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   Kurt Vonnegut gives advice to an incoming teacher on surviving at Iowa: "Every so often you will go nuts. All of a sudden the cornfields get you...Don't ball undergraduates. Their parents are still watching...Burn this letter"

20 Nov 2012 12:41 PM   |   9030 clicks   |   Slate
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Sybarite    [TotalFark]  
Yes, yes they do. 

instantviewreview.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

20 Nov 2012 10:44 AM
notmtwain     
Words of wisdom to one largely forgotten Richard Gehman,

who coined the phrase "rat pack", wrote 400 articles, published 5 novels, had 5 wives, fathered numerous semi-successful children and died in 1972.

I wonder if he followed the advice.

20 Nov 2012 12:08 PM
Rapmaster2000    [TotalFark]  
He is crazy for gooks!

20 Nov 2012 12:46 PM
NuttierThanEver     
I don't know who wrote that but they don't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut.


/Hey Kurt FARK you!

20 Nov 2012 12:46 PM
Gunny Highway     
If that wasnt nice I dont know what is.

20 Nov 2012 12:47 PM
Dahnkster     
farm3.staticflickr.comView Full Size

"I wanted all things
To seem to make some sense,
So we all could be happy, yes,
Instead of tense.
And I made up lies
So that they all fit nice,
And I made this sad world
A Par-a-dise."

20 Nov 2012 12:49 PM
Coelacanth Filet     
Ah, the old days where "ball" meant something entirely different...

20 Nov 2012 12:52 PM
Gunny Highway     

Dahnkster: [farm3.staticflickr.com image 850x565]
"I wanted all things
To seem to make some sense,
So we all could be happy, yes,
Instead of tense.
And I made up lies
So that they all fit nice,
And I made this sad world
A Par-a-dise."


I hope this serves as a vin-dit for our fellow Farkers.

20 Nov 2012 12:53 PM
H31N0US     

Rapmaster2000: He is crazy for gooks!


I guess 1967 was a different time. Kind of surprised to see that from KVJ.

20 Nov 2012 01:01 PM
loki see loki do     

Coelacanth Filet: Ah, the old days where "ball" meant something entirely different...


did it mean anything other than fark?

20 Nov 2012 01:01 PM
HailRobonia     
RIP Kurt Vonnegut

www.upress.state.ms.usView Full Size

20 Nov 2012 01:04 PM
farkmedown     

HailRobonia: RIP Kurt Vonnegut

[www.upress.state.ms.us image 163x194]


I see what you did there.

20 Nov 2012 01:06 PM
pute kisses like a man     

loki see loki do: Coelacanth Filet: Ah, the old days where "ball" meant something entirely different...

did it mean anything other than fark?


what exactly did it mean if not what it means today?

20 Nov 2012 01:07 PM
HailRobonia     
I accompanied my mom to a gallery exhibition featuring Mr. Vonnegut, who was in attendance. At the "meet & greet" line, my mom said to him "you are such a big inspiration to me." He replies in an 'oh no not another one' weary voice, "oh, are you a writer", to which my mom responds "no, I am a reader." He immediately perks up and says "I meet so few readers."

20 Nov 2012 01:08 PM
HailRobonia     

pute kisses like a man: loki see loki do: Coelacanth Filet: Ah, the old days where "ball" meant something entirely different...

did it mean anything other than fark?

what exactly did it mean if not what it means today?


To compress students into a spherical shape.

behance.vo.llnwd.netView Full Size

20 Nov 2012 01:11 PM
7/20/7     
Whoever wrote that doesn't know a thing about Vonnegut

20 Nov 2012 01:23 PM
Disaster Transport     
Hmmm. Too bad the last piece of advice wasn't the best:
1966-70 Ray Nagel 16-32-2 .340 win percentage

/ worse from '70-'73

20 Nov 2012 01:47 PM
realmolo     
Actually, it's not the cornfields that get to you at the University of Iowa. It's the complete lack of anything to do besides drink or do drugs or watch football.

For a fairly good-sized "college town", there's amazingly little to do in Iowa City. It's basically a boring Iowa town with a university stuck in the middle.

