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   Although it may be awkward explaining this to your current wife, experts say if you really want to be happy you need to be married twice

19 Nov 2012 07:29 AM   |   9074 clicks   |   Herald Sun
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doglover    [TotalFark]  
They didn't say you have to be divorced, though, did they. She can sleep in the guest room, honey.

19 Nov 2012 06:36 AM
aagrajag     
That's really not the take-away at all. You will by definition have a second marriage at a later and more mature age than you will your first.

Show me a couple who marry for the first time at 30 years of age, and I'll show you a couple happier and more stable than one on their second marriage at 23.

19 Nov 2012 07:36 AM
runescorpio     
OR dont marry the first girl you talk to.

19 Nov 2012 07:36 AM
Honest Bender    [TotalFark]  
Both of my parents were married once before they got married. They celebrated their 29th anniversary this year. Good for them but it has me somewhat worried... I've got a woman I love more than anything, a woman I'm planning on proposing to soon. It shakes my confidence.

19 Nov 2012 07:37 AM
aagrajag     

aagrajag: That's really not the take-away at all. You will by definition have a second marriage at a later and more mature age than you will your first.

Show me a couple who marry for the first time at 30 years of age, and I'll show you a couple happier and more stable than one on their second marriage at 23.


This also means accepting that people begin to develop sexual needs at puberty and not forcing them into marriages when they just wanna boink. I'm looking at you, religious people.

19 Nov 2012 07:38 AM
JohnnyC     
My wife is my second. I did divorce the first one before I married my wife though. SO very glad I divorced my ex; it was the second best decision I've made in my life... the best was marrying my current wife.

So if you have the opportunity to marry an awesome and sane gymnast after divorcing your crazy ex... give it some serious consideration. It worked out incredibly well for me.

19 Nov 2012 07:40 AM
Nurglitch     
As someone currently in love with two women, I'm getting a pair of kicks out of this...

19 Nov 2012 07:40 AM
thismomentinblackhistory     

Honest Bender: Both of my parents were married once before they got married. They celebrated their 29th anniversary this year. Good for them but it has me somewhat worried... I've got a woman I love more than anything, a woman I'm planning on proposing to soon. It shakes my confidence.


She's already cheating on you.

19 Nov 2012 07:40 AM
dittybopper    [TotalFark]  

Honest Bender: Both of my parents were married once before they got married. They celebrated their 29th anniversary this year. Good for them but it has me somewhat worried... I've got a woman I love more than anything, a woman I'm planning on proposing to soon. It shakes my confidence.


How old are you and your almost-betrothed? If you're 18, you should be worried. If you're pushing 30, don't worry so much.

Hell, my father and my mother both got married twice, but I'm still on my first marriage, and we just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary (20 years together total). Honesty and maturity go a *LONG* way to keeping a marriage together.

19 Nov 2012 07:41 AM
ChubbyTiger     

JohnnyC: My wife is my second. I did divorce the first one before I married my wife though. SO very glad I divorced my ex; it was the second best decision I've made in my life... the best was marrying my current wife.

So if you have the opportunity to marry an awesome and sane gymnast after divorcing your crazy ex... give it some serious consideration. It worked out incredibly well for me.


Sane. Gymnast. Excuse me while I go laugh myself senseless for a bit.

19 Nov 2012 07:43 AM
Endrick     
www.walkoffwalk.comView Full Size

19 Nov 2012 07:43 AM
aagrajag     

thismomentinblackhistory: Honest Bender: Both of my parents were married once before they got married. They celebrated their 29th anniversary this year. Good for them but it has me somewhat worried... I've got a woman I love more than anything, a woman I'm planning on proposing to soon. It shakes my confidence.

She's already cheating on you.


With me, no less. ;)

19 Nov 2012 07:43 AM
gadian     

Nurglitch: As someone currently in love with two women, I'm getting a pair of kicks out of this...


Fundamentally, if you were really in love with the first, you wouldn't have fallen in love with the second. That or you may be confusing love with wanting to bone someone. No, I don't buy polyamorous relationships at all. They're never truly equitable.

