Real News. Real Funny.

Comments

  • The Lieutenant, fearing he was going to be struck with the shovel, sprayed Turner with the hose and Turner fell to the ground. Turner got up, began swinging his arms and hit the Lieutenant in the helmet with the shovel.

    Deputies were called and when they arrived, saw Turner waving his arms, yelling, and walking in an aggressive manner. A deputy deployed a Taser and then handcuffed him.


    Taser > firehose
  • Fortunately for the firefighter, helmet > shovel.
  • Charlotte County Sheriff's deputies arrested a Port Charlotte man last Friday after he hit a fire lieutenant in the helmet while trying to put out a fire behind the man's home.

    Would someone please diagram that sentence for me?
  • I'm pretty sure it means I get to kill anyone anywhere so long as they are brown-ish and or wear suspicious clothes.
  • dahmers love zombie: Charlotte County Sheriff's deputies arrested a Port Charlotte man last Friday after he hit a fire lieutenant in the helmet while trying to put out a fire behind the man's home.

    Would someone please diagram that sentence for me?


    Sure.

    English language <------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ---------------------> That sentence.
  • The Lieutenant, fearing he was going to be struck with the shovel, sprayed Turner with the hose and Turner fell to the ground. Turner got up, began swinging his arms and hit the Lieutenant in the helmet with the shovel.
    Sounds to me like the Lieutenant was the one who "stood his ground"
  • Deputies were called and when they arrived, saw Turner waving his arms, yelling, and walking in an aggressive manner.

    The guy obviously had a few screws loose, but "walking in an aggressive manner"? They couldn't come up with anything better than that?
  • CruiserTwelve: The Lieutenant, fearing he was going to be struck with the shovel, sprayed Turner with the hose and Turner fell to the ground. Turner got up, began swinging his arms and hit the Lieutenant in the helmet with the shovel.

    Deputies were called and when they arrived, saw Turner waving his arms, yelling, and walking in an aggressive manner. A deputy deployed a Taser and then handcuffed him.

    Taser > firehose


    Depends on the size of the hose.
  • Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: The Lieutenant, fearing he was going to be struck with the shovel, sprayed Turner with the hose and Turner fell to the ground. Turner got up, began swinging his arms and hit the Lieutenant in the helmet with the shovel.
    Sounds to me like the Lieutenant was the one who "stood his ground"



    "I will prevent you from hitting me in the head with that shovel by spraying you with this hose!"

    :gets hit on head with shovel:

    D'oh!
  • FTA: Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    /laughing too hard to conjure an appropriate joke
  • OK, that gets the prize for Worstly Grammaticized Article Written in Past Tense Presently I've Seen This Year.

    The Sheriff's Department wins First Runner up for Most Weirdly Specific Charge On Record for this:

    Charged with Aggravated Battery on a Firefighter with a Deadly Weapon (Shovel), and Preventing or Obstructing Extinguishment of a Fire was 44-year-old Gregory Sean Turner.
  • GreyWolf007: FTA: Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    /laughing too hard to conjure an appropriate joke


    That was my favorite part as well.
  • FTA: Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    I wonder if he's one of those "sovereign citizens" who believes he doesn't need a permit to start a fire to destroy items that are different than wood.
  • Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    It was always burning since the world's been turning?
  • "Call dispatch and tell them I said .......OOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!"

    "Call dispatch, tell them you said, "Ow". Got it."
  • DarkSoulNoHope: FTA: Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    I wonder if he's one of those "sovereign citizens" who believes he doesn't need a permit to start a fire to destroy items that are different than wood.


    I'm going to guess from his deer in the headlights mugshot that some form of pharmaceuticals was involved.
  • Gyrfalcon: OK, that gets the prize for Worstly Grammaticized Article Written in Past Tense Presently I've Seen This Year.

    The Sheriff's Department wins First Runner up for Most Weirdly Specific Charge On Record for this:

    Charged with Aggravated Battery on a Firefighter with a Deadly Weapon (Shovel), and Preventing or Obstructing Extinguishment of a Fire was 44-year-old Gregory Sean Turner.


    I think pretty much anything is a crime, so long as a cop phrases it that way.

