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   Eight "bootstrap-style" surgery examples prove Obamacare is unnecessary

21 Nov 2012 07:07 PM   |   17060 clicks   |   io9
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Qwertyette     
I once removed a large mole near my belly button by freezing it off with an Air Duster can turned upside down.

/CSS

21 Nov 2012 02:38 PM
ArkAngel    [TotalFark]  
images1.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size


Bootstraps' bootstraps

21 Nov 2012 02:59 PM
vernonFL    [TotalFark]  
I just got back from the dentist where I got a cleaning and a crown fixed. Thank goodness I have good dental insurance. Dental work isn't cheap.

I guess I could have waited and gone the old "whiskey and pliers" route.

21 Nov 2012 04:10 PM
make me some tea    [TotalFark]  
I've removed skin tags from my armpits. While drunk, no less. Intentionally.

I sterilized a pair of scissors with alcohol, snipped, immediately put a paper towel with peroxide on it and held for about 5mins. Those suckers bleed a lot at first. Hurts like a biatch for about a day or two, then it's over.

I went to the doc to have him do the rest, he pretty much did the same thing I did and billed my insurance company $300. Hurt just as much too.

21 Nov 2012 04:17 PM
scottydoesntknow    [TotalFark]  
newspaper.liView Full Size

"Hey guys, what's goin on in this thread?"

21 Nov 2012 04:20 PM
BarkingUnicorn     

vernonFL: I just got back from the dentist where I got a cleaning and a crown fixed. Thank goodness I have good dental insurance. Dental work isn't cheap.

I guess I could have waited and gone the old "whiskey and pliers" route.


Or get it over with quick, using a firecracker.

21 Nov 2012 05:36 PM
doglover    [TotalFark]  
Wow.

21 Nov 2012 06:40 PM
AirForceVet    [TotalFark]  
First thing I thought of was the Prometheus automated operating table.

2.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

21 Nov 2012 07:02 PM
Rapmaster2000    [TotalFark]  
I once cut pea size ball of waxy puss out of my arm with an X-acto knife that I sterilized in vodak. I got only a tiny scar out of it which disappoints me. I wanted a cool, jagged scar.

21 Nov 2012 07:09 PM
Indubitably     
Bad teeth? Just pull'em. Got a pliers or a C-clamp? Screwdriver? Hell, a needle-nose pliers will do it nicely.

21 Nov 2012 07:10 PM
zarberg     
I worked with a Russian ex-pat who defected in the late 80's, and had served in Afghanistan. He claims there was a guy in his unit who removed his own appendix with a pocket knife and vodka because the company doctor had such a poor record losing patients for even routine things.

He also claims they used to drink cheap Romanian aftershave when the vodka ran out by filtering it through a loaf of french bread, I.E. chop off an end like a cigar, pour the aftershave in and let it drain down to the bottom.

/CSB

21 Nov 2012 07:13 PM
davidphogan     

Rapmaster2000: I once cut pea size ball of waxy puss out of my arm with an X-acto knife that I sterilized in vodak. I got only a tiny scar out of it which disappoints me. I wanted a cool, jagged scar.


I did the same, only it was my foot and closer to the size of a golf ball. (I had stepped on a sharp rock that ended up in my foot.)

I don't plan on doing that again. It was quite a mess.

21 Nov 2012 07:16 PM
BigRightRear     

zarberg: I worked with a Russian ex-pat who defected in the late 80's, and had served in Afghanistan. He claims there was a guy in his unit who removed his own appendix with a pocket knife and vodka because the company doctor had such a poor record losing patients for even routine things.

He also claims they used to drink cheap Romanian aftershave when the vodka ran out by filtering it through a loaf of french bread, I.E. chop off an end like a cigar, pour the aftershave in and let it drain down to the bottom.

/CSB


Was this guy Si Robertson?

