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   Good news America: If you didn't get enough of shopping hell on Black Friday, you still have Cyber Monday to look forward to

26 Nov 2012 09:01 AM   |   2364 clicks   |   Daily Mail
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ZAZ    [TotalFark]  
I deleted email a few minutes ago because it had Cyber Monday in the subject line.

26 Nov 2012 08:24 AM
monoski     
But shopping on-line does not provide you with that Honey Booboo-style experience of poorly dressed, overweight, rude people hopped up on Cinnabon and excessive consumerism.

26 Nov 2012 09:03 AM
AverageAmericanGuy    [TotalFark]  
I got all my Christmas shopping done in June. Hooray for Amazon.com

26 Nov 2012 09:04 AM
ChipNASA    [TotalFark]  
Oblig:

"A/S/L?? Wanna CYBER?!?!"

26 Nov 2012 09:06 AM
Godscrack     
dawncompk.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

26 Nov 2012 09:07 AM
Kimpak     
I'm way too cool to shop for things.

26 Nov 2012 09:10 AM
LordOfThePings     

Godscrack: [dawncompk.files.wordpress.com image 543x356]


War on Christmas! I found it! Told ya so!

26 Nov 2012 09:16 AM
spentmiles     
My family and my wife's family are Jehovah Witnesses, so we'd don't have to buy them shiat. I love getting my kids and their kids together after Christmas. My kids are playing with whatever awesome toys they got while Door Knocker Jr and his bike riding sister are acting out scenes from the bible with bags of sand. Say what you will about organized religion, but Jehovah Witnesses have to be the biggest losers of them all. No wonder they have to seduce Guatemalans and Fillipinos directly off the plane. No one with two nickles to rub together or a lick of sense would sign up for a religion that doesn't let you have cake and presents on your birthday. Do you really think christ gives a fark if you blow out a candle and open up a few gifts? If that's seriously a concern for your religion, then your belief system has the depth of a baby pool. I hope they all end up in hell with the farking Amish.

26 Nov 2012 09:19 AM
JackieRabbit     

spentmiles: My family and my wife's family are Jehovah Witnesses, so we'd don't have to buy them shiat. I love getting my kids and their kids together after Christmas. My kids are playing with whatever awesome toys they got while Door Knocker Jr and his bike riding sister are acting out scenes from the bible with bags of sand. Say what you will about organized religion, but Jehovah Witnesses have to be the biggest losers of them all. No wonder they have to seduce Guatemalans and Fillipinos directly off the plane. No one with two nickles to rub together or a lick of sense would sign up for a religion that doesn't let you have cake and presents on your birthday. Do you really think christ gives a fark if you blow out a candle and open up a few gifts? If that's seriously a concern for your religion, then your belief system has the depth of a baby pool. I hope they all end up in hell with the farking Amish.


You magnificent bastard...

/Didn't black Friday, ain't cyber Mondaying either

26 Nov 2012 09:25 AM
Molavian     
Wait, who's Monday?

26 Nov 2012 09:27 AM
sulco     
I didn't Black Friday or Cyber Monday, but will Masturbate Tuesday though; maybe Wednesday too if my elbow doesn't hurt.

26 Nov 2012 09:35 AM
LDM90     

spentmiles: My family and my wife's family are Jehovah Witnesses, so we'd don't have to buy them shiat. I love getting my kids and their kids together after Christmas. My kids are playing with whatever awesome toys they got while Door Knocker Jr and his bike riding sister are acting out scenes from the bible with bags of sand. Say what you will about organized religion, but Jehovah Witnesses have to be the biggest losers of them all. No wonder they have to seduce Guatemalans and Fillipinos directly off the plane. No one with two nickles to rub together or a lick of sense would sign up for a religion that doesn't let you have cake and presents on your birthday. Do you really think christ gives a fark if you blow out a candle and open up a few gifts? If that's seriously a concern for your religion, then your belief system has the depth of a baby pool. I hope they all end up in hell with the farking Amish.


Heh. Pretty good. I'm as atheisty as the next farker but I agree with the JW on this one thing. Fark holidays.

26 Nov 2012 09:35 AM
dprathbun     
I just bought some stuff from a Swiss website, being shipped via China post air mail, which guarantees delivery within 5-60 business days, so I'm getting a kick...

/the signature includes the optimistic, "Hope you will get it soon!"

