(full site)
Fark.com

Back To Main
   Ever think of getting a turkey as a pet? "It's like a dog, but more bird-like and too messy to hang out indoors. They probably won't play fetch, either"

23 Nov 2012 08:52 AM   |   1780 clicks   |   The Consumerist
Showing 1-50 of 64 comments
Refresh Page 2
View Comments:
urban.derelict     
No, but if you have the space, and -- honestly, a few kids, even neighborhood kids to start to teach them early about responsibility, getting a part time job -- it is not unwise to get some chickens.

/you can make a pretty penny off selling all-natural eggs, i've heard

23 Nov 2012 02:30 AM
Principal Clarinet    [TotalFark]  
Large breasted turkeys have a compromised sense of balance and can fall down easily ... just like Jessica Simpson.

23 Nov 2012 02:36 AM
doglover    [TotalFark]  
Turkeys also have an annoying tendency to start fight if you've got any Syrias.

23 Nov 2012 02:46 AM
kmmontandon     
There's a herd (30 or so) of wild turkeys roaming around the next neighborhood over.

I have no idea why.

23 Nov 2012 03:17 AM
urban.derelict     

doglover: Turkeys also have an annoying tendency to start fight if you've got any Syrias.


why so Syrias?

23 Nov 2012 03:23 AM
Snarfangel    [TotalFark]  
They don't come when you call
They don't chase squirrels at all
Pet turkeys aren't much fun.

23 Nov 2012 08:30 AM
Son of Thunder    [TotalFark]  
I had a chicken.
And it's no fun playing with a chicken all the time!
He didn't even bark.
I said "Bark chicken, you better bark!"
That chicken, he retrieved.
But he wouldn't bark, I tried to make him bark.
So I ate him.

23 Nov 2012 08:56 AM
cretinbob     
And they taste better

23 Nov 2012 08:57 AM
Shadowknight     
...so, nothing like a dog, then?

My wife's father used to keep turkeys. There was this particularly nasty tom that was just a bastard. Run up and try to bite you in the driveway. I'd kick the thing away from me every time I came to visit, but it would still come barrelling up with murder on it's small, stupid turkey brain.

Turkey bites hurt, damn it.

23 Nov 2012 08:59 AM
Jarhead_h     
No. No I don't want a pet turkey. GIS "skeeter the duck" for a potential alternative though.

23 Nov 2012 09:04 AM
OregonVet    [TotalFark]  

Shadowknight: There was this particularly nasty tom that was just a bastard.


I heard they get territorial. They'll be nice around their owner, but anyone else is fair game.

23 Nov 2012 09:11 AM
SlagginOff     
It's like a dog, but just, well, more bird-like and too messy to hang out indoors. They probably won't play fetch, either, explains the Associated Press.
"I believe they make amazing companions, but they are different than cats or dogs," said the national shelter director for the Farm Sanctuary.


Good job there, writer.

23 Nov 2012 09:13 AM
sulco     

urban.derelict: No, but if you have the space, and -- honestly, a few kids, even neighborhood kids to start to teach them early about responsibility, getting a part time job -- it is not unwise to get some chickens.

/you can make a pretty penny off selling all-natural eggs, i've heard


18 chickens here... we sell enough eggs to pay for the feed. Of course that's offset a bit with table scraps and expired veggies/fruit from store. Also have bees and getting pigs in the spring. Whenever the rugrats have playdates, we try to get a couple chores done regarding animal and insect husbandry just to introduce them to it.

23 Nov 2012 09:14 AM
WelldeadLink     
Can they point at a bird that is hiding?
Will they heel?
Can they find drugs?
Will they scare away an intruder?
Can they bring the cows home?

23 Nov 2012 09:14 AM
sulco     
Oh, and we were going to do turkeys this year, but the ratio of arrive-live-to-dead was extremely low, so the people we were splitting them with took the few survivors. (Delay in shipping.. poor birds.)

23 Nov 2012 09:16 AM
HAMMERTOE     
I'd much rather have geese. Those things are vicious. And there's always something comical about watching an uninvited interlocutor get escorted from your property by a gaggle of watch-geese.

/honk-honk/

23 Nov 2012 09:18 AM
Sneakytoes    [TotalFark]  
No. Don't. I raised six* turkeys in the summer of 2010. They have zero personality, they're dumb as rocks, and they get in the way and peck at your garden tools when you're trying to work. Chickens rule.

*ended up with five one fine Sunday morning when they decided to become cannibals

23 Nov 2012 09:26 AM
OregonVet    [TotalFark]  

Sneakytoes: Chickens rule.


I gave the Heimlich to one of ours. She got a pebble or something lodged in her throat.

