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   The real reason scientists haven't found bigfoot? They don't have the right blimp. Oh, sorry, rigid airship

24 Nov 2012 11:26 AM   |   5018 clicks   |   Slate
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Sid_6.7    [TotalFark]  
For the last time, the Excelsior is filled with non-flammable helium!

24 Nov 2012 10:59 AM
The English Major    [TotalFark]  
Danger zone.

24 Nov 2012 11:10 AM
L.D. Ablo    [TotalFark]  
Bigfoot is totally real.

s1.aecdn.comView Full Size

24 Nov 2012 11:13 AM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     
img24.imageshack.usView Full Size

24 Nov 2012 11:14 AM
AverageAmericanGuy    [TotalFark]  
Of course Bigfoot (actually 'Sasquatch', but there's no need to be PC about this now) exists. T. Roosevelt knew this, and that's why he created the national parks to prevent their land from being encroached upon.

24 Nov 2012 11:30 AM
Counter_Intelligent     
They were obviously too busy in the casino inside the blimp.

24 Nov 2012 11:34 AM
Arkanaut    [TotalFark]  
I don't think blimps are technically "rigid airships". That would be something like a zeppelin, which has a rigid frame around which the skin of the balloon is stretched.

24 Nov 2012 11:35 AM
TheOther     
The real reason scientists Discovery Channel/TLC/Sci/SyFy/History/CSpan/His tory2/NGC haven't found bigfoot?

Are any real scientists looking for bigfoot?

24 Nov 2012 11:36 AM
Arkanaut    [TotalFark]  

Arkanaut: I don't think blimps are technically "rigid airships". That would be something like a zeppelin, which has a rigid frame around which the skin of the balloon is stretched.


Aha! The Wikipedia article on blimps even specifically says they are "non-rigid airships".

24 Nov 2012 11:37 AM
iron_city_ap     
The government has all the sasquatch rounded up in nature preserves inaccessable to civilians.

I read somewhere the argument that North America is the only continent, outside of Antarctica, that has no known species of nonhuman apes. Even Europe had one, which i believe is now extinct. Odd little piece of trivia.

24 Nov 2012 11:37 AM
The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves     
That's what she said.

24 Nov 2012 11:42 AM
Mentalpatient87     

Arkanaut: Arkanaut: I don't think blimps are technically "rigid airships". That would be something like a zeppelin, which has a rigid frame around which the skin of the balloon is stretched.

Aha! The Wikipedia article on blimps even specifically says they are "non-rigid airships".


static.tumblr.comView Full Size

Wow, that's fascinating.

24 Nov 2012 11:43 AM
RoyHobbs22     
Bigfoot is at the bottom of Loch Ness with Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis.

24 Nov 2012 11:44 AM
NeoCortex42     

RoyHobbs22: Bigfoot is at the bottom of Loch Ness with Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis.


I thought Elvis was living in Eerie, Indiana.

24 Nov 2012 11:45 AM
Somaticasual     
In before someone pointing out it's an archer refer...oh.

24 Nov 2012 11:48 AM
give me doughnuts     

iron_city_ap: The government has all the sasquatch rounded up in nature preserves inaccessable to civilians.

I read somewhere the argument that North America is the only continent, outside of Antarctica, that has no known species of nonhuman apes. Even Europe had one, which i believe is now extinct. Odd little piece of trivia.


The Gibraltar, or Barbary, macaque isn'e extinct.

24 Nov 2012 11:55 AM
CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  
I haven't been in my laundry room today.... therefore.... bigfoot is totally in there.

24 Nov 2012 12:01 PM
LordOfThePings     
thumbs.anyclip.comView Full Size

24 Nov 2012 12:02 PM
BokerBill     

give me doughnuts: iron_city_ap: The government has all the sasquatch rounded up in nature preserves inaccessable to civilians.