26 Nov 2012 09:36 AM
Godscrack     
What's wrong with 'Black Monday'?

26 Nov 2012 09:40 AM
JackieRabbit     

Godscrack: What's wrong with 'Black Monday'?


They all look the same and are lazy.

26 Nov 2012 09:41 AM
LDM90     

Godscrack: What's wrong with 'Black Monday'?


That's racist!

26 Nov 2012 09:42 AM
Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy     

Godscrack: What's wrong with 'Black Monday'?


A small list

26 Nov 2012 09:43 AM
middleoftheday    [TotalFark]  
Oh Amazon, you filthy whore. I just checked and some book I've been wanting forever is now marked wayyyy down. But no Prime... must.spend.$25.

26 Nov 2012 09:44 AM
freewill    [TotalFark]  
Just bought a huge barrel of Cialis for, like, 15% off from my internet pharmacy, and two liters of fire sale Buffalo Trace with free shipping from my internet liquor store. Guess who's getting more than 4 hours of continuous erection for Christmas? ANYBODY WHO WANTS IT, THAT'S WHO.

26 Nov 2012 09:49 AM
browntimmy     
Seems like the best time to buy christmas gifts, they're sure to be delivered in time and I don't have to get off my ass.

26 Nov 2012 09:51 AM
doubled99     
spentmiles Smartest
Funniest
2012-11-26 09:19:25 AM


My family and my wife's family are Jehovah Witnesses, so we'd don't have to buy them shiat. I love getting my kids and their kids together after Christmas. My kids are playing with whatever awesome toys they got while Door Knocker Jr and his bike riding sister are acting out scenes from the bible with bags of sand. Say what you will about organized religion, but Jehovah Witnesses have to be the biggest losers of them all. No wonder they have to seduce Guatemalans and Fillipinos directly off the plane. No one with two nickles to rub together or a lick of sense would sign up for a religion that doesn't let you have cake and presents on your birthday. Do you really think christ gives a fark if you blow out a candle and open up a few gifts? If that's seriously a concern for your religion, then your belief system has the depth of a baby pool. I hope they all end up in hell with the farking Amish.


Best regular poster on Fark, hands down.

Keep 'em coming, man.

26 Nov 2012 09:55 AM
BigBooper     
My family now does all non-food, and non-clothing shopping online. If you don't eat it, and you don't have to try it on, there is no reason to step foot in a store these days.

On black Friday we got hair cuts, took the kids to a park, and had a nice relaxing day off with the family.

/yes I'm better than you

26 Nov 2012 09:55 AM
lucksi     
If you do your research, though, and log on early, you can secure the bargains you want

Someone translate that for me please.

Amazon does not give a shiat if you are logged on from midnight, the deal for the PS3 at 3pm is still sold out in seconds with virtually no chance of me getting it.

26 Nov 2012 09:58 AM
mod3072     
Unlike Black Friday though, I don't get arrested for shopping naked on Cyber Monday.

26 Nov 2012 10:00 AM
killro     

spentmiles: My family and my wife's family are Jehovah Witnesses, so we'd don't have to buy them shiat. I love getting my kids and their kids together after Christmas. My kids are playing with whatever awesome toys they got while Door Knocker Jr and his bike riding sister are acting out scenes from the bible with bags of sand. Say what you will about organized religion, but Jehovah Witnesses have to be the biggest losers of them all. No wonder they have to seduce Guatemalans and Fillipinos directly off the plane. No one with two nickles to rub together or a lick of sense would sign up for a religion that doesn't let you have cake and presents on your birthday. Do you really think christ gives a fark if you blow out a candle and open up a few gifts? If that's seriously a concern for your religion, then your belief system has the depth of a baby pool. I hope they all end up in hell with the farking Amish.


Your combination of lying and being snarky is one of the reasons you are one of my favorites. I thoroughly enjoy it every time one of your posts flies over someones head, and they get all worked up. Keep em coming man!

26 Nov 2012 10:11 AM
styxroxhades     
Two thoughts
1: Hasn't the concept of 'cyber Monday' been debunked as myth and it's not the most popular day of online shopping, but a marketing ploy for the sheep pictured above?

2. For all of the arrogance coming from online Christmas shoppers, yes you're so intelligent to be able to avoid crowds. You also help a system that provides one local job, the mailman, and by extension one person earning a taxable wage putting money back into your economy. The rest will go out of city, county, state, and country. Instead try supporting the owner of the store, the employee he/she hires to sell to you, the property owner they rent from, the landscaping company they hire to plow snow and mow the lawn, and if possible the local manufacturer that created the product. Keep your money local and it will come back to you in the from of a stronger community with a larger tax base providing a higher standard of living. Or buy Wisconsin products from Wisconsin companies. We'd be happy to have your money.

