(full site)
Fark.com

Back To Main
   Honestly, nobody is that impressed if you can put a four-year-old girl in double nelson headlock

21 Nov 2012 10:36 AM   |   4719 clicks   |   Gainesville Sun
Add Comment
Showing 1-34 of 34 comments
Refresh
Nickster79    [TotalFark]  
It would be nice if they said how big the child was, at least.

21 Nov 2012 01:00 AM
Reply
naughtyrev    [TotalFark]  
Wow, I was going to post some quasi-relevant image, but after doing a GIS (in safe mode!) for "full nelson," I've discovered that there is some very niche art out there for that kind of thing.

21 Nov 2012 09:11 AM
Reply
Diogenes    [TotalFark]  
Q: What's the hardest thing about putting a 4 year old in a double nelson?


A: My penis.

21 Nov 2012 10:07 AM
Reply
dv-ous     
www.unitrends.com

Yup.

21 Nov 2012 10:38 AM
Reply
Ambitwistor     
I think we need a realistic assessment of how many 4-year-old girls this woman could beat up before they overtook her.

21 Nov 2012 10:38 AM
Reply
ChipNASA    [TotalFark]  

Diogenes: Q: What's the hardest thing about putting a 4 year old in a double nelson?


A: My penis.


"Wah you goes and tells eberyone ah gots a peenis?!?!?!"
florida.arrests.org

21 Nov 2012 10:40 AM
Reply
Grapple     
Is a Double Nelson anything like a Full Nelson?

21 Nov 2012 10:40 AM
Reply
strapp3r     

Diogenes: Q: What's the hardest thing about putting a 4 year old in a double nelson?

A: My penis.


hoping that both of you get soap(ed) for christmas

www.nleomf.org

21 Nov 2012 10:40 AM
Reply
GoodyearPimp     
So half nelson x 2 = "double nelson". If you are a farking idiot at math. Thankfully most of our nation is.

21 Nov 2012 10:41 AM
Reply
pxlboy    [TotalFark]  

GoodyearPimp: So half nelson x 2 = "double nelson". If you are a farking idiot at math. Thankfully most of our nation is.


Not a full nelson, a *double* nelson.

I suppose the Hindu deity, Shiva, could do it. I suppose a double nelson would somehow involve legs?

/hung over

21 Nov 2012 10:44 AM
Reply
trappedspirit     
In her defense kids are getting hormones in their cow's milk and developing breasts earlier and puberty

21 Nov 2012 10:47 AM
Reply
eldoobie     

GoodyearPimp: So half nelson x 2 = "double nelson". If you are a farking idiot at math. Thankfully most of our nation is.

Or English is.

21 Nov 2012 10:50 AM
Reply
LesterB     
Only someone who is forewarned can do a double nelson. Because forewarned is forearmed.

/But who wants to be half an octopus?
//hat tip to Walt Kelly & Pogo
///also pxlboy

21 Nov 2012 10:51 AM
Reply
treesloth     

pxlboy: GoodyearPimp: So half nelson x 2 = "double nelson". If you are a farking idiot at math. Thankfully most of our nation is.

Not a full nelson, a *double* nelson.

I suppose the Hindu deity, Shiva, could do it. I suppose a double nelson would somehow involve legs?

/hung over


Well, double dumb-ass on you!

(That's 4 cheeks total, for the record)

21 Nov 2012 10:54 AM
Reply
blatz514    [TotalFark]  
Pffft, my brother put me in a figure four once. That shiat hurts man.

3.bp.blogspot.com

21 Nov 2012 10:55 AM
Reply
angryjd     
Yeah the full nelson part is easy. It's getting her to tap out that is hard!!!!

21 Nov 2012 10:57 AM
Reply
uncleacid     
Should have gave her the people's elbow.

21 Nov 2012 11:00 AM
Reply
traylor     
grouchymuffin.files.wordpress.comgrouchymuffin.files.wordpress.com

21 Nov 2012 11:00 AM
Reply
wax66     
I would honestly be impressed. Those suckers (4-year-olds) are not only small, but incredibly limber. I know I wouldn't be able to do it to my 5-year-old, and he's huge for his age.

21 Nov 2012 11:05 AM
Reply
phyrkrakr     
TIL a full nelson is illegal in amateur wrestling and is named after Admiral Nelson who has a statue in Trafalgar Square.

