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   Dear Caity: Is it okay to stick a piece of honey-ham to my semi-alert grandpa's head?

23 Nov 2012 02:52 PM   |   4639 clicks   |   Gawker
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dletter     
OK..... I can understand when 70 year old Dear Abby doesn't know she is being trolled, but, an internet columnist, really?

23 Nov 2012 01:08 PM
Gyrfalcon    [TotalFark]  
Sure, as long as you don't mind being cut from the will.

23 Nov 2012 02:53 PM
ChipNASA     
In before:
TEABAG GRANDPA!

23 Nov 2012 02:56 PM
I read fark for the pics     
Let's eat Grampa!

23 Nov 2012 02:58 PM
Aussie_As     
As a grandparent (hopefully many years off dementia though) I'm okay with this. You forgive your grandkids a lot. They're just being kids. And if they grow up thinking this sort of thing is acceptable, that's their parents fault. Ah grandparenting. All the responsibility of being a parent with none of the responsibility.

23 Nov 2012 02:58 PM
blatz514    [TotalFark]  
www.theghostess.comView Full Size

23 Nov 2012 03:02 PM
uncleacid     
Not if he's a muslim.

23 Nov 2012 03:03 PM
SultanofSchwing     
I am always nice to my Grandparents, because I know they will soon be dead...and I guarantee they're going to watch me from the afterlife like a hawk to make sure I don't masturbate. Some goodwill now will hopefully buy me a few minutes of alone time in the future.

23 Nov 2012 03:04 PM
ChipNASA     

uncleacid: Not PARTICULARLY if he's a muslim.

/ftfy

23 Nov 2012 03:05 PM
TheMega     
Seriously? TELL someone you are going to try and stick ham to them all day? That's the best (and worst) she can come up with?

23 Nov 2012 03:07 PM
Aussie_As     

uncleacid: Not if he's a muslim.


So you're saying the terrorists have won?

23 Nov 2012 03:08 PM
LeroyBourne     
Maybe if the loser has to change g-pa's Depends, let's make this holiday tradition interesting.

23 Nov 2012 03:08 PM
Apos     

dletter: OK..... I can understand when 70 year old Dear Abby doesn't know she is being trolled, but, an internet columnist, really?


THIS.


I want my 2 minutes back.

23 Nov 2012 03:08 PM
mcwehrle     
I know this is an obvious troll of the intertubes, but just the mere thought of this gave me a sad. My gramps was the same way, but he never sat at the kid's table, and we never would have even joked about disrespecting him that way.

/ok, alcohol must be kicking in, morose is not my style
//and sitting at the kid's table is AWESOME. I did yesterday to help ride herd on the little bastids darlings, and the table was covered in brown kraft paper and there was a big box of crayons in the middle!

23 Nov 2012 03:10 PM
Sharkster     
What about those jellied slices of cranberry sauce? Mashed potatoes? Maybe the old guy was a horrible, mean-spirited dick in his younger days and now that he's old and can't do anything about it, revenge is now at hand.

23 Nov 2012 03:11 PM
rikdanger    [TotalFark]  
Honeybaked ham - sure.

Taylor Ham - BLASPHEMY!
cdn.stripersonline.comView Full Size

23 Nov 2012 03:14 PM
Zarquon's Flat Tire    [TotalFark]  
They were no kid's tables at last night's dinner. 25 people aged 28-35. I love my family but this year was my first Thanksgiving away from them and it was great. Big group of people with no family in town.

23 Nov 2012 03:15 PM
jtown     
...even though most of my cousins and myself are in our 30's, we're forced to sit at the kids' table.
To pass the time, my cousins and I play a game called "ham on the head" with him, where one of us tries to take a piece of honey-slick ham and stick it to his head without him noticing it.


Sounds like you're at the right table. shiat, you're lucky they don't put you out in the yard with the dog that scoots around on its ass. But then the dog would be complaining.

23 Nov 2012 03:17 PM
Doctor Funkenstein    [TotalFark]  

mcwehrle: //and sitting at the kid's table is AWESOME. I did yesterday to help ride herd on the little bastids darlings, and the table was covered in brown kraft paper and there was a big box of crayons in the middle!


This. I didn't get to sit at the kid's table yesterday and that gave me a sad. That table had a blast.

23 Nov 2012 03:17 PM
Millennium     

TheMega: Seriously? TELL someone you are going to try and stick ham to them all day? That's the best (and worst) she can come up with?