26 Nov 2012 10:14 AM
themasterdebater     
Have we come up with a term for Tuesday yet?

26 Nov 2012 10:21 AM
Deep Contact     
They will contact us if we don't comply.

26 Nov 2012 10:26 AM
monoski     

themasterdebater: Have we come up with a term for Tuesday yet?


C U next Tuesday?

26 Nov 2012 10:30 AM
styckx     
I went around seeing what all the hype about Cyber Monday is about and.... Yeah the sales are farking awful.. The average discount I've seen is about 17%... Are people this stupid to fall for this shiat?

/I already know the answer

26 Nov 2012 10:33 AM
CujoQuarrel     

mod3072: Unlike Black Friday though, I don't get arrested for shopping naked on Cyber Monday.


Well, I did . Those people at Starbucks are awfully up tight these days .

26 Nov 2012 10:34 AM
middleoftheday    [TotalFark]  

styxroxhades: For all of the arrogance coming from online Christmas shoppers, yes you're so intelligent to be able to avoid crowds.


Well. I think that whole thing can comfortably be taken with a large grain of salt. Keep in mind that many people here take pride in avoiding having to deal with other human beings just while doing regular grocery shopping.

26 Nov 2012 10:35 AM
Jon iz teh kewl     

CujoQuarrel: mod3072: Unlike Black Friday though, I don't get arrested for shopping naked on Cyber Monday.

Well, I did . Those people at Starbucks are awfully up tight these days .


zing!

26 Nov 2012 10:43 AM
Jument     

BigBooper: My family now does all non-food, and non-clothing shopping online. If you don't eat it, and you don't have to try it on, there is no reason to step foot in a store these days.


Doesn't pretty much everyone do that these days?

My wife buys almost all her clothing online. She buys from stores that offer free shipping on returns or where she can return at a local B&M store. If it doesn't fit, back it goes.

26 Nov 2012 10:43 AM
sulco     

themasterdebater: Have we come up with a term for Tuesday yet?


Yeah, as I said earlier it's Masturbate Tuesday.

/uhm yeah, but no.. don't high-five me
//keep your hands to yourself

26 Nov 2012 10:45 AM
omgbears     

styxroxhades: Two thoughts
1: Hasn't the concept of 'cyber Monday' been debunked as myth and it's not the most popular day of online shopping, but a marketing ploy for the sheep pictured above?

2. For all of the arrogance coming from online Christmas shoppers, yes you're so intelligent to be able to avoid crowds. You also help a system that provides one local job, the mailman, and by extension one person earning a taxable wage putting money back into your economy. The rest will go out of city, county, state, and country. Instead try supporting the owner of the store, the employee he/she hires to sell to you, the property owner they rent from, the landscaping company they hire to plow snow and mow the lawn, and if possible the local manufacturer that created the product. Keep your money local and it will come back to you in the from of a stronger community with a larger tax base providing a higher standard of living. Or buy Wisconsin products from Wisconsin companies. We'd be happy to have your money.


I like the part where you assume it only takes one person to deliver a package.

26 Nov 2012 10:50 AM
Swoop1809     
Working from home today, because meh, most of my team is taking the day off anyway and I wanted to sleep in. I might as well browse Amazon while Im at it.

26 Nov 2012 10:53 AM
trappedspirit     
How does one experience SHOPPING HELL from the comfort of your home?

26 Nov 2012 10:57 AM
middleoftheday    [TotalFark]  

trappedspirit: How does one experience SHOPPING HELL from the comfort of your home?


"The Man"

26 Nov 2012 11:04 AM
ChuDogg     

styxroxhades: Two thoughts
1: Hasn't the concept of 'cyber Monday' been debunked as myth and it's not the most popular day of online shopping, but a marketing ploy for the sheep pictured above?

2. For all of the arrogance coming from online Christmas shoppers, yes you're so intelligent to be able to avoid crowds. You also help a system that provides one local job, the mailman, and by extension one person earning a taxable wage putting money back into your economy. The rest will go out of city, county, state, and country. Instead try supporting the owner of the store, the employee he/she hires to sell to you, the property owner they rent from, the landscaping company they hire to plow snow and mow the lawn, and if possible the local manufacturer that created the product. Keep your money local and it will come back to you in the from of a stronger community with a larger tax base providing a higher standard of living. Or buy Wisconsin products from Wisconsin companies. We'd be happy to have your money.


