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   Thanksgiving by the numbers: 12,000 calls to the Butterball Turkey Line, 17 of which were actually about cooking a turkey

22 Nov 2012 04:35 PM   |   5996 clicks   |   CNN
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teto85    [TotalFark]  
How many was President Bartlett in on?

22 Nov 2012 12:48 PM
Thelyphthoric     
How many did Kwame make?

22 Nov 2012 12:50 PM
themindiswatching    [TotalFark]  
Wasn't there that one thread in TFD where someone called the Butterball line?

22 Nov 2012 01:22 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope    [TotalFark]  
My sister is a nutritionist and volunteered for the turkey hotline one year. Good gracious, the stories she tells of utter stupidity.

/black trash bag != roasting bag
//yes, you have to thaw the turkey before you cook it
///No, taking a blowtorch to the outside won't help

22 Nov 2012 01:50 PM
hbk72777     
Were the rest looking for big women?

22 Nov 2012 04:37 PM
wildcardjack     
I don't know why we insist on turkey. Wouldn't it b easier to roast four chickens.

22 Nov 2012 04:42 PM
Zulgaines     

wildcardjack: I don't know why we insist on turkey. Wouldn't it b easier to roast four chickens.


Honey baked ham is your God.

22 Nov 2012 04:48 PM
NobleHam     
Cooking normally causes 44% of fires, I'm surprised it only goes up to 69% today.

22 Nov 2012 04:49 PM
davidphogan     

Benevolent Misanthrope: My sister is a nutritionist and volunteered for the turkey hotline one year. Good gracious, the stories she tells of utter stupidity.

/black trash bag != roasting bag
//yes, you have to thaw the turkey before you cook it
///No, taking a blowtorch to the outside won't help


My friend's dad thought you could just fry a frozen turkey. His wife fortunately made him call the hotline before he tried it.

22 Nov 2012 04:50 PM
Churchy LaFemme     
i47.tinypic.comView Full Size

22 Nov 2012 04:54 PM
DownDaRiver     
I called them to ask a question about butter and balls

I didn't get to talk with anyone and was reminded about the court ordered PFA still being in effect

22 Nov 2012 04:55 PM
Threadslayer     
Yes: I have never cooked a live turkey before and my neighbor's kids are scared. In US American children are no better than women!

22 Nov 2012 05:04 PM
bill4935     
How many by R.B. Kazenzakis?

22 Nov 2012 05:05 PM
nimeye     

Threadslayer: Yes: I have never cooked a live turkey before and my neighbor's kids are scared. In US American children are no better than women!


whatsayof?

22 Nov 2012 05:12 PM
dillenger69    [TotalFark]  
Hello, butterball? What style of stuffing goes best with battletoads?

22 Nov 2012 05:14 PM
A_bomb37     

bill4935: How many by R.B. Kazenzakis?


A moment of silence for a once great strip.

...

22 Nov 2012 05:21 PM
oh_please     

Zulgaines: wildcardjack: I don't know why we insist on turkey. Wouldn't it b easier to roast four chickens.

Honey baked ham is your God.


Yeah, but then you miss the best part of Thanksgiving...leftover turkey sammiches. I swear, they taste 10x better than the actual dinner. But you have to put stuffing and Ruffles in the sammich.

/we do honey baked ham for Xmas

22 Nov 2012 05:31 PM
gingerjet     

teto85: How many was President Bartlett in on?


done in one

22 Nov 2012 05:32 PM
Ed Finnerty     
Phone sex is phone sex.

22 Nov 2012 05:50 PM
ChromoSomes     
Anybody know the % wastage to a turkey after cooking?

22 Nov 2012 05:50 PM
saintstryfe     

teto85: How many was President Bartlett in on?


"Can we do this without killing my guests? I'm not saying that's a deal breaker..."

22 Nov 2012 06:01 PM
that bosnian sniper     
I almost had to call the hotline today to make sure I knew how many hours you had to cook a 20-pound possum to make sure it was cooked all the way through, but he wouldn't stay in the pot.