I read somewhere the argument that North America is the only continent, outside of Antarctica, that has no known species of nonhuman apes. Even Europe had one, which i believe is now extinct. Odd little piece of trivia.

The Gibraltar, or Barbary, macaque isn'e extinct.


Nor is it an ape.

24 Nov 2012 12:11 PM
Rapmaster2000    [TotalFark]  

iron_city_ap: The government has all the sasquatch rounded up in nature preserves inaccessable to civilians.

I read somewhere the argument that North America is the only continent, outside of Antarctica, that has no known species of nonhuman apes. Even Europe had one, which i believe is now extinct. Odd little piece of trivia.


South America and Australia don't either.

24 Nov 2012 12:16 PM
kisseswookies     

Sid_6.7: For the last time, the Excelsior is filled with non-flammable helium!


Well, obviously I'm not getting the core concept.

24 Nov 2012 12:19 PM
slave2grind     
CSB
Got a really good friend (always been rational and scientific in thought) who has embraced the whole bigfoot thing compltely. They did a little research, which led to more and more. Now they are a total believer. I still refuse to accept it...but they are convinced. And they are presenting me with some convincing arguments. They are even prepared to spend a few days in a nearby forest. Suggestions?

24 Nov 2012 12:29 PM
Joafu     
Uh, hello, Airplanes? Yeah, it's blimps.

You win.

Bye!

24 Nov 2012 12:31 PM
LordOfThePings     

slave2grind: They are even prepared to spend a few days in a nearby forest. Suggestions?


Bring a tent.

24 Nov 2012 12:33 PM
TurdHeart     
"It's not a blimp! You stupid little thick-headed Saxon git! It's not a blimp! Blimps is for kiddy-winkies. If you want to play with blimps, get outside."
Link

24 Nov 2012 12:34 PM
iron_city_ap     

BokerBill: give me doughnuts: iron_city_ap: The government has all the sasquatch rounded up in nature preserves inaccessable to civilians.

I read somewhere the argument that North America is the only continent, outside of Antarctica, that has no known species of nonhuman apes. Even Europe had one, which i believe is now extinct. Odd little piece of trivia.

The Gibraltar, or Barbary, macaque isn'e extinct.

Nor is it an ape.


I worded that poorly. I meant to include monkeys. Figured ape would be the best way to imply that. Should have used 'nonhuman primates' to appease the law firm of Fark, Fark, and Fark. Even though the term applies to Chloe Kardashian.

24 Nov 2012 12:38 PM
Tanthalas39     

slave2grind: CSB
Got a really good friend (always been rational and scientific in thought) who has embraced the whole bigfoot thing compltely. They did a little research, which led to more and more. Now they are a total believer. I still refuse to accept it...but they are convinced. And they are presenting me with some convincing arguments. They are even prepared to spend a few days in a nearby forest. Suggestions?


Get new friends, stat

24 Nov 2012 12:49 PM
Ball Zitch     
I thought the reason was because Bigfoot is blurry. There's a large out-of-focus monster wandering around in the PNW.
Well that's what my buddy Mitchell told me, anyway.

/heh
//All right

24 Nov 2012 12:52 PM
CruJones     
Ancient Aliens told me we haven't found bigfoot because he's an alien. And there are wormholes hidden in the woods. Or something like that.

/My vulva is as smooth as a veal cutlet
//keep the Archer references coming

24 Nov 2012 12:55 PM
give me doughnuts     

BokerBill: give me doughnuts: iron_city_ap: The government has all the sasquatch rounded up in nature preserves inaccessable to civilians.

I read somewhere the argument that North America is the only continent, outside of Antarctica, that has no known species of nonhuman apes. Even Europe had one, which i believe is now extinct. Odd little piece of trivia.

The Gibraltar, or Barbary, macaque isn'e extinct.

Nor is it an ape.


It's the closest Europe has come to having an ape in 7 million years.