21 Nov 2012 11:12 AM
Reply
booger42     
Do NOT do the 1 and 1/2 nelson on a four year old.

I hope the 1 & 1/2 nelson isn't obscure.

21 Nov 2012 11:20 AM
Reply
onlyshallow     

21 Nov 2012 11:28 AM
Reply
RandomAxe    [TotalFark]  
My four-year-old girl would take your eyes out and feed them to you before you could get a half-nelson on her. In fairness, there's a good chance she'd do that to you if you were trying to give her a cupcake, too. Excitable child.


wax66: I know I wouldn't be able to do it to my 5-year-old, and he's huge for his age.

TMI, dude. The FBI reads this stuff.

21 Nov 2012 11:32 AM
Reply
browntimmy     
The story is actually comforting in a way, it just has Florida written all over it.

21 Nov 2012 11:45 AM
Reply
SavageWombat     
I've put both my kids in full nelsons at about that age, because sometimes they just won't stop!

21 Nov 2012 11:47 AM
Reply
trappedspirit     

RandomAxe: My four-year-old girl would take your eyes out and feed them to you before you could get a half-nelson on her. In fairness, there's a good chance she'd do that to you if you were trying to give her a cupcake, too. Excitable child.


I ate my daddy's eyes?

21 Nov 2012 11:57 AM
Reply
namegoeshere     
I read the headline, but then accidentally clicked on the link about arguing politics with the relatives during Thanksgiving dinner. I thought, really? The four year old? There have been holidays during which I've been tempted to take down some of my more annoying adult relatives, but the kids we usually just plop down in front of the TV with some nice seasonal videos when they get on our nerves.

PASS THE WINE I CAN STILL HEAR YOU UNCLE JOE

21 Nov 2012 12:07 PM
Reply
RandomAxe    [TotalFark]  
trappedspirit: I ate my daddy's eyes?

Well, at an early age they need to be taught not to bite the hand that feeds them. Child-rearing is mostly about domesticating dangerous wild animals, after all. You don't want to break their spirits, just train them to a certain appropriate extent.

21 Nov 2012 12:19 PM
Reply
ImperialHazman     

Diogenes: Q: What's the hardest thing about putting a 4 year old in a double nelson?


A: My penis.


That's known as the "Father Nelson".

21 Nov 2012 12:36 PM
Reply
you_idiot     

traylor: [grouchymuffin.files.wordpress.com image 420x310][grouchymuffin.files.wordpress .com image 420x310]


See, Fark never disappoints. I came into this thread thinking "Someone will post two Ha Ha Nelsons" and, sho nuff...

It's like, if I think it, someone else has already posted it.

21 Nov 2012 01:23 PM
Reply
themasterdebater     

RandomAxe: My four-year-old girl would take your eyes out and feed them to you before you could get a half-nelson on her. In fairness, there's a good chance she'd do that to you if you were trying to give her a cupcake, too. Excitable child.


So this is turning into a "My 4 year old is tougher than your 4 year old"?

/Really?

21 Nov 2012 02:07 PM
Reply
HBK     
A double nelson, if I'm reading it correctly, is when one person is applying a full nelson, then somebody puts that person in a full nelson.

In amateur wrestling there are all sorts of variations of the nelson, including the quarter, half, and three-quarter nelsons. A full nelson is illegal in amateur wrestling, but I have used it in a grappling match to get a submission.

I'm kinda surprised it hasn't caught on in MMA as a go-to submission or ground and pound move.

21 Nov 2012 02:45 PM
Reply
RandomAxe    [TotalFark]  
themasterdebater: So this is turning into a "My 4 year old is tougher than your 4 year old"?

No, it's "My 4-year-old is tougher than you."

You can't be a master debater if you can't keep your strawmen straight.

(Gay strawmen are an entirely separate issue.)

21 Nov 2012 03:00 PM
Reply
ShamanGator     
The last double Nelson I did were twin sisters,

//memories....

21 Nov 2012 04:54 PM
Reply
Showing 1-34 of 34 comments
Refresh
This thread is closed to new comments.


Back To Main

More Headlines:
Main | Sports | Business | Geek | Entertainment | Politics | Video | FarkUs | Contests | Fark Party | Combined