23 Nov 2012 09:31 AM
qualtrough     
One of the surprises that awaited me in Thailand many years ago was discovering that Turkey's were kept as pet birds rather than eaten. Just why nobody has ever been able to explain. The turkeys I have seen here are hideous. I did eat Turkey last night, but it was a Butterball import from the USA.

23 Nov 2012 09:31 AM
Flakeloaf     

Son of Thunder: I had a chicken.
And it's no fun playing with a chicken all the time!
He didn't even bark.
I said "Bark chicken, you better bark!"
That chicken, he retrieved.
But he wouldn't bark, I tried to make him bark.
So I ate him.


I told you mom liked me best.

23 Nov 2012 09:35 AM
sulco     

OregonVet: Sneakytoes: Chickens rule.

I gave the Heimlich to one of ours. She got a pebble or something lodged in her throat.


You put her pecker in your mouth?

NTTIAWWT

/good on you for your first responder skills

23 Nov 2012 09:38 AM
Real Women Drink Akvavit    [TotalFark]  

HAMMERTOE: I'd much rather have geese. Those things are vicious. And there's always something comical about watching an uninvited interlocutor get escorted from your property by a gaggle of watch-geese.

/honk-honk/


This is why I am terrified of geese unless they are dead and neatly packaged for me to cook. I have been chased by geese more than once and not a single time was I somewhere I shouldn't have been. I was also chased by a turkey when I was a little girl. Some gas station my mom stopped at kept one as a mascot and the thing attacked everyone. I never recovered from the emotional wounds.

I will eat them all out of sheer spite.

23 Nov 2012 09:42 AM
ladyfortuna     

urban.derelict: No, but if you have the space, and -- honestly, a few kids, even neighborhood kids to start to teach them early about responsibility, getting a part time job -- it is not unwise to get some chickens.

/you can make a pretty penny off selling all-natural eggs, i've heard


Check your local ordinances though, I live in a 'village' that doesn't allow livestock, even though a good half of the village border is actually bordering woods and some open valley/wetlands. It's all about the chunk of land where the houses are clustered together when they make the rules here.

If we ever manage to move back out to farmland, I'm totally getting at least a couple heirloom turkey breeds.

23 Nov 2012 09:44 AM
Nightjars     
Free range meat tastes better.

23 Nov 2012 09:48 AM
mekkab     

Sneakytoes: No. Don't. I raised six* turkeys in the summer of 2010. They have zero personality, they're dumb as rocks, and they get in the way and peck at your garden tools when you're trying to work. Chickens rule.

*ended up with five one fine Sunday morning when they decided to become cannibals


so you had Five Young Cannibals?


/That Drives Me Crazy and I can't help myself...

23 Nov 2012 09:49 AM
ExperianScaresCthulhu     

HAMMERTOE: I'd much rather have geese. Those things are vicious. And there's always something comical about watching an uninvited interlocutor get escorted from your property by a gaggle of watch-geese.

/honk-honk/


You can't bribe them with goodies?

23 Nov 2012 09:50 AM
mekkab     
Oh and I've got some wild turkeys who roost in my trees at night.


/I have no Wild Turkey roosting in my liquor shelf...

23 Nov 2012 09:51 AM
Zion21     
And this is exactly how man came to eating turkeys.
rewardslink.infoView Full Size

23 Nov 2012 10:01 AM
Mugato    [TotalFark]  
"The interns have really gone down in quality since Monica."

www.chrisd.caView Full Size

23 Nov 2012 10:03 AM
Shrinkwrap     
I fondly remember a turkey getting in a fight with its own reflection in one of our windows several years back.

23 Nov 2012 10:03 AM
Shadowknight     

mekkab: so you had Five Young Cannibals?


/That Drives Me Crazy and I can't help myself...


Oh, you insufferable dick. Now that's going to be in my head all day.

23 Nov 2012 10:03 AM
cajunns     

mekkab: Sneakytoes: No. Don't. I raised six* turkeys in the summer of 2010. They have zero personality, they're dumb as rocks, and they get in the way and peck at your garden tools when you're trying to work. Chickens rule.

*ended up with five one fine Sunday morning when they decided to become cannibals

so you had Five Young Cannibals?


/That Drives Me Crazy and I can't help myself...


I see what you did there !

23 Nov 2012 10:04 AM
Summer Glau's Love Slave     
cdn.liquor.comView Full Size

Makes a great pet.

23 Nov 2012 10:06 AM
catzies     
As a matter of fact, my daughter got a baby turkey when she bought baby chicks and raised them together.

The turkey had imprinted on her and followed her around like a puppy. It was adorable. For a while.

The turkey grew into a tom and when he reached maturity and started to gobble he became very territorial towards her and threatened anybody who came near her. He'd go into a rage, and gobble and scratch and she thought it was best to give him away.

