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   Three deer walk into a department store...not the beginning of a joke. That's what happened

19 Nov 2012 02:33 PM   |   4824 clicks   |   KCCI Des Moines
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phlegmmo    [TotalFark]  
Probably looking to save some doe.

19 Nov 2012 01:46 PM
Tr0mBoNe    [TotalFark]  
You suck, McBane!

19 Nov 2012 01:47 PM
AdolfOliverPanties     
Obviously looking for anything under a buck.

19 Nov 2012 01:58 PM
Weaver95    [TotalFark]  
I hit a deer on friday night. finished out my claim with my insurance company this morning - $3000 damage and i'm gonna have to replace both driver's side doors and the driver side front quarter panel.

I hate deer.

19 Nov 2012 02:02 PM
AdolfOliverPanties     
Hell, it was four in the mornin', 22 degrees outside. 'Course, you weren't there. Pussy. I'm in a camouflaged deer blind. I've got grease paint on my face and deer urine on my boots. I'm not sure why. I've got a 30-06 with a laser scope. This baby will fire a bullet 2200 feet per second. When that deer looked up to lick the salt sucker I hunged from the danged ol' tree... caught him right above the eye.

19 Nov 2012 02:04 PM
Weaver95    [TotalFark]  

AdolfOliverPanties: Hell, it was four in the mornin', 22 degrees outside. 'Course, you weren't there. Pussy. I'm in a camouflaged deer blind. I've got grease paint on my face and deer urine on my boots. I'm not sure why. I've got a 30-06 with a laser scope. This baby will fire a bullet 2200 feet per second. When that deer looked up to lick the salt sucker I hunged from the danged ol' tree... caught him right above the eye.


good.

kill moar of those 4 legged rodents. yes i'm bitter. $3k in damage. little f*ckers.

19 Nov 2012 02:08 PM
Apos     
Stag party.

19 Nov 2012 02:36 PM
stickandmove     
thatsnotthejoke.jpg ?

19 Nov 2012 02:37 PM
Tickle Mittens     

Weaver95: I hit a deer on friday night. finished out my claim with my insurance company this morning - $3000 damage and i'm gonna have to replace both driver's side doors and the driver side front quarter panel.

I hate deer.


If I'm not mistaken deer kill more people in north america than any other animals.

19 Nov 2012 02:38 PM
cgraves67     
Holiday shoppers will do anything to save a buck.

19 Nov 2012 02:38 PM
Too Pretty For Prison     
Or, as we like to call it around here, LADIES NIGHT

19 Nov 2012 02:38 PM
moos     

AdolfOliverPanties: Hell, it was four in the mornin', 22 degrees outside. 'Course, you weren't there. Pussy. I'm in a camouflaged deer blind. I've got grease paint on my face and deer urine on my boots. I'm not sure why. I've got a 30-06 with a laser scope. This baby will fire a bullet 2200 feet per second. When that deer looked up to lick the salt sucker I hunged from the danged ol' tree... caught him right above the eye.


2200fps isn't that great, even if you're shooting 220gr bullets, unless you have a short barrel. You should get some better ammo.

19 Nov 2012 02:38 PM
Koggie    [TotalFark]  

AdolfOliverPanties: Hell, it was four in the mornin', 22 degrees outside. 'Course, you weren't there. Pussy. I'm in a camouflaged deer blind. I've got grease paint on my face and deer urine on my boots. I'm not sure why. I've got a 30-06 with a laser scope. This baby will fire a bullet 2200 feet per second. When that deer looked up to lick the salt sucker I hunged from the danged ol' tree... caught him right above the eye.


Nice reference. +1 good for you.

19 Nov 2012 02:39 PM
rappy     
This is a really terrible headline

19 Nov 2012 02:40 PM
Ed Finnerty     

Tickle Mittens: Weaver95: I hit a deer on friday night. finished out my claim with my insurance company this morning - $3000 damage and i'm gonna have to replace both driver's side doors and the driver side front quarter panel.

I hate deer.

If I'm not mistaken deer kill more people in north america than any other animals.


dtdstudios.comView Full Size

19 Nov 2012 02:42 PM
Jument     

Tickle Mittens: Weaver95: I hit a deer on friday night. finished out my claim with my insurance company this morning - $3000 damage and i'm gonna have to replace both driver's side doors and the driver side front quarter panel.

