dogshiat outta that guy"

15 Nov 2012 12:17 PM
blatz514    [TotalFark]  
FTFA: another involving him jumping off his bed.

HE COULD HAVE SPRAINED AN ANKLE!

15 Nov 2012 12:18 PM
FinFangFark     
I'm sure the families of the victims would love to finish the job for him.

Too morbid for a Thursday?

15 Nov 2012 12:18 PM
Carth     
Put him alone in a locked room with a gun and one bullet. If he wants to kill himself let him.

15 Nov 2012 12:19 PM
mike_d85     

gilgigamesh: Did he use a rake?

Hahahaha. I'm just kidding. I don't really care.


www.dudemeetsdad.comView Full Size


Came for this. kind of disappoined.

/hot

15 Nov 2012 12:20 PM
Buck Henderson     
Did they award him a Nobel Prize?

15 Nov 2012 12:20 PM
Jon iz teh kewl     
oh... side SHOW bob

arcadeartlibrary.comView Full Size

15 Nov 2012 12:21 PM
GranoblasticMan     

Carth: Put him alone in a locked room with a gun and one bullet. If he wants to kill himself let him.


Won't happen. These aren't suicide attempts; at best, they're cries for attention.

15 Nov 2012 12:22 PM
CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  

FinFangFark: Too morbid for a Thursday?


I'm in a foul mood this Thursday so the morbid-er the better-er.

15 Nov 2012 12:22 PM
offmymeds     
Holmes jailhouse suicide attempts were viewed as being "half-hearted," with one of them involving him running into a wall in his jail cell, another involving him jumping off his bed.

LOL WUT?

15 Nov 2012 12:24 PM
Bit'O'Gristle     
I can see it now. He kills himself, and his family sues the city, state, and everyone in the world for criminal negligence, wrongful death, and loss of notoriety. They get a fat payout, splurge on a house they can't afford the taxes for, 10 cars, and finally die penniless in a gutter sucking cold gravy out of old Kentucky fried chicken containers.

//could happen.

15 Nov 2012 12:24 PM
Perducci     
So he's a sad clown, then?

15 Nov 2012 12:25 PM
special20    [TotalFark]  

Buck Henderson: Did they award him a Nobel Prize?


No, because he's obviously not a liberal. He might win a prize from the Koch brothers though.

15 Nov 2012 12:25 PM
sid244     
One police issued one of these
www.enemyforces.netView Full Size


theeffortlesschic.comView Full Size


one of these
www.policemag.comView Full Size


www.decodeunicode.orgView Full Size


Taxpayer money well spent

15 Nov 2012 12:27 PM
firefly212     

Bit'O'Gristle: I can see it now. He kills himself, and his family sues the city, state, and everyone in the world for criminal negligence, wrongful death, and loss of notoriety. They get a fat payout, splurge on a house they can't afford the taxes for, 10 cars, and finally die penniless in a gutter sucking cold gravy out of old Kentucky fried chicken containers.

//could happen.


Getting a jury to award a family money for a guy committing suicide would be nigh impossible here in Colorado.

15 Nov 2012 12:27 PM
kiwimoogle84    [TotalFark]  

CapeFearCadaver: FinFangFark: Too morbid for a Thursday?

I'm in a foul mood this Thursday so the morbid-er the better-er.


*hugs and squeezes* feel better?

And yeah, I think some inmates should help him out with this. There's a special level of hell for people who kill children.

Unavailable for comment:

farm9.staticflickr.comView Full Size

15 Nov 2012 12:28 PM
dj1s     
I once read a great science fiction story about using the brains of criminals to guide interplanetary probes. Eternal life, the complete inability to move or control anything...all systems were controlled through the autonomic system of the brain...out of your control and totally conscious the entire time. this dude is a candidate. Not wishing death for him...not wishing him locked up forever...sending him on a LOOOOOOOng mission to the next star system.

15 Nov 2012 12:28 PM
The Muthaship     

CapeFearCadaver: I truly wish more sociopaths would just kill themselves.


That is basically 180o against their nature.

15 Nov 2012 12:28 PM
Private_Citizen    [TotalFark]  
I was reading through Game of Thrones, and really liked the description of the sky prison thing.

We could do something similar in real life. Take an antenna tower about 50-60 stories high, and put a 7x7 box on top of it. Remove one wall. Tilt box 5 degrees towards open wall. Provide food daily, and wait for the "blue to call him".

Start a pool on how long it takes til he swan dives, and give the proceeds to his victims and their families.