See, I'm thinking they should set it up as some kind of Assassin-style game: everyone puts their names in a hat, then draws a name at random (if you draw your own name, draw again and then put your name back). The name you draw becomes your target, and you must stick ham onto them at some point over the course of the day. If you do, your target is out, you inherit their target, and the game continues. Last un-hammed person wins.

23 Nov 2012 03:19 PM
LeroyBourne     
Dear Caity: Is it ok to lick gummi bears and stick them all over the person that passes out at a party first? It's become kind of a tradition at our place.
/we did that to a dude once, he was so colorful

23 Nov 2012 03:20 PM
jtown     

Millennium: TheMega: Seriously? TELL someone you are going to try and stick ham to them all day? That's the best (and worst) she can come up with?

See, I'm thinking they should set it up as some kind of Assassin-style game: everyone puts their names in a hat, then draws a name at random (if you draw your own name, draw again and then put your name back). The name you draw becomes your target, and you must stick ham onto them at some point over the course of the day. If you do, your target is out, you inherit their target, and the game continues. Last un-hammed person wins.


I forfeit. Pile all the ham on my head that you want while I'm napping. I'll wake up to a tasty snack.

23 Nov 2012 03:22 PM
mcwehrle     

Doctor Funkenstein: mcwehrle: //and sitting at the kid's table is AWESOME. I did yesterday to help ride herd on the little bastids darlings, and the table was covered in brown kraft paper and there was a big box of crayons in the middle!

This. I didn't get to sit at the kid's table yesterday and that gave me a sad. That table had a blast.


Totally! Nothing is as cool as showing a 2 year old how to make the "trace your hand, LOOK YOU MADE A TURKEY" or having a 4 year old tell you that you didn't put "the fire things that make it fly up" under the rocket ship.

I had a fantastic time.

23 Nov 2012 03:23 PM
bingethinker     
What if sticking ham on grandpa is the only way to get the dog to like him?

23 Nov 2012 03:23 PM
Real Women Drink Akvavit    [TotalFark]  

blatz514: [www.theghostess.com image 600x520]


That is so awesome! I wanna do that for our Christmas spread this year.

/every day is Halloween for some of us
//my family sorta understands

23 Nov 2012 03:24 PM
mcwehrle     

Millennium: TheMega: Seriously? TELL someone you are going to try and stick ham to them all day? That's the best (and worst) she can come up with?

See, I'm thinking they should set it up as some kind of Assassin-style game: everyone puts their names in a hat, then draws a name at random (if you draw your own name, draw again and then put your name back). The name you draw becomes your target, and you must stick ham onto them at some point over the course of the day. If you do, your target is out, you inherit their target, and the game continues. Last un-hammed person wins.


I'm so stealing this for christmas dinner. there's more drinking then anyway. :)

23 Nov 2012 03:24 PM
Godscrack     
img109.imageshack.usView Full Size


Old age and treachery always overcome youth and skill.

23 Nov 2012 03:33 PM
gunther_bumpass     

blatz514: [www.theghostess.com image 600x520]


i975.photobucket.comView Full Size

23 Nov 2012 03:35 PM
mcwehrle     

gunther_bumpass: blatz514: [www.theghostess.com image 600x520]

[i975.photobucket.com image 640x480]


WTF do you guys GIS to find that shiat?????

/not entirely sure I want to know.....

23 Nov 2012 03:37 PM
FirstNationalBastard    [TotalFark]  

bingethinker: What if sticking ham on grandpa is the only way to get the dog to like him?


What, you don't have a jar of peanut butter around? You gotta waste perfectly good ham when a dollop of Skippy would do?

23 Nov 2012 03:41 PM
gunther_bumpass     

mcwehrle: gunther_bumpass: blatz514: [www.theghostess.com image 600x520]

[i975.photobucket.com image 640x480]

WTF do you guys GIS to find that shiat?????

/not entirely sure I want to know.....


Martha Stewart, cold cuts and GIMP, honkey!

23 Nov 2012 03:42 PM
blatz514    [TotalFark]  

mcwehrle: gunther_bumpass: blatz514: [www.theghostess.com image 600x520]

[i975.photobucket.com image 640x480]

WTF do you guys GIS to find that shiat?????

/not entirely sure I want to know.....


LOL. I gloogled "ham head."

23 Nov 2012 03:42 PM
Captain Steroid    [TotalFark]  
What a waste of perfectly good ham. :-(

23 Nov 2012 03:58 PM
Bronzemom     
Sticking food to the face of a demented old fark.
Sounds like FUN!
Now why din't I think of that?

23 Nov 2012 04:03 PM
mcwehrle     

gunther_bumpass: mcwehrle: gunther_bumpass: blatz514: [www.theghostess.com image 600x520]

[i975.photobucket.com image 640x480]

WTF do you guys GIS to find that shiat?????

