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   Why the 'Anti-Obama States Secede' Story Is a Lie

16 Nov 2012 09:33 AM   |   21769 clicks   |   Cracked
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slackist     
Oooh, insta green!


/not subby

16 Nov 2012 09:36 AM
SkunkWerks     
All I know is that Whitehouse.gov is now Yahoo Answers.

that is all.

16 Nov 2012 09:36 AM
Nilatir     
I still like the idea of Austin being like West Berlin.

16 Nov 2012 09:36 AM
Tarl3k     
Let me wipe the shocked look off my face :|
.
.
.
.
.
.
There we go :|

16 Nov 2012 09:37 AM
21-37-42    [TotalFark]  
When the motorcycle "judge, jury, executioner" jobs get created, I'm applying.

16 Nov 2012 09:37 AM
Trail of Dead    [TotalFark]  
Your blog doesn't suck, Cracked!

16 Nov 2012 09:38 AM
DROxINxTHExWIND     
Can't see Cracked at work. A little help?

16 Nov 2012 09:39 AM
spelletrader     
Did I - did I click on the wrong tab again?

16 Nov 2012 09:39 AM
El Freak     
Only the idiots with 3 brain cells that post on the Politics tab ever believed it.

16 Nov 2012 09:40 AM
SkunkWerks     

DROxINxTHExWIND: Can't see Cracked at work. A little help?


Basically put: we have no idea who is signing these things, really, and even if we did, equally ludicrous petitions are popping up with just as much support.

None of this is of course stopping the media from reporting on it like it's the Mayan apocalypse.

So: basically what you already knew, in an article.

16 Nov 2012 09:41 AM
Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo     
Awww...not time for Lord Humongous yet? I was promised end times, dammit!

16 Nov 2012 09:41 AM
God Is My Co-Pirate     

El Freak: Only the idiots with 3 brain cells that post on the Politics tab ever believed it.


...but you repeat yourself.

16 Nov 2012 09:41 AM
GranoblasticMan     

21-37-42: When the motorcycle "judge, jury, executioner" jobs get created, I'm applying.


You want to be Judge Judy and executioner? D=

16 Nov 2012 09:41 AM
Solty Dog    [TotalFark]  
So I guess my petition to declare war on Saskatchewan will not be taken seriously.

16 Nov 2012 09:43 AM
DROxINxTHExWIND     

SkunkWerks: DROxINxTHExWIND: Can't see Cracked at work. A little help?

Basically put: we have no idea who is signing these things, really, and even if we did, equally ludicrous petitions are popping up with just as much support.

None of this is of course stopping the media from reporting on it like it's the Mayan apocalypse.

So: basically what you already knew, in an article.


Great. Thanks.

Yeah, I heard some clown on CNN exclaim, "There are almost 100,00 signatures on the Texas petition!" Then, someone with a more level head calmly reminded him that there are 26 MILLION people living there.

16 Nov 2012 09:43 AM
LewDux     
Establish new legal system of motorcycle riding "Judges" who serve as police, judge, jury, and executioner all in one.  

This is a petition to dissolve the current legal system and replace it with a single Hall of Justice, run by Judges; motorcycle-riding law officers who act as police, judge, jury, and executioner.

Created: Nov 13, 2012

Issues: Criminal Justice and Law Enforcement
 

only 23,348 to go

16 Nov 2012 09:44 AM
jake_lex    [TotalFark]  
I just wonder how many times Heywood Jablowme and Stu Pedasso signed those petitions.

16 Nov 2012 09:46 AM
Tyranicle     
Anti-Obama states? All fifty eight states have now petitioned.

16 Nov 2012 09:46 AM
Sudlow     
My favorite petition. It concerns Fark.

Link

16 Nov 2012 09:48 AM
mbillips     
Obama had them take down the petition to let people punch Grover Norquist in the dick. That one was near 25,000 signatures before it got pulled.

Obama hates fun.

www.anti-christ.comView Full Size

16 Nov 2012 09:48 AM
ringersol     
Is this really a thing that needed to be 'debunked'?
Don't we all know that anyone can post anything they want on the internet and the vast majority of it has no bearing on reality?

Can't you just write: "supposed 'news' sites are 'reporting' on things morons and trolls posted online as if it mattered. el oh el."
And then get back to writing about little-known serial killers or urban legends or things-most-likely-to-kill-you-when-yo u're-drunk?

16 Nov 2012 09:48 AM
hdhale     

Nilatir: I still like the idea of Austin being like West Berlin.


Given what I've heard about Austin, I'm fairly certain that the rest of Texas would be happy to grant their wish in the case of secession.

It will be interesting to see if any of the secession talk actually gain traction. There are people who are quite serious about it and it isn't just talk to them, but they would need to be in positions of power at the state level to make it happen.

16 Nov 2012 09:48 AM
corronchilejano     

SkunkWerks: DROxINxTHExWIND: Can't see Cracked at work. A little help?