So she found a local farm that has a petting zoo and they happily took the turkey. A month or so after that she went to see how he was doing and he saw her and got protective towards her again and since it might have scared the kids (or management) she left and never went back.

23 Nov 2012 10:08 AM
ciberido     

Snarfangel: They don't come when you call
They don't chase squirrels at all
Pet turkeys aren't much fun.


They can't play baseball,
They don't wear sweaters,
They're not good dancers,
They don't play drums.

23 Nov 2012 10:14 AM
Prey4reign    [TotalFark]  
Who are these people who claim turkeys are intelligent? I used to spend summers on my grandfather's turkey farm in Wisconsin. If you could imagine rocks with wings and nasty dispositions, you can imagine turkeys. And what good is a pet you can't interact with? You can't teach them tricks. You can't cuddle with them. Lord help you if you let them indoors. They won't serve as service animals or protection or alarm animals. They are delicious with cranberries and stuffing.

23 Nov 2012 10:23 AM
Mugato    [TotalFark]  

Prey4reign: And what good is a pet you can't interact with? You can't teach them tricks. You can't cuddle with them.


That's how I feel about people who keep reptiles as pets.

23 Nov 2012 10:30 AM
Shadowknight     

Prey4reign: Who are these people who claim turkeys are intelligent? I used to spend summers on my grandfather's turkey farm in Wisconsin. If you could imagine rocks with wings and nasty dispositions, you can imagine turkeys. And what good is a pet you can't interact with? You can't teach them tricks. You can't cuddle with them. Lord help you if you let them indoors. They won't serve as service animals or protection or alarm animals. They are delicious with cranberries and stuffing.


Well, the domesticated, farm raised ones are pretty dumb to be sure. But if you've ever been hunting for wild turkey (not the alcohol), those sonsabiatches are smarter than any deer. They can seemingly hear you from miles away, can see the slightest bit of movement from behind them, and I swear they can smell you coming (though I'm told they can't smell worth a damn).

They'll even run over to another small group and rile them up, as if to warn them, before they all run off in the opposite direction. Way smarter than your farm-raised birds.

/still wouldn't want to cuddle with one

23 Nov 2012 10:30 AM
Uncivil Engineer     
Mrs. Engineer keeps chickens, and last year, some one gave us a bronze breasted turkey. The bird was about a year old, and three times larger thany any of our chickens. The turkey was a hen, and did start laying eggs in April once the weather warmed up.

I don't think they are any smarter than a chicken. About the only thing unusual about them is the fact that when you were in the back yard, the turkey would follow you around. She also would sit for hours on our back patio and just watch us through the sliding glass door (and make a huge mess with her droppings).

She didn't last long though, she was too big to go in the chicken coupe, and spent most nights in a shed on our property. Over the Memorial day holiday, she got killed by a racoon that got into the chicken enclosure. The coon make a huge mess, and trying to explain to my kids why Martha was gone was not fun. Yes, I made the mistake of letting my kids name the bird. Now, as a rule, none of our chickens have any names.

23 Nov 2012 10:30 AM
Shadowknight     

Mugato: Prey4reign: And what good is a pet you can't interact with? You can't teach them tricks. You can't cuddle with them.

That's how I feel about people who keep reptiles as pets.


See also: Spiders. And they're creepy besides.

Fish get a pass for some reason though. Maybe because they can be pretty or something.

23 Nov 2012 10:31 AM
HAMMERTOE     
From the "Just for fun" file:

Were you aware that you can hypnotize a chicken? You can. (Works best with hens.)

1) Push downward on chicken's back until its breast touches the ground.
2) While holding down on chicken, push it's head down until its beak touches the dirt.
3) With your finger, draw a line in the dirt, directly straight out from the tip of its beak a good 12-18".

The chicken will stay hunkered down, staring at the line. Put the tip of your toe under chicken's hind end. Flick chicken upward with your foot, and enjoy the somersaults it does with wings fully extended.

23 Nov 2012 10:31 AM
Mugato    [TotalFark]  

Shadowknight: Fish get a pass for some reason though. Maybe because they can be pretty or something.


Well fish are more like decoration than an actual pet. They don't really do anything except look pretty. Unless you're a Bond villain and you keep sharks to take care of disloyal employees and CIA agents.

23 Nov 2012 10:34 AM
HAMMERTOE     

Mugato: Prey4reign: And what good is a pet you can't interact with? You can't teach them tricks. You can't cuddle with them.

That's how I feel about people who keep reptiles as pets.