19 Nov 2012 07:45 AM
aagrajag     

gadian: Nurglitch: As someone currently in love with two women, I'm getting a pair of kicks out of this...

Fundamentally, if you were really in love with the first, you wouldn't have fallen in love with the second. That or you may be confusing love with wanting to bone someone. No, I don't buy polyamorous relationships at all. They're never truly equitable.


Who said they were equitable? I've been in that situation too. I'm fortunate to have ended up with the best one, and realized that things could not have ever worked with the first.

Where is it written that one can only love one other person at a time? We can love more than one friend at a time. We can want to bone several people at once. What is romantic love but the best of both worlds?

19 Nov 2012 07:49 AM
Eat More Possum    [TotalFark]  
Marriage is a great institution. Everyone should try it a few times

19 Nov 2012 07:49 AM
JohnnyC     

ChubbyTiger: Sane. Gymnast. Excuse me while I go laugh myself senseless for a bit.


They exist. Some of them are serious prima donnas though. Sane people are so much easier to live with...

19 Nov 2012 07:50 AM
Sybarite    [TotalFark]  
Because your perfect life mate isn't the person that happened to have the locker next to yours in high school?

19 Nov 2012 07:50 AM
JohnnyC     

Eat More Possum: Marriage is a great institution. Everyone should try it a few times


My grandfather used to say, "Marriage is an institution... you know who they put in institutions?!?"

He was a funny old guy.

19 Nov 2012 07:51 AM
mrbach     
First one was a mistake, second one ended in later life and that was not expected. I wouldn't do it again, especially without a pre-nup. Now that I am older, I recognize that relationships have a certain lifetime. Longer for some, but probably about 10 to 15 years for most. After that, it changes. If it weren't for the ridiculous financial aspects, I would do it again, but who can afford to keep giving away half?

19 Nov 2012 07:51 AM
ChubbyTiger     

JohnnyC: ChubbyTiger: Sane. Gymnast. Excuse me while I go laugh myself senseless for a bit.

They exist. Some of them are serious prima donnas though. Sane people are so much easier to live with...


I know several who aren't prima donas, but I don't know any who are truly sane. Way too much energy and enthusiasm is the most frequent observation.

19 Nov 2012 07:54 AM
PirateKing     
At least that's what my mistress keeps telling me.

19 Nov 2012 07:58 AM
Nurglitch     

gadian: Nurglitch: As someone currently in love with two women, I'm getting a pair of kicks out of this...

Fundamentally, if you were really in love with the first, you wouldn't have fallen in love with the second. That or you may be confusing love with wanting to bone someone. No, I don't buy polyamorous relationships at all. They're never truly equitable.


They don't buy polyamorous relationships either, hence the kicks. Seriously though, I know the difference between wanting to bone someone and being in love. Being in love with two people, each of which is annoyed and disgusted by the idea that I might also love another person besides them (and disbelieving that I could), makes life frickin' awkward.

19 Nov 2012 08:01 AM
sexorcisst     
My kitchen isn't THAT dirty.

19 Nov 2012 08:01 AM
phaseolus     

aagrajag: Show me a couple who marry for the first time at 30 years of age, and I'll show you a couple happier and more stable than one on their second marriage at 23.



I was 32 and she was 21. I think I see my mistake, now...

19 Nov 2012 08:02 AM
ltdanman44     

Honest Bender: Both of my parents were married once before they got married. They celebrated their 29th anniversary this year. Good for them but it has me somewhat worried... I've got a woman I love more than anything, a woman I'm planning on proposing to soon. It shakes my confidence.


don't you do it, man

19 Nov 2012 08:03 AM
Tarl3k     
Got married at 29, divorced at 31....and much better off for it. I do agree, if you have a marriage that doesn't work, it shows how you what a marriage is (not) SUPPOSED to be like, so you can lay the groundwork for a successful marriage the 2nd time around...

19 Nov 2012 08:04 AM
Pick     
Easier to get a woman, if you've already got one.

Same goes for jobs.

