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   Attention fatties and unrepentant man-children: Please resume your Twinkie hoarding

21 Nov 2012 06:04 AM   |   6576 clicks   |   USA Today
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SnarfVader     
Jesus people. Just wait until some other company buys the recipes or get your fix from Canada. Seriously, I hope everyone on eBay selling boxes of Twinkies lose their shirts. Scratch that, I don't want to see any shirtless eBayers.

21 Nov 2012 05:11 AM
fuligin     
Just as long as we don't run out of cute, shirtless twinks.

21 Nov 2012 06:06 AM
MightyPez     
As long as someone picks up the Zingers recipe I'll be happy. Never really cared for Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, etc.

Also, what a fatty ding-dongs may look like:
images4.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size

21 Nov 2012 06:11 AM
Kevin72    [TotalFark]  
big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year

This is exactly the problem with American big business. We can't even make Twinkies without people at the top looting the treasury and then no money for the twinkiemakers' wages.

21 Nov 2012 06:15 AM
ghostwind     
All your Twinkies are belong to us, America.

Sincerely,


Canada

21 Nov 2012 06:19 AM
AverageAmericanGuy    [TotalFark]  
Will they be selling Twinkies at Walmart?

21 Nov 2012 06:22 AM
david_gaithersburg     

Kevin72: big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year

This is exactly the problem with American big business. We can't even make Twinkies without people at the top looting the treasury and then no money for the twinkiemakers' wages.


derp

21 Nov 2012 06:23 AM
Jon iz teh kewl     

AverageAmericanGuy: Will they be selling Twinkies at Walmart?


no, Black Friday is a waste of time this year.

21 Nov 2012 06:32 AM
GratuityIncluded     
Nice job unions!

21 Nov 2012 06:32 AM
way south     
Twinkie shelf life is a month.
The Mayan calendar ends in a month.

Coincidence?

21 Nov 2012 06:33 AM
digistil     

Kevin72: big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year

This is exactly the problem with American big business. We can't even make Twinkies without people at the top looting the treasury and then no money for the twinkiemakers' wages.


Imagine you're running a corporation that has seen declining sales for decades, you're on the brink of bankruptcy, and everything you do to try to turn things around only makes it all worse. Would you not take the money and run?

21 Nov 2012 06:34 AM
Day_Old_Dutchie     

digistil: Kevin72: big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year

This is exactly the problem with American big business. We can't even make Twinkies without people at the top looting the treasury and then no money for the twinkiemakers' wages.

Imagine you're running a corporation that has seen declining sales for decades, you're on the brink of bankruptcy, and everything you do to try to turn things around only makes it all worse. Would you not take the money and run?


But now you run into a great big hassle.

21 Nov 2012 06:44 AM
stratagos     
Too soon for a Kevin Clash/twinkie joke?

21 Nov 2012 06:46 AM
CarrieWhite     
The term 'man-child' being the shaming tactic of breeders to pressure males to stop enjoying their life, and breed.

21 Nov 2012 06:47 AM
lar_m     
Just some facts - The company was willing to give 25% of their stock and two board seats to the union. But sure, it was all about downtrodden hourlies getting the shaft.

Teamster Union concessions:
8 percent immediate pay cuts, which would go down to 5 percent next year
Hostess will reduce contributions to the health plan by 17 percent
Hostess will freeze pension contributions until 2015
Management concessions:
Gave Teamsters 25 percent share of company stock
Gave Teamsters two seats on the board
Gave Teamsters a $100 million claim in bankruptcy
Won't permanently freeze pensions contributions
Former CEO's head on a platter: board ousted Brian Driscoll in March, 2012, after it was revealed his salary was tripled to $2.5 million at the same time he demanded steep pay cuts for workers

21 Nov 2012 06:48 AM
lar_m     

Day_Old_Dutchie:

But now you run into a great big hassle.



Shot a man while robbin his castle...

21 Nov 2012 06:51 AM
DataShade     

david_gaithersburg: derp


Yes, "derp" adequately summarizes the conservative lockstep opinion on this topic.

21 Nov 2012 07:12 AM
Onkel Buck    [TotalFark]  

Kevin72: big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year

This is exactly the problem with American big business. We can't even make Twinkies without people at the top looting the treasury and then no money for the twinkiemakers' wages.


Meh half the population is subsidized already, but corporations are the greedy ones

21 Nov 2012 07:15 AM
ManOfTeal     

GratuityIncluded: Nice job unions!


^^^^^^THIS!^^^^^^^^^

21 Nov 2012 07:35 AM
Omis     
Tell him about the twinkle.

21 Nov 2012 07:37 AM
david_gaithersburg     

DataShade: david_gaithersburg: derp

Yes, "derp" adequately summarizes the conservative lockstep opinion on this topic.


