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   You know that feeling of invincibility you get when you've been drinking? Turns out that you've been correct, and exceptionally good-looking all this time

20 Nov 2012 06:59 AM   |   7602 clicks   |   Chicago Sun-Times
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vossiewulf    [TotalFark]  
Yes, but was I dancing well?

20 Nov 2012 01:11 AM
make me some tea    [TotalFark]  
I was totally okay to drive.

20 Nov 2012 01:17 AM
shaft6969     
i've joked many times that when i'm sick, i should drink enough to damn near kill me, as it should also kill off whatever is attacking me. now i'm proven right.

20 Nov 2012 02:24 AM
L.D. Ablo    [TotalFark]  
I'm ready for an accident right now!

20 Nov 2012 04:29 AM
Because People in power are Stupid    [TotalFark]  
Drinking doesn't make me good looking, it makes them good looking.

20 Nov 2012 06:58 AM
libranoelrose    [TotalFark]  
I knew it!

20 Nov 2012 07:00 AM
Agarista     
Why bother with drugs that mimic alcohol?

Welcome to the ER, please enjoy your choice from the bar during your wait.

20 Nov 2012 07:05 AM
Aar1012    [TotalFark]  
But the Dave Matthews Band DOESN'T rock

20 Nov 2012 07:10 AM
sno man    [TotalFark]  

vossiewulf: Yes, but was I dancing well?


and singing, don't forget the beautiful singing.

20 Nov 2012 07:10 AM
Onkel Buck    [TotalFark]  
i89.photobucket.comView Full Size

slap and a pickle!

20 Nov 2012 07:12 AM
Tommy Moo     
So the best situation is to get smashed and then go home with a designated driver or taxi then? All the benefits and none of the risk! I'm convinced, science! Where do I sign up?

20 Nov 2012 07:16 AM
AverageAmericanGuy    [TotalFark]  
It's true. Drinking is incredibly useful at going limp.

Just ask my wife.

20 Nov 2012 07:18 AM
redmid17    [TotalFark]  

AverageAmericanGuy: It's true. Drinking is incredibly useful at going limp.

Just ask my wife.


Who said we needed to ask?

20 Nov 2012 07:22 AM
Sybarite    [TotalFark]  
It also makes all of my opinions both loud and infallible.

20 Nov 2012 07:25 AM
xanadian    [TotalFark]  
FTFA: If the mechanism behind the protective effect were understood, "we could then treat patients post-injury, either in the field or when they arrive at the hospital, with drugs that mimic alcohol," he said.

Or...you could just GIVE the patient some alcohol. "QUICK! IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, DRINK THIS IRISH CAR BOMB!!"

20 Nov 2012 07:26 AM
Reverend J     

xanadian: FTFA: If the mechanism behind the protective effect were understood, "we could then treat patients post-injury, either in the field or when they arrive at the hospital, with drugs that mimic alcohol," he said.

Or...you could just GIVE the patient some alcohol. "QUICK! IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, DRINK THIS IRISH CAR BOMB!!"


Seriously, just mainline that shiat and you'll be all set.

/Except for that whole fracture-spine-thingy
//Drunk
///I can take on the WORLD!!!11!!1

20 Nov 2012 07:29 AM
randomjsa     
So this explains the instances of drunken arseholes that kill people but manage to survive?

20 Nov 2012 07:29 AM
redmid17    [TotalFark]  
Seriously though, I gave myself a compression fracture in my ankle as well as two bruised heels once while drunk and still managed to make my way to the bar till closing. The next day hurt real bad though and it wasn't the hangover.

20 Nov 2012 07:31 AM
Mad Mark     
I had a friend of mine fall & crack his head open when he was drunk this summer. The first night in the hospital they gave him a 10% chance to make it through the night. I guess he was so drunk he was dehydrated which complicated his recovery. He made it, but barely.
/severe alcoholic
//he hasn't drank since
///knock on wood

20 Nov 2012 07:33 AM
washington     
So alcohol aids survival of and causes traumatic injuries?

20 Nov 2012 07:35 AM
reillan     
I believe that pot also increases your ability to survive traumatic injuries, and has the added benefit that it doesn't stop your blood from coagulating...

20 Nov 2012 07:35 AM
xanadian    [TotalFark]  

Mad Mark: /severe alcoholic


There but for the grace of God and all that. :/

20 Nov 2012 07:35 AM
Aar1012    [TotalFark]  

xanadian: FTFA: If the mechanism behind the protective effect were understood, "we could then treat patients post-injury, either in the field or when they arrive at the hospital, with drugs that mimic alcohol," he said.