/not entirely sure I want to know.....

Martha Stewart, cold cuts and GIMP, honkey!


blatz514: mcwehrle: gunther_bumpass: blatz514: [www.theghostess.com image 600x520]

[i975.photobucket.com image 640x480]

WTF do you guys GIS to find that shiat?????

/not entirely sure I want to know.....

LOL. I gloogled "ham head."


heh.

*makes note*

NEVER GOOGLE HAM HEAD OR MARTHA STEWART COLD CUTS.

I haz no GIMP/Shop skillz, so safe there.

23 Nov 2012 04:05 PM
Whiskey Dickens     
Why does the term "honey-slick ham" conjure up images of TFettes masturbating?

23 Nov 2012 04:31 PM
mcwehrle     

Whiskey Dickens: Why does the term "honey-slick ham" conjure up images of TFettes masturbating?


ohdeargawd

23 Nov 2012 04:32 PM
gunther_bumpass     

mcwehrle: Whiskey Dickens: Why does the term "honey-slick ham" conjure up images of TFettes masturbating?

ohdeargawd


and off to google I go..

23 Nov 2012 04:37 PM
Chinchillazilla     

Sharkster: What about those jellied slices of cranberry sauce? Mashed potatoes? Maybe the old guy was a horrible, mean-spirited dick in his younger days and now that he's old and can't do anything about it, revenge is now at hand.


I had a grandfather who was... well... let's just say it wouldn't have even been possible to disrespect him at the level he probably deserved to be disrespected. He died when I was little. I would have played the ham game on him if I had gotten the chance, though.

23 Nov 2012 04:38 PM
mcwehrle     

Chinchillazilla: Sharkster: What about those jellied slices of cranberry sauce? Mashed potatoes? Maybe the old guy was a horrible, mean-spirited dick in his younger days and now that he's old and can't do anything about it, revenge is now at hand.

I had a grandfather who was... well... let's just say it wouldn't have even been possible to disrespect him at the level he probably deserved to be disrespected. He died when I was little. I would have played the ham game on him if I had gotten the chance, though.


In all fairness, although not in my family, I know people whose grandparents were nasty evil people even before they got old, and when they got old they were worse. Sometimes, when I see a very old person like...waiting on the bus in the cold, or alone in a mall with their walker or whatever, I feel sad that they have no one with them. Then the bad part of my brain pipes up with "but what if they have been total fark evil persons their whole life and no one loves them because of their own choices?".

I really really try not to listen to that part of my brain. I've had enough drama, I don't need to manufacture it.

/apropos of nothing
//kinda drunk and bored on a day off

23 Nov 2012 04:42 PM
JoeBobMel     
I shall support this game.

There should be basic governing rules that can be altered by region.

23 Nov 2012 04:48 PM
Real Women Drink Akvavit    [TotalFark]  

Chinchillazilla: Sharkster: What about those jellied slices of cranberry sauce? Mashed potatoes? Maybe the old guy was a horrible, mean-spirited dick in his younger days and now that he's old and can't do anything about it, revenge is now at hand.

I had a grandfather who was... well... let's just say it wouldn't have even been possible to disrespect him at the level he probably deserved to be disrespected. He died when I was little. I would have played the ham game on him if I had gotten the chance, though.


My grandpa was awesome, but I never spent a lot of time around him. It can be kind of expensive to ship your kids off to Scandinavia every summer just to visit their grandparents and other relatives. However, there is a reason I call psycho uncle what I do. If for some odd reason I ever find myself in Norway and he's in that kind of condition, I would not waste the food on that evil bastid. I'd invent the "let's see if semi aware psycho uncle can escape any natural predators of which I swear I was totally unaware, officer" game.

/he's the only person I've ever wanted to truly hurt
//I hear Norwegian prisons are very nice, though

23 Nov 2012 04:55 PM
DownDaRiver     

Apos: dletter: OK..... I can understand when 70 year old Dear Abby doesn't know she is being trolled, but, an internet columnist, really?

THIS.


I want my 2 minutes back.


Not a chance
You went in knowing the risk

23 Nov 2012 06:09 PM
Fear the Clam     

mcwehrle: I had a grandfather who was... well... let's just say it wouldn't have even been possible to disrespect him at the level he probably deserved to be disrespected. He died when I was little. I would have played the ham game on him if I had gotten the chance, though.


I never knew my grandfathers, but knowing me I would have taken the game too far. Probably would have tried to cover up someone's whole face with a big piece.

23 Nov 2012 06:46 PM
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