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   I'm surprised it took this long for someone to petition the White House to nationalize the Twinkie industry

16 Nov 2012 03:28 PM   |   3691 clicks   |   White House
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Smingleigh     
SOSHALIZM

16 Nov 2012 03:30 PM
This text is now purple     
The good news is that soon I can buy the rights to 600-lb Twinkies for pennies on the dollar.

16 Nov 2012 03:33 PM
reillan     
I was thinking about posting a donation site to try to raise the money it would take to buy hostess and nationalize it...

Then I realized it be somewhere in the Brazilians

16 Nov 2012 03:33 PM
JohnCarter     
Their freaking CLOSED man...unions / contracts / no more Twinkies

That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fark are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?

16 Nov 2012 03:33 PM
SDRR     

JohnCarter: Their freaking CLOSED man...unions / contracts / no more Twinkies

That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fark are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?


Go be fat somewhere else?

16 Nov 2012 03:34 PM
ultradeeg    [TotalFark]  
DAMNIT. http://mashable.com/2012/11/16/hostess -treats-at-home/
Act like y'all got a kitchen and some sense.

16 Nov 2012 03:35 PM
s1ugg0     

SDRR: JohnCarter: Their freaking CLOSED man...unions / contracts / no more Twinkies

That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fark are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?

Go be fat somewhere else?


Nuke fat people from orbit? It's the only way to be sure.

16 Nov 2012 03:39 PM
uncleacid     
It should be the fifty first star.

16 Nov 2012 03:41 PM
cryinoutloud     
YOU DAMN KIDS STOP PLAYING AROUND WITH THAT DIRECT LINE TO THE WHITE HOUSE.

16 Nov 2012 03:43 PM
Shadowtag     

Smingleigh: SOSHALIZM


That's how it's spelled when it's cream-filled.

16 Nov 2012 03:44 PM
that was my nickname in highschool     
1.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

16 Nov 2012 03:44 PM
shadowmaster     
That petition isn't going to help. You know the Obamas hate white America. Whats whiter than Hostess snack cakes. This was Michele Obamas goal. She's been promoting that damn garden and now they close down Hostess. I thank God my son got to grow up with tasty Hostess treats but am saddened that my grandchildren may never know what a Twinkie is(except maybe a deragotory term for a gay guy).

And this is just the beginning. There is talk of taxing ski resorts and swimming pool memberships. The war on white America is going to get ugly. Nice job Dems, Romney would never have let this happen.

16 Nov 2012 03:48 PM
MasterThief     
"I've said it before, and I'll say it again: democracy simply doesn't work."

16 Nov 2012 03:54 PM
jason1178     

shadowmaster: That petition isn't going to help. You know the Obamas hate white America. Whats whiter than Hostess snack cakes. This was Michele Obamas goal. She's been promoting that damn garden and now they close down Hostess. I thank God my son got to grow up with tasty Hostess treats but am saddened that my grandchildren may never know what a Twinkie is(except maybe a deragotory term for a gay guy).

And this is just the beginning. There is talk of taxing ski resorts and swimming pool memberships. The war on white America is going to get ugly. Nice job Dems, Romney would never have let this happen.


4/10 Starts off well but gets trite as it goes on.

16 Nov 2012 03:56 PM
Gabrielmot     
sigh...

You know, this *could* be a place where we make thoughtful, well thought out suggestions to the White House, where the little man could have his voice heard and make a difference...

Or we could troll it with stupidity and manage to keep that one small voice from being heard...

Your call morons... Your call.

16 Nov 2012 03:57 PM
Harry Freakstorm     
Ivan Denisovich awoke with a pain in his side. He hoped that that his crew would not be forced to work the Creamy Filling Mines today. Late last night, as the crews returned to the work camp, word had come through that a number of men had died in the mines. They had struck a vein of the white stuff and several drowned in the sugary substance before the guards could bring down the elevators.

"Ivan Denisovich!" roared a camp guard. "Slacking in your bunk after wake up! Three days Solitary and full work schedule!"

"A thousand pardons, Twinkie Overseer" Ivan cried. "I did not mean to malinger."

The guard drew close to Ivan. "Report to the cardboard cutting room immediately. If you do well, I will forgive your crimes."

Ivan rushed from the barracks. the guard merely needed someone to cut the little squares of cardboard for the Twinkies. That meant they had probably made production in the kitchens and ran short of packing materials. It would only be a few hours in front of an industrial cutter. There wouldn't be any solitary.

Ivan ran in to the workshop. Hundreds of older, infirmed workers bent at their paper cutters. Many of them could cut the cardboard squares precisely with their eyes closed. And many of them did. Ivan repported to the supervisor who put him at an open cutter. He showed Ivan how to carefully cut the square of cardboard on which two Twinkies would be set. "This size, worker" the supervisor told him. Not a millimeter more or less. I will check your work constantly."

