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   It's Thanksgiving, so let's not fight today and just all agree that turkey white meat is a bland, tasteless, cardboard-like substance that nobody really enjoys and we all secretly crave the dark. And if you take the last leg, I WILL CUT YOU

22 Nov 2012 02:41 PM   |   2164 clicks   |   Slate
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St_Francis_P     
Maybe you're cooking it wrong. I like the white meat.

Yes, I know; that's racist.

22 Nov 2012 11:11 AM
t3knomanser     
It's turkey. It's not like there's any part of it that's particularly interesting. The entire reason gravy exists is to disguise the fact that turkey, even the dark meat, is bland and uninteresting.

22 Nov 2012 12:22 PM
Pocket Ninja    [TotalFark]  
Securing one of the turkey legs is something for which I am fully prepared to go to war. The good thing about this is that this is a lesson most have learned over the years, and so outright aggression is usually not necessary. But the threat is always there.

22 Nov 2012 12:30 PM
Friskya    [TotalFark]  

Pocket Ninja: Securing one of the turkey legs is something for which I am fully prepared to go to war. The good thing about this is that this is a lesson most have learned over the years, and so outright aggression is usually not necessary. But the threat is always there.


www.drwp.netView Full Size


Maybe we can make some that have a couple of extra legs?

22 Nov 2012 12:39 PM
FlashHarry    [TotalFark]  
whether chicken or turkey, white meat doesn't have enough fat to be moist and flavorful - unless you do two things: brine it and don't overcook it.

22 Nov 2012 12:47 PM
Thelyphthoric     
That's it, I'm going in, I don't care if it still has four hours left. I'm having pink meat.

22 Nov 2012 12:52 PM
L.D. Ablo    [TotalFark]  
We usually separate the dark meat, chop it into bit-sized chunks, then mix it into gravy with mushrooms and onions.

22 Nov 2012 01:07 PM
FirstNationalBastard    [TotalFark]  
Turkey sucks. No, it would have to be edible to suck.

22 Nov 2012 01:19 PM
WorldCitizen     
That's why every bite of it must be combined with something else...stuffing, sweet potatoes, gravy...anything!

22 Nov 2012 01:20 PM
FirstNationalBastard    [TotalFark]  
It's actually kind of sad that the only edible turkey is the processed turkey loafs they ship to supermarket delis so you can buy a pound for sandwiches.

22 Nov 2012 01:22 PM
cretinbob     
There's a reason your parents gave you the white meat when you sat at the kids table.
Of course if it's dry, you're doing it wrong.

22 Nov 2012 01:37 PM
melopene    [TotalFark]  
If you can't cook a turkey such that the white meat is delicious and flavorful, you're doing it wrong. I just stuff mine with aromatics and cook it breast-side down, so the white meat gets all the extra juices and flavor. We eat some of the dark meat, but most of that is reserved for turkey gumbo later on in the week.

22 Nov 2012 01:47 PM
CygnusDarius     
I've always heard heritage turkeys were good.

22 Nov 2012 02:42 PM
DoBeDoBeDo     
Brine it, fry it, watch the juices roll when you cut the breasts out.

22 Nov 2012 02:45 PM
cleveralthere     

FlashHarry: brine it and don't overcook it.


This. My sister uses the Alton Brown method which has produced the best tasting turkey i have ever had. I dont usually like white meat but this one was nice and juicy and delicious.

22 Nov 2012 02:45 PM
calm like a bomb     
Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?". And every year, every year without fail, is supposed to be the year that this new awesome super special recipe is totally going to turn me on to turkey so shut up about that other stuff. And it never does. And I feel like weeping.

And then my in laws always come for Christmas from Europe, where there is no Thanksgiving, so I get to do it twice in two months. And my family wonders why I keep a bottle of rum in my office closet.