24 Nov 2012 12:58 PM
Candygram for Mongo     
"I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here."

24 Nov 2012 01:00 PM
give me doughnuts     

give me doughnuts: BokerBill: give me doughnuts: iron_city_ap: The government has all the sasquatch rounded up in nature preserves inaccessable to civilians.

I read somewhere the argument that North America is the only continent, outside of Antarctica, that has no known species of nonhuman apes. Even Europe had one, which i believe is now extinct. Odd little piece of trivia.

The Gibraltar, or Barbary, macaque isn'e extinct.

Nor is it an ape.

It's the closest Europe has come to having an ape in 7 million years.


non-Homonid apes, that is.

24 Nov 2012 01:01 PM
Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom     

AverageAmericanGuy: Of course Bigfoot (actually 'Sasquatch', but there's no need to be PC about this now) exists. T. Roosevelt knew this, and that's why he created the national parks to prevent their land from being encroached upon.


That's actually one of the more reasonable pro-bigfoot stories ice heard. I guess that just goes to show how batshiat insane most bigfoot stories are.

24 Nov 2012 01:01 PM
Candygram for Mongo     
And I see Ball Zitch beat me to it.

unobservant guys like me are why the Dufresne's were never found

24 Nov 2012 01:06 PM
Mikeyworld     

TheOther: The real reason scientists Discovery Channel/TLC/Sci/SyFy/History/CSpan/His tory2/NGC haven't found bigfoot?

Are any real scientists looking for bigfoot?


Stand by...news is about to surface of Dr. Melba Ketchum's DNA project, in which a scientific team has combined samples from various areas and came up with some interesting results. Mostly it'll show that 'Bigfoot' is real and a hybrid of human and some 'unknown' animal. I'm guessing Gigantopithecus.

Sadly, Dr Meldrum's Falcon Project is a lot of barking up the wrong tree. The blimp ain't so expensive, but unless they man up the spotters, they're gonna be buried in data. They're gonna attempt to tell a bigfoot from the thousands of other animal heat signatures. It'll swamp them, and they'll have no success.

24 Nov 2012 01:23 PM
Klom Dark     
You can't find BigFoot, because BigFoot is a Faux Bigot

24 Nov 2012 01:27 PM
trappedspirit     

Candygram for Mongo: "I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here."


And did you know that the Japanese have pixelated junk? I learned this on the internet.

24 Nov 2012 01:34 PM
9Speed     

iron_city_ap: BokerBill: give me doughnuts: iron_city_ap: The government has all the sasquatch rounded up in nature preserves inaccessable to civilians.

I read somewhere the argument that North America is the only continent, outside of Antarctica, that has no known species of nonhuman apes. Even Europe had one, which i believe is now extinct. Odd little piece of trivia.

The Gibraltar, or Barbary, macaque isn'e extinct.

Nor is it an ape.

I worded that poorly. I meant to include monkeys. Figured ape would be the best way to imply that. Should have used 'nonhuman primates' to appease the law firm of Fark, Fark, and Fark. Even though the term applies to Chloe Kardashian.


I saw monkeys in Belize, Guatemala, and traveling in the southern half of Mexico. North America isn't just USA and Canada...

24 Nov 2012 01:36 PM
Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom     

Mikeyworld: TheOther: The real reason scientists Discovery Channel/TLC/Sci/SyFy/History/CSpan/His tory2/NGC haven't found bigfoot?

Are any real scientists looking for bigfoot?

Stand by...news is about to surface of Dr. Melba Ketchum's DNA project, in which a scientific team has combined samples from various areas and came up with some interesting results. Mostly it'll show that 'Bigfoot' is real and a hybrid of human and some 'unknown' animal. I'm guessing Gigantopithecus.

Sadly, Dr Meldrum's Falcon Project is a lot of barking up the wrong tree. The blimp ain't so expensive, but unless they man up the spotters, they're gonna be buried in data. They're gonna attempt to tell a bigfoot from the thousands of other animal heat signatures. It'll swamp them, and they'll have no success.


