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   Hey, ladies. Do you have troubles with your man? When you're out on a date, do you catch him peeking at other women? Does he have a bad case of what the poets call "Wandering Penis Syndrome"?

16 Nov 2012 11:46 AM   |   7678 clicks   |   Jezebel
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Sybarite    [TotalFark]  
8. Remember when you were first dating and you used to go down on him all the time? Yeah, just do that again.

16 Nov 2012 09:31 AM
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FirstNationalBastard    [TotalFark]  
9: Quit being a frigid biatch who spends all your time reading articles about how to keep your man's dick in his pants, and actually put out once and a while.

16 Nov 2012 09:40 AM
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The Stealth Hippopotamus    [TotalFark]  
10. Pass legislation to outlaw yoga pants. Cause guys just cant look away.


/dont worry, it would never get passed.

16 Nov 2012 10:11 AM
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Pud    [TotalFark]  
11. Allow backdoor access on any day that ends in "y"

16 Nov 2012 10:20 AM
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CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  
12. If you got your man because he cheated on his girl with you... he'll do it to you. Stop being a sleeze.

16 Nov 2012 10:24 AM
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mysticcat    [TotalFark]  
13. Stop reading Jezebel

14. Wear makeup and throw away the threadbare college sweatpants.

16 Nov 2012 10:34 AM
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FirstNationalBastard    [TotalFark]  
15: act like a human being and actually trust someone if they've proven they're trustworthy instead of wanting to do the usual woman thing of creating pointless drama and screaming ZOMG HE GLANCED IN THE DIRECTION OF THAT 90-YEAR-OLD WOMAN'S SAGGY PENDULOUS BREASTS HE'S A CHEETUR I MUST TRAP HIM WHARRRRRRRRRRRRRRDERP!

16 Nov 2012 10:38 AM
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Lsherm    [TotalFark]  
15. Sammiches?

16 Nov 2012 10:39 AM
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Lsherm    [TotalFark]  
CURSE YOU FIRSTNATIONALBASTARD!

16 Nov 2012 10:39 AM
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FirstNationalBastard    [TotalFark]  

Lsherm: CURSE YOU FIRSTNATIONALBASTARD!


Hey, Sammiches can be 15a. Because if you're creating sammiches, you can't create drama.

So...

15a: Sammiches.

16 Nov 2012 10:42 AM
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CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  
15b. The perfect Shepherds Pie, must have ground beef AND sausage, homemade mashed potatoes and generous amounts of cheese on top.

16 Nov 2012 10:47 AM
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The Stealth Hippopotamus    [TotalFark]  

CapeFearCadaver: 12. If you got your man because he cheated on his girl with you... he'll do it to you. Stop being a sleeze.


wow that's actually really good advice.


my snark, I suddenly dont feel up to it.

16 Nov 2012 10:50 AM
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CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  
16. Actually listen to him when he talks to you and engage his conversation. It happens infrequently so stop interrupting him with inane stories about what your girlfriend did the other day.

16 Nov 2012 11:00 AM
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DjangoStonereaver    [TotalFark]  

CapeFearCadaver: 15b. The perfect Shepherds Pie, must have ground beef AND sausage, homemade mashed potatoes and generous amounts of cheese on top.


You forgot the serving suggestion (NSFW)

16 Nov 2012 11:11 AM
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talulahgosh    [TotalFark]  

CapeFearCadaver: 15b. The perfect Shepherds Pie, must have ground beef AND sausage, homemade mashed potatoes and generous amounts of cheese on top.


i like this idea, as my man does have a problem with the wandering penis. we just started dating however and he's been single for a long time. with many, many fark buddies.
cooking will help, i'm very sure. as will:

FirstNationalBastard: 15: act like a human being and actually trust someone if they've proven they're trustworthy instead of wanting to do the usual woman thing of creating pointless drama and screaming ZOMG HE GLANCED IN THE DIRECTION OF THAT 90-YEAR-OLD WOMAN'S SAGGY PENDULOUS BREASTS HE'S A CHEETUR I MUST TRAP HIM WHARRRRRRRRRRRRRRDERP!


16 Nov 2012 11:39 AM
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Spanky McStupid     
17. Remember: just because you're broke doesn't mean you can't window shop.

16 Nov 2012 11:49 AM
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iheartscotch    [TotalFark]  
Or, you could not date douche bags that can't keep their pants on around women.