22 Nov 2012 06:04 PM
ChromoSomes     
oh-please: Yeah, but then you miss the best part of Thanksgiving...leftover turkey sammiches. I swear, they taste 10x better than the actual dinner. But you have to put stuffing and Ruffles in the sammich.

I'm with ya on the leftover turkey sammiches but I often detect a slight change in the flavor of the turkey after it has been refrigerated (same with leftover mashed potatoes). I've always described it as a "refrigerator taste" (container air tight; nothing wrong with the operation of the fridge - temp OK; no odors inside, etc.). Although I'm not a chemist/biologist/scientist, I've always attributed it to some sort of enzyme activity. Any Farkers please feel free to comment to help me solve this mystery.

22 Nov 2012 06:05 PM
kiwimoogle84     

oh_please: Zulgaines: wildcardjack: I don't know why we insist on turkey. Wouldn't it b easier to roast four chickens.

Honey baked ham is your God.

Yeah, but then you miss the best part of Thanksgiving...leftover turkey sammiches. I swear, they taste 10x better than the actual dinner. But you have to put stuffing and Ruffles in the sammich.

/we do honey baked ham for Xmas


You put ruffles in your sandwiches? BLASPHEMER!

Stuffing, yes. I love me some turkey bone soup and turkey sammiches.

22 Nov 2012 06:20 PM
Huck And Molly Ziegler     

teto85: How many was President Bartlett in on?


There you go.

The turkey expert of "Fargo."

22 Nov 2012 06:21 PM
Yogimus     

Churchy LaFemme: [i47.tinypic.com image 458x299]


And that is why I loved that election cycle. It was full of crap like that.

22 Nov 2012 06:35 PM
gravy chugging cretin.     

ChromoSomes: oh-please: Yeah, but then you miss the best part of Thanksgiving...leftover turkey sammiches. I swear, they taste 10x better than the actual dinner. But you have to put stuffing and Ruffles in the sammich.

I'm with ya on the leftover turkey sammiches but I often detect a slight change in the flavor of the turkey after it has been refrigerated (same with leftover mashed potatoes). I've always described it as a "refrigerator taste" (container air tight; nothing wrong with the operation of the fridge - temp OK; no odors inside, etc.). Although I'm not a chemist/biologist/scientist, I've always attributed it to some sort of enzyme activity. Any Farkers please feel free to comment to help me solve this mystery.


sobering up?

22 Nov 2012 06:37 PM
saintstryfe     

ChromoSomes: oh-please: Yeah, but then you miss the best part of Thanksgiving...leftover turkey sammiches. I swear, they taste 10x better than the actual dinner. But you have to put stuffing and Ruffles in the sammich.

I'm with ya on the leftover turkey sammiches but I often detect a slight change in the flavor of the turkey after it has been refrigerated (same with leftover mashed potatoes). I've always described it as a "refrigerator taste" (container air tight; nothing wrong with the operation of the fridge - temp OK; no odors inside, etc.). Although I'm not a chemist/biologist/scientist, I've always attributed it to some sort of enzyme activity. Any Farkers please feel free to comment to help me solve this mystery.


exposure to air - even the tiny amount in the air-tight container - reacts with the meat causing some changes. Minor though.

Avoid this by either removing air, or just filling the container with a lot of product. Don't use a big container when a small one will do.

22 Nov 2012 06:52 PM
Gyrfalcon     
No, turkeys cannot fly.

22 Nov 2012 07:02 PM
Mr. Right     
FTA: 4-5 -- The number of months it takes for a newborn turkey to reach maturity.

Turkey's are born now? Evolution, mutation, or genetic tinkering?

22 Nov 2012 07:03 PM
SoundOfOneHandWanking     
They missed number 47 in the list of random numbers

22 Nov 2012 07:06 PM
JeffMD     
Subfail,

The number of calls the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line was braced for Thanksgiving morning 2011

And no where did the article say anything about the content, or was even related to the phone calls. Headline is bad and subby should feel bad for submitting it and the mod should feel bad for green lighting it.

22 Nov 2012 07:15 PM
Evil Twin Skippy     
Turkey is like pot roast or beef stew. Something magic happens overnight to make them taste even better the next day.

I suspect it's the fatty chains in lipids getting a chance to regroup, and thicken the gravy.