    "John Doe, 52, was arrested and charged with Preventing or Obstructing the Parking of a Minivan with Deadly Force." Or " Chantilla Watson, of Newport, was charged with Obstructing the Placement of a Beverage Within a Cupholder in an Aggressive Manner."
  • LoneVVolf: Deputies were called and when they arrived, saw Turner waving his arms, yelling, and walking in an aggressive manner.

    The guy obviously had a few screws loose, but "walking in an aggressive manner"? They couldn't come up with anything better than that?


    "he was walking like a professional wrestler, specifically a bushwacker"
  • Maybe he was just mad the firefighter wouldn't autograph his calendar.
  • Smackledorfer: LoneVVolf: Deputies were called and when they arrived, saw Turner waving his arms, yelling, and walking in an aggressive manner.

    The guy obviously had a few screws loose, but "walking in an aggressive manner"? They couldn't come up with anything better than that?

    "he was walking like a professional wrestler, specifically a bushwacker"


    "Me? I'm just a lawnmower. You can tell me by the way I walk."
  • Shenanigans!: CruiserTwelve: The Lieutenant, fearing he was going to be struck with the shovel, sprayed Turner with the hose and Turner fell to the ground. Turner got up, began swinging his arms and hit the Lieutenant in the helmet with the shovel.

    Deputies were called and when they arrived, saw Turner waving his arms, yelling, and walking in an aggressive manner. A deputy deployed a Taser and then handcuffed him.

    Taser > firehose

    Depends on the size of the hose.


    that's what she said!
  • I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: Smackledorfer: LoneVVolf: Deputies were called and when they arrived, saw Turner waving his arms, yelling, and walking in an aggressive manner.

    The guy obviously had a few screws loose, but "walking in an aggressive manner"? They couldn't come up with anything better than that?

    "he was walking like a professional wrestler, specifically a bushwacker"

    "Me? I'm just a lawnmower. You can tell me by the way I walk."


    cdn.bleacherreport.netView Full Size


    I believe that was a reference to these guys.
  • Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Gyrfalcon: OK, that gets the prize for Worstly Grammaticized Article Written in Past Tense Presently I've Seen This Year.

    The Sheriff's Department wins First Runner up for Most Weirdly Specific Charge On Record for this:

    Charged with Aggravated Battery on a Firefighter with a Deadly Weapon (Shovel), and Preventing or Obstructing Extinguishment of a Fire was 44-year-old Gregory Sean Turner.

    I think pretty much anything is a crime, so long as a cop phrases it that way.

    "John Doe, 52, was arrested and charged with Preventing or Obstructing the Parking of a Minivan with Deadly Force." Or " Chantilla Watson, of Newport, was charged with Obstructing the Placement of a Beverage Within a Cupholder in an Aggressive Manner."


    Maybe; but I've never seen it phrased that way in my life. Unless it's just the freakish style of the article-writer, which would not surprise me either. I haven't seen anyone use that tortured syntax since high-school English class.
  • DarkSoulNoHope: FTA: Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    I wonder if he's one of those "sovereign citizens" who believes he doesn't need a permit to start a fire to destroy items that are different than wood.


    You *don't* need a permit to start a fire. You can use a lot of different things for tinder. Mostly you just need an ignition source.
  • Ronin_S: DarkSoulNoHope: FTA: Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    I wonder if he's one of those "sovereign citizens" who believes he doesn't need a permit to start a fire to destroy items that are different than wood.

    I'm going to guess from his deer in the headlights mugshot that some form of pharmaceuticals was involved.


    Methadone?
  • Hobodeluxe: I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: Smackledorfer: LoneVVolf: Deputies were called and when they arrived, saw Turner waving his arms, yelling, and walking in an aggressive manner.

    The guy obviously had a few screws loose, but "walking in an aggressive manner"? They couldn't come up with anything better than that?

    "he was walking like a professional wrestler, specifically a bushwacker"

    "Me? I'm just a lawnmower. You can tell me by the way I walk."



    I believe that was a reference to these guys.


    You are correct sir.
  • The Lieutenant, fearing he was going to be struck with the shovel, sprayed Turner with the hose and Turner fell to the ground. Turner got up, began swinging his arms and hit the Lieutenant in the helmet with the shovel.

    www.globalnerdy.comView Full Size
  • red5ish: Turner uttered.