/ that must make too much since

16 Nov 2012 11:50 AM
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Grapple     
As someone who just got completely reamed by his wife for never initiating the act anymore (as if I'm the only one in the house who can initiate the act...) I find this amusing.

//No, I don't really. I'm fairly depressed lately.

16 Nov 2012 11:51 AM
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dk47     
0. Your man will never stop looking

16 Nov 2012 11:51 AM
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The My Little Pony Killer     
Step 1. should be STOP LISTENING TO LINDY WEST.

16 Nov 2012 11:52 AM
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dk47     

Grapple: As someone who just got completely reamed by his wife for never initiating the act anymore (as if I'm the only one in the house who can initiate the act...) I find this amusing.

//No, I don't really. I'm fairly depressed lately.


Maybe you need better Offense

16 Nov 2012 11:53 AM
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Petey4335     
When you're out on a date, do you catch him peeking at other women? Does he have a bad case of what the poets call "Wandering Penis Syndrome"?

I'm married. I'm not dead. Just because I can appreciate the female form doesn't mean I don't have any self control or commitment issues.

16 Nov 2012 11:53 AM
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The My Little Pony Killer     

Grapple: As someone who just got completely reamed by his wife


Giggity.

16 Nov 2012 11:53 AM
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tricycleracer     
I think my girlfriend likes looking at strippers more than I do. I'm okay with this.

16 Nov 2012 11:53 AM
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farm machine     
Remember, just like being on a diet it never hurts to look at the menu.

16 Nov 2012 11:55 AM
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gingerjet     
Its articles like this that make me happy I'm gay.

16 Nov 2012 11:55 AM
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ChipNASA    [TotalFark]  

Grapple: As someone who just got completely reamed by his wife


Strap On???

/don't forget the lube....
//Wife runs at you screaming...."HOLD ON!!! I'M GOING IN DRY!!!

16 Nov 2012 11:56 AM
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ArcadianRefugee     

The Stealth Hippopotamus: 10. Pass legislation to outlaw yoga pants. Cause guys just cant look away.


/dont worry, it would never get passed.


i42.tinypic.com

16 Nov 2012 11:58 AM
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doubled99     
"Looking at other women" OH NO!!!

Interseting how women will make their insecurity into a attack on men as if the man did something wrong.

16 Nov 2012 11:58 AM
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Kit Fister    [TotalFark]  

Grapple: As someone who just got completely reamed by his wife for never initiating the act anymore (as if I'm the only one in the house who can initiate the act...) I find this amusing.

//No, I don't really. I'm fairly depressed lately.


Why is it that women who get into a relationship find it hard to initiate sexytime?

16 Nov 2012 12:02 PM
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dark side of the moon    [TotalFark]  
Wow. A lot of angry men in this thread assuming the woman isn't "putting out" enough. Some men are just assholes that will cheat no matter what you do. Just like some women are biatches that will be suspicious no matter how much you've proven to be faithful to her.

16 Nov 2012 12:02 PM
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Pair-o-Dice     

Sybarite: 8. Remember when you were first dating and you used to go down on him all the time? Yeah, just do that again.


^ Ladies, this is sage advice. ^

16 Nov 2012 12:03 PM
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FirstNationalBastard    [TotalFark]  

dark side of the moon: Wow. A lot of angry men in this thread assuming the woman isn't "putting out" enough. Some men are just assholes that will cheat no matter what you do. Just like some women are biatches that will be suspicious no matter how much you've proven to be faithful to her.


Well, this is a Jezebel article, so the logical assumption is actually that the writer is a crazy cat lady who drove every man out of her life ages ago.

16 Nov 2012 12:04 PM
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392Zaphod     
Don't be a jealous beyotch... actually point some women out to your man and tell them they look hot... My wife points out women to me all the time, it's great!

16 Nov 2012 12:14 PM
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deadtom     

Kit Fister: Grapple: As someone who just got completely reamed by his wife for never initiating the act anymore (as if I'm the only one in the house who can initiate the act...) I find this amusing.

//No, I don't really. I'm fairly depressed lately.

Why is it that women who get into a relationship find it hard to initiate sexytime?


Me: (initiate)
X: Not now.
Me: (initiate)
X: What are you doing?
Me: (initiate)
X: OMG is that all you want to do?
Me: (initiate)
X: Ugh...

Me: (stop bothering to initiate)
X: Why don't you want me anymore?

