Real News. Real Funny.
ltdanman44: where is the gun? Without it, you can't call this a suicide
Pardon Me Sultan: "It's 99.999 percent certain that the victim carefully reached out of the tied bag full of rocks hovering over the water and shot himself in the head so the gun fell beside the bag...""...but instead of staying behind, the gun vanished"Well, to me the obvious murder suspect would be whoever it was who tried to pass this off as suicide.
SDRR: The body of 43-year-old Uwe Sattler was found in the River Elbe in July by a fisherman. He was wearing a rucksack full of rocks and had been shot in the head and put into a sack fastened with cable ties before he hit the water."We are 99.999 percent certain it was suicide," a Hamburg police spokeswoman told The Local."There is no other explanation; no other motive and no other evidence."You're farking kidding me, right? RIGHT?
Millennium: The only thing I see that doesn't add up here is that the gun was never found. Tie yourself up in a sack with a gun, stand on the edge of a bridge with your back facing out, and shoot yourself in the head: that'll produce almost this exact scenario, and it's not too difficult to accomplish. But there's a catch: when they find the sack with you in it, they'll find the gun in the sack.That's what ultimately leads me to think that this cannot be entirely the guy's own doing. I can see one other scenario where it's suicide: the guy shoots himself in the head, then someone else comes across the body, panics, puts it in a sack, and throws it in the river. But even in this case, an investigation is still needed: who found the body?
Amos Quito: FTA: " "It just goes to show, there is nothing that does not exist," the police spokeswoman said."Now there's a quotable quote.
semiotix: Today, I'm going to work...
Dansker: semiotix: Today, I'm going to work...I, for one, salute your efforts, even if nobody should publicly advocate, endorse or associate with such a plan/scheme/undertaking.
semiotix: Dansker: semiotix: Today, I'm going to work...I, for one, salute your efforts, even if nobody should publicly advocate, endorse or associate with such a plan/scheme/undertaking.You fool! You just became the only patsy I need.(Mods, please delete this post if and when I kick off, so as to implicate Dansker.)
spawn73: It doesn't sound like they saved any time by ruling it a suicide. They still searched for the gun and tried to track down anyone who knew him.Also, he had left what amounted to a suicide note in his apartment (instructions to what should be done with his belongings).
Mock26: Reminds me of some comedian years ago who was reading newspaper clippings, and one was a suicide where a guy shot himself 7 times with a single shot bolt action rifle!
Fark.com MobileCopyright © 1999 - 2015 Fark, Inc Last updated: Feb 01 2015 09:44:23
Contact | Report error | TOS/legal/privacyFull site