21 Nov 2012 07:20 PM
uncleacid     
Spray some Windex on it.

21 Nov 2012 07:20 PM
Mantour     
fc02.deviantart.netView Full Size

21 Nov 2012 07:21 PM
Gyrfalcon     
Usually you can survive minor surgery on yourself, assuming you don't go too deep and sever an artery.

What kills you is the gangrene and sepsis afterward because the knife was contaminated or you didn't suture the wound properly and you got dirt into the bloodstream. Or because you sterilized your KNIFE but forgot you also need to sterilize the suture material and nothing introduces bacteria into an incision like dirty sutures.

And of course anything where you open up your abdominal cavity will kill you, either from severing an artery or more likely post-operative infection or shock. But don't let that stop you.

21 Nov 2012 07:22 PM
Silly Jesus     
This bootstrap strawman meme is kinda stupid.

21 Nov 2012 07:22 PM
bump     
"See this?...

Mary Ellen Moffat.

She broke my heart..."

21 Nov 2012 07:23 PM
UsikFark     

Qwertyette: I once removed a large mole near my belly button by freezing it off with an Air Duster can turned upside down.

/CSS


How did that turn out? pics?

21 Nov 2012 07:24 PM
Contents Under Pressure     

make me some tea: I've removed skin tags from my armpits. While drunk, no less. Intentionally.

I sterilized a pair of scissors with alcohol, snipped, immediately put a paper towel with peroxide on it and held for about 5mins. Those suckers bleed a lot at first. Hurts like a biatch for about a day or two, then it's over.

I went to the doc to have him do the rest, he pretty much did the same thing I did and billed my insurance company $300. Hurt just as much too.


I went to a derm with a pilar cyst and said, "Oh, by the way..." He did pretty much what you did (different disinfectant) and did not charge me. Always go to the derm with multiple things. They'll bill insurance for the justifiable thing and take care of the little things if they just involve a scissor or the frosty-freezy treatment.

21 Nov 2012 07:25 PM
relaxitsjustme     
Once I..I..I was going to make up some clever story but truth be told I've never done any medical procedure to myself more badass than popping a zip.

/runs from thread in shame

21 Nov 2012 07:26 PM
mgshamster     
Eight people who survived self-medical care. And how many, oh great journalist, didn't survive?

21 Nov 2012 07:27 PM
Tillmaster     

Rufus Lee King: Recovering from a heart attack, here. Less than a month ago: no insurance. Bills stacking up already. It was either get carted off in an ambulance or die.

Anyone gonna help me?

Nope; I'm the wrong color.


What about age? Do you qualify for Medicare?

21 Nov 2012 07:28 PM
AbiNormal     
I don't know how much pain you have to be in to stab yourself in the perineum(taint) and I don't want to know.

21 Nov 2012 07:30 PM
BronyMedic     
biatch, please. Emergency! taught me that no matter what happens, there'll always be Paramedics on a trans-national flight from LA who carry the entirety of their Squad in the luggage compartment of the plane.

Are you saying TV lied to me?

21 Nov 2012 07:30 PM
BronyMedic     

AbiNormal: I don't know how much pain you have to be in to stab yourself in the perineum(taint) and I don't want to know.


You should come see someone get a large peri-rectal abcess drained.

The smell is akin to fermented feta cheese in a freshly opened septic tank. And the pus is under pressure, so it's common to note that it takes off across the room.

21 Nov 2012 07:31 PM
Indubitably     

BronyMedic: AbiNormal: I don't know how much pain you have to be in to stab yourself in the perineum(taint) and I don't want to know.

You should come see someone get a large peri-rectal abcess drained.

The smell is akin to fermented feta cheese in a freshly opened septic tank. And the pus is under pressure, so it's common to note that it takes off across the room.


Wow.

Thank you?

Boo.