19 Nov 2012 08:07 AM
Dear Jerk     
Women marry for love, then money, then companionship. So if I get married again, it'll be when I'm 64.

19 Nov 2012 08:09 AM
1nsanilicious     
I have to agree that honesty, a clear understanding of expectations, a definition of what your role will be, and a truce that you can be critical without the other taking offense does go a long way.

On the other hand I also believe that almost all marriages are dealt a wild card that comes into play at a random time, be it infidelity, abuse, gambling/financial mismanagement, a destructive addiction to something.

19 Nov 2012 08:14 AM
Nina Haagen Dazs    [TotalFark]  
I've been around that block twice now, and single for about 10 years. I would be very leery of any woman that would put up with my shiat. When people ask me why I'm still single after 10 years I tell them that this part of my life belongs to me. No more sharing, no more compromising.

19 Nov 2012 08:18 AM
Bob Down     
You don't need to be married. The end

19 Nov 2012 08:24 AM
naptapper    [TotalFark]  
I read somewhere that 85% (?!) of all marriages end when one of the two parties is 25 years old or younger. 85%!

Been married twice. First marriage, both of us were way too young, was as bad as it could get. It's amazing what two people will do to hurt one another. Second marriage is still going strong - we celebrated our 11th anniversary this year.

19 Nov 2012 08:30 AM
JohnnyC     

ChubbyTiger: JohnnyC: ChubbyTiger: Sane. Gymnast. Excuse me while I go laugh myself senseless for a bit.

They exist. Some of them are serious prima donnas though. Sane people are so much easier to live with...

I know several who aren't prima donas, but I don't know any who are truly sane. Way too much energy and enthusiasm is the most frequent observation.


Perhaps they mellow with age? My wife was 24 and I was 28 when we got married. We've been married for 8 years but we've been together (living together) for 11 years.

19 Nov 2012 08:35 AM
sammyk     

ChubbyTiger: JohnnyC: My wife is my second. I did divorce the first one before I married my wife though. SO very glad I divorced my ex; it was the second best decision I've made in my life... the best was marrying my current wife.

So if you have the opportunity to marry an awesome and sane gymnast after divorcing your crazy ex... give it some serious consideration. It worked out incredibly well for me.

Sane. Gymnast. Excuse me while I go laugh myself senseless for a bit.


It could happen. I am on the 2nd marriage and its wonderful. She is a sane social worker. Well now she is. Took years of exposure to my crazy to get her there.

/don't laugh, I'm serious

19 Nov 2012 08:41 AM
jbhall3636     

runescorpio: OR dont marry the first girl you talk to.


NOW you tell me...

19 Nov 2012 08:41 AM
Madduck    [TotalFark]  
My first marriage was a starter marriage. I liked the idea of marriage, just not to that woman.

First marriage lasted all of 2 years.

Second marriage is 8.5 years and still going strong.

19 Nov 2012 08:42 AM
stu1-1     

Sybarite: Because your perfect life mate isn't the person that happened to have the locker next to yours in high school?


No, but I did live with her sister for 4 years.

19 Nov 2012 08:46 AM
vodka     
I think generally second marriages tend to succeed more often because once you've been through it you know many of the warning signs for future trouble and you're less likely to ignore them. Or in other words, more marriages of all types (first, second, whatever) would succeed if people weren't so stupid and crazy.

19 Nov 2012 08:47 AM
ms_lara_croft    [TotalFark]  
FTA: "We have hung on to the statistic that about half of all marriages end in divorce, but statistics show declining divorce rates, with one out of three not one out of two marriages ending in divorce in Australia."

What those stats don't say is that subsequent marriages fail at higher rates than first marriages, especially if kids from former marriages are involved. The stats from those divorces drive up the overall divorce rate.

/On second marriage and couldn't be happier. We're going on 20 years together now.

19 Nov 2012 08:48 AM
ms_lara_croft    [TotalFark]  

JohnnyC: My wife is my second. I did divorce the first one before I married my wife though. SO very glad I divorced my ex; it was the second best decision I've made in my life... the best was marrying my current wife.