Or...you could just GIVE the patient some alcohol. "QUICK! IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, DRINK THIS IRISH CAR BOMB!!"


I picture the interns shouting 'Chug! Chug! Chug!'

20 Nov 2012 07:35 AM
xanadian    [TotalFark]  

washington: So alcohol aids survival of and causes traumatic injuries?


Beer: the cause of and the solution to all of life's problems.

20 Nov 2012 07:35 AM
Notabunny    [TotalFark]  
fta "At the higher levels of blood alcohol concentration, there was a reduction of almost 50 percent in hospital mortality rates,"

img.photobucket.comView Full Size

20 Nov 2012 07:36 AM
Mangoose     

randomjsa: So this explains the instances of drunken arseholes that kill people but manage to survive?


This is old news though. It's been around a while that alcohol causes you not tense up in the moments before impact of a fall or during a crash, etc.. Why is this making news today?

20 Nov 2012 07:46 AM
redmid17    [TotalFark]  

Mangoose: randomjsa: So this explains the instances of drunken arseholes that kill people but manage to survive?

This is old news though. It's been around a while that alcohol causes you not tense up in the moments before impact of a fall or during a crash, etc.. Why is this making news today?


Obligatory

20 Nov 2012 07:49 AM
Arthur Jumbles    [TotalFark]  
FTFA: If the mechanism behind the protective effect were understood, "we could then treat patients post-injury, either in the field or when they arrive at the hospital, with drugs that mimic alcohol," he said.

Why bother with something that mimics alcohol when we know that alcohol works? From this it seems like hooking a patient up to an alcohol IV until their blood alcohol concentration is 0.5 percent is an important part of treatment since there was a reduction of almost 50 percent in hospital mortality rates when patients came in completely tanked.

20 Nov 2012 08:03 AM
vermicious k'nid     
I'd fark me.

20 Nov 2012 08:06 AM
spentshells     

Mangoose: randomjsa: So this explains the instances of drunken arseholes that kill people but manage to survive?

This is old news though. It's been around a while that alcohol causes you not tense up in the moments before impact of a fall or during a crash, etc.. Why is this making news today?


no you do tense up but after the trauma occurs because your reaction is slowed so your likely tensed up as you skid across the road.

20 Nov 2012 08:06 AM
jafiwam     

Mangoose: randomjsa: So this explains the instances of drunken arseholes that kill people but manage to survive?

This is old news though. It's been around a while that alcohol causes you not tense up in the moments before impact of a fall or during a crash, etc.. Why is this making news today?


They aren't talking about that effect. That's "likelyhood to get injured". They are talking about "survive / recovery with the same injury and severity".

So, alcohol both keeps you from getting injured in the first place (for some types of injury) and keeps you alive once you are injured.

20 Nov 2012 08:07 AM
fatkidinabeenie     
alcohol IV will also stop a the contractions from child birth if too early.

Learned that from Quantum Leap.

20 Nov 2012 08:13 AM
JFarker131     

Aar1012: xanadian: FTFA: If the mechanism behind the protective effect were understood, "we could then treat patients post-injury, either in the field or when they arrive at the hospital, with drugs that mimic alcohol," he said.

Or...you could just GIVE the patient some alcohol. "QUICK! IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, DRINK THIS IRISH CAR BOMB!!"

I picture the interns shouting 'Chug! Chug! Chug!'


While I was working on my degree, I was an ortho intern at our local hospital. If we had severely alcoholic patients come in, for certain situations, the hospital would indeed supply them with an alcohol drip to keep their withdrawal symptoms at bay.They kept (and I believe still do keep) beer, wine, and liquor in the pharmacy, specifically for this situation. It tends to be the older doctors who still use this method, and the patient is typically sent to some sort of rehabilitation program after their injury is assessed/treated, but it's essentially the same thing. Intern comes in, hands you a beer or starts alcohol on your drip, tells you to drink if you want to stop the pain.

20 Nov 2012 08:14 AM
redmid17    [TotalFark]  

JFarker131: Aar1012: xanadian: FTFA: If the mechanism behind the protective effect were understood, "we could then treat patients post-injury, either in the field or when they arrive at the hospital, with drugs that mimic alcohol," he said.

Or...you could just GIVE the patient some alcohol. "QUICK! IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, DRINK THIS IRISH CAR BOMB!!"

I picture the interns shouting 'Chug! Chug! Chug!'