Ok, you're right. Management couldn't wait to be unemployed. There is such a high demand for managers of bakery companies in the US that I'm sure all of them will be employed tomorrow.

/farking retarded so called progressives.
//The scary part is...
///...they actually believe their own derp.

21 Nov 2012 07:42 AM
bborchar     
Always preferred little debbie, anyway.

21 Nov 2012 07:54 AM
MythDragon     
cdn1.screenrant.comView Full Size

/inconsolable 

//it took this long?

21 Nov 2012 08:05 AM
Abe Vigoda's Ghost    [TotalFark]  

bborchar: Always preferred little debbie, anyway.


She's such a tramp.

21 Nov 2012 08:11 AM
EyeballKid     
Somebody gets rich selling dumb shiat: that's the free market, baby, invisible hand, etc.
Somebody selling dumb shiat goes broke: THIS IS THE UNIONS' FAULT!!!!! THE GUBMINT DID THIS!!!! 0BAMA!!!!

Just more "AH BILT THAT!" derp

21 Nov 2012 08:19 AM
MFK     

ManOfTeal: GratuityIncluded: Nice job unions!

^^^^^^THIS!^^^^^^^^^



Oh sure. While the execs were busy tripling their 6 figure salaries and loading the company up with unsustainable debt so they could extract even more loot from the company, one of the demands they were making on the bakers unions were to reduce their ANNUAL salaries to around $25K. Keep in mind that they had already been cut from $48K to $34K, but these assholes wanted them to essentially go to half of what they'd been making a couple years ago.

But let's blame the unions. Sure, why not?

21 Nov 2012 08:20 AM
ThreeEdgedSword     
Well, that didn't take long. Is there some drive to get this done before the end of the year? I know it isn't the fiscal end of the year, but, they seem to be in a rush.

21 Nov 2012 08:32 AM
finnished     

SnarfVader: Jesus people. Just wait until some other company buys the recipes or get your fix from Canada. Seriously, I hope everyone on eBay selling boxes of Twinkies lose their shirts. Scratch that, I don't want to see any shirtless eBayers.


The recipe is not a big deal, it's probably not even important. Any decent food scientist could re-create the recipe. It's the brand where the money is, and what people recognize. There might even be another one like it on the market (I don't know), but people just say "But it's not a Twinkie!", and not buy it.

21 Nov 2012 09:26 AM
TheHappyCanadian     

MFK: ManOfTeal: GratuityIncluded: Nice job unions!

^^^^^^THIS!^^^^^^^^^


Oh sure. While the execs were busy tripling their 6 figure salaries and loading the company up with unsustainable debt so they could extract even more loot from the company, one of the demands they were making on the bakers unions were to reduce their ANNUAL salaries to around $25K. Keep in mind that they had already been cut from $48K to $34K, but these assholes wanted them to essentially go to half of what they'd been making a couple years ago.

But let's blame the unions. Sure, why not?


$48,000 a year? so that's $24 an hour to push a the "make twinkies" button in a factory where the only qualification is to be able to keep your hairnet from falling off. As for the owners, sucks that they mis-managed their company and giving themselves raises wasn't the smartest PR moves, but if the unions were strafing holes in the boat faster than the owners could bail out the water then might as well fill up the life rafts and jump ship.

21 Nov 2012 09:31 AM
OnlyM3     
Yay unions!

21 Nov 2012 09:31 AM
SirTanon     

Kevin72: big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year

This is exactly the problem with American big business. We can't even make Twinkies without people at the top looting the treasury and then no money for the twinkiemakers' wages.


No, the problem here is that the - UNIONS - and all the greedy ba$tards in them have RUINED everything.

Merry Christmas all you douchebag union employees, you're now unemployed AND any retirement saving you may have had with the company are now GONE.

21 Nov 2012 09:35 AM
HailRobonia    [TotalFark]  
Woot! I am selling my Twinkie the Kid on ebay!

21 Nov 2012 09:48 AM
johncb76006     
It's a good thing that the dues paying union workers have a union who's leadership is willing to go the extra mile and fight for their jobs and look out for the best interest of it's members.
fta
Earlier in the day, union President Frank Hurt, who did not attend the talks, said from his Columbus, Ohio, home he was "not too optimistic about this mediation,"

Way to fight for your members Mr Hurt. Don't worry, your paycheck will keep on coming unlike the one's that the Hostess workers won't be getting anymore.

21 Nov 2012 09:49 AM
ZeroCorpse     

HailRobonia: Woot! I am selling my Twinkie the Kid on ebay!


Is that a euphemism?

Also, you managed to slip several brand names in a very short sentence: Woot! Twinkie. eBay.

Are you a product-placement bot?