And you'd be wrong. I've had several snakes, and they bond with their owner, the same as a bird does. My 11' long Burmese python used to sleep with me. He'd go from armpit to armpit, all the way down and around the bottom of my feet. Actually keeps you cool, absorbing your excess body heat. *Nobody* would break into my house. Snakes don't bark at the moon, chase cars, shed fur all over the place, shiat all over, or claw/ chew up your belongings. They eat once a month, crap once a month. Their crap doesn't stink up the place. They shed skin every few months, and you find it all in one place, and just pick it up and throw it away.

23 Nov 2012 10:36 AM
Shadowknight     

Mugato: Well fish are more like decoration than an actual pet. They don't really do anything except look pretty. Unless you're a Bond villain and you keep sharks to take care of disloyal employees and CIA MI6 agents.


If you're a Bond villain, you might as well make sure you get it right.

23 Nov 2012 10:37 AM
Shadowknight     

HAMMERTOE: And you'd be wrong. I've had several snakes, and they bond with their owner, the same as a bird does. My 11' long Burmese python used to sleep with me. He'd go from armpit to armpit, all the way down and around the bottom of my feet.


I just want you to know that my skin is crawling at the very thought of this. Ehhhh....

23 Nov 2012 10:38 AM
Mugato    [TotalFark]  

Shadowknight: Mugato: Well fish are more like decoration than an actual pet. They don't really do anything except look pretty. Unless you're a Bond villain and you keep sharks to take care of disloyal employees and CIA MI6 agents.

If you're a Bond villain, you might as well make sure you get it right.


"License to Kill". Drug dealer has a shark mutilate Felix Lighter, CIA.


HAMMERTOE: And you'd be wrong. I've had several snakes, and they bond with their owner, the same as a bird does. My 11' long Burmese python used to sleep with me. He'd go from armpit to armpit, all the way down and around the bottom of my feet


Well that's the most horrible thing I've read all day but I do have a phobia. To each their own.

23 Nov 2012 10:44 AM
Son of Thunder    [TotalFark]  

Flakeloaf: I told you mom liked me best.


WELL OH YEAH?!

/my snappy comeback

23 Nov 2012 10:45 AM
Shadowknight     

Mugato: "License to Kill". Drug dealer has a shark mutilate Felix Lighter, CIA.


Touche, my fiend.

23 Nov 2012 10:54 AM
Clemkadidlefark     
We learned a long time ago not to "name" them critters we are going to eat later

(plus)

Mugato: Shadowknight: Mugato: Well fish are more like decoration than an actual pet. They don't really do anything except look pretty. Unless you're a Bond villain and you keep sharks to take care of disloyal employees and CIA MI6 agents.

If you're a Bond villain, you might as well make sure you get it right.

"License to Kill". Drug dealer has a shark mutilate Felix Lighter, CIA.


HAMMERTOE: And you'd be wrong. I've had several snakes, and they bond with their owner, the same as a bird does. My 11' long Burmese python used to sleep with me. He'd go from armpit to armpit, all the way down and around the bottom of my feet

Well that's the most horrible thing I've read all day but I do have a phobia. To each their own.


A gorgeous red headed nurse at the hospital where I was surgical tech working my way through college offered to read my Tarot cards. I didn't know what she was talking about so I went for it.

At her apartment that night she seated me on a couch and I noticed a large container on the other side of the room with light leaking out from under the lid. A LARGE container.

She went over to it, opened the lid and made cooing sounds, then said something like "Come out and say hello".

Up and out over the edge of the container came foot after foot of a (bad word) snake with a head the side of a dinner plate. Made it, unsupported, all the way over to me and flicked that tongue out over and over about two feet from me.

It is a testimony to the power of pheromones, hormones and a young man's fascination with any opportunity to mate that I didn't bolt from there like the puff of dust after the road runner gets going. Jesus Christ that was an enormous farking snake. Name of "Honey Bun" which is when I mentioned, "Huh, that's from Robert Heinlein's scifi story Stranger in a Strange Land" and she says, "Yes!" clapped her hands delightedly. "I knew Bob when I worked in Manitou Springs, CO."

And folks, my hand to God, she was tattoo'd ankle to neck. Don't ask me how I know. Let your mind wander.

True story.

23 Nov 2012 10:57 AM
Mugato    [TotalFark]  

Clemkadidlefark: True story.


The girl could have been Scarlet Johanson. There would be a cartoon dust cloud behind me, I would jump my car, drive to an airport, fly to NASA headquarters, hijack a space shuttle, fly to the moon and sit alone and cry.

23 Nov 2012 11:01 AM
Showing 1-50 of 64 comments
Refresh Page 2
View Comments:
This thread is closed to new comments.


Back To Main

More Headlines:
Main | Sports | Business | Geek | Entertainment | Politics | Video | FarkUs | Contests | Fark Party | Combined