I hate deer.

If I'm not mistaken deer kill more people in north america than any other animals.


I don't think it's really fair to say that deer kill people. They're dumb as a bag of hammers and usually come out well short in the bargain, whereas humans have brains and tons of steel and ABS and yet still can't negotiate around a deer.

/unless of course, they really are suicide warriors of some sort

19 Nov 2012 02:45 PM
Englebert Slaptyback     

An employee told the Gazette that a doe and her two fawns walked into the store.


...and said "Hey, what can we get for a buck?".

19 Nov 2012 02:48 PM
blatz514    [TotalFark]  
youtomb.mit.eduView Full Size

19 Nov 2012 02:49 PM
robertus    [TotalFark]  

Tr0mBoNe: You suck, McBane!


3.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

19 Nov 2012 02:50 PM
Burr     

Weaver95: I hit a deer on friday night. finished out my claim with my insurance company this morning - $3000 damage and i'm gonna have to replace both driver's side doors and the driver side front quarter panel.

I hate deer.


I'm up to collisions with at least 20 (or close to, I stopped counting after 10) deer (since I started driving 15 years ago). One time three came out of the woods and smashed the side of me.

The latest one was in August. Got my door and mirror.

Only confirmed kill was one two years ago. Slashed the stomach open. One of the repair guys threw up because parts of the intestines were still in the bumper when they took it off (along with the contents of said intestines).

If I hunted, I would only do it out of revenge and spite.

19 Nov 2012 02:55 PM
Fano    [TotalFark]  
What can you get for 3 bucks these days?

19 Nov 2012 02:56 PM
Burr     

Jument: whereas humans have brains and tons of steel and ABS and yet still can't negotiate around a deer.


Never hit one have you? It usually happens so fast you just can't react, most of the time I don't have time to even think about putting on the brakes. They come at you from the side usually, over small hills or out of cornfields or forests.

Trust me, this happens 90% of the time (at least in my case)

19 Nov 2012 02:58 PM
Lunaville     
I'm disappointed there are no pictures of the deer perusing the merchandise.

19 Nov 2012 03:01 PM
doccm9     

Burr: Never hit one have you? It usually happens so fast you just can't react, most of the time I don't have time to even think about putting on the brakes. They come at you from the side usually, over small hills or out of cornfields or forests.


^ THIS. There is literally no time to react unless you're going along at 35 all the time, which is great for tourists sightseeing, not so much for people that travel every day on country roads and have a place to be.

/lives in the Adirondack Mountains,

19 Nov 2012 03:01 PM
Summer Glau's Love Slave     

Tickle Mittens: Weaver95: I hit a deer on friday night. finished out my claim with my insurance company this morning - $3000 damage and i'm gonna have to replace both driver's side doors and the driver side front quarter panel.

I hate deer.

If I'm not mistaken deer kill more people in north america than any other animals.


Mosquitoes are the world's most deadly animal.They kill 2-3 million people every year. Link
Deer only kill about 200 people. I couldn't find any data on Purely North American fatalities.

/I would rather hit a Mosquito with a car than a Deer.  
//My sister was bitten by a Moose once.
///She said it was a very painful experience.

19 Nov 2012 03:02 PM
Tr0mBoNe    [TotalFark]  

doccm9: Burr: Never hit one have you? It usually happens so fast you just can't react, most of the time I don't have time to even think about putting on the brakes. They come at you from the side usually, over small hills or out of cornfields or forests.

^ THIS. There is literally no time to react unless you're going along at 35 all the time, which is great for tourists sightseeing, not so much for people that travel every day on country roads and have a place to be.

/lives in the Adirondack Mountains,


your only hope is to see them on the side of the road and to hope they don't jump out in front of you. I was hit by a deer once... the poor tasty thing ran into the side of my truck.

19 Nov 2012 03:03 PM
Ceiling Moran     
Should've gone into a Deers & Roebuck, amiright?

Wow, look at the rack on that one! (Later headline: Deer sues store for sexual harassment.)

If it'd been a KMart, they'd be like deer caught in a blue light!