Well its too late to put the Genie back into the bottle. It can work the other way around though. Going on Amazon you can find some great unique products being made in America that compete with the big box stuff. Personally I see little benefit to the local economy going to walmart that simply carries mostly Chinese made corporate stuff.

One item bought recently was a showerhead from some company called AnaBath. This thing seriously rocks and is made by some company in California. Even if the manufacturing is in China or something I would rather get something like that than a waterpik being carried by Sears.

26 Nov 2012 11:05 AM
middleoftheday    [TotalFark]  

ChuDogg: One item bought recently was a showerhead from some company called AnaBath. This thing seriously rocks and is made by some company in California.


Yeah. At the end of the day, I don't think it's being able to shop in your pajamas that's the big draw. It just happens that while in your pajamas, it's easier to shop much smarter than you would otherwise... much more convenient to do comparisons and look at reviews and whatnot. And shop in places that you may have otherwise never even heard of.

26 Nov 2012 11:13 AM
CygnusDarius     
Well, there's always the Steam sales, when it comes to games, so there's that :).

26 Nov 2012 11:18 AM
Vaneshi     

Kimpak: I'm way too cool to shop for things.


I too have people to do that for me.

/They're called Amazon and Tesco
//They're real to me damn it!

26 Nov 2012 11:20 AM
Vaneshi     

CygnusDarius: Well, there's always the Steam sales, when it comes to games, so there's that :).


Ahh the glorious 4 - 5 days where we get to see a CDN repeatedly beaten to death, doused in petrol and then set on fire.

26 Nov 2012 11:25 AM
monoski     

middleoftheday: trappedspirit: How does one experience SHOPPING HELL from the comfort of your home?

"The Man"


Or Internet Explorer?

26 Nov 2012 11:34 AM
spyderqueen     
Cyber Monday is marketing bullshiat, but if it gets me $30 off something I wanted to get anyway, yay me. And at least I don't have to interact with the unwashed masses.

26 Nov 2012 11:36 AM
browntimmy     

middleoftheday: styxroxhades: For all of the arrogance coming from online Christmas shoppers, yes you're so intelligent to be able to avoid crowds.

Well. I think that whole thing can comfortably be taken with a large grain of salt. Keep in mind that many people here take pride in avoiding having to deal with other human beings just while doing regular grocery shopping.


Let's say you have a non-essential errand you'd like to run but before leaving you look at the time and notice it's rush hour. I think if you value your free time you'd elect to wait until later to do it.

26 Nov 2012 11:38 AM
Carn     
So I get the fact that we collectively hate having the corporations to tell us to go buy stuff anyway, but Cyber Monday doesn't bother me. I can filter spam emails, but I can't filter a real life crowd. That would be a sick super power.

26 Nov 2012 11:43 AM
shortymac     

spentmiles: My family and my wife's family are Jehovah Witnesses, so we'd don't have to buy them shiat. I love getting my kids and their kids together after Christmas. My kids are playing with whatever awesome toys they got while Door Knocker Jr and his bike riding sister are acting out scenes from the bible with bags of sand. Say what you will about organized religion, but Jehovah Witnesses have to be the biggest losers of them all. No wonder they have to seduce Guatemalans and Fillipinos directly off the plane. No one with two nickles to rub together or a lick of sense would sign up for a religion that doesn't let you have cake and presents on your birthday. Do you really think christ gives a fark if you blow out a candle and open up a few gifts? If that's seriously a concern for your religion, then your belief system has the depth of a baby pool. I hope they all end up in hell with the farking Amish.


AHhahahahahahahaha, I'm usually live and let live with people's religions, but god Jehovah's Witnesses and Scientologists get under my skin.

My Great-Granny died because of their stupid "no blood transfusion" rule and they bug me in my house while I'm in my PJs.

26 Nov 2012 11:45 AM
Needlessly Complicated     

trappedspirit: How does one experience SHOPPING HELL from the comfort of your home?


One of those pyramid schmes that relies on selling overpriced things at "parties" (kitchen gadgets, candles, Tupperware, sex toys, wicker baskets, etc.)?

/$120 for a picnic basket? No. Fark you.

26 Nov 2012 11:55 AM
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