Kerchum's study is a hoax. She got caught, that's why she deleted her Facebook profile and cancelled all her public speaking engagements. There is no "study" it was 100% bullshiat.

24 Nov 2012 01:36 PM
Mikeyworld     

slave2grind: CSB

They are even prepared to spend a few days in a nearby forest. Suggestions?


Keep your eyes down and yer mouf shut. Don't go lighting fireworks, or having a 'rave' in the forest, like some TV shows we know. 'Bigfoots', when not moving about, tend to lie down, and when moving, stop near trees a lot. They are afraid of you! They'll run before they'll attack, so stop and shoot that non-shaky video we've all been waiting for. Have a measuring stick handy (a three-fold section of a folding ruler works real well) to place next to evidence when taking pictures. If you can get a Flir camera, it'll improve your ability to spot animals in the dark. Mostly, knowing what a bigfoot does will get you results.

/...and shooting them is considered cheating
//but if ya do, bring the damn thing out with you
///it's NOT 'squatchy' NOT ever

24 Nov 2012 01:40 PM
Mikeyworld     

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Mikeyworld: TheOther: The real reason scientists Discovery Channel/TLC/Sci/SyFy/History/CSpan/His tory2/NGC haven't found bigfoot?

Are any real scientists looking for bigfoot?

Stand by...news is about to surface of Dr. Melba Ketchum's DNA project, in which a scientific team has combined samples from various areas and came up with some interesting results. Mostly it'll show that 'Bigfoot' is real and a hybrid of human and some 'unknown' animal. I'm guessing Gigantopithecus.


Kerchum's study is a hoax. She got caught, that's why she deleted her Facebook profile and cancelled all her public speaking engagements. There is no "study" it was 100% bullshiat.


The study is about to be published so keep up the ranting. Anytime someone is is afraid of the issue, for whatever reason. they throw out the 'hoax' flag. We'll see if it's a Hoax shortly. It'll either fade into oblivion or we'll read it. I ain't gonna argue the point. You really need to work out why you are needing to call a hoax on an issue that, if it IS a hoax, you shouldn't be spending your energies on.

/What are you compensating for?
///Hmmmm?

24 Nov 2012 01:50 PM
Ball Zitch     

Candygram for Mongo: And I see Ball Zitch beat me to it.

unobservant guys like me are why the Dufresne's were never found


The Dufresne's were never found because they were in the trunk of my car with duct tape over their mouths, and nobody seemed to care. Don't blame yourself.

24 Nov 2012 01:52 PM
Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom     

Mikeyworld: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Mikeyworld: TheOther: The real reason scientists Discovery Channel/TLC/Sci/SyFy/History/CSpan/His tory2/NGC haven't found bigfoot?

Are any real scientists looking for bigfoot?

Stand by...news is about to surface of Dr. Melba Ketchum's DNA project, in which a scientific team has combined samples from various areas and came up with some interesting results. Mostly it'll show that 'Bigfoot' is real and a hybrid of human and some 'unknown' animal. I'm guessing Gigantopithecus.


Kerchum's study is a hoax. She got caught, that's why she deleted her Facebook profile and cancelled all her public speaking engagements. There is no "study" it was 100% bullshiat.

The study is about to be published so keep up the ranting. Anytime someone is is afraid of the issue, for whatever reason. they throw out the 'hoax' flag. We'll see if it's a Hoax shortly. It'll either fade into oblivion or we'll read it. I ain't gonna argue the point. You really need to work out why you are needing to call a hoax on an issue that, if it IS a hoax, you shouldn't be spending your energies on.

/What are you compensating for?
///Hmmmm?


Cute.

Ketchum's study was "about to be published" in 2010.. then 2011.. then 2012, and now someone is claiming 2013. Right.