They were shopping for umbrellas, because Rudolph makes it rain, dear.

The store staff fawned all over them until they discovered the deer had little doe.

Thanks, I'll be here all week. Tip your wait staff (not too far, they'll fall right over) and try the veal venison!

19 Nov 2012 03:03 PM
devilEther     
that's because their habitat was destroyed for the sake of a new golf course.

19 Nov 2012 03:04 PM
Wadded Beef    [TotalFark]  
Blow a few bucks!

/All week. Here. Me.

19 Nov 2012 03:06 PM
Ow! That was my feelings!     

devilEther: that's because their habitat was destroyed for the sake of a new golf course.


Bwahahahaahahaha! Most golf courses are prime deer habitat.

19 Nov 2012 03:09 PM
Pista    [TotalFark]  

rappy: This is a really terrible headline


It really could have done withe the old "Stop me if you've heard this one before..."

19 Nov 2012 03:15 PM
sulco     
The deer are taunting me this hunting season by eating my bait pile and pooping right outside my blind.

/got horns and you'll be jerky meat and steaks, ya bastids...
//only if I see you though... *sigh*

19 Nov 2012 03:16 PM
JohnAnnArbor    [TotalFark]  

Weaver95: I hit a deer on friday night. finished out my claim with my insurance company this morning - $3000 damage and i'm gonna have to replace both driver's side doors and the driver side front quarter panel.

I hate deer.


How was the deer?

19 Nov 2012 03:16 PM
Koggie    [TotalFark]  

JohnAnnArbor: Weaver95: I hit a deer on friday night. finished out my claim with my insurance company this morning - $3000 damage and i'm gonna have to replace both driver's side doors and the driver side front quarter panel.

I hate deer.

How was the deer?


Tasty.

19 Nov 2012 03:26 PM
weiserfireman     

Summer Glau's Love Slave: Tickle Mittens: Weaver95: I hit a deer on friday night. finished out my claim with my insurance company this morning - $3000 damage and i'm gonna have to replace both driver's side doors and the driver side front quarter panel.

I hate deer.

If I'm not mistaken deer kill more people in north america than any other animals.

Mosquitoes are the world's most deadly animal.They kill 2-3 million people every year. Link
Deer only kill about 200 people. I couldn't find any data on Purely North American fatalities.

/I would rather hit a Mosquito with a car than a Deer.  
//My sister was bitten by a Moose once.
///She said it was a very painful experience.


That means deer kill people at a rate that is an order of magnitude higher than that of sharks.

19 Nov 2012 03:26 PM
Burr     

doccm9: ^ THIS. There is literally no time to react unless you're going along at 35 all the time, which is great for tourists sightseeing, not so much for people that travel every day on country roads and have a place to be.


Hell, at 35 I still hit the damn things (really, they hit me). It's not like they are standing out in the middle of the road waiting to be hit.

I live in SE Ohio and leave for work at 5:00am. It is a rare morning when I don't see at least 5 deer. One time I came across two bucks fighting in the middle of the road (I was going to take a picture with my phone...then I realized I left it at home so I had to go back and get it).

Another time about 1/4 mile down the road from my house, a doe ran out in front of me, lost traction on the gravel road, and bit it. She got up, "spun out" in the gravel, went to jump the fence next to the road (old fence, single strand of barbed wire) and choked herself on it. Spit is flying everywhere, the doe gets thrown back onto the road on her back. I couldn't stop laughing.

19 Nov 2012 03:28 PM
lakrfool     
One of the deer had heard that Kohl's cervidae nice dried corn breakfast.

19 Nov 2012 03:32 PM
JohnAnnArbor    [TotalFark]  
I saw one post-accident about a week ago. He had a broken antler on the road, and was -- I don't know how to put it. Crying? Wailing? It was on its side, looking at the stopped car, with mouth open and teeth visible, clearly distressed. I was driving by, so I don't know if it just got up a few minutes later or what.

19 Nov 2012 03:35 PM
Weaver95    [TotalFark]  

JohnAnnArbor: Weaver95: I hit a deer on friday night. finished out my claim with my insurance company this morning - $3000 damage and i'm gonna have to replace both driver's side doors and the driver side front quarter panel.