21 Nov 2012 07:33 PM
Seasons I'v Withered     
self castration??? I bet that took some balls>

Zing

21 Nov 2012 07:33 PM
wambu     
Ouch ouch ouch

21 Nov 2012 07:34 PM
Gyrfalcon     

BronyMedic: biatch, please. Emergency! taught me that no matter what happens, there'll always be Paramedics on a trans-national flight from LA who carry the entirety of their Squad in the luggage compartment of the plane.

Are you saying TV lied to me?


Are you saying you didn't spend every lunch break in medic training talking about your favorite Emergency episodes? And why John and Roy's patients would have died almost before the next commercial break?

21 Nov 2012 07:36 PM
LordOfThePings     
Try to find an anti-fog mirror

www.causticsodapodcast.comView Full Size

21 Nov 2012 07:37 PM
davidphogan     

Seasons I'v Withered: self castration??? I bet that took some balls>

Zing


When I was training to be an EMT someone (I think it was the county medical examiner) brought in some pictures, and one was a guy who had been turned down for a sex change. He cut off the frank and the beans, and brought them with him to the hospital in a sandwich bag.

21 Nov 2012 07:37 PM
SpeedingLunatic     

Rufus Lee King: Recovering from a heart attack, here. Less than a month ago: no insurance. Bills stacking up already. It was either get carted off in an ambulance or die.

Anyone gonna help me?

Nope; I'm the wrong color.


I'm paying $800/month for insurance (with a 10k deductible no less), why should your irresponsible ass get any help?

21 Nov 2012 07:39 PM
UsikFark     

Rufus Lee King: Recovering from a heart attack, here. Less than a month ago: no insurance. Bills stacking up already. It was either get carted off in an ambulance or die.

Anyone gonna help me?

Nope; I'm the wrong color.


I thought you were Hasidic.

21 Nov 2012 07:39 PM
Indubitably     
To operate

21 Nov 2012 07:40 PM
Arthurgoboom     
You got-damn vajayjays. I have ripped skin tags off with my bare fingers, sliced at a wart with a razor blade until it bled (I made it die, eventually), trimmed callouses with scissors, and excavated steel shavings from my fingers with a razor blade and tweezers. Did I ever need any vodak for anesthetic or antiseptic? No, and I'm still alive. You have to give your immune system some exercise occasionally.

/DNRTFA, but am glad we at least moved in the right direction with Obamacare.

21 Nov 2012 07:40 PM
ThrobblefootSpectre     

Rufus Lee King: Recovering from a heart attack, here. Less than a month ago: no insurance. Bills stacking up already. It was either get carted off in an ambulance or die.

Anyone gonna help me?


I could help on improving diet and lifestyle. Unless by "help me" you just meant "give me money".

21 Nov 2012 07:40 PM
toraque    [TotalFark]  

AbiNormal: I don't know how much pain you have to be in to stab yourself in the perineum(taint) and I don't want to know.


I had a tiny (4mm) kidney stone. The pain was so comically surreal that I still barely believe the crap I did to survive it. If it had been as big as the one in TFA, I'd have happily stabbed myself anywhere, as long as it led to a quick death.

21 Nov 2012 07:42 PM
Hagbardr     
I used to get ingrown toenails until I had a doc take care of them. Occasionally I would have to use an Xacto knife to drain the pus. Looked like Ecto Cooler.

21 Nov 2012 07:43 PM
KrispyKritter     

Rufus Lee King: Recovering from a heart attack, here. Less than a month ago: no insurance. Bills stacking up already. It was either get carted off in an ambulance or die.

Anyone gonna help me?

Nope; I'm the wrong color.


sorry to hear of the attack, you're a good Farker and i love your posts. you send me your PayPal, i'll send a little sumthin-sumthin.

21 Nov 2012 07:43 PM
fusillade762    [TotalFark]  
2.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

21 Nov 2012 07:44 PM
BronyMedic     

Gyrfalcon: Are you saying you didn't spend every lunch break in medic training talking about your favorite Emergency episodes? And why John and Roy's patients would have died almost before the next commercial break?