    Either the mugshot studio is very well lit or he's on an opiate. Those are some constricted pupils.

    /could be a nerve agent as well
  • Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: The Lieutenant, fearing he was going to be struck with the shovel, sprayed Turner with the hose and Turner fell to the ground. Turner got up, began swinging his arms and hit the Lieutenant in the helmet with the shovel.
    Sounds to me like the Lieutenant was the one who "stood his ground"


    Isn't it amusing how we sometimes cause our fears to come true? That's why I'm afraid of humping supermodels. That and the laughter.
  • untaken_name: DarkSoulNoHope: FTA: Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    I wonder if he's one of those "sovereign citizens" who believes he doesn't need a permit to start a fire to destroy items that are different than wood.

    You *don't* need a permit to start a fire. You can use a lot of different things for tinder. Mostly you just need an ignition source.


    Were I live you most certainly need a permit to start a fire unless it is in a commercial BBQ grill for the sole purpose of cooking. Other surrounding urban communities near me do not allow fires even with a permit. Having a huge bonfire (likely tended to by drunks) in the middle of densely housed neighborhood has a tendency to cause complaints, injuries, and more fires.
  • Shenanigans!: CruiserTwelve: The Lieutenant, fearing he was going to be struck with the shovel, sprayed Turner with the hose and Turner fell to the ground. Turner got up, began swinging his arms and hit the Lieutenant in the helmet with the shovel.

    Deputies were called and when they arrived, saw Turner waving his arms, yelling, and walking in an aggressive manner. A deputy deployed a Taser and then handcuffed him.

    Taser > firehose

    Depends on the size of the hose.


    Similar thing happened to my dad years ago. He was officer in charge of a scene where some girl had piled up her cheating bf's clothes on the bed and set fire to them. Fire crew rolled up and started extinguishing it. Crazy lady came after the hose crew with a crowbar.

    Dad ordered the 2 1/2" line turned on her.

    Even a 1 1/2 line can knock someone on their ass if you run enough pressure.
  • drgloryboy: untaken_name: DarkSoulNoHope: FTA: Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    I wonder if he's one of those "sovereign citizens" who believes he doesn't need a permit to start a fire to destroy items that are different than wood.

    You *don't* need a permit to start a fire. You can use a lot of different things for tinder. Mostly you just need an ignition source.

    Were I live you most certainly need a permit to start a fire unless it is in a commercial BBQ grill for the sole purpose of cooking. Other surrounding urban communities near me do not allow fires even with a permit. Having a huge bonfire (likely tended to by drunks) in the middle of densely housed neighborhood has a tendency to cause complaints, injuries, and more fires.


    I think the point was semantic, I could start a fire right now by setting my lighter to these curtains, no permit required. Now a legal fire...that's a whole 'nother story.
  • drgloryboy: untaken_name: DarkSoulNoHope: FTA: Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    I wonder if he's one of those "sovereign citizens" who believes he doesn't need a permit to start a fire to destroy items that are different than wood.

    You *don't* need a permit to start a fire. You can use a lot of different things for tinder. Mostly you just need an ignition source.

    Were I live you most certainly need a permit to start a fire unless it is in a commercial BBQ grill for the sole purpose of cooking. Other surrounding urban communities near me do not allow fires even with a permit. Having a huge bonfire (likely tended to by drunks) in the middle of densely housed neighborhood has a tendency to cause complaints, injuries, and more fires.


    www.templeofcats.comView Full Size
  • Goddamn, I remember my days as a land surveyor when we would have to dig in people's yards to expose the iron pipes that mark the corners.
    Several times a year we could get people storming out of the house with guns in their hands.
    I wouldn't want to do that job in Florida.
  • untaken_name: DarkSoulNoHope: FTA: Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    I wonder if he's one of those "sovereign citizens" who believes he doesn't need a permit to start a fire to destroy items that are different than wood.

    You *don't* need a permit to start a fire. You can use a lot of different things for tinder. Mostly you just need an ignition source.


    Actually a lot of cities have laws against burning stuff in your backyard. Gone are the days of "burn barrels" that were common in my youth.