20 Nov 2012 02:15 PM
broken jebus     
"The former head, Paul Engle, is still around, is a hayseed clown, a foxy grandpa, a terrific promoter who, if you listen closely, talks like a man with a paper asshole."

Classic Vonnegut.

20 Nov 2012 02:24 PM
nucal     
By Rebecca Onion?

I call shenanigans!

20 Nov 2012 02:27 PM
Bathroom Samurai     
I'm at the University of Iowa Hospital so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

20 Nov 2012 02:29 PM
loki see loki do     

HailRobonia: pute kisses like a man: loki see loki do: Coelacanth Filet: Ah, the old days where "ball" meant something entirely different...

did it mean anything other than fark?

what exactly did it mean if not what it means today?

To compress students into a spherical shape.

[behance.vo.llnwd.net image 600x480]


Looks like the guy on the bottom is having a ball.

20 Nov 2012 02:35 PM
loki see loki do     

Bathroom Samurai: I'm at the University of Iowa Hospital so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.


No kick, have a ball.

20 Nov 2012 02:39 PM
Roadogs    [TotalFark]  

broken jebus: "The former head, Paul Engle, is still around, is a hayseed clown, a foxy grandpa, a terrific promoter who, if you listen closely, talks like a man with a paper asshole."

Classic Vonnegut.


i48.tinypic.comView Full Size

Oblig/

20 Nov 2012 02:40 PM
JudgeItoBox     

realmolo: Actually, it's not the cornfields that get to you at the University of Iowa. It's the complete lack of anything to do besides drink or do drugs or watch football.
For a fairly good-sized "college town", there's amazingly little to do in Iowa City. It's basically a boring Iowa town with a university stuck in the middle.


And someone from Northern Iowa would certainly know about colleges stuck in the middle of shiathole towns.

If you get bored in Iowa City then, man, I guess there's no hope for you. Make some friends. Do people, not things.

20 Nov 2012 02:54 PM
Gaseous Anomaly     

broken jebus: "The former head, Paul Engle, is still around, is a hayseed clown, a foxy grandpa, a terrific promoter who, if you listen closely, talks like a man with a paper asshole."

Classic Vonnegut.


I saw that but can't for the life of me figure out what it means. Can anyone illuminate me?

20 Nov 2012 03:10 PM
Smoky Dragon Dish    [TotalFark]  

HailRobonia: RIP Kurt Vonnegut

[www.upress.state.ms.us image 163x194]


I don't get it. I see what you did too, but I don't get it...

20 Nov 2012 03:24 PM
Smoky Dragon Dish    [TotalFark]  
Vonnegut's university experiences is questionable at best...

www.thecitrusreport.comView Full Size



/Obscure?

20 Nov 2012 03:30 PM
hdhale     

7/20/7: Whoever wrote that doesn't know a thing about Vonnegut


You've reminded me of this...

Alvy Singer: [the man behind him in line is talking loudly] What I wouldn't give for a large sock with horse manure in it!
Alvy Singer: [to audience] Whaddya do when you get stuck in a movie line with a guy like this behind you?
Man in Theatre Line: Wait a minute, why can't I give my opinion? It's a free country!
Alvy Singer: He can give it... do you have to give it so loud? I mean, aren't you ashamed to pontificate like that? And the funny part of it is, Marshall McLuhan, you don't know anything about Marshall McLuhan!
Man in Theatre Line: Oh, really? Well, it just so happens I teach a class at Columbia called "TV, Media and Culture." So I think my insights into Mr. McLuhan, well, have a great deal of validity!
Alvy Singer: Oh, do ya? Well, that's funny, because I happen to have Mr. McLuhan right here, so, so, yeah, just let me...
[pulls McLuhan out from behind a nearby poster]
Alvy Singer: come over here for a second... tell him!
Marshall McLuhan: I heard what you were saying! You know nothing of my work! You mean my whole fallacy is wrong. How you got to teach a course in anything is totally amazing!
Alvy Singer: Boy, if life were only like this!