16 Nov 2012 12:15 PM
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Boeheimian Rhapsody     

Kit Fister: Grapple: As someone who just got completely reamed by his wife for never initiating the act anymore (as if I'm the only one in the house who can initiate the act...) I find this amusing.

//No, I don't really. I'm fairly depressed lately.

Why is it that women who get into a relationship find it hard to initiate sexytime?


You've disappointed her one too many times?

16 Nov 2012 12:16 PM
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Fano    [TotalFark]  
Remember, if he is staring at cleavage, photons of light from the breast actually penetrate his eyeballs.

16 Nov 2012 12:18 PM
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doubled99     
Heh. Just read the article and realized the author believes she's being funny.

16 Nov 2012 12:19 PM
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Langdon Alger     
if a guy down the street gets a new car I will look at it. Doesn't mean I get to drive it.

16 Nov 2012 12:19 PM
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392Zaphod     

Langdon Alger: if a guy down the street gets a new car I will look at it. Doesn't mean I get to drive it.


But you still imagine what the drive would be like!

16 Nov 2012 12:21 PM
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digitalrain     
Obligatory (possibly NSFW)

16 Nov 2012 12:22 PM
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The My Little Pony Killer     

392Zaphod: Langdon Alger: if a guy down the street gets a new car I will look at it. Doesn't mean I get to drive it.

But you still imagine what the drive would be like!


Hey, as long as my man is still driving me at the end of the day, he can draw up inspiration from wherever he damn well pleases.

16 Nov 2012 12:24 PM
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CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  

Boeheimian Rhapsody: Kit Fister:
Why is it that women who get into a relationship find it hard to initiate sexytime?

You've disappointed her one too many times?


Zing!

16 Nov 2012 12:25 PM
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The Stealth Hippopotamus    [TotalFark]  
img715.imageshack.us

we cant help it. if you really want to make a big deal out of it keep us at home

16 Nov 2012 12:26 PM
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Erebus1954     

392Zaphod: Langdon Alger: if a guy down the street gets a new car I will look at it. Doesn't mean I get to drive it.

But you still imagine what the drive would be like!


And your eyes linger on the headlights and trunk way too long.

16 Nov 2012 12:29 PM
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Theaetetus    [TotalFark]  

FirstNationalBastard: dark side of the moon: Wow. A lot of angry men in this thread assuming the woman isn't "putting out" enough. Some men are just assholes that will cheat no matter what you do. Just like some women are biatches that will be suspicious no matter how much you've proven to be faithful to her.

Well, this is a Jezebel article, so Farkers will make the logical assumption is actually that the writer is a crazy cat lady who drove every man out of her life ages ago even if the article says something completely different than they expect.


FTFY.

16 Nov 2012 12:29 PM
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yukichigai     
thumbs.anyclip.com

Juan-day-rink PI-PI!

16 Nov 2012 12:34 PM
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keypusher     

Theaetetus: FirstNationalBastard: dark side of the moon: Wow. A lot of angry men in this thread assuming the woman isn't "putting out" enough. Some men are just assholes that will cheat no matter what you do. Just like some women are biatches that will be suspicious no matter how much you've proven to be faithful to her.

Well, this is a Jezebel article, so Farkers will make the logical assumption is actually that the writer is a crazy cat lady who drove every man out of her life ages ago even if the article says something completely different than they expect.

FTFY.


Good point, actually. But the article still seems endlessly, needlessly obnoxious. Could have used a little more information and a lot less pointless snark.

16 Nov 2012 12:35 PM
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LabGrrl     
Oh, FFS. Significant others looking at other women/men is not a threat to you. Significant others sleeping with other women/men isn't a threat to you either, provided it's all done honestly, but most of you aren't going to get this.

I seriously have never, ever, ever, gotten this. Half of these scandals that happen are because people can't see the difference between sex and love.

/Why yes, if my significant other was over in another country for work, and horny as hell, and prostitution was safe and legal there, she could charge it to my damn credit card.

16 Nov 2012 12:35 PM
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Molotovcat     
HA! I was just talking about the wandering eye thing last night.

CSB: I went on a first date with a guy who a.) did not look ANYTHING like his pic, b.) within 10 minutes informed me that he was now unemployed c.) spent the entire date either doing the elevator look on every single woman around us or just staring at my chest. I swear it was like he was eye-humping everything within sight, shockingly enough I didn't go on a second date with him.

Seriously it's fine to check out other ladies, just don't be so obvious about it.

16 Nov 2012 12:38 PM
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