Basically put: we have no idea who is signing these things, really, and even if we did, equally ludicrous petitions are popping up with just as much support.

None of this is of course stopping the media from reporting on it like it's the Mayan apocalypse.

So: basically what you already knew, in an article.


You forgot the most important part: Post apocaliptic world from the future, today (new window).

16 Nov 2012 09:48 AM
TofuTheAlmighty     

Nilatir: I still like the idea of Austin being like West Berlin.


I'm enamored of the potential for Ahmadinejad declaring, 'Tear down this wall,' to TX President Perry.

16 Nov 2012 09:50 AM
somedude210    [TotalFark]  
You know what's weird, my dad came in the other day to tell me that all 50 states had one, even our own Liberal BastionTM Massachusetts. This led to a discussion of whether it would actually be possible if this succeeded.

I'm still not sure if he took it seriously and was with glee that the entire country despises Obama or knows it's a joke and just was having some philosophical fun with me about it all...

/I think this election has brought me closer to my father
//while also having me distance from him more at the same time
///and my mother is a bleeding heart democrat. I don't understand my family

16 Nov 2012 09:51 AM
soj4life     
Well it is a lie that these petitions are going to have any states secede. It is not a lie that there are people in red states that started these petitions after the election.

16 Nov 2012 09:53 AM
thurstonxhowell     

DROxINxTHExWIND: Can't see Cracked at work. A little help?


The story was a lie because it was obviously just farking stupid that the media decided to run with. Anyone who thought that story was worth a damn probably has mittens pinned to their jacket.

16 Nov 2012 09:53 AM
Dead-Guy     
Judge Dredd FTW!

Best part was when the claim was that there's 60,000 signatures.. while Obama won with a lead of 3.5 million votes. So, assuming the lie were real, and that no signature is repeated on the other petitions, if you were to give both groups equal airtime in an hour time slot, you'd hear whining for exactly one minute, and then just a hair under fifty-nine minutes of folks laughing at them.

16 Nov 2012 09:54 AM
SkunkWerks     

soj4life: Well it is a lie that these petitions are going to have any states secede. It is not a lie that there are people in red states that started these petitions after the election.


Were they in red states?

I'm hearing a lot of state petitions are being signed by out of state individuals.

Again, I'm telling you: Whitehouse.gov is now Yahoo Answers.

16 Nov 2012 09:54 AM
clyph     
Forget secession, let's just kick the worst of the red states out of the union. We're better off without them.

16 Nov 2012 09:55 AM
factoryconnection    [TotalFark]  
I hope this stupid trend blows over soon. Outlier and trollolol nonsense status notwithstanding, I think all this gnashing of teeth is really starting to get to me spiritually. My in-laws seem to have stopped bringing it up (they are both very disappointed in Obama's victory) but I'm very close to them and the tension is a burden.

It is making me sad. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

16 Nov 2012 09:56 AM
FloydA     

SkunkWerks: All I know is that Whitehouse.gov is now Yahoo Answers.

that is all.


How is unnion formed
how is unnion formed
How states get saceeded?

They need to do way instain secessionists> who leave their unnion. because this unnion can't frigth back? It was on the politics tab this mroing. A freeper in ar who had sign his three petitions. they are taking the three petitions back to whitehouse.gov to lady to rest my pary are with the republicans who lost his elechthion; i am truly sorry for your lots

16 Nov 2012 09:57 AM
WhoopAssWayne     
There has never been any doubt that liberals both started and supported these idiotic petitions. Even though they won the election, they are still so incredibly insecure with their fragile, broken ideology that they have to resort to childish tactics such as these.

The conservatives out there, however, are in fact going to be breaking off a nice large chunk of payback, though it most certainly will not be in the form of secession. It will be in the form of job discrimination. Why would I ever possibly hire or promote someone who is out there supporting a party dead set on destroying my business? It is not going to happen. We must make liberals second class citizens in the job market. They made their choices and those choices must have consequences. We must hold these freeloaders to account.

16 Nov 2012 09:57 AM
fruitloop     

SkunkWerks: DROxINxTHExWIND: Can't see Cracked at work. A little help?

Basically put: we have no idea who is signing these things, really, and even if we did, equally ludicrous petitions are popping up with just as much support.

None of this is of course stopping the media from reporting on it like it's the Mayan apocalypse.

So: basically what you already knew, in an article.


So instead of the media telling us this is not news, Cracked is letting us know what the media is telling us is news is really not news. Cracked. The same site that gives us seven reasons why Bugs Bunny is sexy when he dresses like a woman. Cracked becomes more trustworthy than the media? Crazy pills.

16 Nov 2012 09:57 AM
zulius     
It's cracked...can i take this seriously?
/did i just div by zero?

16 Nov 2012 09:57 AM
mbillips     

hdhale: Nilatir: I still like the idea of Austin being like West Berlin.