While I was working on my degree, I was an ortho intern at our local hospital. If we had severely alcoholic patients come in, for certain situations, the hospital would indeed supply them with an alcohol drip to keep their withdrawal symptoms at bay.They kept (and I believe still do keep) beer, wine, and liquor in the pharmacy, specifically for this situation. It tends to be the older doctors who still use this method, and the patient is typically sent to some sort of rehabilitation program after their injury is assessed/treated, but it's essentially the same thing. Intern comes in, hands you a beer or starts alcohol on your drip, tells you to drink if you want to stop the pain.


Psssh like I need an intern to tell me that

20 Nov 2012 08:17 AM
Ooba Tooba     
Sometimes I can't finish during sex while inebriated. Marathon sessions of mediocre sex can be nice, but not being able to squirt the baby batter into my dearest makes for a frustrated Ooba Tooba.

20 Nov 2012 08:28 AM
BronyMedic     
And now, it's time for the drunken adventures of Dick Whiskey, Drunk Cop!

www.cracked.comView Full Size

20 Nov 2012 08:32 AM
cwolf20     
So.. the hong kong listed as comedy by America, not as comedy by Hong Kong movie "Drunken Master" had it right

20 Nov 2012 08:34 AM
JackieRabbit     
Yes, but why? People who work in ERs and trauma centers have always known this phenomenon. But why does alcohol lower mortality -- and penis hardness, of course.

20 Nov 2012 08:38 AM
No Time To Explain     
And if you pass out drunk, you're not gonna get in any shenanigans at all

/win-win?

20 Nov 2012 08:47 AM
strife     

Aar1012: But the Dave Matthews Band DOESN'T rock


Somehow this reference also came to mind. +1

20 Nov 2012 09:06 AM
snowybunting    [TotalFark]  
Fat Guy in Bar: What's wrong with me? I'm a good-looking guy.
Gib: You are. You are a good-looking guy. And I'm a good-looking guy.
Fat Guy in Bar: You are.
Gib: I am.
Cowboy Guy: We're all three good-looking guys.
Gib: That's right. We are. And it's Christmas time, and I'm gonna buy you a drink.
Fat Guy in Bar: Something light...
Gib: What, like a nice Chablis?
Fat Guy in Bar: No... Spritzer.
Gib: Spritzer?
Fat Guy in Bar: Yeah.
Gib: Barkeep! Get this man a trough of Spritzer. And you, Cowboy Guy, what do you wanna drink?
Cowboy Guy: I'll have a beer.
Gib: Get Cowboy Guy a beer.

20 Nov 2012 09:24 AM
Marcintosh     

snowybunting: Fat Guy in Bar: What's wrong with me? I'm a good-looking guy.
Gib: You are. You are a good-looking guy. And I'm a good-looking guy.
Fat Guy in Bar: You are.
Gib: I am.
Cowboy Guy: We're all three good-looking guys.
Gib: That's right. We are. And it's Christmas time, and I'm gonna buy you a drink.
Fat Guy in Bar: Something light...
Gib: What, like a nice Chablis?
Fat Guy in Bar: No... Spritzer.
Gib: Spritzer?
Fat Guy in Bar: Yeah.
Gib: Barkeep! Get this man a trough of Spritzer. And you, Cowboy Guy, what do you wanna drink?
Cowboy Guy: I'll have a beer.
Gib: Get Cowboy Guy a beer.


transcript from last night of bartending - swear to god

20 Nov 2012 09:36 AM
brobinson2001     
Duh. What do trauma victims/asshats usually die from? Shock, internal organ swelling/failure, heart failure, and being splattered all over the road.

The endocrine system (metabolism control, vasodilatation/constriction, adrenaline, etc.) is suppressed by alcohol. The body normally freaks the fark out at massive injury. On booze, it's all "Naw, maaan. I'm khool. Ain't nuthin." until the patient is stabilized. No massive bleeders, no blood clotting causing strokes/embolisms, no swelling of the organs, and no system-wide shutdown from blood loss.

20 Nov 2012 09:43 AM
DirkNiggla     
"This study is not encouraging people to drink," cautions UIC injury epidemiologist Lee Friedman.

liar.

20 Nov 2012 09:44 AM
Eugoogoolizer     
Alcohol, the cause of and solution too all of life's problems.

20 Nov 2012 10:45 AM
BronyMedic     

brobinson2001: Duh. What do trauma victims/asshats usually die from? Shock, internal organ swelling/failure, heart failure, and being splattered all over the road.

The endocrine system (metabolism control, vasodilatation/constriction, adrenaline, etc.) is suppressed by alcohol. The body normally freaks the fark out at massive injury. On booze, it's all "Naw, maaan. I'm khool. Ain't nuthin." until the patient is stabilized. No massive bleeders, no blood clotting causing strokes/embolisms, no swelling of the organs, and no system-wide shutdown from blood loss.