22 Nov 2012 02:46 PM
Justin Bieber's Acne Medication     
Use food coloring. That way all the meat is dark.

22 Nov 2012 02:47 PM
Kit Fister     
biatch, please. I come to the table with a shotgun. I will END YOU.

22 Nov 2012 02:47 PM
jtown     
Sorry your mom's a lousy cook, subby.

22 Nov 2012 02:47 PM
CygnusDarius     

calm like a bomb: Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?". And every year, every year without fail, is supposed to be the year that this new awesome super special recipe is totally going to turn me on to turkey so shut up about that other stuff. And it never does. And I feel like weeping.

And then my in laws always come for Christmas from Europe, where there is no Thanksgiving, so I get to do it twice in two months. And my family wonders why I keep a bottle of rum in my office closet.


You could always try and do a small chicken pot pie.

22 Nov 2012 02:48 PM
strapp3r     
i'm cooking DUCK biatchES!

michtoy.comView Full Size
 

/have fun
//be safe
///show some love today

22 Nov 2012 02:48 PM
Real Women Drink Akvavit    [TotalFark]  
Homemade cranberry jalepeno jelly can fix anything. I will rip arms out of sockets to protect my few precious jars of that tasty, tasty treat

/annual gift from a friend
//got mine just yesterday!

22 Nov 2012 02:50 PM
Flakeloaf     
Yes, if you're buying a turkey that's been frozen since December so an incompetent can shove it unmodified into a 365 degree dessicator and ignore it for nine and a half hours, the meat will be dry and tasteless.

22 Nov 2012 02:51 PM
ooitburns     
Chicken is so much better

22 Nov 2012 02:51 PM
Turbo Cojones     

St_Francis_P: Maybe you're cooking it wrong. I like the white meat.

Yes, I know; that's racist.


Agreed; whoever cooks his turkey has never used injectible marinade

22 Nov 2012 02:52 PM
DownDaRiver     
Subbsie just wants' the leg bone, if you know what I mean

and I think you do........

22 Nov 2012 02:52 PM
whither_apophis     
Animals taste like what they eat and if they eat what they are supposed to, they are delicious. Organic birds, and heritage if you splurge, is nom nom nom

/but by Crom cook it right.

22 Nov 2012 02:52 PM
qsblues     
Pfft. I have to go play guitar for a couple hours for the outlaws' turkey day, this in the middle of a divorce. Somebody please kill me.

22 Nov 2012 02:54 PM
Glenford     

calm like a bomb: Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?". And every year, every year without fail, is supposed to be the year that this new awesome super special recipe is totally going to turn me on to turkey so shut up about that other stuff. And it never does. And I feel like weeping.

And then my in laws always come for Christmas from Europe, where there is no Thanksgiving, so I get to do it twice in two months. And my family wonders why I keep a bottle of rum in my office closet.


One year it was just my parents and I. My mother made the suggestion of having something else and my father threw a tantrum like I have never seen before. 20 pound turkey and all the fixings for 3 people. Thank FSM there was lots of booze.

22 Nov 2012 02:56 PM
Your Average Witty Fark User     

FirstNationalBastard: Turkey sucks. No, it would have to be edible to suck.


That's why we have a prime rib in the oven.

22 Nov 2012 02:57 PM
guilt by association     
Just consumed some microbews, a sweet potato, and 16 ounces of grilled ribeye

/fark y ou

22 Nov 2012 03:00 PM
Tillmaster     
Kosher turkey is delicious. It's the way they prepare it.
However, we're not going to have turkey until Christmas this year.
Our Thanksgiving meal will be Steak and Kidney Pie.
Excellent!

22 Nov 2012 03:01 PM
RedVentrue     
Subby should be encouraging others to eat the white meat if he likes the dark.

Subby likes the breasteses.

22 Nov 2012 03:02 PM
shokokuphoenix    [TotalFark]  

CygnusDarius: I've always heard heritage turkeys were good.