20 Nov 2012 03:37 PM
hdhale     
And of course this...

[after Diane gives Thornton an 'F' for his report, which was actually written by Kurt Vonnegut]
Diane: Whoever *did* write this doesn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut!
[cut to Thornton's dorm suite]
Thornton Melon: [on the phone] ... and *another* thing, Vonnegut! I'm gonna stop payment on the cheque!
[Kurt tells him off]
Thornton Melon: fark me? Hey, Kurt, can you read lips, *fark you*! Next time I'll call Robert Ludlum!
[hangs up]

20 Nov 2012 03:39 PM
Coelacanth Filet     

pute kisses like a man: loki see loki do: Coelacanth Filet: Ah, the old days where "ball" meant something entirely different...

did it mean anything other than fark?

what exactly did it mean if not what it means today?


I'm saying that "ball" meant "fark" in the old days. Nowadays when one balls, it means they're making money like a basketball player.

20 Nov 2012 03:57 PM
pute kisses like a man     

Coelacanth Filet: pute kisses like a man: loki see loki do: Coelacanth Filet: Ah, the old days where "ball" meant something entirely different...

did it mean anything other than fark?

what exactly did it mean if not what it means today?

I'm saying that "ball" meant "fark" in the old days. Nowadays when one balls, it means they're making money like a basketball player.


oh... i... i guess that means i should start telling people to get off my lawn.

20 Nov 2012 04:01 PM
Coelacanth Filet     

pute kisses like a man: Coelacanth Filet: pute kisses like a man: loki see loki do: Coelacanth Filet: Ah, the old days where "ball" meant something entirely different...

did it mean anything other than fark?

what exactly did it mean if not what it means today?

I'm saying that "ball" meant "fark" in the old days. Nowadays when one balls, it means they're making money like a basketball player.

oh... i... i guess that means i should start telling people to get off my lawn.


I didn't know about the old meaning until I saw the bewildered look on my high school chemistry teacher's face when a student said "Dang Mr. Davis, you ballin in that new car!"

20 Nov 2012 04:14 PM
stuffy     
If you get truly wrung out. Just bang a student. It's almost expected now a days.

20 Nov 2012 04:25 PM
i upped my meds-up yours     

Gaseous Anomaly: broken jebus: "The former head, Paul Engle, is still around, is a hayseed clown, a foxy grandpa, a terrific promoter who, if you listen closely, talks like a man with a paper asshole."

Classic Vonnegut.

I saw that but can't for the life of me figure out what it means. Can anyone illuminate me?


A paper asshole creates a lot of noise when air passes thru it. One who talks as if e has one is being a vainglorious bullshiatter.

Like many another colorful metaphor, we have the WW2 military to thank for it.

20 Nov 2012 06:21 PM
Omahawg     
I stayed stoned on east college street. that's how I survived Iowa

because in heaven they serve no beer, oh no

go hawks!

20 Nov 2012 06:59 PM
Omahawg     
huh. after reading the letter I have to agree with Kurt about the Iowa City airport. once upon a time me and a grouchy chain-smoking man in his 60s cleaned all the carpets in about 3 hours. the entire airport. yes, everywhere was carpeted.

20 Nov 2012 07:04 PM
ADHD Librarian     

Roadogs: broken jebus: "The former head, Paul Engle, is still around, is a hayseed clown, a foxy grandpa, a terrific promoter who, if you listen closely, talks like a man with a paper asshole."

Classic Vonnegut.

[i48.tinypic.com image 150x159]
Oblig/


So it goes.

20 Nov 2012 07:14 PM
fat_free     
Wear sunscreen?

20 Nov 2012 08:09 PM
pion     

Disaster Transport: Hmmm. Too bad the last piece of advice wasn't the best:
1966-70 Ray Nagel 16-32-2 .340 win percentage

/ worse from '70-'73


Indeed. The letter was written August 1967, the Hawkeyes went 1-8-1. They did go 5-5 the next two years, though.

\Other reasons to go to football games, as well.

20 Nov 2012 08:10 PM
MikeMc     

notmtwain: Words of wisdom to one largely forgotten Richard Gehman,

I wonder if he followed the advice.


Well, he didn't burn the letter so I'm going to say no.

20 Nov 2012 09:08 PM
seancakes     

NuttierThanEver: I don't know who wrote that but they don't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut.


/Hey Kurt FARK you!


Go take a flying fark at a rolling donut.

Go take a flying fark at the moon!

20 Nov 2012 10:37 PM
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