22 Nov 2012 07:23 PM
Clemkadidlefark     
"Butterball Help Line."

"Uh ... what's your turkey wearing ...?"

click

22 Nov 2012 07:28 PM
dopekitty74     

JeffMD: Subfail,

The number of calls the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line was braced for Thanksgiving morning 2011

And no where did the article say anything about the content, or was even related to the phone calls. Headline is bad and subby should feel bad for submitting it and the mod should feel bad for green lighting it.


Perhaps you weren't around for yesterday's thread about trying to prank call them with all sorts of inane questions. Fun was had by most, except for a couple of knickertwisted farks like you :)

22 Nov 2012 07:55 PM
JeffMD     
Fark that, anyone who prank calls people working on thanksgiving are a bunch of thankless arseholes.

22 Nov 2012 08:18 PM
Bit'O'Gristle     
I called and asked them if it was ok to fark the turkey then cook it and serve it to my guests. They hung up on me. WTF is wrong with people. so rude.

22 Nov 2012 08:22 PM
DittoToo     
I ran the self clean cycle on our oven this morning because it was a mess after a foil failure. The auto lock feature didn't auto unlock after and our Thanksgiving plan have been pretty much farked as a result.

22 Nov 2012 08:37 PM
Yogimus     

DittoToo: I ran the self clean cycle on our oven this morning because it was a mess after a foil failure. The auto lock feature didn't auto unlock after and our Thanksgiving plan have been pretty much farked as a result.


Order pizza. That is the standing rule in our house. If dinner (regardless of the occasion) fails, then we are dining on Italian.

22 Nov 2012 08:53 PM
oh_please     

kiwimoogle84: oh_please: Zulgaines: wildcardjack: I don't know why we insist on turkey. Wouldn't it b easier to roast four chickens.

Honey baked ham is your God.

Yeah, but then you miss the best part of Thanksgiving...leftover turkey sammiches. I swear, they taste 10x better than the actual dinner. But you have to put stuffing and Ruffles in the sammich.

/we do honey baked ham for Xmas

You put ruffles in your sandwiches? BLASPHEMER!

Stuffing, yes. I love me some turkey bone soup and turkey sammiches.


Absolutely, the ruffles give it just the right crunch. I'm with you on the turkey bone soup though.

Evil Twin Skippy: Turkey is like pot roast or beef stew. Something magic happens overnight to make them taste even better the next day.


This.

22 Nov 2012 09:05 PM
Thingster     

ChromoSomes: Anybody know the % wastage to a turkey after cooking?


If you do it right, just the bones
Turkey, turkey sammich, Turkey casserole, turkey soup. If you have anything but bones after 3 weeks, you're doing it wrong and wasting food.

22 Nov 2012 09:34 PM
saturn badger    [TotalFark]  
The comments are better than the article. Looks kinda like a fark politics discussion.

22 Nov 2012 09:45 PM
Don't Troll Me Bro!     

Yogimus: Churchy LaFemme: [i47.tinypic.com image 458x299]

And that is why I loved that election cycle. It was full of crap like that.


Give it four years. All that will remain of election 2012 will be the lulz and a bitter moron that refuses to just go away, just like what's left of '08 at this point.

23 Nov 2012 12:38 AM
Dinjiin     

that bosnian sniper: I almost had to call the hotline today to make sure I knew how many hours you had to cook a 20-pound possum to make sure it was cooked all the way through, but he wouldn't stay in the pot.


You don't cook based off of time. You grab your meat thermometer and jab the probe into its still beating heart. Cook to an internal temp of 160F/72C.

23 Nov 2012 01:52 AM
Ball Zitch     

Huck And Molly Ziegler: teto85: How many was President Bartlett in on?

There you go.

The turkey expert of "Fargo."


He also did radio commercials for... products.

/That was excellent! We should do that once a week.

23 Nov 2012 10:46 AM
bill4935     

Evil Twin Skippy: Turkey is like pot roast or beef stew. Something magic happens overnight to make them taste even better the next day.


I would swear this happens to pasta in tomato sauce too.

25 Nov 2012 07:13 AM
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