Ivan bent to his task and noted that the supervisor had retreated to his office. He would not be checking anyone's work but Ivan still tried to cut the cardboard exactly. This was better work that harvesting the Twinkie from the fields and much better than the Creamy Filling Mines.

An hour later, one of Ivan's co workers came in to the workshop and got Ivan released. He left his stack of cardboard next to the cutter as the supervisor made no effort to check the quality.

Ivan's co-worker was a greedy little man named Friedell. He said to Ivan "You missed breakfest. It was Chocadiles. Our boss managed to sneak you one. Here it is. Eat it quickly." Ivan gobbled the chocolate pastry down. There was probably a second one but Friedell had probably eaten it himself.

"Good news, Ivan." Team 6 got the mines today. We'll be working the east fields. The Twinkies there are just peaking with their golden sponginess." This was good news. The east fields were the closest so you didn't spend half the morning walking to your job. You could get more twinkies in to the factory from the east field so making your quota wouldn't be a problem. Although the day had scarcely begun, Ivan knew that today would be a good day.

The work crew formed up and moved through the gates. The guards only did the quickest of checks when the crews left the camp. They would be more attentive when they returned. Possession of twinkies by the workers is an automatic 5 days of solitary.

When the got to the fields, they were directed to a row of Twinkie Trees. The Free Worker pointed out the trees with the best Twinkies. The work group quickly broke in to teams of three: One person would climb a Twinkie Tree and begin knocking the fruit loose. The two on the ground would scoop it up, peal it and put it in the wagon where a guard watched carefully. Some of the workers could eat raw Twinkies but Ivan couldn't stomach them. He had never been hungry enough to even try a raw Twinkie.

Soon Twinkie peels littered the ground and the wagon was full. As soon as it moved out, another wagon pulled up and the workers continued their tasks. Ivan's group usually worked through lunch becuase it was important to make their quotas. A worker would come from the camp with a bunch of Ding Dongs or Ring Dings. While other groups had the luxury of sitting and eating, Ivan's group continued to work. Ivan knocked a bunch of Twinkies from a thick branch and ate his lunch. The quota would be made easily today. 

Ivan looked back towards to factory. Smoke poured from the huge smoke stacks. Production was beginning already. Probably from the first wagon load. It felt good to be outside, in the Twinkie Trees knocking the fruit from the branches. The quota would be made. Maybe they would even get some milk with their dinner of fruit pies tonight. Only a lemon pie could make today perfect, Ivan thought to himself. Today was a good day.

16 Nov 2012 04:00 PM
mark12A     
www.cartoonspot.netView Full Size

"So what will we eat when society collapses??"

16 Nov 2012 04:01 PM
thekilt04     
whoever said the whitehouse.gov is now yahoo answers is officially a prophet.

also lush windbag was rallying on about how fartbummer was going to do this, and then sell the company back to the unions.

god dammit so much i hate being a republican.

/when the fark is someone going to talk about egypt about to aid gaza. youd think that was more important.

16 Nov 2012 04:02 PM
Hagenhatesyouall     
I was just thinking about how much I'd like to see another "petition" thread pop up on the fark main page.

It's been so long since we've seen one.

16 Nov 2012 04:02 PM
XplodedSynapses     
i745.photobucket.comView Full Size

16 Nov 2012 04:05 PM
tjfly     
What's the only way to f*ck up a Twinkie?

16 Nov 2012 04:08 PM
pagansexgod     
I didn't want one until I cant have one!

All the supermarkets around here sold out of Ho Ho's and Twinkies by 10am this morning!

And please, green lit more petition threads, my IQ has not dropped sufficient points this week!

16 Nov 2012 04:11 PM
Jon iz teh kewl     

tjfly: What's the only way to f*ck up a Twinkie?


u stick it up your ass

16 Nov 2012 04:14 PM
ModernLuddite     
In theory, I love twinkies, but then I remember what happened when I last ate one.

My......my body rejected it.

16 Nov 2012 04:21 PM
hasty ambush     
Job well done Ms Food NAZI

cache.daylife.comView Full Size

16 Nov 2012 04:25 PM
CheObex     
No bailout for Wonder, Obama hates white bread. Too bad there isn't a Hostess Malt 40oz.

16 Nov 2012 04:25 PM
Canton     
Eh, Little Debbie is better, anyway.

/Yes, I went there.

16 Nov 2012 04:35 PM
Elroydb     
Oh good nationalized Twinkies. They'd cost $27 each, require fifteen pages of forms to acquire one and would require 3 weeks for delivery

16 Nov 2012 04:35 PM
Gawdzila     

shadowmaster: Nice job Dems, Romney would never have let this happen.


Are you saying Romney would have had a government bailout of the snack cake industry?

16 Nov 2012 04:39 PM
dmx1xos     
Darn, and they were just about to install Solyndra Solar Panels on the factory!

wideandslim.comView Full Size

16 Nov 2012 04:43 PM
lemortede     

dmx1xos: Darn, and they were just about to install Solyndra Solar Panels on the factory!