21 Nov 2012 10:28 AM
chuggernaught     

SirTanon: Kevin72: big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year

This is exactly the problem with American big business. We can't even make Twinkies without people at the top looting the treasury and then no money for the twinkiemakers' wages.

No, the problem here is that the - UNIONS - and all the greedy ba$tards in them have RUINED everything.

Merry Christmas all you douchebag union employees, you're now unemployed AND any retirement saving you may have had with the company are now GONE.


Management: Hey union workers! We've loaded up our own pay to insane levels, even though business is down. We need to cut your pay and benefits to keep it going.

Union: Fark you.

Management: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT UNION WORKERS! YOU KILLED THIS BUSINESS!

21 Nov 2012 10:31 AM
Sanguine Dawn     
The other twinkie copies do NOT taste like Twinkies, so I'd argue that the recipe is pretty important.

21 Nov 2012 10:33 AM
katerbug72     
Why isn't anyone upset about the Wonder Bread?

/mmmmm mushy, soft Wonder Bread.

21 Nov 2012 10:46 AM
Jon iz teh kewl     
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size


take it from em, I LOVE U!!

21 Nov 2012 11:11 AM
finnished     

Sanguine Dawn: The other twinkie copies do NOT taste like Twinkies, so I'd argue that the recipe is pretty important.


That's exactly the whole point. They could make them taste like Twinkies, but why? People would more likely buy Twinkies, because of marketing and the brand. Especially if they don't have the marketing budget. They would always be fighting the brand, which would waste a lot of money.

Same with cola, which is heavy on the image. Any flavorist worth their pay would be able to recreate Coke no problem. But now what? You have a product that no-one knows that tastes the same as the product everyone knows.

21 Nov 2012 11:49 AM
Kevin72    [TotalFark]  

david_gaithersburg: Kevin72: big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year

This is exactly the problem with American big business. We can't even make Twinkies without people at the top looting the treasury and then no money for the twinkiemakers' wages.

derp


Your meaningful rebuttal is duly noted.
/deepthoughtswithSkinnyhead.jpg

21 Nov 2012 12:13 PM
Kevin72    [TotalFark]  

SirTanon: Kevin72: big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year

This is exactly the problem with American big business. We can't even make Twinkies without people at the top looting the treasury and then no money for the twinkiemakers' wages.

No, the problem here is that the - UNIONS - and all the greedy ba$tards in them have RUINED everything.

Merry Christmas all you douchebag union employees, you're now unemployed AND any retirement saving you may have had with the company are now GONE.


If they were not unionized, the management would have just looted the treasury earlier and easier and laid them off anyway.

21 Nov 2012 12:18 PM
Bathia_Mapes    [TotalFark]  

katerbug72: Why isn't anyone upset about the Wonder Bread?

/mmmmm mushy, soft Wonder Bread.


Until all this went down it was easy to find most Hostess products at stores, with one exception. Wonder Bread. It's been at least 5 years since I've seen it at any of my area stores.

21 Nov 2012 01:45 PM
acad1228     
I'm 50 years old and I've never eaten a Twinkie. I've had all other kinds of junk food, just no Twinkies. Kinda wished I'd tried one now.

21 Nov 2012 01:54 PM
Too Pretty For Prison     

acad1228: I'm 50 years old and I've never eaten a Twinkie. I've had all other kinds of junk food, just no Twinkies. Kinda wished I'd tried one now.


I'm 48 and I never got to bang twins. I feel your pain.

21 Nov 2012 02:03 PM
katerbug72     

Bathia_Mapes: katerbug72: Why isn't anyone upset about the Wonder Bread?

/mmmmm mushy, soft Wonder Bread.

Until all this went down it was easy to find most Hostess products at stores, with one exception. Wonder Bread. It's been at least 5 years since I've seen it at any of my area stores.


Wow, that's strange. I live in Canada and it's never been hard to get Wonder Bread (it's made by Weston Bakeries here). We don't have all the Hostess products here though (at least in my experience). I don't recall having seen Sno Balls. Vachon cakes by Saputo are what is most ubiquitous around here.

21 Nov 2012 03:13 PM
Bathia_Mapes    [TotalFark]  

katerbug72: Bathia_Mapes: katerbug72: Why isn't anyone upset about the Wonder Bread?

/mmmmm mushy, soft Wonder Bread.

Until all this went down it was easy to find most Hostess products at stores, with one exception. Wonder Bread. It's been at least 5 years since I've seen it at any of my area stores.

Wow, that's strange. I live in Canada and it's never been hard to get Wonder Bread (it's made by Weston Bakeries here). We don't have all the Hostess products here though (at least in my experience). I don't recall having seen Sno Balls. Vachon cakes by Saputo are what is most ubiquitous around here.