This is indeed true. Several of the awesome reasons why they are tastier is that they are physically, structurally different from the Broad Breasted White turkey that we get in the grocery stores. The meat distribution on the BBW turkey is 75% breast/wing and 25% leg/thigh, whereas the heritage birds are the more natural 50/50 breast/leg ratio. This gives them jumbo long legs and powerful hindquarters, and a smaller breast. The breasts on the heritage birds are also deeper (think deep greyhound type chests vs barrel-shaped bulldog chests) due to a much longer keelbone (breastbone), so you have to take that into consideration while cooking them.

Another fun physical difference that very much adds to the awesome flavor of heritage turkeys is the thick layer of corn yellow fat that they get under their skin. This fat layer does not develop in turkeys until 7 months of age, and since BBW turkeys are slaughtered at 2-4 months, they literally never get a chance to create this layer of delicious yellow gamebird fat. The heritage birds (slaughtered at 8-9 months) have it all throughout their body, like a pheasant or a wild duck. The fat melts off while you cook it, naturally self-basting the bird from the inside and giving it a richer, more intense flavor (its intense in a good way, not a gamey way).

/raises and eats heritage turkeys
//had people fighting last year over who got to bring home the scraps from my 18pd Bourbon Red tom

22 Nov 2012 03:02 PM
Mid_mo_mad_man     

CygnusDarius: I've always heard heritage turkeys were good.


I raised a heritage bird for my mom's dinner. Good taste but very expensive and little breast meat.

22 Nov 2012 03:05 PM
demaL-demaL-yeH    [TotalFark]  

Friskya:
Maybe we can make some that have a couple of extra legs?


Meh. Chernobyl Farms has sold six-drumstick turkeys for a quarter century.

/They're cheap, too.

22 Nov 2012 03:06 PM
PsiChick     
My grandma (the non-crazy one) always makes a pack of turkey legs, not a whole turkey, for this exact reason.

/I'm sure you can cook great white-meat turkey--I've had pretty good stuff before--but the dark meat has a different flavor, and I do enjoy it.

22 Nov 2012 03:07 PM
bingethinker     

Glenford: calm like a bomb: Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?". And every year, every year without fail, is supposed to be the year that this new awesome super special recipe is totally going to turn me on to turkey so shut up about that other stuff. And it never does. And I feel like weeping.

And then my in laws always come for Christmas from Europe, where there is no Thanksgiving, so I get to do it twice in two months. And my family wonders why I keep a bottle of rum in my office closet.

One year it was just my parents and I. My mother made the suggestion of having something else and my father threw a tantrum like I have never seen before. 20 pound turkey and all the fixings for 3 people. Thank FSM there was lots of booze.


What you should do there is buy the turkey fresh, and have it cut in half. Cook half for Thanksgiving, freeze the other half for Christmas. Plenty of meat for three people.

22 Nov 2012 03:07 PM
demaL-demaL-yeH    [TotalFark]  

shokokuphoenix: CygnusDarius: I've always heard heritage turkeys were good.

This is indeed true. Several of the awesome reasons why they are tastier is that they are physically, structurally different from the Broad Breasted White turkey that we get in the grocery stores. The meat distribution on the BBW turkey is 75% breast/wing and 25% leg/thigh, whereas the heritage birds are the more natural 50/50 breast/leg ratio. This gives them jumbo long legs and powerful hindquarters, and a smaller breast. The breasts on the heritage birds are also deeper (think deep greyhound type chests vs barrel-shaped bulldog chests) due to a much longer keelbone (breastbone), so you have to take that into consideration while cooking them.

Another fun physical difference that very much adds to the awesome flavor of heritage turkeys is the thick layer of corn yellow fat that they get under their skin. This fat layer does not develop in turkeys until 7 months of age, and since BBW turkeys are slaughtered at 2-4 months, they literally never get a chance to create this layer of delicious yellow gamebird fat. The heritage birds (slaughtered at 8-9 months) have it all throughout their body, like a pheasant or a wild duck. The fat melts off while you cook it, naturally self-basting the bird from the inside and giving it a richer, more intense flavor (its intense in a good way, not a gamey way).