    And there's likely a good reason against burning stuff in your backyard. Doing so by piling up what you're wanting to get rid of and burning it not only puts your home in risk of catching fire, but the homes of your neighbors too.
  • Well. it was his fire

    /he started it
    //would have all worked out
    ///if not for those meddling kids firefighters
  • Bathia_Mapes: untaken_name: DarkSoulNoHope: FTA: Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    I wonder if he's one of those "sovereign citizens" who believes he doesn't need a permit to start a fire to destroy items that are different than wood.

    You *don't* need a permit to start a fire. You can use a lot of different things for tinder. Mostly you just need an ignition source.

    Actually a lot of cities have laws against burning stuff in your backyard. Gone are the days of "burn barrels" that were common in my youth.


    And there's likely a good reason against burning stuff in your backyard. Doing so by piling up what you're wanting to get rid of and burning it not only puts your home in risk of catching fire, but the homes of your neighbors too.


    static.desktopnexus.comView Full Size
  • I can tell you for sure that in the State of Georgia a fire hose is considered a weapon. Using one on a person is considered assault. This goes back to the civil rights days.
  • Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Gyrfalcon: OK, that gets the prize for Worstly Grammaticized Article Written in Past Tense Presently I've Seen This Year.

    The Sheriff's Department wins First Runner up for Most Weirdly Specific Charge On Record for this:

    Charged with Aggravated Battery on a Firefighter with a Deadly Weapon (Shovel), and Preventing or Obstructing Extinguishment of a Fire was 44-year-old Gregory Sean Turner.

    I think pretty much anything is a crime, so long as a cop phrases it that way.

    "John Doe, 52, was arrested and charged with Preventing or Obstructing the Parking of a Minivan with Deadly Force." Or " Chantilla Watson, of Newport, was charged with Obstructing the Placement of a Beverage Within a Cupholder in an Aggressive Manner."


    You forgot resisting arrest.
  • While I hate casual tasering, in this case it is entirely appropriate.
  • dahmers love zombie: Charlotte County Sheriff's deputies arrested a Port Charlotte man last Friday after he hit a fire lieutenant in the helmet while trying to put out a fire behind the man's home.

    Would someone please diagram that sentence for me?


    Yeah, I'm trying to figure out from what cereal box the writer got their English degree. Egads.

    /I need more coffee
    //Or my own fire
    //Pyro
  • Lunaville: Ronin_S: DarkSoulNoHope: FTA: Turner uttered that he started the fire and it was his.

    I wonder if he's one of those "sovereign citizens" who believes he doesn't need a permit to start a fire to destroy items that are different than wood.

    I'm going to guess from his deer in the headlights mugshot that some form of pharmaceuticals was involved.

    Methadone?


    Loves me some methadone.

    Unfortunetly for the rest of my life
  • Wile_E._Quixote: I can tell you for sure that in the State of Georgia a fire hose is considered a weapon. Using one on a person is considered assault. This goes back to the civil rights days.


    I have a feeling that there would likely be some leniency if the firefighter was using the fire hose to repel someone attacking them with a shovel. I'm sure even Georgia has laws allowing self defense in situations like this.
  • StoPPeRmobile: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Gyrfalcon: OK, that gets the prize for Worstly Grammaticized Article Written in Past Tense Presently I've Seen This Year.

    The Sheriff's Department wins First Runner up for Most Weirdly Specific Charge On Record for this:

    Charged with Aggravated Battery on a Firefighter with a Deadly Weapon (Shovel), and Preventing or Obstructing Extinguishment of a Fire was 44-year-old Gregory Sean Turner.

    I think pretty much anything is a crime, so long as a cop phrases it that way.

    "John Doe, 52, was arrested and charged with Preventing or Obstructing the Parking of a Minivan with Deadly Force." Or " Chantilla Watson, of Newport, was charged with Obstructing the Placement of a Beverage Within a Cupholder in an Aggressive Manner."

    You forgot resisting arrest.


    In this case, it would be written: Arrested While Refusing to Obey the Lawful Order of An Officer to Submit to Arresting of Him.

    Now that I think of it, we may have discovered Meow said the dog's day job.
  • Load 16 of 16 more comments
This thread is closed to new comments.