And I don't know what issue it is you think I'm afraid of. I hope bigfoot is real, that would be neat.
But Ketchum is a huckster, plain and simple. She's made numerous bizarre and inconsistent claims, such as that bigfoots are psyhic and can detect camera equipment from a distance, that they're a lost tribe of native Americans, that they're incredibly elusive creatures yet they braided her horses manes on her horse farm (yes, she actually claimed that), that they have human DNA, and that she has observed them herself in the wild.

Hardly anyone, including the more fringe bigfoot believers, buy into the Ketchum hoax anymore.

Keep waiting for the "study" though, I'm sure it will be published any day now... :b

24 Nov 2012 02:03 PM
DangerGentleman     
People: It's SAMSQUATCH.

24 Nov 2012 02:24 PM
Pepe Roni     

DangerGentleman: People: It's SAMSQUATCH.


I've been waiting for a Bubbles or TPB reference.
/leaving mildly satisfied

24 Nov 2012 02:34 PM
Mikeyworld     

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Mikeyworld: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Mikeyworld: TheOther: The real reason scientists Discovery Channel/TLC/Sci/SyFy/History/CSpan/His tory2/NGC haven't found bigfoot?

Are any real scientists looking for bigfoot?

Stand by...news is about to surface of Dr. Melba Ketchum's DNA project, in which a scientific team has combined samples from various areas and came up with some interesting results. Mostly it'll show that 'Bigfoot' is real and a hybrid of human and some 'unknown' animal. I'm guessing Gigantopithecus.


Kerchum's study is a hoax. She got caught, that's why she deleted her Facebook profile and cancelled all her public speaking engagements. There is no "study" it was 100% bullshiat.

The study is about to be published so keep up the ranting. Anytime someone is is afraid of the issue, for whatever reason. they throw out the 'hoax' flag. We'll see if it's a Hoax shortly. It'll either fade into oblivion or we'll read it. I ain't gonna argue the point. You really need to work out why you are needing to call a hoax on an issue that, if it IS a hoax, you shouldn't be spending your energies on.

/What are you compensating for?
///Hmmmm?

Cute.

Ketchum's study was "about to be published" in 2010.. then 2011.. then 2012, and now someone is claiming 2013. Right.

And I don't know what issue it is you think I'm afraid of. I hope bigfoot is real, that would be neat.
But Ketchum is a huckster, plain and simple. She's made numerous bizarre and inconsistent claims, such as that bigfoots are psyhic and can detect camera equipment from a distance, that they're a lost tribe of native Americans, that they're incredibly elusive creatures yet they braided her horses manes on her horse farm (yes, she actually claimed that), that they have human DNA, and that she has observed them herself in the wild.

Hardly anyone, including the more fringe bigfoot believers, buy into the Ketchum hoax anymore.

Keep waiting for the "study" though, I'm sure it will be published any day n ...


Dude, keep ranting. Dr ketchum has posted a Press release . Maybe she's admitting defeat and blaming Tom Biscardi

24 Nov 2012 02:38 PM
ertznay     
"It's not a balloon! Balloons are for kiddiewinkies! It's an airship!"

24 Nov 2012 02:42 PM
Ed Grubermann    [TotalFark]  

iron_city_ap: I read somewhere the argument that North America is the only continent, outside of Antarctica, that has no known species of nonhuman apes. Even Europe had one, which i believe is now extinct. Odd little piece of trivia.


North America, South America, Antarctica, and Australia. (The last European ape died out seven million years ago.)

24 Nov 2012 02:51 PM
blender61     

Klom Dark: You can't find BigFoot, because BigFoot is a Faux Bigot


If that waere true wouldn't FOX's outrage be fierce and swift?

24 Nov 2012 02:53 PM
Ed Grubermann    [TotalFark]  

iron_city_ap: I worded that poorly. I meant to include monkeys. Figured ape would be the best way to imply that.


While apes are a type of monkey, monkeys are not a type of ape.

24 Nov 2012 02:54 PM
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