I live in Oregon, but I'm wondering if it's a region specific thing as to why Wonder Bread hasn't been available in my locale. We getgot all the other major Hostess products. Twinkies, Hostess Cupcakes, fruit pies, Donettes, Sno Balls, Ho Hos, etc., just not the bread.

21 Nov 2012 04:24 PM
A Shambling Mound     

digistil: Kevin72: big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year

This is exactly the problem with American big business. We can't even make Twinkies without people at the top looting the treasury and then no money for the twinkiemakers' wages.

Imagine you're running a corporation that has seen declining sales for decades, you're on the brink of bankruptcy, and everything you do to try to turn things around only makes it all worse. Would you not take the money and run?


NO. Goddammit man, that attitude is the entire f*cking problem here. If you've been trying for decades to turn something around and continue to fail at it, that means YOU HAVE F*CKING FAILED AT IT and you are entitled to nothing whatsof*ckingever. "Taking the money and running" is not a goddamn option because you deserve nothing beyond what you've earned and I think after decades of failing it should be sort of difficult to justify having actually earned anything at all.

But somehow, assholes persevere. God Bless America, land of the "f*ck you I got mine". I guess.

F*CK.

/if my fingers were lips they'd be flicking spittle all over my monitor
//so sick of this sh*t (not just Hostess..)

21 Nov 2012 04:26 PM
Kevin72    [TotalFark]  

A Shambling Mound: digistil: Kevin72: big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year

This is exactly the problem with American big business. We can't even make Twinkies without people at the top looting the treasury and then no money for the twinkiemakers' wages.

Imagine you're running a corporation that has seen declining sales for decades, you're on the brink of bankruptcy, and everything you do to try to turn things around only makes it all worse. Would you not take the money and run?

NO. Goddammit man, that attitude is the entire f*cking problem here. If you've been trying for decades to turn something around and continue to fail at it, that means YOU HAVE F*CKING FAILED AT IT and you are entitled to nothing whatsof*ckingever. "Taking the money and running" is not a goddamn option because you deserve nothing beyond what you've earned and I think after decades of failing it should be sort of difficult to justify having actually earned anything at all.

But somehow, assholes persevere. God Bless America, land of the "f*ck you I got mine". I guess.

F*CK.

/if my fingers were lips they'd be flicking spittle all over my monitor
//so sick of this sh*t (not just Hostess..)



AMEN! Thank God someone is still sane and not fellating corporate overlords.

21 Nov 2012 05:10 PM
elchupacabra     

A Shambling Mound: digistil: Kevin72: big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year
 big raises executives got last year

This is exactly the problem with American big business. We can't even make Twinkies without people at the top looting the treasury and then no money for the twinkiemakers' wages.

Imagine you're running a corporation that has seen declining sales for decades, you're on the brink of bankruptcy, and everything you do to try to turn things around only makes it all worse. Would you not take the money and run?

NO. Goddammit man, that attitude is the entire f*cking problem here. If you've been trying for decades to turn something around and continue to fail at it, that means YOU HAVE F*CKING FAILED AT IT and you are entitled to nothing whatsof*ckingever. "Taking the money and running" is not a goddamn option because you deserve nothing beyond what you've earned and I think after decades of failing it should be sort of difficult to justify having actually earned anything at all.

But somehow, assholes persevere. God Bless America, land of the "f*ck you I got mine". I guess.

F*CK.

/if my fingers were lips they'd be flicking spittle all over my monitor
//so sick of this sh*t (not just Hostess..)


Not that I don't understand this sentiment, but how do you expect companies to survive if they can't attract management once they start to tip over?

In your scenario, management would lose everything long before the company actually collapses and couldn't get anyone else to help -- since nobody would be willing to take that much risk on.

21 Nov 2012 05:31 PM
A Shambling Mound     

elchupacabra: Not that I don't understand this sentiment, but how do you expect companies to survive if they can't attract management once they start to tip over?

In your scenario, management would lose everything long before the company actually collapses and couldn't get anyone else to help -- since nobody would be willing to take that much risk on.


I don't really understand what you mean by "management would lose everything long before the company actually collapses". Perhaps I wasn't as clear as I would have liked - no one loses anything other than their job. They just don't get to loot the place on the way out.

If you're implying that ailing companies wouldn't be able to attract management without offering perks that remain regardless of how they perform or whether or not they actually manage to turn around the company, well, as they say in the auto repair biz: "There's your problem..." There is no reward for failure, I don't care how many years of schooling or how many CEO positions you have held. You get paid for performance or not at all, just like everyone else

Exactly how much more than everyone else you should make for that performance is an entirely different argument, of course. Also, my previous rant is not specifically about Hostess. There is plenty of blame to go around in this particular case.

21 Nov 2012 05:53 PM
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