/raises and eats heritage turkeys
//had people fighting last year over who got to bring home the scraps from my 18pd Bourbon Red tom


Start a branch farm in Tucson.

/Please.
//You write awful purty.

22 Nov 2012 03:08 PM
cannonman1863     
It's Thanksgiving.. it's about how much turkey you can eat, not how good it is

22 Nov 2012 03:09 PM
elchip     

Real Women Drink Akvavit: Homemade cranberry jalepeno jelly can fix anything. I will rip arms out of sockets to protect my few precious jars of that tasty, tasty treat

/annual gift from a friend
//got mine just yesterday!


I encourage all to try Mama Stamberg's cranberry relish.

22 Nov 2012 03:10 PM
ariosto     
You people.

22 Nov 2012 03:12 PM
FunkOut    [TotalFark]  
I don't really care for any of the turkey. I will eat all the stuffing though. All the stuffing.

22 Nov 2012 03:14 PM
Glenford     

bingethinker: Glenford: calm like a bomb: Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?". And every year, every year without fail, is supposed to be the year that this new awesome super special recipe is totally going to turn me on to turkey so shut up about that other stuff. And it never does. And I feel like weeping.

And then my in laws always come for Christmas from Europe, where there is no Thanksgiving, so I get to do it twice in two months. And my family wonders why I keep a bottle of rum in my office closet.

One year it was just my parents and I. My mother made the suggestion of having something else and my father threw a tantrum like I have never seen before. 20 pound turkey and all the fixings for 3 people. Thank FSM there was lots of booze.

What you should do there is buy the turkey fresh, and have it cut in half. Cook half for Thanksgiving, freeze the other half for Christmas. Plenty of meat for three people.


Great idea in theory, but dad likes to have the whole goddamn bird on the table so he can make a show of carving and serving it. That's after everyone is seated and waiting and he suddenly remembers he needs to hone the carving knife and spends 10 minutes looking for the steel.

Like I said, lots of booze is required.

22 Nov 2012 03:16 PM
elchip     
The trick to good white meat, besides brining, is to cook it breast-side down at 425 degrees for 45 minutes (up to 18 lbs) or 60 minutes (larger turkeys).

Then flip it; if it's one of the aforementioned larger turkeys turn it down to 325, otherwise leave it at 425.

Cook until done, which should be 50-60 min for turkeys up to 15 lbs, 75 minutes for 15-18 lb turkeys, and 2 hours for turkeys up to 22 lbs.

22 Nov 2012 03:17 PM
shizbgby_v2     
You are cooking it wrong.

/Prefers the white meat
//Why yes, I am African American...

22 Nov 2012 03:17 PM
Day_Old_Dutchie     

Tillmaster: Kosher turkey is delicious. It's the way they prepare it.
However, we're not going to have turkey until Christmas this year.
Our Thanksgiving meal will be Steak and Kidney Pie.
Excellent!


And..BONUS! God will be happy with you!

22 Nov 2012 03:19 PM
SDRR     

FlashHarry: whether chicken or turkey, white meat doesn't have enough fat to be moist and flavorful - unless you do two things: brine it and don't overcook it.


22 Nov 2012 03:19 PM
demaL-demaL-yeH    [TotalFark]  

FunkOut: I don't really care for any of the turkey. I will eat all the stuffing though. All the stuffing.


Are you from a mixed family that celebrates both the Canuckistan and American Thanksgivings?

/Gravy is its own food group.

22 Nov 2012 03:20 PM
dustinmorris1981     
I only eat the white meat if I can, the dark meat I use for soups and sandwiches later on, the way myself, my mom and grandma cook a turkey the white meat is moist and delicious!

22 Nov 2012 03:22 PM
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