So if you have the opportunity to marry an awesome and sane gymnast after divorcing your crazy ex... give it some serious consideration. It worked out incredibly well for me.


seattletimes.comView Full Size


/but is she sane?

19 Nov 2012 08:50 AM
nicoffeine     
Oh, hell no. I'm not going through that shiat again.

19 Nov 2012 08:51 AM
Z-clipped     
I married a gorgeous, brilliant 23-year-old when I was 20, and it didn't work out. Then I married a gorgeous, brilliant 23-year-old when I was 33... Muuuuch better.

Nurglitch: They don't buy polyamorous relationships either, hence the kicks. Seriously though, I know the difference between wanting to bone someone and being in love. Being in love with two people, each of which is annoyed and disgusted by the idea that I might also love another person besides them (and disbelieving that I could), makes life frickin' awkward.


I'm going to need pics of both women in order to come to a reasonable judgement on this issue.

19 Nov 2012 08:52 AM
maggoo     
To recognize what happyness really is, and to trully acknowledge and savour it, first you need to be dragged through pain and misery. That's where the first wife comes into play.

19 Nov 2012 08:53 AM
AngryJailhouseFistfark     
It's workin' for me.

19 Nov 2012 08:57 AM
Bronzemom     
If so where did the third times a charm come from ?

19 Nov 2012 08:57 AM
Skwrl     

gadian: Fundamentally, if you were really in love with the first, you wouldn't have fallen in love with the second.


I disagree. Poly- tends to work better (when it works) for folks who are a little older (mid 30s) and no longer in the swoony "ZOMG, I lurve him/her..." phase of their life. If they're not out of that phase, you're right, it wouldn't work.

(I'm not a huge fan of poly-, mind you... I've done poly- relationships and they were OK, but ultimately not what I wanted... I've got tons of friends who do the poly- thing, however, and so it comes up in conversation quite a bit...)

19 Nov 2012 08:58 AM
Honest Bender    [TotalFark]  

Z-clipped: I married a gorgeous, brilliant 23-year-old when I was 20, and it didn't work out. Then I married a gorgeous, brilliant 23-year-old when I was 33... Muuuuch better.

Nurglitch: They don't buy polyamorous relationships either, hence the kicks. Seriously though, I know the difference between wanting to bone someone and being in love. Being in love with two people, each of which is annoyed and disgusted by the idea that I might also love another person besides them (and disbelieving that I could), makes life frickin' awkward.

I'm going to need pics of both women in order to come to a reasonable judgement on this issue.


montessorird.comView Full Size

19 Nov 2012 09:00 AM
maggoo     

Skwrl: I disagree. Poly- tends to work better (when it works) for folks who are a little older (mid 30s) and no longer in the swoony "ZOMG, I lurve him/her..." phase of their life. If they're not out of that phase, you're right, it wouldn't work.

(I'm not a huge fan of poly-, mind you... I've done poly- relationships and they were OK, but ultimately not what I wanted... I've got tons of friends who do the poly- thing, however, and so it comes up in conversation quite a bit...)


It is also said that those sorts of arrangements tend to work only if white people are involved. As the saying goes, poly wants a cracker.

19 Nov 2012 09:01 AM
Gramma     
This is crazy talk. The divorce rate is higher for second marriages.

•The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
•The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
•The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%



Divorce Rate

19 Nov 2012 09:05 AM
picturescrazy     

aagrajag: That's really not the take-away at all. You will by definition have a second marriage at a later and more mature age than you will your first.

Show me a couple who marry for the first time at 30 years of age, and I'll show you a couple happier and more stable than one on their second marriage at 23.


Yep. Well not that I have a lot of marital experience, but I just got married a month ago, and in thirty two. I don't regret the wait at all. I could have been married ten years ago. I can see very clearly how bad of an idea that would have been for both my ex girlfriend from back then as well as myself. Also my wife and I were together for four years before the wedding. Don't ever rush these things.

19 Nov 2012 09:15 AM
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