15 Nov 2012 12:30 PM
AngryDragon     

GranoblasticMan: Carth: Put him "alone" in a locked room with a gun and one bullet. If he wants to kill himself let him.

Won't happen. These aren't suicide attempts; at best, they're cries for attention.


Better?

15 Nov 2012 12:31 PM
CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  

kiwimoogle84: *hugs and squeezes* feel better?


A little bit, thaaank you!

The Muthaship: CapeFearCadaver: I truly wish more sociopaths would just kill themselves.

That is basically 180o against their nature.


I know. Maybe we could implant something in their brains when their diagnosed that makes them want to hurt themselves instead of others? Like a quick dart gun when their not looking...

15 Nov 2012 12:33 PM
jpat     
Robin Lopez frowns leaves mouth agape upon your comparison.

3.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

15 Nov 2012 12:33 PM
booger42     
Stepping on a rake?

15 Nov 2012 12:33 PM
booger42     
Dang - should read the thread first

15 Nov 2012 12:34 PM
devilEther     
He has a smile like Paul Ryan.

15 Nov 2012 12:34 PM
Buck Henderson     

special20: Buck Henderson: Did they award him a Nobel Prize?

No, because he's obviously not a liberal. He might win a prize from the Koch brothers though.


Not a fan of chemistry?

15 Nov 2012 12:34 PM
CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  
*they're

ugg.

15 Nov 2012 12:34 PM
farbiez     
How much must it suck to be a public defender for a pos like this?

15 Nov 2012 12:36 PM
The Muthaship     

CapeFearCadaver: Maybe we could implant something in their brains when their diagnosed that makes them want to hurt themselves instead of others? Like a quick dart gun when their not looking...


I am all for it.

15 Nov 2012 12:37 PM
kiwimoogle84    [TotalFark]  

Private_Citizen: I was reading through Game of Thrones, and really liked the description of the sky prison thing.

We could do something similar in real life. Take an antenna tower about 50-60 stories high, and put a 7x7 box on top of it. Remove one wall. Tilt box 5 degrees towards open wall. Provide food daily, and wait for the "blue to call him".

Start a pool on how long it takes til he swan dives, and give the proceeds to his victims and their families.


I second this. If they can toss a Lannister in there, the criminals should be right at home.

15 Nov 2012 12:37 PM
olddinosaur     
Take care to assure he DOES NOT kill himself.

I want him to stare at four walls every day for 60 years, and realize the only way he is getting out of that place is in a coffin.

Not to mention all the fun the other cons will have with him.

15 Nov 2012 12:38 PM
The Muthaship     

olddinosaur: Not to mention all the fun the other cons will have with him.


I bet he never spends a day in genpop.

15 Nov 2012 12:39 PM
CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  

farbiez: How much must it suck to be a public defender for a pos like this?


A local POS has already had two public defenders withdraw: Link

I feel for the next one.

15 Nov 2012 12:40 PM
Evil Mackerel     
Do or do not, there is do try.

15 Nov 2012 12:42 PM
Bondith    [TotalFark]  

Buck Henderson: special20: Buck Henderson: Did they award him a Nobel Prize?

No, because he's obviously not a liberal. He might win a prize from the Koch brothers though.

Not a fan of chemistry?


I'm an avid practioner of attempted chemistry.

/half-hearted? Which half, atria or ventricles?

15 Nov 2012 12:42 PM
Mishno     

Sybarite: I thought we'd given up on the Sideshow Bob thing weeks ago.


You'll get over it. ®

15 Nov 2012 12:46 PM
Eugoogoolizer     

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: I want to read the story on how he choked to death on his own detached penis.


"MacGruber it's coonth"

15 Nov 2012 12:47 PM
smallerGov     
normally for the death penalty and would like to see someone like this go out painfully but in his case he wants to die and I would rather see him sit in a cell and go ape shiat crazy (I know, I know) forever..
or until someone gets their hands on him and takes him out very painfully..


/tax payers money well spent IMHO

15 Nov 2012 12:49 PM
Zukipilot     
Good... Let him do it!

15 Nov 2012 12:54 PM
Minus 1 Charisma     
FTA: Law enforcement contacts, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told CBS4 investigator Brian Maass that Holmes jailhouse suicide attempts were viewed as being "half-hearted," with one of them involving him running into a wall in his jail cell, another involving him jumping off his bed."

lol
There has got to be tape of this somewhere.

15 Nov 2012 01:04 PM
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