Not only does alcohol suppress the fight-or-flight response to pain and injury, it also dulls reaction time and reflexes. This is important in a car wreck, as people don't tend to inhale sharply, or brace themselves for the moment of impact. Someone who's truly drunk is going to be a ragdoll when the car hits, and are going to handle the energy and sheer forces better because of it.

The problem is, however, that alcohol in concentrations enough to get you blitzed acts as a blood thinner, and a vasodilator. So when they DO smack their head on the dashboard/windshield, that subdural bleed is going to be a lot worse quicker than it normally will be. And it makes differentiating between head injury and drunken shenanigans in the field a lot harder.

20 Nov 2012 11:01 AM
Private_Citizen    [TotalFark]  
Hmm, I think I need to add a bottle of bourbon to my first aid kit.

20 Nov 2012 11:02 AM
redmid17    [TotalFark]  

BronyMedic: brobinson2001: Duh. What do trauma victims/asshats usually die from? Shock, internal organ swelling/failure, heart failure, and being splattered all over the road.

The endocrine system (metabolism control, vasodilatation/constriction, adrenaline, etc.) is suppressed by alcohol. The body normally freaks the fark out at massive injury. On booze, it's all "Naw, maaan. I'm khool. Ain't nuthin." until the patient is stabilized. No massive bleeders, no blood clotting causing strokes/embolisms, no swelling of the organs, and no system-wide shutdown from blood loss.

Not only does alcohol suppress the fight-or-flight response to pain and injury, it also dulls reaction time and reflexes. This is important in a car wreck, as people don't tend to inhale sharply, or brace themselves for the moment of impact. Someone who's truly drunk is going to be a ragdoll when the car hits, and are going to handle the energy and sheer forces better because of it.

The problem is, however, that alcohol in concentrations enough to get you blitzed acts as a blood thinner, and a vasodilator. So when they DO smack their head on the dashboard/windshield, that subdural bleed is going to be a lot worse quicker than it normally will be. And it makes differentiating between head injury and drunken shenanigans in the field a lot harder.


There's a standard diagnostic test for that.

"Sir you appear to have been drinking. Are you drunk"

If he answers with a "huh" or "what," he probably has a head injury. If he answers with a "you're drunk" or is still drinking from the bottle, he's probably just drunk.

20 Nov 2012 11:20 AM
BronyMedic     

redmid17: There's a standard diagnostic test for that.

"Sir you appear to have been drinking. Are you drunk"

If he answers with a "huh" or "what," he probably has a head injury. If he answers with a "you're drunk" or is still drinking from the bottle, he's probably just drunk.


As much as I hate drunk drivers, I can't agree on this one. The chances of someone dying are too great, and there's a good reason why Law Enforcement agencies are requiring trauma patients who are altered to get medical clearance at a facility more and more.

Hickam's Dictim: A patient can have as many damn diseases as he very well pleases.

Even if someone's been drinking, you never write them off as "just another drunk." Alcohol intoxication can mimic a number of electrolyte and metabolic abnormalities, as well as a head bleed. Even drunk people have strokes before hitting the wall.

The way I was taught 9 years ago, as a naive young first responder, is that Alcohol Intoxication in the field is a diagnosis of exclusion when you have altered mentation in the presence of trauma.

It's a principle that's served me well even to this day.

20 Nov 2012 12:05 PM
redmid17    [TotalFark]  

BronyMedic: redmid17: There's a standard diagnostic test for that.

"Sir you appear to have been drinking. Are you drunk"

If he answers with a "huh" or "what," he probably has a head injury. If he answers with a "you're drunk" or is still drinking from the bottle, he's probably just drunk.

As much as I hate drunk drivers, I can't agree on this one. The chances of someone dying are too great, and there's a good reason why Law Enforcement agencies are requiring trauma patients who are altered to get medical clearance at a facility more and more.

Hickam's Dictim: A patient can have as many damn diseases as he very well pleases.

Even if someone's been drinking, you never write them off as "just another drunk." Alcohol intoxication can mimic a number of electrolyte and metabolic abnormalities, as well as a head bleed. Even drunk people have strokes before hitting the wall.

The way I was taught 9 years ago, as a naive young first responder, is that Alcohol Intoxication in the field is a diagnosis of exclusion when you have altered mentation in the presence of trauma.

It's a principle that's served me well even to this day.


Oh that was just meant to be a joke, nothing to take serious.

20 Nov 2012 05:01 PM
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