I hate deer.

How was the deer?


dunno. it ran back into the woods.

bastard.

19 Nov 2012 03:38 PM
Ow! That was my feelings!     

JohnAnnArbor: I saw one post-accident about a week ago. He had a broken antler on the road, and was -- I don't know how to put it. Crying? Wailing? It was on its side, looking at the stopped car, with mouth open and teeth visible, clearly distressed. I was driving by, so I don't know if it just got up a few minutes later or what.


Doesn't sound likely, I hope someone was able to quickly put an end to its suffering.

19 Nov 2012 03:40 PM
Burr     
Slightly unrelated, but last week I was driving to work and came upon an accident (this was about 6:00am). Flares were out, people were directing traffic (the police haven arrived yet).

Go past the accident (it was dark out, hard to see) and I saw the outline of a horse, and next to that an Amish buggy on its side. As I drove over the shards of broken front windshield on the ground I decided I didn't want to know any more and just kept looking straight ahead.

19 Nov 2012 03:42 PM
Ow! That was my feelings!     

Weaver95: JohnAnnArbor: Weaver95: I hit a deer on friday night. finished out my claim with my insurance company this morning - $3000 damage and i'm gonna have to replace both driver's side doors and the driver side front quarter panel.

I hate deer.

How was the deer?

dunno. it ran back into the woods.

bastard.


See, I took that comment as..."so, you got yourself a deer, was it good (eating)?" Around these parts if you hit a deer, you can keep it if you want too. But, maybe not.

19 Nov 2012 03:43 PM
Burr     

Weaver95: dunno. it ran back into the woods.

bastard.


The one I hit in August was a buck (8 point). I see that bastard almost every morning in the same spot. He is taunting me.

19 Nov 2012 03:43 PM
JohnAnnArbor    [TotalFark]  

Ow! That was my feelings!: JohnAnnArbor: I saw one post-accident about a week ago. He had a broken antler on the road, and was -- I don't know how to put it. Crying? Wailing? It was on its side, looking at the stopped car, with mouth open and teeth visible, clearly distressed. I was driving by, so I don't know if it just got up a few minutes later or what.

Doesn't sound likely, I hope someone was able to quickly put an end to its suffering.


That's what I was wondering about.

19 Nov 2012 03:47 PM
PirateKing     
I've never hit a deer, but I have hit a buzzard.

19 Nov 2012 03:51 PM
Burr     

JohnAnnArbor: Ow! That was my feelings!: JohnAnnArbor: I saw one post-accident about a week ago. He had a broken antler on the road, and was -- I don't know how to put it. Crying? Wailing? It was on its side, looking at the stopped car, with mouth open and teeth visible, clearly distressed. I was driving by, so I don't know if it just got up a few minutes later or what.

Doesn't sound likely, I hope someone was able to quickly put an end to its suffering.

That's what I was wondering about.


wodumedia.comView Full Size

19 Nov 2012 03:56 PM
Tr0mBoNe    [TotalFark]  

Burr: Slightly unrelated, but last week I was driving to work and came upon an accident (this was about 6:00am). Flares were out, people were directing traffic (the police haven arrived yet).

Go past the accident (it was dark out, hard to see) and I saw the outline of a horse, and next to that an Amish buggy on its side. As I drove over the shards of broken front windshield on the ground I decided I didn't want to know any more and just kept looking straight ahead.


pics or it didn't happen

19 Nov 2012 04:04 PM
JohnAnnArbor    [TotalFark]  

PirateKing: I've never hit a deer, but I have hit a buzzard.


I'm not sure, but I think I saw the aftermath of a bald-eagle roadkill once.

19 Nov 2012 04:04 PM
santadog    [TotalFark]  
I see your 3 Deer walking into a store, and I give you 1 bear entering a chocolate factory. chocolate bear

19 Nov 2012 04:09 PM
santadog    [TotalFark]  

Weaver95: I hit a deer on friday night. finished out my claim with my insurance company this morning - $3000 damage and i'm gonna have to replace both driver's side doors and the driver side front quarter panel.

I hate deer.


Did you keep it? If you could have had it processed, you could offset that expense with the meat you'd have all winter.

19 Nov 2012 04:10 PM
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