I would not be prepared to lie like a Republican Congressman. Emergency! Taught me how to flip the yellow tops off the Abboject syringes like a boss.

I'm just sad that it went off air years before I was born.

www.nexxie.0catch.comView Full Size

21 Nov 2012 07:45 PM
Acharne     

SpeedingLunatic: Rufus Lee King: Recovering from a heart attack, here. Less than a month ago: no insurance. Bills stacking up already. It was either get carted off in an ambulance or die.

Anyone gonna help me?

Nope; I'm the wrong color.

I'm paying $800/month for insurance (with a 10k deductible no less), why should your irresponsible ass get any help?


Sounds like you're paying 'Douchbag' premiums. Try being more human.

21 Nov 2012 07:45 PM
AbiNormal     

BronyMedic: AbiNormal: I don't know how much pain you have to be in to stab yourself in the perineum(taint) and I don't want to know.

You should come see someone get a large peri-rectal abcess drained.

The smell is akin to fermented feta cheese in a freshly opened septic tank. And the pus is under pressure, so it's common to note that it takes off across the room.


I was a Navy Corpsman with the Marines; I was given the opportunity to drain a few abscesses.

/Thanks for reminding me of the smell.

21 Nov 2012 07:46 PM
Indubitably     
Self-lobotomy, anyone? Anyone?

Full frontal?

21 Nov 2012 07:48 PM
SpeedingLunatic     

Acharne: Sounds like you're paying 'Douchbag' premiums. Try being more human.


I just spent all day getting told by medical billing staff that they can't reduce my son's 10k in NICU bills because I have insurance. They all told me if I had no insurance they could work with me. fark me for being responsible.

21 Nov 2012 07:49 PM
TomD9938     

SpeedingLunatic: I'm paying $800/month for insurance (with a 10k deductible no less)


Seriously? I thought my plan sucked.

Im a 43yr old male smoker paying 200/mo with a 6k deductible.

/ bought it mainly as heart attack insurance...

21 Nov 2012 07:49 PM
chaosweaver     

BronyMedic: AbiNormal: I don't know how much pain you have to be in to stab yourself in the perineum(taint) and I don't want to know.

You should come see someone get a large peri-rectal abcess drained.

The smell is akin to fermented feta cheese in a freshly opened septic tank. And the pus is under pressure, so it's common to note that it takes off across the room.


Loving the visual! The imagined smell... not so much.

Reminds me of my first 2 week training session with my old Guard unit. We would have this huge steak fry/kegger on the last full day. I was just about to turn 19, and had a rather low tolerance, still. I get my cup, and proceed to drink myself into the standard Farker stupor. Prayed a few times to the porcelain Goddess. The last run to the Head, I didn't make it, and horked all over myself. My squad turned on every shower head, threw me in the middle and told me to throw those clothes into a trash bag. Smehow I managed to do that, dry off and get into clean clothes. One of my buddies then drags me to the medics to hook me to an IV. I lay down on the bed and watch him stick me. My blood shot all the way to the foot of the bed. Over the course of the next hour, I squeezed 3 bags into my system.

I tell you, there's nothing like ice-cold saline driving into your veins to give you that sober feeling.

/worst hangover I've ever had.
//then had to wake up and cook breakfast...

21 Nov 2012 07:50 PM
Dayglo Brown     
Did I tell you about the time I performed an appendectomy with a rusty sardine can?

21 Nov 2012 07:51 PM
Silly Jesus     

TomD9938: SpeedingLunatic: I'm paying $800/month for insurance (with a 10k deductible no less)

Seriously? I thought my plan sucked.

Im a 43yr old male smoker paying 200/mo with a 6k deductible.

/ bought it mainly as heart attack insurance...


I pay $150 / month for my entire family with a $1,500 deductible.

WTF are people doing to themselves to pay $800 / month with such high deductibles?

21 Nov 2012 07:52 PM
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