Given what I've heard about Austin, I'm fairly certain that the rest of Texas would be happy to grant their wish in the case of secession.

It will be interesting stupid to see if any of the secession talk actually gain traction. There are people who are quite serious about it and it isn't just talk to them, but and they are would need to be in positions of power at the state level to make it happen.


Guess what, Texas? You don't have enough idiots even in YOUR legislature to pass a bill of secession. And if you did, assuming your governor was stupid enough to sign it, your state supreme court would strike it down in about half a second. And even if the whole state gummint agreed they wanted to secede, the FBI would arrest your "leaders" and charge them with treason and sedition.

It ain't 1861, folks, with federal power in the South consisting of a few scattered forts and courthouses. The question of whether secession is constitutional was settled a LOONG time ago, first on the battlefield and later in the courts. It ain't.

16 Nov 2012 09:58 AM
Epicedion    [TotalFark]  

16 Nov 2012 09:59 AM
SkunkWerks     

fruitloop: Cracked becomes more trustworthy than the media?


Welcome to the early 2000's.

It's not a bad article, mind you. It's just not exactly hard to come to this conclusion at the moment either.

16 Nov 2012 09:59 AM
doubled99     
No one likes facts getting in the way of their little political pissing contest

16 Nov 2012 09:59 AM
tolallorti     

WhoopAssWayne: There has never been any doubt that liberals both started and supported these idiotic petitions. Even though they won the election, they are still so incredibly insecure with their fragile, broken ideology that they have to resort to childish tactics such as these.

The conservatives out there, however, are in fact going to be breaking off a nice large chunk of payback, though it most certainly will not be in the form of secession. It will be in the form of job discrimination. Why would I ever possibly hire or promote someone who is out there supporting a party dead set on destroying my business? It is not going to happen. We must make liberals second class citizens in the job market. They made their choices and those choices must have consequences. We must hold these freeloaders to account.


You trying too hard son.

16 Nov 2012 10:00 AM
Pantubo     
Secession will not happen soon, but it will happen. It's apparently a shocking idea to you now but you will get used to it.

You got used to $4 gas, 8-10% unemployment, and open-season on our embassies very quickly, didn't you?

Losing a few states that you never liked anyway is not going to break your stride.

16 Nov 2012 10:00 AM
Citrate1007     
On one hand I think that the folks signing the petition are ignorant racist tea baggers that should be stripped of their citizenship out of spite for claiming to be more patriotic than thou for 4 years. On the other hand that is a terrible precedent to set in case an actual tyrannical party got into power.

16 Nov 2012 10:01 AM
somedude210    [TotalFark]  

Sudlow: My favorite petition. It concerns Fark.

Link


I am now the 1000th signature :D

16 Nov 2012 10:02 AM
pxsteel     

somedude210: You know what's weird, my dad came in the other day to tell me that all 50 states had one, even our own Liberal BastionTM Massachusetts. This led to a discussion of whether it would actually be possible if this succeeded.


All states have a petition. The problem is that, a few have already passed the threshold # to get a ballot prop. Although unlikely, if 1/10 of the signatures that Texas has are validated, it could end up on the ballot.

I doubt 50.1% would vote to secede, but stranger things have happened.

It would be a mess, a pretty big mess.

16 Nov 2012 10:02 AM
mbillips     

Pantubo: Secession will not happen soon, but it will happen. It's apparently a shocking idea to you now but you will get used to it.

You got used to $4 gas, 8-10% unemployment, and open-season on our embassies very quickly, didn't you?

Losing a few states that you never liked anyway is not going to break your stride.


The stupid gives Abraham Lincoln a sadz.

img7.imageshack.usView Full Size

16 Nov 2012 10:03 AM
rufus-t-firefly     
But it's fun to point and laugh.

16 Nov 2012 10:04 AM
SkunkWerks     

Pantubo: Secession will not happen soon, but it will happen.


No.

16 Nov 2012 10:05 AM
muck4doo     

El Freak: Only the idiots with 3 brain cells that post on the Politics tab ever believed it.


nuff said

16 Nov 2012 10:06 AM
JusticeandIndependence    [TotalFark]  

FloydA: SkunkWerks: All I know is that Whitehouse.gov is now Yahoo Answers.

that is all.

How is unnion formed
how is unnion formed
How states get saceeded?

They need to do way instain secessionists> who leave their unnion. because this unnion can't frigth back? It was on the politics tab this mroing. A freeper in ar who had sign his three petitions. they are taking the three petitions back to whitehouse.gov to lady to rest my pary are with the republicans who lost his elechthion; i am truly sorry for your lots


Are you ok? You seem to be having a stroke or something by the way you are typing.

16 Nov 2012 10:06 AM
you have pee hands     
I signed the petition for Texas. Alabama and Utah too.

/ok, I didn't, but the just the fact that I could shows that they're not worth the internet they're printed on

16 Nov 2012 10:07 AM
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