[wideandslim.com image 566x512]


Actually Mythbusters tested the Cockroaches and found that a species of fly would survive far better than a cockroach.

16 Nov 2012 04:45 PM
ProfessorOhki     
C'mon, the average American's got to be "too big to fail" by now, right?

16 Nov 2012 04:46 PM
JC22     
You know...if the Chinese buy the rights to the Twinkies brand...they will be known as... 

s12.postimage.orgView Full Size

16 Nov 2012 04:47 PM
BitwiseShift     
Seems that these guys were bailed out, or given free room and board.  That creepy guy in the playground is still eating Little Debby.  All of them will be around forever, given a 10,000 year shelf life. Your great grand kids will be able to buy them in antique stores. 

i28.photobucket.comView Full Size

16 Nov 2012 04:53 PM
hjy6     

JC22: You know...if the Chinese buy the rights to the Twinkies brand...they will be known as... 

[s12.postimage.org image 362x241]


EXACTLY!!!!!

16 Nov 2012 04:56 PM
Too Pretty For Prison     
I went to the grocery store today in St. Louis - GONE! Not a single box of any Hostess cakes left. I remember them being good when I was a kid, but my kids didn't like them so I haven't bought any in several years. When they stopped making the Chocodile, I stopped partaking.

16 Nov 2012 05:00 PM
way south     
If we can give joe the bird, we can make this happen.
Get busy, people.

16 Nov 2012 05:02 PM
maltedmothball     

SDRR: JohnCarter: Their freaking CLOSED man...unions / contracts / no more Twinkies

That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fark are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?

Go be fat somewhere else?


...Snert... ^

16 Nov 2012 05:04 PM
ringersol     
JohnCarter: "What are we gonna do?"

Wait five minutes for some other 'food' producer to buy the brands/rights/recipes?
Hasn't Hostess and/or its parent companies been sold/bankrupted about a half-dozen times over the last twenty years?

16 Nov 2012 05:12 PM
Prey4reign    [TotalFark]  
This guy is rolling over in his grave at the news:

www.biography.comView Full Size

16 Nov 2012 05:23 PM
Canton     

lemortede: dmx1xos: Darn, and they were just about to install Solyndra Solar Panels on the factory!

[wideandslim.com image 566x512]

Actually Mythbusters tested the Cockroaches and found that a species of fly would survive far better than a cockroach.


You're thinking of flour beetles, not flies. Although they tested fruit flies, too. (Fruit flies just don't live that long under normal conditions, much less radioactive ones.)

/Haven't seen the episode.
//This stuff is just interesting.

16 Nov 2012 05:24 PM
jaybeezey     
Do a quick ebay for search for twinkies and enjoy the awsomeness.

16 Nov 2012 05:28 PM
rynthetyn     

BitwiseShift: Seems that these guys were bailed out, or given free room and board.  That creepy guy in the playground is still eating Little Debby.  All of them will be around forever, given a 10,000 year shelf life. Your great grand kids will be able to buy them in antique stores. 

[i28.photobucket.com image 300x161]


Tasty Kake is vastly superior to Hostess.

16 Nov 2012 05:33 PM
Theory Of Null     

Gabrielmot: sigh...

You know, this *could* be a place where we make thoughtful, well thought out suggestions to the White House, where the little man could have his voice heard and make a difference...

Or we could troll it with stupidity and manage to keep that one small voice from being heard...

Your call morons... Your call.


2.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

16 Nov 2012 05:45 PM
ButterMule     
Fark this bandwagon. Fark it in the ear.

16 Nov 2012 05:54 PM
rkelley25    [TotalFark]  
No more Ho-Hos? Will there be a ho shortage?

16 Nov 2012 05:56 PM
Chainsaw Turd Elf     

Prey4reign: This guy is rolling over in his grave at the news:

[www.biography.com image 402x402]


Next time he fights the law he might not win

16 Nov 2012 06:19 PM
FriarReb98    [TotalFark]  

Elroydb: Oh good nationalized Twinkies. They'd cost $27 each, require fifteen pages of forms to acquire one and would require 3 weeks for delivery


Simpsons did it.

16 Nov 2012 06:32 PM
Jon iz teh kewl     

FriarReb98: Elroydb: Oh good nationalized Twinkies. They'd cost $27 each, require fifteen pages of forms to acquire one and would require 3 weeks for delivery

Simpsons did it.


homerize.comView Full Size


"Hey Marge. What were your gambling losses last year?"

16 Nov 2012 06:39 PM
toraque    [TotalFark]  

Harry Freakstorm: Ivan Denisovich . . .


www.squidmobile.comView Full Size


All it's missing is Shukov trying to sneak a broken length of hacksaw blade back into camp so he can tailor slippers out of stale Snowballs.

16 Nov 2012 06:46 PM
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